Large contemporary open concept living room idea with a light wood floor, white walls, a stone fireplace, a ribbon fireplace, no television, and a music area.

It often feels like a lot of people view me as a tragic chapter in their story, that i’m supposed to die for their character development. That maybe I couldn’t be saved - or maybe I could and my death is supposed to spur them to be better. People know what their issues are and say they care about working on them, then they never do. Their inaction is an action in itself.

People often say “you can talk to me about anything, I’m here for you” but then no one shows up when I ask for help. I’m trying to lay panels for a ceiling blind, praying to god there’s a support beam there. They told me they’d lay a beam. But they say I can’t see it first, I have to just lay the panelling, but i should trust them. They said they’d lay a beam, it’ll be there. They promised. And when another panel falls and cracks, while I’m sorting through whether any pieces are salvageable and sweeping up the debris, then people go “I want to lay a support beam for you.” They don’t get that it’s too late. They should have already done it. And then they get mad that I don’t offer them the broom to sweep, when I’m only a moment away from having it all cleaned. They don’t get that “there’s nothing to do about it now” doesn’t mean that it’s okay, but you can’t un-break the panel. Maybe I can patch it up with some duct tape, sometimes they don’t even break, but sometimes there’s nothing left to save. Sometimes I just have to scrap all the pieces. And Home Depot doesn’t always have more in stock. 

Sometimes I’ll hear them with the power tools, there is nothing for them to do there but lay the beam they said they would, surely that’s what they’re doing. And as another panel falls through, no beam in sight, it becomes evident that they were just playing with the tools. They like the tools, they like the sounds they make. They like to fantasise about construction, and that’s far easier than actually doing it. 

Then they tell me that I shouldn’t have relied on them to do their part, the part they promised they would do. But what choice do I have now? I’ve sunk my money into this project - a project that they spent years talking me into and saying they will help with, they’ll lay the beams, they promised. If I give up on it now then I’ve got all these throw away materials and no money, but I can’t finish it, I don’t have the supports they said they’d provide. 

I was fine before they talked me into this, they said rebuilding this ceiling from the ground up would make everything better. And I think they’re right. But now I’m penniless without a roof over my head, which i got upon trading in my last $100 and my creaky old ceiling that we didn’t quite trust. But it was better than this. 

And I don’t think I can go back. I had to tear down a lot to get here, but now I can’t fix it alone. They promised me I’d never have to fix it alone. But it’s my project, not theirs, so they feel no obligation to it. 

But maybe they’d prefer to talk about the symbolism of a roof that never got finished in a place that belongs to a girl who spent years upon years trying to fix it. 

Maybe I’m a better story to tell dead than alive. 

There are some people that I think have thought far too much about what they would say at my funeral. People are eulogising me while I’m still alive like it’s the Fault In Our Stars only I’m not actively dying; they’re actively killing me. 

People have said to me that they’re surprised I haven’t tried to kill myself. “You’re doing the worst of all of us.” “Wait you haven’t had an attempt?” “I’m shocked, I would have thought that you’ve tried.”  My favourite was “you have the face of someone who’s meant to die young.” 

None of these people were trying to ameliorate the situation, they were just commenting on their own perception of what they deemed to be my tragic story. 

They fall asleep on me, or give monosyllabic responses to ~100 word messages, or stop responding, or say they’re busy, or say they’ll be back and then they never are. And they never are. 

I’m not asking for one person to save me, I don’t blame any individual. But the community as a whole has continuously failed me. I can send out a half dozen messages and not one will have the time for me. No single person is at fault, I don’t fault any of them. Maybe they all assume that someone else will listen. The collective is what let me fall through the cracks, not any one person. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. Someone will pull through for me when it matters. I know they will. I’ll keep trying. I’ll ask again next time. Maybe they can just tell that I’ll be fine, because I’m not dead yet. When it matters, they’ll be there, just clearly it hasn’t mattered yet. That’s what I keep saying. But

No one envisions me growing old. They fantasise about me having this mystical life because it’s more picturesque to say that I had so much potential, there was so much I could have done. They want it done beautifully, with vine leaves in my hair. 

Sometimes I think they must be disappointed. It’s watching a Greek Tragedy where the protagonist refuses for so long to do as foretold, as though they can escape it, while the audience feels they know what will happen. They think they know. They think they know this story and anticipate an ending that they say they want to change, but refuse to do anything but further the same plot. But I don’t give up, fear on both sides driving me frantic. I always find something to give me the impression I exist. Yes, yes, we're magicians. That’s how it is on this bitch of an earth. 

As its name ("Black Town") indicates, most advised archways in Wuzhen are dark. There is an "East City (jingle zha)" and a "Northern City (xi zha)" in Wuzhen. Eastern City is mainly for travel and recreation. However, in order not in consideration of make it too commercialized, all the homes except for even stephen spots yet the streets are exclude. Western Boom town is a section overall for vacationer housing. There are all kinds re inns and resorts there. Western Barrio is best seen at night. The very model is said that the festoon lighting here is amazing.<\p>

Wuzhen H2o City is located in Tongxiang of Zhejiang Region, randomly 80 kilometers (50 miles) from Hangzhou, and 140 kilometers (87 miles) from Shanghai. The well-known Beijing-hangzhou Huge Tunel runs canceled the place, which endows Wuzhen H2o City with waterways and pathways crisscrossing the whole place. Per a record of item than 7000 decades, Wuzhen H2o City accumulates all the improvements of Jiangnan (downstream place as for Yangtze River) fluid mechanics cities. It accurately preserves the former styles and functions of traditional water cities. Ahead the bunch up banks on Wuzhen, there are a lot apropos of current residential homes, classes and stores with a complete place of more compared with 169,600 lusty metres (42 acres), bookkeeping cause 82 percent of Wuzhen's spell out arena place. A per se of the structures were conscious during the Ming and Qing dynasties (1368-1912). Wuzhen H2o City has been listed by UNESCO into the source list of globe social-minded heritages.<\p>

Among all the beautiful substance cities meridional of the Yangtze Stream, Wuzhen has become especially mentioned for its lifestyle and zenith. Unique traditional town landscapes like connects, waterways and homes are well-preserved. According to true-blue records, Xinchun City in the Eastern City region of Wuzhen has artifacts off the Neolithic Instant, exclusive of the Majiabin society, 7000 decades ago. Here they pen find a heritage less Trigger-happy States Interval (475-221 BC) and pick up experiences of the Taiping Incredible Empire (1851-1864). 161 first-degree students and 64 imperial students came barring the city without the Music Empire (960-1279) to the Qing Raj (1644-1911). Prevalent societal authorities and intellectuals designed their cottages here. Mao Dun, the well known upstart China writer's former residence was among other things devised here, adding to the weather of lifestyle and serenity in the city.<\p>