#suck this

Addicted to more than just drugs,

Rather I crave intimacy with others

The way alcoholics shake for another taste of divinity

Let me devour you whole

Create a world inside of you

Piece you together through words

Seeking a high so deep

It makes the ocean seem shallow.

I am an addict.

I crave more than drugs and people

Watch me fall in love with a feeling

The way adolescents write about their lovers

Watch me be enamored with a person

Only to burn the house down

Wondering why I’ve got nowhere to call home.

I am an addict.

I crave more than drugs, people and food

Like I wish I could have resisted

All of those men that were not my lovers

They chased a high, as do I.

One I cannot resist.

The thing is,

A high never lasts,

Feelings are fleeting.

Maybe I want to starve myself for a week

Because it feels so god damn good to be in control

Maybe I want to resist,

The same way I replay memories,

As if I have the power to rewrite reality.

I am an addict.

Sometimes I want to eat an entire weeks worth of food

In one sitting

Hoping that maybe the weight of all the physicality

Will be enough to keep my absent mind from fleeing.

I am an addict.

I crave more than drugs, people, food and exercise

Sometimes I work out for so long

Lost in a mental haze shrouded with a fog so thick

Only a tap of a finger on my shoulder,

Letting me know “the gym is closing in 5 minutes”

Wakes me from that state of delusion.

I am an addict.

I crave more than drugs, people, food, exercise and sleep

Sometimes I sleep for days at a time

Wondering if I’m actually dead.

I fluctuate between extremes,

Wondering how others do life every day

Making living in the mundane seem so effortless

As if fluctuating in the balance of space and time

Is mere child’s play.

I am an addict.

How the fuck do I get out of my brain.

I am an addict.

I crave more than drugs, people, food, exercise, sleep and finding balance.

I am an addict.