Batman and Superman absolutely know that the internet at large ships them, theorizes that they’re romantically (or at least sexually) involved, etc. They don’t confirm or deny because they know it’s useless and people will think what they want no matter what. Instead, the two just continue to be themselves in the public eye—which turns out to be A Problem (capital letters very necessary, per the Justice League’s PR Department) because Bruce is an Olympic level troll and some of Clark’s only safe outlets for frustration are occasional pettiness and troublemaking.
Superman does an impromptu interview for some rando’s TikTok and says his love language is snacks. The next time somebody photographs Batman and Superman together, Batman’s handing Superman a muffin. The photos break 3 social media platforms.
Batman is injured outside of Gotham and Superman carries him to safety. Someone takes a pic and now there are memes. Bruce likes the ones where the cowl is photoshopped onto old promo posters from The Bodyguard. He pays Oracle to make sure they pop up any time people Google Superman.
Batman, as a rule, doesn’t do interviews or respond to questions from reporters. One day, when asked about Superman, he smiles and gives a thumbs up before smoke-bombing away. He absolutely does it on purpose. It’s the tiniest of gestures, but relative to the Batman lore, he might as well have pulled off his cowl and declared his undying love. The Internet is rabid.
Some uptight Karen writes an op-ed on the dangers of superheroes being so open about their private lives. It’s one thing to see them save the day; do we need to know what or who they do the rest of the time? What will children think? The piece is riddled with thinly veiled homophobia, racism, xenophobia, and a subtle insinuation that loving an alien is akin to loving an animal. Superman is quoted in response: “I bet her favorite color is beige. What a sad way to live.” #BeigeBitch trends for a week after Bruce Wayne Tweets about the writer being a jealous hag who couldn’t bag at a supermarket, much less bag a superhero. Should either of them have said anything? No. Do they both laugh hysterically at all the Tweets about “Superman defending his man”? Yes.
