i’m sorry. but i have to get this off my chest.
ok, so i love “everybody lives” au’s just as much as the next person but I was ready to burn the world to the ground the last time I read one...why? because James and Lily lived...Harry had help defeating Voldy, and 19 years later the same shit happened, but they showed James and Lily all old and cozy with their grandchildren...the picturesque grandparents with cookies and bedtime stories and rocking chairs next to the fire and their wrinkles and white hair and...i swear to christ they even wrote “James could finally rest and enjoy old age” like...wtf
and FUCK THAT ENTIRE NOISE...BECAUSE THEY WOULD ONLY BE FIFTY-SIX (56) YEARS OLD. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.
ok i get it, it was probably written by a 15 year old, whatever babydoll, do your best...but like...no.
56 is not fucking old. this is not the twilight of livelihood.
bitches, listen. my dad, my actual father is sixty-three (63) years old. You know what he did last weekend? He packed up a dirtbike (you know, a motorcycle made for off-road sporty riding instead of road riding) onto the back of his pickup, drove down to a state park, and rode through the woods, before he went back to work on Monday building a vaulted ceiling in a 2.7 million dollar house. AND HE IS SIXTY-THREE IN MUGGLE YEARS.
Ming Na Wen? badass extraordinaire? her? She’s 54
Terry Crews? light of my life? 49
Robert Downey Jr? fucking Iron Man? 53
Sandra Bullock? 53
Jeff Goldblum...he’s fucking 65 years old (in muggle years, bro we all know he’s a trickster god)
ok, jeni, but these are actors, jeni, they have stunt doubles and makeup teams, jeni, photoshop jeni...fine
In the most recent Summer Olympics (Rio, 2016) the competing olympians included: Mary Hanna, 61; Phillip Dutton, 52; and Oksana Chusovitina, Jo Pavey, and Bernard Lagat, all in their 40′s.
ok, but that’s not the average person...
want to stick to HP ages? Well, Minnie McG was in her 60′s for the duration of the stories (was in her 80′s for Cursed Child)
Dumbledore was somewhere in the neighborhood of 115
Slughorn...he was born between 1882 and 1913, meaning by the time he retired in 2016, HE WAS A MINIMUM OF 103 YEARS OLD.
WITCHES AND WIZARDS LIVE LONGER THAN MUGGLES AND EVEN MUGGLES ARE STILL ABLE TO ROCK OUT WITH THEIR COCK OUT AT 50SOMETHING. PLEASE STOP MAKING MID-LIFE SEEM SO BLEAK FOR THESE CHARACTERS WHO HAVE SO MUCH MORE LIFE LEFT TO LIVE.
