#sunnythoughts

As I approach the end of my first week back at work, I’ve been reflecting a lot... Just asking myself how I feel about being back, how I feel about life, and work.

My first day back started out in a way that might seem like a hot mess... I woke up late... Go figure. I tried my best to mentally prepare the night before. I think I was really anxious. I already have a hard time falling asleep, so you can imagine that night was particularly difficult.. I rushed to get ready, let the dogs outside, fed them, packed my lunch, and rushed out.

Today was only my 3rd day back and I forgot my badge and my work phone lol.

I’ve also cried every day on my way to work...

On the first drive to work, as I sat in the cold car navigating through the rain, I was stuck on the idea that going to work meant that life was REALLY moving forward. I mean these last few months have been moving and I’ve felt every moment of that... but on this day especially, it felt so much more real.

Time is such an interesting concept. How slow it can feel at one moment and how quickly three months can pass in agonizing fashion.

I know what this sounds like lol. A bad week?

Actually it wasn’t... I don’t want to jinx it because I still have Friday, but this week has been good. Good in a sense that the familiarity of it has brought some comfort to me. Getting back to working with the kiddos and my coworkers has been nice.

So in my reflection this week, I realized that there were plenty of opportunities for me to feel bad, sad, negative, etc. about work:

Having to go back to work, period.

Waking up late... On my FIRST day back.

Cold, cloudy, rainy, dark weather.

Feeling like a fish out of water because I have 3 months to catch up on.

Going back at this time of year.

I feel like we are each faced with these small, but less enjoyable obstacles every day.

What I realized was I had a choice to allow myself to feel bad about all these things, OR I could choose to face each day with energy and appreciation for all the good things:

We all have to go back to work at one point, or another. Life will always continue to move forward and we have the choice to move with it, or get left behind.

Be flexible... Life will always have little speed bumps. You may forget something, misplace your keys, step in dog pee as you’re going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, etc. Don’t get worked up about it. Just keep moving and it will all work itself out.

Rain is sometimes associated with sadness.. I mean SAD is a thing... Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression that is related to the change in seasons. But at the same time, rain is life, renewal, cleansing. We need water to survive and too much of anything is not good. Too much sunshine? Drought. We need rain, so I’ve decided to embrace it. Also, when it rains it raises the cold AF temperatures of winter... so bring it on lol.

Okay.. this ones huge because I’ve noticed a lot of people do this. I used to do this a lot when I was younger. Looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed by all the obstacles between point A and Z. Don’t overwhelm yourself. You can achieve anything if you stick with it. As we would say in nursing school, you put out a forest fire one small fire at a time. Before you know it, you have the fire controlled.

The love and warm feelings associated with the holidays I felt all year long. That makes this whole situation difficult, but that also means that this time of year is no more difficult than any other time of year. Each day is a day without them and each day is potentially difficult in its own way. The way I see it, we are all extremely blessed and better for knowing and loving them. That is something to be happy about.

Side Note: I started reading some of my books about happiness, positive psychology. They made me aware of practices I’ve already had in play and some new cards to add to my hand. If you’re in need of some good reading, Tal Ben-Shahar is both talented and insightful in the ways of mindfulness and positive psychology. I’ve really been enjoying his books.

I know I’ve turned my blog into grief sessions 101, day in the life, listen to me cry about my experiences, etc. LOL.

It started out as a means for me to cope with my loss. Putting my feelings down in words helped me sift through the ocean of overwhelming thoughts and emotions. Its since turned into a way to continue to cope, but also keep all of my loved ones in the loop on how I’m doing mentally/emotionally. A way for me to be transparent and more open to all the loving and caring people in my life.

One thing I didn’t expect was for people to say reading my posts was helping them with something they were grieving... It was never my intent, but I’m really glad if anything I’ve said has helped even just one person. 

🚬🚬🚬

it was good y’all