#supergirlfic

    The room in which I awoke was a deceptively small, with translucent walls that did little more than cast shadows of the outside world. 

    There was a small device on my temple. I was wearing light blue scrubs and lay on a bed with sheets of the same color. The only other thing in the room was a heart rate monitor I was hooked up to. 

    The walls disappeared suddenly and standing there . . .

    “Lena?” I sat up quickly, staring at her in disbelief. 

    “Jacquelyn,” Lena said as she strode to my side. “Glad to see you’re awake.”

    “What am I doing here?”

    “Lay down. You need to rest.” Lena gently pushed me back down. My hand reached up to touch whatever was on my temple, but Lena’s warm hand moved it away. “Don’t touch it. I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

    “But what - Lena? What are you doing?”

    She had grabbed a strab from the far side of the bed, bringing it over my shoulders and fastening it. I reached up to free myself, but Lena grabbed my wrist, pushing it down harshly. She held it in place as she fastened another strap over it. 

“Don’t fight it.”

“Lena! Stop!”

She only proceeded to place straps over my other wrist, my 

abdomen, knees, and ankles. I was stuck in place. 

“Let me go Lena! Let me - let me go!” I was breathing hard in my 

panic. In fact, I could hardly breathe at all. 

    Lena pulled something small and familiar from her pocket. My inhaler. “Exhale.” Though at the moment I was terrified, I listened. As soon as I had, the inhaler was in my mouth and I was able to take that life-saving Ventolin puff. Still, you glared at Lena. If you had a choice, you would have refused the inhaler, but you rather enjoyed breathing.

    Lena stuck the inhaler on a nearby table, never taking her eyes off of you. “You don’t need to be afraid.”

    “Says the woman who strapped me to a freaking table. What do you want with me, anyway?”

    “Supergirl hurt me, Jacquelyn. I want her to feel that same pain she put me through.”

    “She made a mistake. She’s only human.”

    Lena raised an eyebrow.

    “Okay, she’s an alien. But aliens make mistakes, too. She thought she was protecting you. She was scared. You can’t hold that against her. And you can’t hold me here because of it.”

    “I can and I will. Supergirl will feel my pain.”

    “They’ll know I’m gone. They’ll find me, and what’s left for you then? You’re making yourself a villain.”

    “I am not a villain,” Lena snapped. “And your sisters would never suspect me of kidnapping you. Or did you forget? Supergirl still believes she is my best friend.”

    I struggled against the binding, getting absolutely nowhere. “She’ll find me.”

    “You’ll give yourself rope burn.”

    A woman entered the room. She had wavy blond hair, blue eyes. And her name was Eve. 

    “What is she doing here?”

    “Hope?” Lena smirked. “You’ll see.”

    “Hope? That’s not -”

    “It is now. I mapped her brain, created exactly the type of person I needed. A true friend, you could call it.”

    “You got rid of her emotion.”

    “Precisely. Now hope is perfectly capable of meeting my needs without the disgusting personal attachments.”

    “You’re terrible,” I said, my voice shaking.

    “Jacquelyn . . . You know that’s not true. I’m protecting myself.”

    “Eve may not have been a good person, but you ruined her. You turned her into a robot and for what? Because she hurt your feelings? That’s what villains do, Lena. You’ve become like Lex. Cruel, heartless. You kidnapped two people. No good person does that. I never thought you would do that.”

this got bittersweet oops im sorry

She’s cleaning out her apartment, not thinking anything of it. It’s something to do. Some way to deal with the stress having nearly lost Kara while fighting evil versions of their friends on another Earth. Some way to ignore the fact that she was still in that post break up haze. Some way to distract herself from reality.

Alex has never liked cleaning.

But at least here and now it is something to do.

Some way of putting her life into boxes without having to think about it.

Until she does.

Until it hits her in the face, a to do list, scribbled on an orange post it note, in Maggie’s handwriting.

The handwriting itself would have been painful enough, if it wasn’t for the words written there.

A minor set of things. 

Get reports of Jackson by 5pm

File the Delta 9 incident report

Ask Cindy to restock the break room spoon supply

Pick up more parsley for pasta night

Find brown leather jacket

Get a movie for movie night that won’t me cry

But it’s the last thing on the list, that has Alex sitting on the floor trying to remember how to breathe, blinking past the tears in her eyes.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Supergirl (TV 2015) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor Characters: Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation Series: Part 1 of femslash ficlets Summary:

Each story is the same; you are Lena and she is Kara and you always die too soon.

The drive to Midvale was pretty much silent. Kara and Alex would try to talk to you, but still, you only sat silently.

    They eventually gave up.

    When you arrived, Kara placed you on the couch, carrying you inside and you hung limply in her arms. Although she knew you wouldn’t respond, she still asked if you wanted anything to eat. 

    Normally at the mention of food, you would immediately perk up with questions of what you would be eating, followed by the horribly ungraceful sight of shoving the meal down your throat. But not this time. You just stared.

    You knew who these people were. Or at least, you wanted to know. But everything was fuzzy. Your memories were buried in a treasure chest that you could not unlock, much less find. You felt a sense of familiarity around them, but all other recollection was drowned out by images of that terrible place and that terrible man.

    Mr. Noble.

    Just the name sent shivers down your spine. Threatened to send tears streaming down your face. And that’s exactly what happened. Tears silently poured from your eyes as you stared into the abyss.

                    --------------------------------

    “Y/N?” Kara asked, though she knew you wouldn’t respond. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

    Her face was very close to yours and still didn’t elicit a response. It only served to worry your sister more. She pulled you into a hug and your body rested weightlessly against her. Kara’s fingers ran gently through your hair as she spoke softly in your ear. “It’s okay, Y/N. It’s okay. I got you. You’ll be okay. Its safe. You’re safe, I promise.”

                    ---------------------------------------

    According to them, you needed a bath. You hardly recognized the word, but when it finally clicked, you were not happy. It had been a common torture in the hands of Mr. Noble. You weren’t looking forward to that again. But your protests were silent, and you soon found yourself back in Kara’s arms as she carried you to the bathroom.

    Eliza took over for her, gently scrubbing you clean. “I’m here, sweetie. You’re doing great.” You could hear the brokenness in her voice. She leaned you forward and a gasp escaped her lips, followed by a sob. “Kara!”

    “Yeah Eliza?” Kara asked, standing in the doorway.

    “I’m sorry, but can you finish up? I - I need to take a walk.

    “Of course,” Kara says softly. “Take your time.” And before you know it, Kara’s the one running the sponge over you. “You know, Mom loves you. She just needed a minute.”

    “She needed a minute?” The voice clearly belongs to Alex. “So she just left? She just got up and left her, in the bath, no less?”

    “Alex . . . She just went on a walk. This is hard for her.”

    “And it’s not hard for me? Or for you? She’s thinking about herself, not about Y/N. Who were the ones who found her? Who had to see her in that horrible, tiny room, shivering and bleeding and starved? It was us. Not Mom. We were the ones who were there for her. We were the ones who rescued her. We are the ones who have seen her so torn up, so beaten. The ones who had to carry her home when she was limp in our arms.”

    “Alex,” Kara says quietly. “Can we please do this later? When she’s asleep? Y/N doesn’t need to hear it.”

    Alex heaves a sigh. She obviously wants to say more, but stops herself. “Yeah . . .I’m going to find Mom.” 

    Before Kara could say another word, Alex was gone.

    Hours later, you still hadn’t seen Alex or Eliza. The house had been quiet, besides the noise of the television in front of you and Kara’s occasional whispered words. You felt a shift and Kara’s arm move to rest on your shoulders.

    Your eyes widened slightly at the touch, but after a second, Kara’s calming presence overtook you and you found yourself slowly moving to lean against her.

    Kara’s heart skipped a beat when you rested your head against her.

    Progress.

    Without a word, she held you a little closer and placed a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

    Two weeks after your attempt to make up with Y/L/N, you had completely put the encounter out of your mind. You figured you did your part. You didn’t need the friendship if she wasn’t interested in pursuing it, and that was fine.

    You were alone at the apartment - Kara was at work - as you attempted to make a dent in your pile of homework. The knock at the door came as a shock, sending you into a panic filled jump momentarily. Nonetheless, after having gotten over your fear, you set down your homework, crossed to the door, and opened it.

    The knock may have shocked you, but it was nothing compared to the shock you received when you saw who was standing in the door.

    “Y/L/N?” Just the fact that she was there was worrying to you. You weren’t friends. And something was clearly off. 

    “Lena’s gone! I don’t know where she is. I have looked for half a day, but she won’t answer her phone and she’s not at her apartment. I tried not to worry, but she would never just disappear without warning. I think something bad happened to her You’re the only person I really know here and I don’t ask this very often . . . but I need your help.”

    The poor woman looked like she was about to cry. You beckoned her inside before closing the door and placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. You could feel Y/L/N tense as you did, but you didn’t remove your hand. “Hey, it’ll be okay. I’ll help you. We will find Lena. I promise.”

    “You will?” Y/L/N’s voice was barely a whisper.

    “Of course. And I know the perfect place to supply ourselves with things to help find her.” You finally removed your hand, sending Y/L/N a small smile before moving to grab your car keys.

    You were determined to help Y/L/N. Even if you weren’t overly fond of her, you loved Lena. And besides, you would never give the cold shoulder to a cry for help.

    A part of you did wonder why she came to you for help. She could have gone to the police or one of your sisters. She could have called for Supergirl. But instead, here she was. You decided not to mention it though - it wasn’t worth the effort to try figuring out the inner workings of Y/L/N's genius Luthor brain.

    “Where are we going?” Y/L/N asked.

    “To the Department of Extranormal Operations - the DEO. They have weapons, trackers, everything we’ll need. We just . . . have to be careful. My sister is kinda in charge there and I barely have permission to go inside.”

    Y/L/N blinks several times. “We’re breaking and entering?”

    “No. I’m allowed to go in. We’re borrowing.”

    “Sounds like stealing.”

    “Borrowing without permission. Let me get my purse and we’ll go.”

Y/L/N didn’t try to hide the eye roll, but you didn’t care. You snatched up your purse, your keys, and lead Y/L/N out the door.

You thought you were a great driver, but Y/L/N and her wide eyes and occasional screams seemed to think otherwise.

“Would you calm down? I’m not going to kill us.”

“I beg to - look out!”

You hit your brakes. “Calm down. I saw the car.”

“Then why did you wait until we were a foot away before breaking?”

“That was at least two feet.”

“Not much better.”

“But still better. You’re so high strung. We really need to find Lena.”

    “No kidding.”

    Wow. She was moody. You couldn’t really blame her for it - her sister was missing. But it didn’t mean you had to like it. 

    As you arrived, you kinda wished you hadn’t driven so fast.

TRIGGER WARNING: Eating Disorder, Suicidal Thoughts

A/N: If you are suffering from a mental illness, remember that it’s okay. It is not shameful to have a mental illness, or to get the help you need. Do what you can to help yourself, and that’s enough. Some days will be bad, and that’s perfectly fine - do as much as you can, when you can. There are people in your life who love you so much and they want the best for you. You are loved. And you are so, so strong.

Also, thanks anon, for taking my personal feelings into account and asking beforehand if this was something I would be comfortable writing about. That was super sweet. 

“Kara,” you said, stumbling out of your room. “I don’t feel so good.”

“What’s wrong, Y/N? Are you sick?”

“I think -” Before you could force out another word, everything went black around you and you crumpled to the ground.

“Y/N!” Kara yelled. She rushed to your side, picking up your limp body, and flew you to the DEO. You felt so small and frail in her strong arms.

“What happened?” Alex asked as soon as Kara landed in the DEO.

“She fainted. I don’t think she’s been eating.”

“Dang it, Y/N.” Alex said, running beside Kara to the med bay. They lay you in the bed, where Alex hooked an IV to her arm and pumped her with fluids. “This will help.”

Kara sat down on the edge of the bed, taking her little sister’s hand in her own. “I don’t understand. I thought she was getting better.”

“A relapse,” Alex sighed, taking her other hand. “i wish she’d come to us. We could have helped her before it got this bad.”

“How is she?” Lena asked as she strode into the room, J’onn at her heels.

“Stable,” Alex said. “But she needs help, real help. We can’t do enough for her.”

      ————————————

Y/N’s eyes fluttered open to see your sisters and friends surrounding you. “What happened?”

“Y/N,” Kara said slowly. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

You sighed, turning your head to stare at the wall. 

‘This is important,” Alex said. “You’re hurting yourself.”

“I’m fine,” You grumbled, still refusing to look at them. “Can I go home now?”

“No,” Alex said. “You need to rest. You’re getting fluids and you’re getting food.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Alex.”

Alex opened her mouth to argue, but Lena placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Sweetheart,” Lena said, kneeling next to your bed. “You are going through a very rough time right now. We all love you and we want to help you. You are going to be okay.”

“We love you,” Kara said. “I love you so much. I’m worried about you, Y/N.”

“I’m fine,” You argued, pulling your hand away from her.

———————————————————-

You were at Alex’s apartment, flipping through channels on the TV. Everybody looked so beautiful - it just made you feel worse about yourself. Alex and Kara refused to leave your side, taking shifts when they had to. Kara was out saving the world again, so it was Alex’s turn. You would have rather had anybody else babysit you, but your sisters didn’t give you a choice.

Alex sat down next to you, holding a bowl of soup. “I made this for you. It was your favorite when we were kids.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Y/N, you have to eat. This is so unhealthy.”

“I’m unhealthy. This is making it better! I don’t want the stupid soup.”

“Okay, that’s it. I’m sending you to a treatment center.”

“Excuse me?”

“I am sending you to a treatment center. This has gone on long enough.”

“I am not going to a treatment center,” You said, standing up.

Alex set the bowl down on the coffee table, matching you. “You have worried your friends and your family to no end. We’re scared that any second you’ll starve yourself to death. Obviously, nothing we’re doing is working, so you are going and that’s final.” Alex raised her eyebrows threateningly, daring you to question her authority, which you did.

“I am an adult now, Alex! You can’t just tell me what to do anymore!”

“If you want to stay out of the center, you need to eat. Right now.”

“No. I can’t!” Your voice broke, you were almost in tears. How could Alex be so mean? How could she not understand?

“You need to eat.” You could tell Alex was equally upset, but you couldn’t quite understand why. “Please.”

“No.”

“We’re leaving tomorrow. I’m going to call the center right now. Sit down and don’t move.” Alex walked into her room to grab her phone. As soon as she was out of sight, you ran from the apartment.

You didn’t look back. You weren’t even sure where you were going. But you ran through the streets, praying Alex wouldn’t follow.

Suddenly, you were at the front doors of L-Corp. She ran through the front door, ignoring the security guard in the lobby as you streaked past him and into the elevator just before the doors closed. You fought back tears as you rode it to the top and shuffled toward Lena’s office.

“Y/N,” Eve said. “Is everything okay?”

You ignored her as you walked into Lena’s office, no longer able to hold back the tears.”What’s wrong?”

Without a word, you sat down on Lena’s couch and started to cry, burying your head in your hands. A moment later, you felt a hand on your back.

“It’s okay, sweetie.” Lena wrapped you in a hug. “Just let it out. It’s okay.” 

When you finally stopped crying, you pulled away and gave Lena a small smile.

She brushed a piece of hair out of your face, then cupped your cheek in her hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Alex wants to send me to a treatment center.” You pulled away from Lena, moving your eyes toward the ground.

“That’s rough. Can I tell you something?”

“That you think I should go? I don’t want to hear it.”

“That’s not what I was going to say. Alex is simply trying to look out for you. You are her baby sister, A/N. What you have is not a problem, it’s a disease. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Then why does it feel like there is? It feels like everything about me is wrong.” You wiped another tear from your eye.

“You are so strong. I am so proud of you. I want to see you get better. So do your sisters and J’onn. Alex is very worried about you, even though it may not seem like it.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. All of you are so perfect. I’m not like that. I’m so worthless. I don’t even deserve to be here.”

“Hey,” Lena said, a little more forcefully than she meant to. “That is not true. You are the strongest person I know. You are beautiful, you are perfect. I have so much love for you. You inspire me, Y/N. And if you weren’t here, my life would be so dark.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No. It’s true.” Lena hugged you again. “Why don’t you lay down and rest? I”ll be right here. I’m not going to leave. I promise.”

You nodded. Lena helped you lay down, then pulled out a blanket and threw it over you. You could feel her hand rubbing your arm gently, brushing through your hair. It was only then that you realized how tired you were.

The last thing you remembered before falling asleep was Lena kissing your forehead and whispering and ‘I love you. I’m here for you.’

Moments later, Lena received a phone call from Alex. 

“Hey,” Lena said upon answering.

“Lena,” Alex sounded panicked. “Have you seen Y/N? She ran off and I can’t find her.”

“She’s here, at my office. It’s okay. She’s okay.She’s asleep.”

“I’m coming over there.”

“Alex, wait. I would hold off. She’s very upset and needs a little bit of space. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my eye on her and I’ll keep you updated.”

“Are you sure?” Alex asked.