My son is asleep next to me and that means I really need to be sleeping as well but I can’t.

Today I saw the phrase “motherhood looks good on you” on a comment on a recent mother’s picture and it stung.

because I know very well motherhood doesn’t look good on me. 

I’ve gotten even lazier in my appearance. I am always in giant baggy shirts and nike shorts. My hair is always up. My mother in law even commented on how I never wear my hair down, but I couldn’t say its because I’m a lazy human trash bag so I blamed the baby and his grabby hands. I never wear makeup anymore. The eyelashes I wore almost religiously have all been thrown away. Too much effort. And I just generally feel old. Most days I am covered in a combination of dachshund fur, old formula, and pee. And those are good days. 

None of this takes away from how much I love my son, or how thankful I am for him.

Maybe I’ll feel like myself again in the coming months and not like one of those mold-able erasers for charcoals (giant gray lump)