#subtle transphobia

I mean yeah I guess that might be true in some academic circles? But it's not like there isn't a book that explicitly says the author will use masculine pronouns for d'Éon throughout to "remind the readers of this person's anatomy". That's just like. So gross beyond words.

Anyways. We aren't still doing that men are from mars women are from venus shit are we. I think any researcher that exclusively focuses on only AFAB/AMAB gender variant people will have some major blind spots on the trans experience. We're so different but yet so alike at the same time.

Unfortunately I feel the bullshit notion of "AFAB solidarity" or whatever the fuck that is still exists among many scholars of gender/queer studies, which is a very cis women dominated field. Even when they're trans supportive, they still subconsciously try to insert their own experience with gender into their understanding of trans men, while refuse to acknowledge the similarity between trans and cis womanhood. I don't think Heilmann is particularly guilty of this but oh man so many are.

Makes me think of how different Asian men's experience with racism in western countries and that of Asian women can be. But like you can't only study one side and represent it as "being Asian in the West". That. Is. Not. True. Or. At. Least. Very. Incomplete. Same goes for whatever demographic we're talking about really.

A bunch of straight girls who were super friendly to me just ... aren’t anymore. It’s not that they dislike me, they just don’t have much interest in spending time with me anymore and treat me like any other casual acquaintance.

It’s as if they were interested in me because, deep down, I was the crush come true -- a “boy” they could secretly fawn over who didn’t come with all the baggage of toxic masculinity, openly enjoyed feminine things, and didn’t objectify their bodies. As soon as I looked too “female” to be attractive to them, I lost my value.

The moral of the story is:

1) Anyone on the transfem spectrum -- watch out for straight girls who are especially nice to you, especially if they aggressively support your femininity but don’t show the same level of support for your gender (i.e. they don’t make any particular effort to get your pronouns right). They’re probably just misgendering you deep down. And if you ever go on estrogen for long, expect their support to evaporate.