#supposedtobe

We assume childhood comes with protection — safety from all forms of harm. We don’t imagine that danger will come from inside the home, or from the people meant to provide that safety. Mothers and fathers are not supposed to abandon their children. And even when a parent is physically present, it is their mental and emotional presence that matters most.

There is an unspoken promise that parents will protect the young, that they will guide their children gently toward happy, fulfilled lives. We believe fear will be postponed, kept at a distance until a child is old enough to understand it. Innocence, we assume, will be guarded carefully, like something fragile and precious.

Childhood, in this telling, is meant to be soft and forgiving — a place to land before the world grows sharp. It is supposed to be a time of learning without threat, of love without conditions. Most of all, childhood is supposed to be safe, childhood is supposed to be simple. It’s meant to be filled with family, laughter, and love — a time before life becomes complicated, before the weight of the world begins to press in. We’re told that confusion and rebellion come later, during adolescence, when restlessness shows up without a clear reason. A rebel without a cause, my Latin teacher used to say, like it was a universal rule of growing up.

But sometimes things don’t follow that plan.

Sometimes fear arrives early. Sometimes the world becomes frightening and confusing at an age when you don’t yet have the words to explain what’s wrong. There’s no language for it, no framework to place it in — only a feeling that something isn’t right, even if you can’t point to why.

I’m supposed to be strong. I’m not strong but weak and vulnerable. I’m supposed to be kind. I’m not kind but twisted and cruel. I’m supposed to be wise. I’m not wise but silly and inexperienced. I’m supposed to be happy. I’m not happy but broken and depressed. I’m supposed to be organized. I’m not organized but messy and anxious. I’m supposed to be willing. I’m not willing but stubborn and…