#sundowning

That late afternoon when you entered the dark room, he was there. He wasn't covered in paint, of course not, he was clean, his white skin contrasting with the black fabric of his pants. But the mask was on, as were the tunic and the hood. He was wearing two slender golden chains on his neck. One had a stone pendant, not precious, but beautiful. The other had a golden butterfly charm at the end. You didn't know why, but you liked that one. On his fingers he wore a number of rings, one of them, your favorite, had the sleep token symbol.

You took a few minutes to undress, the shoes first, then the jeans that seemed to cling to your body, and then the blouse, leaving you only in your underwear. You couldn't see Vessel's eyes, but you could feel them burning against your skin, and the sensation was powerful. You removed the rings you were wearing, the necklace, and then tied your long hair into a comfortable ponytail, and before you could think of doing anything else, Vessel reached out, gesturing for you to join him on the bed, and there was nothing in the world you wanted more than to do that.

"I need two minutes, and I promise I'll be all yours afterward," you said, going into the bathroom and closing the door. You peed, washed your hands, and found yourself looking in the mirror. 

You looked tired. Very tired. There were dark circles under your eyes from sleepless nights of overthinking, your skin wasn't good, your hair looked dull and lifeless. You were unwell. Physically and psychologically unwell, and nothing in the world seemed to make you feel better, except him. 

He was the one your body craved, the one your soul craved. Vessel was the only one who could make your body relax, silence your mind, and it was only with him by your side that you could sleep well.

Acknowledging this made your face turn red, not from shame, but from sadness. There was something very strange about the relationship you had—if you could even call it a relationship. You had been in it for months and you hadn't seen any other man besides him, but you knew Vessel must have other women. How could he not when they all seemed to throw themselves into his arms? 

But the truth is that none of that mattered. You didn't need exclusivity, you just needed him. The mere idea that one day he might get tired of you, get bored of this game and simply not show up anymore when you texted him asking to meet in that room after sunset, was killing you inside. You couldn't imagine yourself without it anymore. Without him.

You took one last look at your tired reflection in the mirror and turned, opening the door and going back to the bedroom. He was typing on his cell phone, but he turned it off and immediately put it away when he saw you approaching. You climbed onto the bed and crawled to him, letting yourself be enveloped in his arms, but you needed more than just his arms, and your mouth sought his mouth with an indescribable hunger, and he returned the kiss with the exact intensity you needed.

Tongue, teeth, saliva. In those moments with him, you never wanted to be delicate, and he didn't demand delicacy from you either. Vessel only asked for passion, for reciprocity, for truth.

"Fuck, I needed that." You said when you had to break the kiss to breathe. Your hand rested on his face, your fingers feeling each golden adornment of the mask you loved so much. Yes, you couldn't deny it, you loved the fact that you couldn't see what was underneath. It didn't matter. For you, Vessel was just Vessel, and that was more than enough. He was beautiful, the mask only added to your desire, and the mystery was like fuel for your fire.

He hummed positively, taking your lips in his again, and his hands went to your bra, but before he could open it, you gently pulled away. 

"I want to touch you first, tonight." You spoke softly as if you were afraid to say what you wanted, but Vessel was always ready to give you exactly what you asked. 

He smirked. A beautiful smirk, and threw himself back onto the pillows, surrendering himself to you to do whatever you wanted with him. You could see the outline of his dick under the fabric of his pants, and that made you instinctively bite your lower lip. Everyone could always see it. It was indecent even when you knew he wasn't doing it on purpose, but that night the bulge was enormous because, unlike what happened at the concerts, he was hard. Vessel was hard for you.

You unbuckled his belt and eagerly opened his pants, and as you did, you felt him throbbing in his confines, so you put your hand inside his underwear and pulled him out. He was big. Not in the way women talk about their man. Vessel was massive. Long, thick, with a large head and beautiful veins. Just looking at him made you salivate.

Before you could touch him, you positioned yourself on your knees between his legs and then finally took him in your hand, and it wasn't an exaggeration to say that it wasn't possible to close your fingers around him, just as you couldn't take much of him in your mouth, but you tried and he liked watching you try.

You spat in your hand and then on his head and spread the saliva all over him slowly. Your hand slid slowly up and down his length a few times and you felt him squirming, trying to hold himself in place as you tortured him with such subtle and light touches.

Unable to contain yourself, you gave him a light kiss on the head, looking directly at him to tease him, and he bit his lower lip, waiting patiently, but you just continued with those little kisses, going down his entire length and then back up.

When you started using your tongue, he let out a sweet little moan and you felt one of his hands in your hair. He just put it there, but you knew it wouldn't be long before he started pushing. Vessel was like that. He let you take control, but he liked to keep a hand on the wheel the whole time.

You licked from base to tip and from tip to base a few times to get him nice and wet the way you wanted, and then finally took it in your mouth, feeling the grip of his fingers in your hair tighten.

You couldn't take much more than the head, but you made up for it using your hands along its length, twisting and jerking him slowly, but using a little more force than you should, and he loved that. It wasn't long before he was moaning, and you loved that sound. You loved how noisy he was during sex, even without uttering a single word.

When you realized it, he was already controlling the whole thing. One of his hands was in your hair, guiding the speed and how much of him you took, and the other was holding his cock at the base, pushing you further down until you inevitably gagged and he let go of you, caressing your cheek affectionately as if to say 'good girl'.

There was nothing you wanted more than to be  Vessel's good girl. It was what saved you from your reality, what pulled you out of hell and threw you into paradise. Those nights belonged to him.

His cock was pulsing hard and you knew that if you continued he would come, but that was exactly what you wanted and you weren't worried because you knew he would have more. He always had so much more. It might be cliché to say that, but Vessel was indeed a provider. He provided sex, comfort, safety, and affection. So much affection. It was something capable of healing, and you needed healing. God, you needed it more than anything.

He directed his cock back into your mouth and you devoted yourself to sucking it as he deserved, working your tongue around him, emptying your cheeks with sucking movements that had his legs trembling beneath you, and it wasn't long before his grip on your hair became stronger, as did his breathing, which became louder and more labored. The moans were uncontrollable and beautiful.

He didn't warn you when he reached his limit. He never warned you, and the surprise always made you gag on his cum, and you were sure as hell he loved seeing it. There was so much cum. Every time he came to you, he was always so full of it that you wondered, perhaps in a hopeful part of your mind, if he might be saving it for you. Maybe there was no one else.

The surprise and the quantity never allowed you to contain it all in your mouth, and consequently, a lot ended up spilling down his length, but you liked that mess. You always swallowed it all and came back for more, and this time was no different. When you realized it, you were licking and sucking every drop, and he continued to be hard and throbbing.

"You're so insatiable, Ves." You found yourself praising him, and he took your hand and placed it back around him, moving it the way he wanted you to, and you continued as he asked, gradually increasing the rhythm and strength of the grip, then loosening a little and then squeezing again without ever stopping. And your eyes were all on him while you did it. On the way his jaw was rigid and his mouth slightly parted in pleasure, on the way his whole body seemed to tremble with pleasure, but also with overstimulation, and when he was close again he simply bit his lip hard and groaned.

You didn't stop for a single instant until you had him spilling into your hand. The amount was significantly less now, but it was still enough to have you sucking, licking, and swallowing it all again. When you finished he patted your head affectionately and you threw yourself into his arms. 

He let you snuggle against his chest.  His breath still ragged, and he was sweaty, but smelled of soap and perfume - neroli lingering in his skin, bright as citrus peel and soft as sun-warmed blossoms.

You found yourself rubbing your face in his chest, inhaling his scent and basking in his presence, and a wave of silent tears washed over you. 

The day had been awful, in fact, it had been weeks—months—that all your days had been awful, and the only relief you had were those hours in his arms. You found yourself wishing he would never leave, that the daylight would never come.

Vessel didn't ask questions. Never. He just held you. He gave you exactly what you needed: comfort, affection, sex—good, hard, dirty, delicious, perfect sex—without judgment, without asking for anything in return that wasn't what you were willing to give him. But you were willing to give him everything.

You remained silent for what seemed like several long minutes. The only sound was the hum of the air conditioner and your sobs, and then the sniffling of your nose as you tried to calm down. All the while you felt his firm arm holding you and his hand gently caressing your hair, and eventually you found yourself chuckling through the tears.

"I'm ruining the fucking night. I'm sorry." You said, bringing your hand to his face, and he shook his head and kissed you softly as if to say, 'I'm here for whatever you need.'

"You're so beautiful." You found yourself saying as you traced the outline of his jaw with your fingertip, and he smiled at you. A beautiful, open smile that filled your heart with affection and love.

Love. You were terrified of ending up in love and hurt. And that's exactly how you were now, completely in love, and getting hurt seemed to be just a matter of time. After all, how long would it take for him to get tired of you? Until the tour started again? Who could say? You simply didn't want to think about it.

Gently, he pulled away enough to pick something up from the bedside table and handed it to you. It was a square, black velvet box, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw it.

"For me? Are we giving each other gifts now?" You said, sitting up in bed, and he sat up too, seeming to watch you carefully—it wasn't exactly possible to tell, but again, you could always feel when his eyes were on you.

You stroked the box with your fingertips, watching the small silver ribbon before pulling it open. It was a gold slender chain with a circular charm engraved with the sleep token symbol. It was very similar to the butterfly one he was wearing. Simple and beautiful.

"I loved it," you said, feeling your eyes welling up with tears again. You weren't prepared for this. The mere idea that he had thought of you at some point when he had that little gift made for you was something unimaginable.

He hummed contentedly, but gently took the charm from your hands, turning it so you could see the other side of the object, and that's when your mouth fell open. The piece had been engraved with a single word. A word that for anyone else could be seen just as a cute pet name,but you were a Sleep Token fan first and foremost. The word was Sugar. And the word meant more when the lyrics of the song immediately played in your head: Sugar, I've developed a taste for you now.

"Vessel..." That's all you could manage to say. His name in an almost inaudible whisper. But in that whisper was a silent request: Don’t give me hope. 

The implications of that little gift could be devastating for your mental health, and you knew it. The whole time since you started whatever it was you were doing, you always told yourself there was no love involved on his part, that it was just a game for him - the mask, the clothes, the refusal of talking. Everything seemed like a game to you. But now your stupid brain was starting to wonder if he could possibly be falling in love with you the same way you were in love with him. 

It was absurd. This kind of thing didn't happen to you. People didn't usually develop a taste for you when they met you, quite the opposite.

But then why?

He took the gift from your hand and gently placed it on you, and when he did, he placed a little kiss on the nape of your neck, another on the side of your neck, and another on your shoulder, making your body tingle. He hummed contentedly probably noticing the physical reaction he caused in you.

"Ves... it's beautiful and I loved it, but what does it mean?"

You didn't know what you expected him to answer, but he just smiled at you, cupping your cheek and guiding you back to his lips. 

He kissed you slowly, but something about that kiss was different. It wasn't soft and calm like a welcome or goodnight kiss. Nor was it hard and full of lust like the kisses you exchanged when you had sex; it was something comfortable that sat right in between. 

His tongue played inside your mouth unhurriedly, his teeth nibbled your lower lip provocatively, and he breathed into your mouth so that it wouldn't be necessary to break the kiss. It was intimate. Very intimate. And you found yourself wondering if there was any answer to your question in that kiss.

But Vessel didn't give you time to think. When he finally got tired of playing with your lips, he gently laid you down on the mattress and began to kiss you all over. His lips trailed down your breast, his teeth gently nibbling at the lace of your bra, and continued down your stomach, where he made sure to trace the line of your abdomen with the tip of his tongue before continuing down. 

His hands busied themselves with the waistband of your panties, and you lifted your hips for him to take them off before he even asked, and after doing so, he simply picked them up and put them in his tunic pocket like a trophy.

Vessel positioned himself between your legs, and before you could say or even think anything, he dove between your them and began to eat you out. That was the first time he was giving you oral. You had never asked, part of you thought it wouldn't be possible with the mask on, and of course he wasn't going to take it off to do it—and you didn't want him to either. 

But there he was between your legs, mask on, and he was divine indeed. Vessel was divine in everything, but there was no denying that there was something diabolical in the way he worked his tongue on you. He seemed to know exactly how you liked it, even though he never asked. He licked slowly, sucked your clit delicately, but intensely at the same time, and to add to your pleasure he used his fingers to tease your entrance, penetrating you just a little and making you writhe in his hand begging for more.

"Oh my... this feels so good." You moaned, clutching the pillows and bringing one up to your face to muffle the uncontrollable moans.

But Vessel didn't like that. He stopped what he was doing, took the pillow from you, threw it on the floor, and shook his head, showing his displeasure. He liked listening to you. He liked it when you got noisy. When you screamed his name amidst the moans.

"Sorry," you found yourself apologizing, and he returned to his task, licking, sucking, fucking you slowly with his fingers. Playing with your body the same way he was playing with your heart. Without mercy.

It didn't take long for your body to start showing signs that it was nearing its limit. The orgasm that was once an almost impossible task for you came easily in Vessel's skillful hands. Whether with his fingers or with his cock - now with his tongue - he simply knew how to get you there, and it was never just once.

"Ves... I'm gonna cum." You warned him, but that only spurred him on to continue. His mouth moved on you with almost superhuman dexterity, the tip of his tongue licking your clit and alternating with strong, rhythmic sucks while his fingers went in and out of you making an obscene squelching sound. You were so wet you could feel it dripping from you.

"Oh please, please don't stop. Please Ves, don't stop, don't stop..."

And he didn't stop. Not until your whole body started shaking and you let out a moan so loud that anyone a mile away could hear it. The orgasm, as always, intense and cathartic, but this time there was something more to the way it made you feel. It made you feel worshiped.

When he emerged from between your legs, the visible part of his face was wet and red, but there was also a beautiful, satisfied smile there. 

Before you could even think of asking for it, he crawled over you and kissed you hard while his hands quickly took off your bra. He threw it on the floor and took a nipple between his lips, sucking gently before letting go and doing the same with the other. 

Eventually when he got tired of it, he came back to your lips and kissed you gently.  Your scent and taste, ingrained in him, were like a drug that only left you wanting more, and before you knew it, you were moving beneath him, lifting your hips and searching for him, trying to create some friction by rubbing your core against his already hard cock.

He liked that. He liked having you completely surrendered to him and seeing all the physical reactions he elicited from you. He hummed and let out a soft chuckle, breaking the kiss and positioning himself on his knees between your legs. He made sure to spread them even wider for him and teased you using his fingers, penetrating you with shallow thrusts that made you whimper for more.

"No, Ves, please don't tease. Need you. Need you so badly."

But he shook his head stead as if to say 'don't be impatient' and just continued with his teasing, and you found yourself moving your hips against his hand and moaning pornographically loudly as you gave in to the desire for him and let it dominate you. He continued his game for what seemed like a torturous eternity, but finally gave in. 

He gave himself a couple of jerks first and then let a strand of saliva fall from his lips onto the head of his cock and finally, finally entered you with a groan.

There was a part of you that would never get used to having Vessel inside you. Not just because he was huge and fucked wonderfully well, basically rearranging your insides, but because it was him and because you had been doing this for a while now. In your head, it was hard to understand why he keeps coming back to you when you knew very well that he could have any woman he wanted.

Sex with Vessel was always hard. Not in a rough and emotionless way, quite the opposite, you both always seemed to have a lot of pent-up feeling and energy, and when you met it was like a collision of bodies desperately seeking to satisfy each other. That night was no different. 

His hands were everywhere as he thrust against you with strong, rhythmic moves that made the bed creak and the headboard bang against the wall. Your hands also searched for him with a certain desperation, groping and scratching every part of his body you could reach. His arms were always the victims of your nails, and his pale skin always ended up covered in red welts. 

You moved rhythmically beneath him, searching for him, begging for more. Somehow nothing seemed enough; you wanted him completely inside you.

"S-shit." You found yourself cursing as he moved just right so he could hit that delicious part inside you. - With a cock like that, it wasn't really a hard thing to do.

"You feel so good, Ves. Fucking me so good." You whispered, and he moaned contentedly as he gripped your thigh and fitted your leg onto his hip, moving so he could go even deeper.

"Oh, yes. Right there." You almost screamed, and he took your lips in his, kissing you passionately as he continued thrusting without ever stopping, without ever losing rhythm, and right there beneath him, with his tongue in your mouth, all you could think was that you loved him. Stupid, ridiculous woman you were. You were not only completely in love, but you knew that the passion had evolved into something much bigger, and that filled you with fear, but at that moment, it also turned you on even more. 

Vessel broke the kiss and pulled away, and you didn't wait for him to say what he wanted. You quickly positioned yourself on all fours, your hips high for him, your chest pressed against the mattress, both hands clasped behind your back for him to hold. A complete submission. 

He entered you again and held your hands firmly in one of his, and with the other he held your shoulder and began to thrust again, but this time he was merciless and you found yourself biting the sheet to muffle your screams. It was too good. Every woman should be fucked like that at least once in her life, but you were lucky enough to have it a couple of times in a month. And still it was never enough.

"F-fuck yes, Ves. Just fuck me... so fucking hard. Please, please, please..." You didn't even know what you were begging for, but he did. Ves seemed to understand your body much better than you did yourself. He brought both hands to your waist and increased the force of his thrusts and you screamed, feeling the coil in your stomach tighten.

"Yes, yes, gonna make me cum so fucking hard for you, Ves... please, don't stop." And he didn't stop, but took one of his hands to your ponytail and pulled hard, making you stand up. 

Your back pressed against his chest and he slid his free hand over your breasts, squeezing hard and going down until he cupped your pussy, using his fingers on your clit and making you tremble all over with that touch, and at no point did he stop thrusting, but you could feel his movements becoming more irregular as your walls contracted around him and he pulsed inside you. Both of you reaching the limit of what you could bear and still holding on because you didn't want it to end. 

He buried his face in the crook of your neck and his irregular breathing made your skin prickle.

Vessel hummed contentedly and placed a little kiss there before sliding his hand down your neck and starting to choke you. It wasn't strong enough to keep you from breathing completely, but it was strong enough to hurt - the good way of hurting, and fuck, it made you even hornier for him, made your legs begin to tremble with the arrival of an orgasm that you simply couldn't hold back anymore.

You didn't say anything, you couldn't say anything. You couldn't even think straight. Suddenly there was only him. His fingers circling your clit, his hand choking you,  his lips kissing, licking, biting your neck and your ear while he fucked you senseless.

Vessel knew very well what he wanted with that, he wanted to see you melt at his touch. He wanted to see his power exerted over you and in that he was having absolute success. At that point you couldn't speak, so when all the sensations became too strong to contain, you literally started whimpering, real tears streaming down your face as the coil broke and you came. Without warnings, without declarations of devotion, just grunts and tears as your whole body trembled and you squirted. You. Fucking. Squirted.

Vessel let go of you and your body collapsed onto the mattress, but he wasn't done with you yet. He came behind you and entered you again, fucking you nice and hard, but his breathing became slightly more difficult, his thrusts erratic, and a minute later he buried his face in the nape of your neck and came hard inside you with a loud and delicious groan. When he finished, he rolled to the side and settled back on the pillows.

You stood there. Face down the mattress, waiting for your soul to come back to your body. You felt his hand in your hair, gently caressing it a minute later. You were destroyed enough to sleep like that, but feeling his touch, you slowly moved to snuggle into his arms. 

A quick glance at him revealed a satisfied smile on his lips. He seemed as destroyed as you were, all sweaty, his tunic crumpled, his face marked where the edges of the mask had pinched. A silly part of your brain made you wonder what magic he used to keep the hood of his tunic in place after a sex session like that, but it didn't really matter, you just liked it. It would be a lie to say you weren't turned on by him dressed like that. Everyone was. And he knew it. And he liked it.

You both remained silent for what seemed like quite a long time. It wasn't a bad silence, quite the opposite. One of the things you appreciated about Vessel was his ability to not demand that you fill the silence with words. You never demanded that he speak to you, and he simply reciprocated. The sound of the air conditioning and your breathing, which was gradually returning to normal, were the only things you could hear while Vessel stroked your arm with his fingertips.

Eventually, you ended up addressing the elephant in the room. It was too wet and uncomfortable not to be mentioned.

"I made a mess," you confessed, looking at the huge dark gray stain on the sheets. "I'd never done this before. I didn't even know I could do it."

Vessel smirked, visibly proud, and squeezed you in his arms in a kind of hug, and to your surprise, he placed a kiss on your forehead. It was affectionate in a different way, and your heart leaped in your chest in a new and utterly ridiculous way. You needed to stop it, interrupt that feeling before it became bigger, but something told you it was already too late.

His phone buzzed, breaking the almost magical aura of the moment, and he kissed you gently before pulling away and getting out of bed. He pulled up his pants and buckled his belt again, grabbed his phone, and locked himself in the bathroom. You waited for some sound, but apparently he was just texting, and you took the opportunity to let your mind wander. The only problem was that it always wandered to the worst possible scenarios, and in those scenarios, Vessel always left, leaving you alone to deal with your damn life.

You found yourself imagining getting up, getting dressed, and leaving without saying anything. You imagined yourself being the first to cut off that situationship once and for all to avoid the rejection that would eventually come, to try to protect yourself mentally, but the idea was too painful, and you simply couldn't get your body out of that bed. 

So you waited, and with each passing second you spent alone in that room waiting, your heart seemed to grow heavier, your mouth went dry, your hands grew cold and trembling. Anxiety spiraled toward a panic attack, and you couldn't even say why you were feeling that way, but suddenly the silence of all the unspoken words seemed to suffocate you.

Vessel eventually returned and put his phone back on the bedside table. He picked up the comforter you had dropped on the floor, folded it in half, and gestured for you to get up. You obeyed without question and watched him spread the fabric over the wet part of the mattress. He smiled, satisfied with his work, and threw himself back onto the bed, extending his hand for you to join him. 

You should leave, but instead you went back to him, snuggling into his arms and letting yourself be guided to his lips. He kissed you softly, his fingers tracing down your jawline and then to your neck, where he took the small gold pendant between his fingers and played with it. 

When he broke the kiss, you were completely breathless, and in a moment of surprising courage, you began to speak about what was troubling you. Suddenly, everything seemed so clear. You knew exactly why you were feeling that way, and you couldn't stay silent any longer, or you would suffocate.

"Ves, I love you," you confessed. "I think I've loved you for a while now, and I was trying to hide it from myself, but now this feeling is growing stronger, and I'm choking on these words, and I just need you to know..." You felt your eyes fill with tears and your voice falter, but you took a deep breath and continued speaking. "I'm not asking you to love me too, Ves. I'm not asking for you to change whatever this is. I'm not even asking you to love me, Ves. I just need you to know that for me it's not like it was when we started. It changed, evolved into something very big and very strong, something I can barely understand, but that's breaking me." You sighed, holding back tears. 

"I don't want anything you can't give me, Ves. I just needed you to know... that I love you and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for ruining this..."

Vessel interrupted you, gently placing his index finger on your lips and shaking his head.

You gave in to the tears and sobbing and let yourself collapse into him, his arms enveloping you in a hug that emanated comfort and safety, and to your surprise, he shushed you over and over.

You stayed like that long enough for the tears to dry on your face. You found yourself lying on his chest, his hand caressing your arm with up-and-down movements while his fingers traced invisible circles on his abdomen. It was intimate and comfortable. Comfortable enough that your eyelids felt heavy. Tiredness and sleep were finally overcoming you, even though you didn't want to sleep because you knew he would leave as soon as daylight came, but you couldn't help it. Just like everything else.

"I was so tired. You're the only one who can make me feel better." You murmured. "I wish you wouldn't go. I am so stupid, Ves..."

You felt the grip of his arms around you getting stronger and let yourself be swallowed into unconsciousness.

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