#survivorsofsexualabuse

Whenever I read nonfiction, I have to keep a stack of flags nearby. I always find passages that I want to blog about, or quotes I want to remember, or articles for further reading I want to find online. Reading Missoula by Jon Krakauer was no different. I started this book August 8 and finished it two days later—it was suggested material for professional development for End of the Innocence (the nonprofit for which I serve on the board; @endoftheinnocence_org). This book covered several cases with which I was unfamiliar, yet the survivors’ stories were all too familiar to my own. Missoula details the legal proceedings surrounding several mishandled rape cases in Missoula, Montana in 2010-2012. In these cases, the perpetrator was a different football player (or multiple football players) at the University of Montana, and the victims ranged from their friends to barely acquaintances. Every case failed to carry justice for the survivor for reasons including a claim of insufficient evidence or a failure to prove the accused’s guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, as well as prosecutorial failure to file charges, despite overwhelming evidence. As I read the survivors’ stories and perpetrators’ excuses, I felt myself experiencing a range of emotions and mild triggers. Krakauer details the assaults and the survivors’ healing vividly, which creates for a page-turning read. Read more on #DontAskLiv on WordPress now! dontaskliv.com ... #survivorsspeak #survivorsofinstagram #survivorsofsexualabuse #metoo #metoomovement #bookreview #missoula #missoulamontana #jonkrakauer https://www.instagram.com/p/CTzieAXLgde/?utm_medium=tumblr

I am SO proud of this goofy man. Yesterday, we came upon a car wreck. We almost continued on our way, then we noticed one driver was a black man. Nick turned the car around, saying that nothing in our life is more important than that driver having someone in his corner when the police arrived. We live just north of Louisville - #BreonnaTaylor is never far from our minds. Nick exited our SUV and stayed by the driver's side. I watched from our front seat and saw the driver visibly relax when Nick asked if he wanted him to stay when the police came and until the police left. He stayed beside the driver as the police officer conducted his questioning and accident report, then Nick arranged for his vehicle to be towed to Nick's work (he's a mechanic) for repairs. And today, Nick spoke at an event hosted by @endoftheinnocence_org, Life After Trauma. He spoke about what it's like for him to be my husband, specifically the spouse of a survivor of so much sexual abuse and many assaults. He said, "As the partner of a survivor, it is our duty to be aware of your words and actions, and make a decided effort to ensure they feel safe and understood. This can help them feel that you are someone they can trust and that you are invested in their healing journey. Merely saying that you care isn’t enough. You have to make a conscious effort to show that because, every single day, the survivor you love is making a conscious effort to heal. It is our duty to love them through it, and to show them that love, every step of the way. You cannot heal them; you can, though, hold their hand as they heal." Nick has grown so much over the last seven years, and I'm so excited to watch him acknowledge and recognize his privilege and use that privilege to make the world a better place. As a white man standing beside a black man. As a non-survivor who advocates for survivors. And as so much he has yet to discover. I have to thank @kturnerwrites, whose writing has played such a pivotal role in both of our journeys. ❤ ... #survivorsofinstagram #survivorsofsexualabuse #survivor #blacklivesmatter #ally #allyship #keeptalkingmentalhealth #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #sexualabuse https://www.instagram.com/p/CRcQtD1LwOi/?utm_medium=tumblr

Did you know that besides our own trauma, we also absorb other people’s trauma? Trauma from our parents first, then from our partners and close friends. Later today, my husband, @the_envirominimalist_dad, will be sharing what it's like to be married to a trauma survivor. He'll talk about the boundaries I put up - often instinctively - and the struggles we've had in communication, both regarding what I went through before we met and now, as I'm in a long-term, consensual relationship with someone who doesn't have sexual trauma in his past. Nick will be one of several speakers this afternoon. If you want to learn more about trauma from sexual assault or abuse, how to deal with it, how to support our loved ones and, most importantly, how to heal, join us for this special virtual event, presented by @endoftheinnocence_org, called "Life After Trauma." The event will be held via Zoom, TODAY, July 17th at 11 AM Pacific Time (2 PM Eastern). To learn more or register to attend, please visit the link in my bio. ... #survivorsofinstagram #survivorsofsexualabuse #survivor #sexualabuse #sexualassault #sexualharassment #metoo #metoomovement #keeptalkingmentalhealth #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #marriage #marriedlife #intimacy #relationshipgoals https://www.instagram.com/p/CRbjLQDrr8m/?utm_medium=tumblr

I could say that I remember being in my Angry Phase, or my Hateful Phase, and talk about how I worked through and processed my pain. That would only be a partial truth, though. The rest of the truth is that even though I'm no longer being traumatized daily, I still live with trauma. I still have triggers. And sometimes, I have to relive and talk about those traumatic events, which triggers me, and I'll have weeks of insomnia, which decreases my ability to manage my emotions, and in my emotional exhaustion, I'm a lot less graceful with my words and actions. Why? Because I'm experiencing the pain...again. I've found, though, that at this time in my life, because I have accepted that my story is my story - even if it's a painful one - it's easier to be calm about it. It's easier to talk about it without my blood pressure rising or my mind starting to swim in the events and emotions alike. When I'm angry now, I'm angry that I've had to accept what no one ever should. Chronic child sexual abuse. Assault, then being dismissed and told to be silent about the assault. Harassment from a teacher, then being told the harassment wasn't "bad enough" for the school to take action. Rape, then being doubted. Growing up in an unstable environment, then being judged for resenting the way I was treated as a child. Who wouldn't be angry carrying all of that around? What we can do - what we can all do - is take some time to understand what life is like for those experiencing and living with trauma. End of the Innocence is hosting a special event on July 17th at 11 AM Pacific Time (2 PM Eastern), titled "Life After Trauma." We will be discussing the long-term impact of sexual abuse and sexual assault and how people deal with trauma, years after it happened. To learn more or register to attend, please visit the link on the image (also in my bio). @endoftheinnocence_org ... #survivorsofinstagram #survivorsofsexualabuse #survivor #sexualabuse #sexualassault #sexualharassment #metoo #metoomovement #childhoodtrauma #childhoodtraumasurvivor #cptsdrecovery #cptsdawareness #depressionawareness #anxietyawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #keeptalkingmentalhealth https://www.instagram.com/p/CREOVRbruoB/?utm_medium=tumblr

One of the hardest things to admit for a trauma survivor is being a trauma survivor. It took me until this last year to say the word "survivor" with some level of certainty, and even now, I feel a little anxiety when I tell someone new about my history. No one wants to carry a label, being misunderstood or treated differently, and in our society, survivors are often viewed as "broken," rather than human beings who are healing, so often, we pretend. What if we stopped pretending, though? I did, and it has been the most liberating experience of my life. I am who I am. My story is my story, even if it is hard for someone else to hear. I survived it and it is mine to share, and this is my life after trauma. ... The nonprofit for which I am a board member, End of the Innocence, is hosting a special event on July 17th at 11 AM Pacific Time (2PM Eastern), titled "Life After Trauma." We will be talking about the long term affects of sexual abuse and sexual assault and how people deal with trauma, years after it happened. One of the speakers will be my husband, @the_envirominimalist_dad, who will share openly what it's like being married to a survivor of chronic child sexual abuse and multiple sexual assaults, both as a teen and young adult. To learn more, visit the @endoftheinnocence_org website or event link in my bio. ... #endoftheinnocence #survivor #survivorsofinstagram #survivorsofsexualabuse #cptsdrecovery #cptsdawareness #intimacy #marriage #sexualabuse #sexualassault #sexualharassment https://www.instagram.com/p/CQyiPexrRfy/?utm_medium=tumblr