#sutadusuto

there was no small part in him that dreaded sleep’s soft embrace, that feared to nod off and to wake up, later, to find all of them shackled once more. once, he had willingly given up his freedom. he did not think that chaldene would ask him a second time, not after aion had become tainted by thalassa’s quiet words. but if this was taint, he did not think that he ever wanted to be golden again. absentmindedly, he wondered if humans still baptised their children and what the explanation for this custom was in this age.

( perhaps he would read up on it later when he evaded sleep’s gentle grasp. )

others, it seemed, did not share his wariness. chaila had excused himself hours ago, citing a need for beauty sleep. aion would have laughed incredulously at this, but he had decided against it. the other god was not someone he wanted to be angry with him. others had left, too, and cimeria … cimeria had fallen asleep against his shoulder.

he vaguely remembered that aries had slept, too. it had been unusual because as spirits, they had not needed to sleep. libra had been similar, and while it it had confused him then, he had come to understand since. some friend / some protector he had been. he hoped that she could rest easy, now, that her dreams were dreams and not nightmares. after everything, this was the least she deserved.

just like she also deserved not to wake up with an aching back, he mused. there had been a time when there would have been gods and demigods capable of healing, but — lyrinne had been slain and many of her dear ones as well. and aion had never had any skill beyond wrapping bandages around wounds and offering potions. thus, he would have to rely on other abilities.

whether it was his strength or the fact that cimeria did not weigh a lot, it was easy to gently scoop her up and carry her back indoors, up the stairs and towards her room. this was … not much, but it was something he could do for her. and she looked calm. unhaunted. she deserved to sleep peacefully, just like she deserved to wake up in her bed as opposed to outside.

there was still light in the hallway and there was a figure sitting on the windowsill, idly reading. he had hoped for erida or maybe ayse, just as much as he had hoped to be able to avoid caprian, but it was thalassa who owlishly blinked at him as she took in the scene. she seemed perfectly calm, but if the years had taught him one thing, it was that it was … unwise to trust her calm as it often hid a storm. and she was protective / so very protective over cimeria. this, he understood as he was the same.

‘ ‘ thalassa, ’ ’ he greeted quietly as he continued his approach, biting off the lady as it seemed to irritate her needlessly. ‘ ‘ i did not wish to wake her — or anyone. it is late, after all. ’ ’

she nodded as she turned and opened the door to cimeria’s room for him. sometimes, not often enough, it was like this. silent agreements, quiet reassurance. they had never been close, had never been friends — and he did not think that they ever could be. but there was … respect. on some days, he even thought that after so many years, she was finally able to trust him.

(  before, he had been her brother’s general. now, he did not know what he was. but … he was admittedly excited to find out. maybe a protector. hopefully a protector. )

he gently placed cimeria on her bed, unsurprised when thalassa was next to him to cover the other with blankets, her face soft and her stormy eyes kind. he had not heard her move, but this was how it often was during the night when he was a dull knife in more than one way. the night, cliché as it sounded, was ayse’s domain, not his.

‘ ‘ good night, cimeria. sweet dreams. ’ ’

his hand closed around her shoulder ( careful / always, always careful ) and he exhaled quietly. cimeria was whole in ways aries had not been, not in the end. not after summoners who had mistreated her, after being hurt when she had not been permitted to defend herself. but leo’s caution was still etched into aion’s bones, and so he was careful  ( as if she was porcelain, as if she could shatter in his grasp if he was careless ). he knew that as she was whole, cimeria would not break apart under his touch, but — this was the tragedy; he knew better but could not bring himself to risk it.

chaila might wring amusement from this, but aion was not particularly concerned about what the other god found hilarious. after all — he could not help but grin when the god of love and beauty stumbled back inside, wearing singed clothing. this was a sentiment shared by others, even their leader  ( lady thalassa / ocean’s wrath )  who could occasionally not hide her smirk behind her hand fast enough.

but —— aion had thought about kissing cimeria / leo had thought about kissing aries.

mostly when there was a frown on her forehead and it was all to tempting to smooth it out, like an unwanted wrinkle in his shirt. ultimately, he had always taken a step back from it, had abstained from it — while i don’t want you to look sad was not the worst reason to kiss someone, there were many, many better reasons.

he was — uncertain what had prompted her to kiss his cheek ( only to miss and, somewhat awkwardly, kiss the bridge of his nose ),  but he was not complaining. far from it. the emotions, aside from her hair tickles my nose, i hope i don’t sneeze, that were most prominent were almost childish glee and relief. cimeria, from what he recalled, had always been … assertive, something that had gotten her into hot water with caprian, a long time ago.

squeezing her shoulder gently, he turned his grin into a smile before he spoke. ‘ ‘ what — aside from getting thalassa to agree to coming to the festival — did i do to deserve this? ’ ’ he asked, both amused and genuinely interested in the answer.

aion smiled as he briefly looked at cimeria before he looked at the skies once more. dusk was falling like a curtain of blazing colours, colours that reminded him of cimeria’s hair. it would be false to claim that as evening had come, the house had gotten calmer. there were too many strong personalities assembled in a place that was too small. it was impossible not to notice how antsy these close quarters made arche and alexius, it spoke volumes about how successful rhieson was that helani had not yet stormed off to spark a war somewhere.

it was not ideal, but it was all they had. he exhaled, breathed out the bitterness that was threatening to wrap itself around his heart like vines. chaila was not wrong when he complained that their current abode was nothing like the temples they had once lived in, but aion thought that the other was missing a crucial point: the lower the profile they kept, the harder it would be for chaldene to find them. and as small and humble as their house was, it was their home.

doing dishes was among the least glamorous things he had ever done in his entire life, but here he was. and frankly, it was better than obeying his summoner’s whims despite wanting to do something else, something that did not feel like he was setting his own soul aflame. he could do dishes, could find a frail semblance of peace of it — it was not much different from tending to his weapons. and there, there was the thought he dreaded once more — what had become of his armoury? he was not, had never been helani. his weapons had been few in their number, but did not belong in human hands all the same.

he was glad when there was a knock at the door, gently coaxing him away from the path his thoughts were wandering down. still, for a split second, he worried it was thalassa who had come to see him; he wished it was different, but sometimes it was hard for him not to see her brother in the way she calmly led them — if there was any insecurity in her, alexius was the only one to see it. instead, it was cimeria and he breathed easier.

even though he occasionally … stumbled when it came to her — aries had been a known constant to him; cimeria was … different. it was a good different, certainly, but he occasionally worried if she was a constant presence around him because she wished to be or because she felt tied to him because of the bond aries had shared with leo. the bond two people had shared who were and were not them. it was a bond he felt they had to choose again now, that he could not just assume to be there.

rolling down the sleeves of his shirt, he smiled. he was not leo enough to simply pick up where his celestial self had stopped. this was not how he operated, not even to mention that it would not work. he was a man who was — complicated by a past that he had forgotten, a past he had not been affected by for many, many years. a past he had to carry once more now, and to bring a past this complicated into a friendship was something he would not do without asking for permission first.

‘‘ i am not busy, no, ’’ he said as he set aside the dishtowel and fully turned towards her. it was … good to see her with her true hair colour, he thought. both of them had become washed out, had been reduced to mere shadows of their selves, and if anything, he could look at this and pray  ( to who? )  that they were healing. ‘‘ we can go to the docks whenever you’re ready to leave, though i would recommend that we don’t buy any fish there — thalassa left earlier and i believe she mentioned something about wanting to fish. ’’

thalassa swallowed as she regarded zieas’ daughter. one of the few children of the fire god who were still alive. she did not rub her  clean, unstained  hands against her dress to wipe off blood that was long gone. cimeria’s brothers had known what they were doing when they had come to her temple, demanding that she would hand over ayse. they had not wanted to listen, had tried to  command  her in her own house. reminding them of their place in the hierarchy had been nothing she had enjoyed, but with resce dead, who else would keep ayse safe?

( erida, maybe, but erida had her own son to consider, and thalassa would not burden her friend with anything. )

it was easy to blame zieas for what had happened when she was sitting with ayse, holding the girl close and humming the songs of the deep. it was much harder to put the entire blame on zieas when she had to remember that there had been people who had cared about him the way others had cared about resce. more evidence that in the end, there was only ever blood and more blood.

“ no, he wouldn’t have been, ” she agreed quietly, feeling a headache coming. there had never been a way for this sad, inglorious chapter of their recent history would end without losses on both sides, but she had been ignorant to just how many had been affected by this. “ i think, caprian will let it go. eventually. he’s stubborn, but he’s not unfair. ”

**Claps aggressively**

never has revati felt more — inadequate than in this moment. her key,  their key  had often been considered a poor man’s aquarius, but she had never cared about those hurtful words. aquarius  was  her friend and not her rival, and while it was true that revati and her son could not hold a candle to aquarius’ combat prowess, there were things the other could not do. still, revati tended to avoid being compared to aquarius; they were not engaged in competition, they were fond of one another. and yet, she was the one doing the comparison and the one who had to swallow down  bitterness  because this time, she  was  coming up short.

aquarius knew how to soothe aries’ sadness, how to calm her troubled mind. and while revati had not once envied the other’s skill in combat, she envied her now.

reaching out for aries, she sighed softly, then she ran nimble fingers through the other’s curls. “ it’s fine, ” she whispered, holding the other close and wishing it was enough, that she was enough. “ all of us forget things. ”

aquarius was so angry, she could die from it. anger was no unfamiliar emotion for her, quite the opposite. she was angry more often than not, some would say. for her, anger was an old friend, one that usually did not press its cold fingers against her throat and  squeezed  until she thought that shattering stars, one by one, would be a nice change of pace. it would hurt, too, but not like this. because this — seeing one of the people she could not stand to see hurt in such a state — was nearly unbearable.

( and aquarius had suffered  a lot,  she did not use words like unbearable lightly. )

still, her hand did not shake as she reached for aries’ shoulder and pulled her close, all but cradling the smaller woman against her. aquarius had never been good with comfort, perhaps because she had seldom received it, but aries was someone she knew well enough to feel comfortable  to try.

there was not much she could say. she knew who  was  to blame for what had happened — and that person was not aries. the person was not even the person who had been given a privilege she had  clearly  not known to appreciate. no, the only one who could have done something —  anything  — to prevent this disastrous outcome was the same person who had passed a judgement that was  unfair.

and certainly, aquarius was  not  libra. her understanding of what was fair was inherently biased, inherently flawed. it was not her domain, it was nothing she had ever cared much for. still — libra was one of the most expressive spirits aquarius knew and while silent, her scream had been deafening.

there had been no justice in the punishment the king had chosen for leo. this was the simplest, sharpest truth. yes, leo’s actions had caused the death of a mage. and yes, this was not supposed to happen. however — was it supposed to happen that mages abused their spirits? that they exploited the contracts?

it was not leo who had failed his duty. it was the king who had failed everyone, who had allowed for people like aries to be worn down until she had become nothing but a shadow, an echo of her old self. and yet — it was leo who had stood trial for something aquarius could see no fault in. it had not only been infuriating to see this happen, powerless as always because in this realm, only their king’s word had power. it had been disgusting, too.

gently, carefully, aquarius pressed a kiss against the crown of aries’ head. “ this is not your fault, aries, ” she said quietly, softly. she did not know what else to say; words had never been her strength and now, they were failing her.

she liked to think that the punishment — cruel as it was — was some kind of trick, some kind of scheme the king was trying to pull. and maybe, had it been someone else who had been banished for this, she could have convinced herself. but — everyone knew that leo was the king’s favourite. there was no reason for  the oh so needed leader of the zodiac  to be brought to heel this way.

“ i won’t say that he’ll be back, ” she finally added, her voice still a whisper. “ i … don’t make promises i cannot be sure to keep. but — leo is strong. he can … adapt. ”