#suffkarkri

Your vow of celibacy had been something to hide behind, a thin veneer of control over your circumstances, a reason besides your mutation and your apparent unattractiveness for your lack of concupiscent suitors. 

   All your life, you’d been told that no one would ever want you, but they do. 

   They’re like you, candy-red and hot-blooded. Mutants. Undesirables, but you’d found each other, the lot of you, and maybe you could have this one thing, this one happiness. Maybe you could indulge your desires and your dreams, your deep, painful longing for companionship, if it was with them. Maybe that would be allowed. 

   Because when they look at you, they don’t care about your ugly, knobby horns, or your blunt, dulled teeth. They don’t care about the shadows under your eyes, or the snubbed roundness of your nose. They don’t care that you’re undesirable, unwanted, unattractive. They refuse to hear you say such things about yourself, and they refuse to acknowledge such things as truth. 

  Signless tells you you’re beautiful. 

   He whispers it in your too-large ears while cuddling you close, your back against his chest, his hands petting down your sides, warm even through the thick material of your clothing. He murmurs it against your lips as he kisses you, light and sweet and chaste, mutters it in the dead of night, yells it across the room as you pass by, tells you every day that you are beautiful, attractive, desirable. 

  Karkat tells you you’re wanted. 

  He growls it against the side of your neck as he bites you through your sweater (you’ve never let either of them touch you without it), snarls it at your face when you try to hide, try to deny. He croons it as he plays with your hair, whispers it before he sleeps, that you are his, that you are theirs, that you are wanted. 

  And now you are ready to give them everything. 

  You want to do this, you want to give them all of you, but you are scared, so, so scared, because what if it isn’t enough? What if you mess this up, if this makes them realize how utterly defective, deplorable, deficient you are? What if… 

  What if they leave you after this?

  What if they decide they don’t want you anymore? 

   You shiver and wish, for a moment, that you’d left your sweater on. You’re cold without it, chilled in a way that you know is only in part because of the room’s temperature. 

   It’s too late to back out now. Your clothes are folded neatly on the chair across the room, and they’re kneeling on the bed on either side of you, Signless behind you, Karkat in front. You’re scared, because you know they’ve had so much more experience than you, and you want to be good for them, enough for them, but you don’t know what you’re doing and your lack of knowledge is fully noticeable.

  Karkat tangles his fingers with yours, and Signless turns your head for a kiss, gentle and modest. You lean into the touch, the contact, and wonder if you’ve ever felt so warm, so cared for.

   He kisses you again, and again, swiping his tongue against your lips and the feeling is so unexpected that you gasp in surprise, and he slips between the gap and into your mouth. 

   It feels strange, at first, but he slowly guides you, hands framing your face, and before long you melt into the kiss, eyes fluttering shut. Even this small contact feels so good, so shamefully wonderful, and you wonder how you’d lasted so long with only the most platonic of touches.

  Karkat’s hand tightens around yours and serves as a grounding point, keeping you anchored in reality. He’s watching the two of you hungrily, licking his own lips and running his free hand over the bared skin of your arm, your shoulder. 

  He skims your chest and you break away from the kiss with a small gasp, arching into his hands. You don’t think you’ve ever had skin on skin contact with another troll like this before. If you had, you don’t remember it, which means that it was long enough ago not to matter. Karkat’s hands feel good, and Signless soon joins him in the petting, the touching, and you shiver at their hands on your skin, touching you in places you’ve never felt another’s touch before.  

  "Are you doing alright?" 

   You nod, shakily, and dare to reach up, dare to reach out and touch Karkat lightly on the cheek, the neck. He sighs and presses against your fingers, and you feel a momentary thrill of… something, something heavy and hot in the pit of your stomach, and it shocks you, how much you actually want this. 

  You want them. 

  You want everything they have to offer, and you want to give them everything you are, everything you have. You want them to take pleasure in your body, in you. That little kernel of warmth flares bright, and you find yourself panting, squirming, before you’re aware what has happened. 

   "Excited?"

  You feel almost uncomfortably wet between the legs, and you press your thighs together in embarrassment but that just makes the strange heat inside you pulse harder, wrenching a startled chirp from your lips. You are mentally aware that trolls produce an exorbitant amount of genetic material during copulation, but you’ve never actually experienced such a thing before. 

   You’re afraid to look down. You don’t want to see the building red puddle beneath you, staining the sheets of the concupiscent platform and smearing over your bare skin. Words echo in your ears, about how wrong this is, how terribly, terribly wrong it is to want this, to spill your filthy red slurry like you actually deserve to continue your mutant lineage. You’ve been so afraid for so long, that you’d never even dared to touch yourself. All of this, it feels so new, so good, but your stomach turns and you tremble despite yourself. 

  "Kankri, look at yourself."

   Signless tilts your head down, but you close your eyes, shaking. You’re shaking, you’re afraid, this is to much too fast but you want it so, so bad… 

  "Open your eyes," Karkat mutters, swiping a hand down your side, over your grubscars, and it send sparks of pleasure ricocheting down your spine and something gives, slides, and oh god what was that-

   Before you even think, your eyes fly open and your vision is flooded with red. Red pools out from between your legs, dripping from your unsheathed bulge and exposed nook. That was it, then, that feeling, that strange sliding- your bulge releasing from it’s protective housing, for the first time. 

   "There is nothing wrong with this, there is nothing wrong with you," Signless is murmuring into your ear, quietly, calmly, as he pets your sides, light touches ghosting over the sensitive flesh of your ribs and grubscars. You can hardly understand a word he’s saying, too lost in a flood of novel sensation. 

  Karkat detaches your hands from his, and you clutch his shoulders instead, desperate for some sort of grounding presence. You are overwhelmed, but it feels so good. You want to stop and keep going at the same time, you want to reciprocate, you want to… you don’t know what you want, but you want it more than you’ve ever wanted anything before. He touches you, traces his hands down the front of your chest, over the concave of your stomach, stopping only when his fingers brush against your hips, and you’re left gasping, voice caught in your throat. 

  "Beautiful."

   They switch places, Signless handing you over to Karkat and taking his place in front of you. Karkat leans back and takes you with him, gently pushing you into place, sprawled across him with your back against his chest and your legs obscenely splayed, Signless kneeling between them, smiling up at you in a way that makes you flush red and look to the side, embarrassed. You’re vulnerable, open, exposed. They can see every inch of you, every last defenseless fragment of your red-spattered form, and they’re cradling you between them like you’re something precious, something to be cherished.  

  "Kankri," one sighs, you don’t know which; you’re confused, overwrought and overstimulated, you can’t think, you can’t think-

  Then Signless touches you, wraps a hand around your bulge and your mind whites out. 

  You come back to yourself seconds later, gasping silently, hands clenched tightly in the meat of Signless’s shoulders, nails biting into flesh. You’ve never felt anything this vividly, you’ve never felt anything this powerful and you’re being swept off your feet. 

   "Kankri, breathe. You need to breathe," Karkat murmurs, and you pull in a strangled breath, letting your head fall back onto Karkat’s strong shoulder. He croons in your ear, nuzzling the side of your face, and the contact lulls you, separates your focus so you aren’t so terrifyingly overwhelmed by the brilliantly hot point of contact between you and Signless. 

  "Give him a minute," Karkat says, running a hand through your hair, and the feelings subside the slightest amount, just enough to let you think, let you brace yourself for further sensation. 

  "How are you doing, little one?" Signless asks, pressing a soft kiss to your chest, hand moving feather light over your bulge. 

   For all of your typical garrulity, it takes you too long to form words. Thinking is like slogging through syrup, and your mind is moving both too slow and too fast. 

   "Kankri?"

   Karkat sounds worried. 

   "Kankri, how are you doing?"

   "I’m… good, I- It’s good, it’s good," you spit out, voice wavering, "I’ve… it’s so new, I’m… I’m sorry…" 

   You’re hushed by both of them, Karkat turning your face to kiss you quiet. 

   "It’s fine, it’s fine," he says, rubbing your cheeks together, "We understand, we just want to make sure you’re… Well, that you still want this."

  You nod and kiss his cheek, nuzzling under his chin, and he purrs for you, chest rumbling against your back. 

   "You wanna keep going?"

  "Y-yes," you stutter, and you choke on your words when Signless strokes you, palming your bulge and squeezing lightly. The contact makes you shudder, and you hide your face in Karkat’s neck, reduced to a shivering, panting mess. 

  The way he’s touching you, it makes your breath catch, your fists clench. It’s knife edged pleasure, teetering on the edge of too much, and he’s so careful with you, so gentle, it keeps you from losing it completely. 

  He kisses down your chest, across your stomach, and laps at your hips, pulling a quiet, breathless cry from you. 

   "I’m going to make you feel good," he croons, laving the skin of your thighs with his tongue, and god, it's so hot, he's so warm, "Relax, little one, I’m going to make you feel so good."

  You’re not sure how it can get any better than this. You’re positive that if it does, you might actually die. 

  Then he wraps his hands around your hips, leans down, and licks a trail of fire up your nook. 

   You were wrong, it could get better, and it just did, and oh god if you do die you will die experiencing pleasure of the highest degree. Your hands fly back, and you tangle your fingers in Karkat’s hair, letting loose the loudest noise you have yet. If it weren’t for Signless holding you still, your uncontrollable writhing might have actually thrown him off.

   "Kankri?"

   "Please," you gasp between strangled trills, voice growing quiet and shaky, "Please, don’t- don’t stop-"

   Signless kisses your inner thigh and licks at your previously untouched nook again, gently cleaning the folds of viscous genetic fluid. Pleasure, pure, unadulterated pleasure, burns through your body like wildfire, and for a moment you forget how to breathe, forget how to think, and all you know is the tight grip on your waist and the hot, wet tongue lapping at your most guarded place. 

  "That feels great, doesn’t it, Kankri?" Karkat murmurs, licking at the column of your throat, dragging out a few almost inaudible whimpers, "See, all of that celibacy bullshit was just that, bullshit. This was the only thing you were keeping yourself from."

  You roll your hips as much as you can as Signless runs his tongue over the oversensitive lips of your nook, tugging on Karkat’s hair as he continues to mutter filthy things into your skin. 

   This is too much, not enough, just right, you can’t think, can’t breathe, how have you gone so long without this, without them, how, how-

  Signless dips his tongue into your nook and everything trembles. Your back arches, and you’re sure you’re pulling too hard on Karkat’s hair, but everything is wavering and your extremities are numb. It’s too much, too good, you can’t take it but you think that if they stop, you’ll die. 

   "You like that?" Karkat snarls, biting your neck, and without the shield of your sweater even the bluntness of his fangs cause pinching pain. You’re reduced to soundless pleading, body almost convulsing around the intrusion and the doubled, conflicting stimulation. 

  Signless pulls away for a scant second, only long enough to snap, “Karkat!” in a warning tone, but it’s enough to set you trilling in upset.

  Karkat gentles his touch, though, licking apologetically along the bite wound, carding a hand through your hair and softening his tone. 

  "It feels good, doesn’t it? See, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s simple fucking pleasure, Kankri. There’s no reason for you to deny yourself this any longer."

   You’re gasping for air, wracked with shivers, eyes half lidded and mouth open, but they’re still looking at you as if you are the light of the moons, as if you’re something to be desired. You aren’t sure how; you can feel a thin string of drool dripping from your mouth, tears streaming from your hooded eyes, and you sincerely doubt anyone could find your strangled noises and shivery convulsions attractive, but they do. 

  They do, if the way Karkat’s hands roam over your skin has anything to say about it, or the way Signless fucks you with his tongue, dragging you to heights of bliss you didn’t even know were possible. 

  Your hands clench, tugging sharply at Karkat’s hair, and he purrs into your ear in response, crooning to you about how attractive you look like this, how much he wants you, how glad he is that you are theirs, that you are wanted. Signless trills his agreement even as he thrusts his tongue into your nook, the noise almost drowned out by the sloppy sounds of your genetic material dripping out of you. 

  "Please don’t stop," you whimper, hips bucking as much as they can under Signless’s strong grip. You feel… something, something building up inside of you and you don’t know what it is but it feels good and you want it, you want this. 

  Your legs tense and wrap around Signless’s shoulders, trying to pull him in closer, and you choke out a quiet, almost inaudible moan. 

  "You’re so fucking close, aren’t you?" Karkat murmurs, mouthing along your neck, your jaw, "Come on, Kankri, I can tell you’re close. Come for us, come on. I want to see your face as you come, I wanna fucking hear you. Come for us."

   He moves up and takes one of your horns in his mouth as Signless laves the flat of his tongue over your nook and you snap. 

   Your vision blanks out and everything stops. You can’t see, you can’t breathe, you can’t hear, all you know are the hot waves of gratification flooding your body. Karkat holds you still as your back bows, and you arch against their hands as you shake your way through climax. You grind against Signless’s face, jerking and twitching as he teases you through the aftershocks with light, kittenish licks, until it’s over, it’s too much, and your voice cracks as you whine, pushing him away. You’re spent, exhausted, limbs weak with exertion, and you realize that you’re limp in Karkat’s arms, trembling. 

  "Kankri?"

   You can’t speak. 

   Signless sits up, kneeling between your legs and you have to hide your face because the bottom half of his is coated in your sinful slurry, your criminal color, and you don’t think you can watch him lick it off, or, to your complete and utter mortification, watch Karkat lick it off for him. The very sight of them sharing your genetic material is enough to make you whine, broken and muted. 

   Karkat tightens his grip on you, holding you upright, and you let your head loll back to rest on his shoulder. You’re so tired and still shaking, quivering with sparks of leftover pleasure. 

  "Kankri…"

  Signless kisses you, and you can still taste yourself on him, a harsh, almost chemical strawberry flavor that sits heavy on your tongue. 

   "You’re beautiful," he says, almost reverently, and he kisses you again, and again, "Absolutely beautiful. Wanted. We love you."

  Karkat runs a hand through your hair, skritching his nails against your horn beds and it’s calming, relaxing after so much unfamiliar tactile input. He falls back onto the platform, cradling you to his chest, and Signless sinks in behind you, surrounding you on all sides with warmth. 

   "What about… what about you?" you ask, exhausted, voice quiet and wavering, "The both of you?"

  "We’re fine," Signless says, wrapping a heavy arm around your chest and pinning you in place, a comforting weight, "You need to rest, little one, I can feel you shaking. I think you’ve had enough for one night."

  Your eyes are already fluttering shut, despite your feelings on the matter. Karkat wipes your face with the corner of a blanket, gently cleaning up the tears and saliva as Signless massages the knotted muscles in your back, soothing the weakness and trembling of your limbs. 

  "I love you," you sigh, allowing yourself to be taken care of, allowing them to show how much they don’t care about your blood, your forbidden slurry, "I love you both so much…" 

   They hold you close as you slowly stop shuddering, easing you down from your high with soft touches and kind words. You cling to them, and the realization hits you; you have what you thought you never would. 

   You have them. 

   They care for you, love you despite your many, many faults, and they want you. they don’t give a single, flying fuck about your proscribed blood. They care about you, not the color of your slurry or the awkward way your body is put together, your rude mannerisms and your uncontrollable garrulity.