#summer waves

Abandonment wasn’t something that Casimir Huo often thought about during his time with the Veil- er, it was, but not in the same light as he once viewed it when he was a child.

As a child, Casimir was left alone, thrown to the government of Arcadia by parents who either didn’t want him to begin with, anymore, or wanted their son to thrive under the propaganda run city-state. Although the officials of Arcadia always proclaimed the latter of the three, deep down, even the child in Casimir knew that was a lie of protection for his own small body of big feelings. His parents didn’t want him- either anymore or to begin with didn’t matter to Casimir. His parents didn’t want him anymore. He was abandoned as a child, considered to be an orphan, despite believing that both of his parents were alive and well. Somewhere- he would never know, since he had never seen their faces before. (Although the boy thought that perhaps he would have inherited their genes, strong and distinct.)

His parents were Casimir’s first abandonment. 

His second came in the form of emotional abandonment- by the very caretakers who used to let him grow and thrive. By those who raised him from boy to man, but eventually let their grasp on him go when he was struggling the hardest. When his power and status began to fall within the experiment and his health began to fail, it seemed like no one cared any longer. No one batted an eye in his direction or offered him the help he needed. 

And under the burden of competition, he couldn’t seek the comfort of the very three who grew up with him.

Perhaps his third abandonment came then. When he began to distance himself from those he cherished and loved. When the attention no longer seemed as enticing as it once was. Or maybe his inner child began to abandon him. Fading away into the darkness as the years continued to pass, war waged both physically and mentally on his mind and body.

But perhaps the last abandonment wasn’t one made against him. 

But rather, Casimir chose to abandon the one thing that he thought would mean the most in the world.

He abandoned the only home he’d ever known.

Joined the organization that wanted to oust the only home he’d ever known.

But in place of this sense of abandonment- Casimir reunited with the one man who he never thought would become his home.

‘Course, they grew up together, Casimir had always trusted his best friend with his life.

But leaving everything he’d ever known hadn’t been easy. 

Knowing what he’d known hadn’t been easy. But leaving was even harder than.

How could his parents leave him all alone?

Did they not feel the sorrow he felt when he abandoned everyone?

Did his caretakers not care either?

They were questions that would haunt Casimir for months- perhaps even a year, after packing his belongings. 

But The Veil never made him feel the same pain.

To the one who fills my mind with fluff,

I haven’t stopped thinking about you today. I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.

I miss you.

I miss our summers together, spent running through the tall, grassy meadow just behind your house. I miss your laugh and your pretty hair and the way it’s so easy for me to turn you pink. 

I always said that the rosy hue looked pretty, sitting high on your cheekbones. I never lied about that. And it’s true, but I miss it now. Kinda wish I could fluster you again, you know… make you question some of your choices- but in a good way, of course. 

I miss your horribly accented Danish, the way you pronounce some of the words is my favorite. Even though it makes me laugh and I tease you for it. You know I mean well with it, right?

But either way, you haven’t stopped running through my mind today.

Even through the drills we practiced with and the rehearsals for the big day, the only thought that seemed to bounce around in my head is the thought of you. The idea that soon- very soon, I’d be on my way to that wretched school of yours. Hogwarts. The school for losers. But at least you would be there. 

I’m not sure I would have wanted to go on this “field trip” if not for you, you know. 

Life would have been easier if you just decided to man up and transfer to Durmstrang, too. It would be lots of fun. We could definitely rule the school, I wouldn’t even doubt it for a second. 

But anyway- you know, writing letters isn’t exactly my forte and we both know my penmanship isn’t strong by any means. But allowing my thoughts to bleed onto the paper in dark inks, I find, helps me with missing you. 

Do you feel closer, when you write?

I mean, I know I don’t sound nearly as sophisticated or eloquent. But I don’t mean to be.

Unfortunately for you, you only get to experience the raw, unpolished version of me. 

But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. The same way I enjoy thinking about your presence, thinking about when the next time we could meet face to face is. 

Is it weird to say I miss your warmth? Well, I do. I miss your voice and the way you complain, to be honest. 

You definitely should have transferred to Durmstrang.

Anyway, I hope this letter finds you well, I’ll have another one coming, that isn’t so hastily thrown together. I know this sounds rushed- I promise the only thing rushing is the plagued thought that we have more months before the summers arrive again.

The endings in your letters always makes me wanna puke with how mushy it is <3. But nonetheless, I wish you well all the same.

I love you.

Jun Song.

(p.s don’t throw your opportunities away for me, we have all the time in the world to spend together!)