#su-ho

My feet pounded against the pavement, the world blurring at the edges. I didn’t know if I was chasing something or running from it, maybe both. Every breath burned. Every step dragged pieces of the past out of hiding, raw and stubborn.

Si-eun’s voice still echoed faintly in my ears, but everything else started to slip away. The noise around me, the ground beneath my feet, the weight of the moment. The present faded until all that was left was the past, unfolding around me.

The tires hummed beneath me as I pedaled toward Eunjang High, the path so familiar I could have ridden it blind if I truly wanted to. I was supposed to meet Su-ho, like always. As i approached the street right Infront of the school entrance the sudden buzz of an engine snapped me out of my thoughts, and I barely had time to react before a white motorbike streaked past.

I recognized it instantly, the big black box strapped to the back, covered in a mess of peeling stickers he never bothered to take off. Su-ho was in the front, his posture relaxed like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Behind him sat someone I didn’t know, a boy with a cautious grip on Su-ho’s shoulders. For a moment, I thought maybe Su-ho hadn’t seen me. Maybe he was distracted, in a hurry.

But then he turned his head just enough to catch my eye, a smirk tugging at his mouth, and kept going without slowing down. The boy riding with him glanced back at me, his expression confused. I called out for Su-ho, the words sharp and desperate but they were already too far.

My hands tightened around the handlebars, the metal digging into my palms and before I could think better of it, I pushed hard on the peddles of my bike making a quick U-turn to trail them at a distance. Something was strange. Not wrong exactly, not enough to set off alarms but it prickled at the edges of my mind stubborn and persistent. Su-ho wasn’t the type to ignore me, Not without a reason atleast.

As I followed them, it wasn’t long before they came to a sudden halt. I skidded my bike to a stop a few good feet away, just in time to see Su-ho swing off the motorbike and dart down a narrow alleyway without a word. He was obviously in a rush.

The stranger followed him, not as quick but fast enough to disappear with Su-ho into the shadows. I didn’t know what was going on down there, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. That wasn’t my business.

So, I pulled my bike up next to his motorbike and moved to sit on it, planting myself stubbornly on the seat. The big black box on the back wobbled slightly under my weight. I settled in, watching the cars blur past on the street, counting them without really seeing them.

It didn’t take too long before I heard footsteps, slow and uneven, followed by a loud yawn. "I'm hungry after doing all that. Let's go eat. I know an awesome place we can go. Time to pay your bill..." His voice trailed off as I twisted my body to face the direction it came from.

Three boys stood in front of me all with different facial expressions. I stayed where I was, resting casually against my childhood friend's bike. The boy riding behind Su-ho earlier blinked in surprise, like he hadn’t expected anyone to be waiting.

He hung back a little, shifting awkwardly on his feet, glancing between me and Su-ho like he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. The other one, standing a few steps farther away, Shorter then the others, didn’t move at all. He just watched all calm and quiet, with a sharp kind of look that made it clear he was taking everything in, saying nothing. There was something different about him. something harder to read.

Su-ho didn't seem bothered at all by the way I was sitting on his bike. If anything, the grin on his face widened like he found it funny. He walked up casually, swinging his helmet off and tossing it onto the seat next to me with a careless thud.

"You know," he said, leaning a little too close like he was letting me in on a secret, "most people ask before they hijack my ride."

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, not moving an inch. He chuckled under his breath, like he knew I wasn’t actually mad.

Straightening up, he turned to the two boys still standing a few feet away. He jerked a thumb toward me, casual and proud.

"This little pest is mine," he said, almost affectionately. "Been stuck with me since we were kids." I moved my hand up to slap him in the arm for calling me a 'pest' before turning my glace at the new boys once again, "Y/N" I said plainly before glaring at Su-ho once more.

The boy who had been riding behind him looked even more confused now, shifting his weight like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to introduce himself too. The shorter boy stayed quiet, still watching me with those sharp eyes.

Su-ho didn't seem to notice the awkwardness, or maybe he just didn’t care. He grinned at me again, wide and boyish as always. "Come on. If you’re gonna lurk, you might as well come with us."

At first, I try to distract myself. I pull out my textbooks, sit at my desk, and tell myself I will just study for a little while until they answer. It is fine. Everything is fine. Su-ho always takes a while to text back. Si-eun too. Beom-seok is skittish, but that is nothing new.

The words on the page blur together. I keep checking my phone every few minutes. Still no messages. Still no calls. The pit in my stomach grows heavier, gnawing at my ribs.

I text them again. Nothing. I call. Still nothing.

When Si-eun finally picks up, it is rushed and cold. "I'm busy," he mutters before hanging up without another word.

That is when the studying stops. That is when the panic really starts sinking in, slow and suffocating like someone has thrown a weighted blanket over me. I cannot sit still anymore. I pace my room. I stare at my phone. I jump every time it buzzes, even when it is just spam.

Then finally, the call comes. A number I do not recognize flashes across my screen. My heart jumps to my throat as I answer. "Hello?"

"Y/n?" a voice says, softer than I expect. It is Su-ho’s grandmother. "I just wanted to let you know... Su-ho is in the hospital, but he’s okay. Nothing to panic about, sweetheart. Just come when you can."

Her words are gentle, careful, but I can still hear the worry tucked under them, hidden like a frayed seam.

I do not even remember moving. One second I am in my room, and the next I am flying down the streets on my bike, pedaling so hard it hurts. I can barely see through the tears stinging my eyes and the panic clouding my head.

When I get to the hospital, there are two people waiting in the chairs near the front. Si-eun is hunched forward, elbows digging into his knees, staring at the floor like he is trying to disappear. Sitting next to him is a girl I have never seen before. She has neat dark hair, simple jeans, and a jacket that looks way too big on her. Her face is pretty but serious, completely guarded.

"What happened? Where’s Beom-seok? Is he okay? What is going on with you three? Don't lie to me." My voice is raw, panting from running more then i ever have. I wanted to cut the the chance, i was done the the lying in this friend group.

Si-eun looks up slowly. He does not say anything right away. He just stares at me with that same exhausted, hollow look that makes my skin crawl. For once, he does not try to dodge the truth. He tells me everything. About the fights. About Yeong-bin. About Beom-seok’s fear. About Su-ho trying to fix things himself before it all went wrong.

It is too much. I stand there for a long minute, feeling like I have stepped into someone else’s nightmare. My eyes snap toward the girl next to him. "And who are you?" I demand, sharper than I mean to be.

She stands, calm and steady, like she is ready for me to ask. "I’m Yeong-i," she says quietly. "I am... part of it."

I do not have time to unpack what that means. My focus is already on the hallway leading to Su-ho. As I start walking, Si-eun's voice follows after me. "He threatened us if we involved you in this." He says it so plainly, like he knew he didn't mind the earful he was going to get from his bestfriend.

I do not answer. I just keep moving, following the sterile scent of the hospital until I find the right room. Inside, lying still beneath the white hospital sheets, is Su-ho. He looks so small, his breathing steady and slow. He looks fragile in a way I have never seen before, so unlike the boy who used to grin at me like he had the world in his hands.

I stand in the doorway for a moment, just staring at him. His face is relaxed, the lines of tension gone, but it doesn’t comfort me. I wish I could hear him talk, see his smile again. But instead, I just watch him sleep, my chest tight with worry I can't shake.

Su-ho looked a little beaten up, but he was okay. His face had a few bruises, his cheek was bandaged, but there was no mistaking the relief I felt seeing him awake. As I stood there, staring at him, he stirred slightly and blinked his eyes open. When his gaze met mine, my chest tightened, the tears I had been holding back threatening to spill over.

I couldn’t help it. I sighed in relief, watching his eyes, knowing he was alright. But the worry didn’t leave me yet. It lingered, heavy in the pit of my stomach.

Su-ho’s lips curved into a small smile, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Well, well, if it isn’t my personal stalker," he teased, his voice rough from sleep. "Didn’t think you’d be the type to break into hospitals just to check on me."

I rolled my eyes and made my way to his bed. Sitting down next to his legs, I reached out without thinking, gently touching the bandage on his cheek. He winced slightly but kept up his usual cocky attitude.

"Seriously, you’re unbelievable," I muttered, my fingers brushing the bandage carefully. "You really worried me, you know that?" My voice softened as I looked at him, feeling the weight of everything that had happened the unknowns, the fears, the secrets.

He just smirked, his usual charm somehow intact even after everything. "Hey, I’m fine. Nothing you need to worry about," he said with a shrug. "It’s all just a scratch. It’s nothing."

Frustration built up inside me. "Cut the crap, Su-ho," I snapped, my voice rising slightly. "I know everything. Don’t pretend like this is all nothing. I’m not stupid."

His smile faltered. His eyes grew more serious as he leaned back, clearly trying to find the right words. "You don’t get it," he said, his voice quieter now. "I just didn’t want you getting involved. It’s too dangerous for you."

I blinked, caught off guard. "What do you mean? We aren’t kids anymore. I’m not some helpless little—" "I know we aren’t kids anymore," he cut in, his tone soft but firm. "That’s not what I mean."

He hesitated, like he was gathering courage. Slowly, a smug smile started to pull at his lips. I frowned, confused. "Come on," he said, teasing again but with something deeper behind it. "You really didn’t know? I’m in love with you."

The words hit me hard. My face heated instantly, my heart racing so fast it made my head spin. I stuttered, unable to form a coherent sentence. "Y-you... what?"

His smile only grew wider as he leaned in a little closer, his hand reaching out to gently touch mine. "Yeah," he said, his voice low and almost playful. "Thought maybe you would've figured it out by now—you being the smart one and all."

I was too flustered to respond. Before I could even think, he was pulling me toward him. His lips met mine, soft at first, then deepening as he held me close. For a second, I froze, completely overwhelmed, before I melted into him, my hands finding their way to grip his shirt.

The world slowed, everything else fading away...until a throat clearing broke the moment.

I jerked back, my face burning hotter than ever, and looked over to see Si-eun standing awkwardly in the doorway, clearly trying not to laugh. The girl next to him, Yeong-i, was grinning like she had just witnessed the cutest thing in the world.

I shot her a look, but even that couldn’t erase the warm, fluttering feeling in my chest.

Su-ho just chuckled and pulled me back against him casually, like he didn’t have a care in the world. "Guess we have an audience," he said, smirking.

When I pushed the door open, the first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. The room still carried the faint smell of pizza and frosting. The table was filled with a few boxes of half-eaten pizza, some plates stacked neatly nearby. Sodas sat opened but unfinished. Balloons floated lazily near the ceiling, and a "Happy Birthday" banner hung across the wall, a little crooked but still holding strong.

And there on the couch, Su-ho was fast asleep. He was sprawled out comfortably, one arm draped over his stomach, his head resting against the couch cushion. His breathing was slow and even, the quiet room making it sound louder than usual.

I stepped inside carefully, closing the door behind me without a sound. For a moment, I just stood there watching him. The sight of him like this relaxed and safe made my chest ache a little.

Quietly, I made my way over and crouched beside the couch, resting my arms on the cushion and my chin on top of them. I stayed like that for a while, just studying his face. Without the teasing grin he always wore, he looked softer, almost boyish.

Without thinking, I reached out and brushed a bit of hair from his forehead. The slight touch made him stir. His eyes fluttered open, confused and sleepy at first, until they landed on me.

When he saw me, a slow, lazy smile spread across his face.

"Hey," he mumbled, voice rough with sleep.

"Hey, birthday boy," I said softly, smiling back.

Still heavy with sleep, he reached out and tugged at my arm, pulling me gently onto the couch with him. I let out a breathy laugh as I shifted, ending up half lying against his chest, fitting easily into the space beside him. His arm wrapped around me securely, his chin resting lightly against the top of my head.

"You came," he whispered, sounding happy.

"Of course I did," I said quietly, settling into him. "Like I'd ever miss your birthday."

We stayed like that, tangled together on the couch, the world outside the room feeling miles away. His hand moved slowly up and down my arm in a soothing motion, and after a few moments, he spoke again, his voice even softer this time.

"I love you," he murmured, the words barely above a whisper.

My heart skipped, then raced, but I didn’t pull away. I tightened my arms around him instead, closing my eyes and letting the warmth of him sink into me.

A few seconds later, I felt him smile against my hair. "Best birthday," he mumbled, sounding completely content.

I let out a small, quiet laugh and lifted my head just enough to look up at him. "You’re so dramatic," I whispered back, but my voice was thick with emotion.

Everything had been weird lately. Si-eun barely talked to us anymore. Beom-seok was hanging out with the wrong people, and Su-ho... he just seemed off. It was worrying. He’d still tell me everything was okay, kiss me like nothing was wrong, but I could see it in his eyes — he was planning something. I knew it. But deep down, I believed that if it was truly bad, he would tell me.

I tried texting Si-eun, but he only ever insisted he was fine, just busy. Beom-seok didn’t talk to me at all. Once, he sent me a message asking to meet somewhere, but I had a horrible feeling about it and didn’t go. That pit in my chest was back — like something bad was happening, and I was the only one still in the dark.

I pushed the feeling away and forced myself back into studying. That was until my phone rang. It was Si-eun. His contact photo popped up — a picture of him and Su-ho smiling together.

I answered quickly. “Is Su-ho with you?” was the first thing he said, his voice tight, panicked.

“No... he hasn’t answered my calls either. Si-eun, what’s going on?" Beep. Beep. Beep. The call ended.

My heart dropped. I immediately started freaking out, calling him back, then calling Su-ho, then anyone I could think of — no one picked up. Desperate, I scrolled to Beom-seok’s contact and called. It rang once. Twice. Three times. Finally, someone picked up.

"Beom-seok?... I’m really worried about Su-ho, is he with you?" I asked, my voice trembling.

All I heard was a loud "Hey! Eat shit!" from somewhere in the background. That pit in my stomach grew bigger, swallowing everything else.

"Where are you... Beom-seok, where are you, you son of a— WHERE IS SU-HO?!"

He tried to say something, but I wasn’t listening. He must’ve realized, because he hung up. I called Si-eun again, my heart pounding in my chest, before running out of the house without even thinking. My feet carried me blindly down the streets, to anywhere I thought they might be. Anywhere Su-ho might be.

No answer. No answers anywhere. Everything was hurting by the time I finally couldn’t run anymore. I collapsed onto a bench, trying to catch my breath, when my phone buzzed. A text.

It was from Su-ho’s number. "Working out." That made it worse. It was late. What could he be "working out" at this hour?

I didn’t sleep that night And the next day at school, just as I tried to keep my mind from spiraling, I got a call.

Yeong-i. Confused, I answered. The moment I heard her sobbing voice, I knew it was about Su-ho. it didnt take long for her to tell me, Told me what Beom-seok and his gang had done. That Su-ho was in the hospital.

I didn’t think. I just stood up from my desk and quickly left my class, ignoring the calls of my teacher.

By the time I got there, Yeong-i was sitting outside the hospital room, crying into her hands. I sprinted up to her, panic exploding in my chest.

“Is he— Is he okay?” I asked desperately. She couldn’t answer. She just looked up at me with those tearful, broken eyes.

I moved to the hospital door in a panic. my legs moving on their own. Inside the room, I saw Si-eun first, he was crying, shoulders shaking. Su-ho’s grandmother was sitting next to the hospital bed, her face buried in her hands.

And there he was. Su-ho. Lying on the bed, a breathing mask over his face. Still. So still. His eyes weren’t opening like last time.

I covered my mouth with my hand, a muffled sob breaking free from my chest. I heard Si-eun cry, My eyes burned with tears as I forced myself forward, my hand instinctively resting on Si-eun’s shaking shoulder in hopes to comfort my friend.

Su-ho’s grandmother looked up at me, her face pale and worn. She shook her head slowly and explained through broken words he was in a coma.

My breath hitched violently as the reality hit me, slamming into my heart. He wasn’t just hurt this time. He was gone somewhere I couldn’t reach.

Without thinking, I stepped forward, taking my hand off Si-eun. My knees hit the cold hospital floor as I collapsed beside Su-ho’s bed. Grabbing his hand tightly in both of mine, I lowered my forehead onto it, whispering his name, willing him to wake up as cry's escaped my lips.

One afternoon, after another brutal day where everything felt too loud, too heavy, I found myself at the hospital again. The hallways smelled like bleach and cold air, but it was the only place that felt even remotely right anymore.

Si-eun was already there, sitting quietly next to Su-ho’s bed, his shoulders hunched forward like the weight of everything was pressing down on him too. He didn’t even look up when I walked in.

I quietly slid into the chair beside him, the scrape of metal legs against the floor the only sound between us. For a while, neither of us said anything.We didn’t need to.

The low beep of the heart monitor filled the room, steady and soft, a cruel reminder that Su-ho was alive... but not really here. My throat tightened as I stared at Su-ho's peaceful face. I hugged my arms around myself, feeling so small, so helpless.

"I miss him too," I whispered, the words breaking free before I could stop them. Si-eun stiffened slightly beside me, like he hadn’t expected me to say it out loud. I bit my lip hard, trying to keep the tears from falling, but it was no use. They slid down my cheeks, warm and painful.

"I don’t know how to do this without him," I said, voice cracking, eyes never leaving Su-ho. "You’re doing it," Si-eun said quietly, almost like he didn’t believe it himself. "You’re still here."

"But I’m not me anymore," I choked out. "I feel like I’m just... surviving. Like I'm stuck in some nightmare and everything’s wrong." Si-eun finally turned his head to look at me. His eyes were glossy too, raw from the same grief I was drowning in. "That's all any of us are doing," he said quietly.

The room felt heavier than ever. The weight of everything we were too young to carry sinking deeper into our bones. Unable to hold it in anymore, I leaned forward, pressing my forehead gently against Su-ho’s hand. His skin was warm under mine, but it wasn’t the same.

For a long moment, there was only the sound of the heart monitor, and my own broken breathing. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, Si-eun’s. Steady and grounding.

I let myself cry, Really cry. Not just quiet tears, but the kind that shook my whole body And Si-eun stayed right there. Silent, Hurting too.

We sat there like that for what felt like forever. Two people who loved him so much, just trying to survive the wreckage he left behind.

Months had slipped by. I was getting better at surviving the days not really happy, not really sad. Just... waiting.

I still visited Su-ho every chance I could, sitting by his side, telling him about everything and nothing, even when the room felt too big and too quiet.

Si-eun and I had gotten closer too, finding time for each other even after he moved. It wasn’t perfect, but it helped.

One day, we were supposed to hang out, but he canceled last minute, claiming he was busy. I didn’t believe him. Not this time.

So I went to his mom’s apartment, where she casually mentioned he was volunteering at a youth cultural center for the weekend. I asked for the address and went straight there.

The building was huge older, with tall windows and the kind of floors that echoed your footsteps no matter how quietly you walked. Kids’ voices bounced around the halls, laughter and shouting bleeding through the open doors.

It smelled faintly like cafeteria food and something cleaner, more sterile. I wandered for about fifteen minutes before I heard it: a loud burst of muffled laughter coming from deeper inside. I followed the noise until I found the cafeteria.

It wasn’t packed, just scattered groups here and there. The light overhead flickered slightly, and the tables were old, the kind you could still find gum stuck underneath if you checked.

Near the back, four boys sat gathered around a table.

One had messy black hair and sharp, narrow eyes that flickered up as soon as I got close. Next to him was a lankier boy with glasses, his frame thin and awkward. Across from them sat a broader guy, shoulders hunched slightly as he focused on his food. And finally, there was Si-eun sitting quietly among them, not laughing, not talking, just eating with that same stoic expression he always wore lately.

I stepped closer until I was standing right beside the boy with the messy hair — the one who had noticed me first.

He looked up at me properly now, giving me a bold once-over before flashing a cheeky grin. "Lost, pretty girl?" he said, voice teasing but not unkind. "Or were you looking for someone?"

He leaned back casually in his seat, one arm draped over the back of his chair, looking way too pleased with himself. I give him a unamused look.

Across the table, Si-eun finally glanced up at me, his eyes meeting mine. He didn’t say anything, just stared, frozen mid-bite, his face impossible to read. "Since when do you volunteer?" My question was directed towards Si-eun, the three strangers around him looked surprised that I knew him, or that I actually spoke to him. "Y/N...What are you doing here?" His voice was calm as he set his chopsticks down. I shrugged walking past the other boys to lean on the table next to him. "I came all the way here to hang out with you this day, as always and you say 'I'm busy" I mock his calm tone, trying my best to make a bored expression like he does. That caused a snicker from the loud boy at the end of the table.

"I am." is the only thing he says before taking another bit of his food. I roll my eyes looking around before grabbing another chair and pulling it up sitting next to him. "well then I'll be busy with you. Y/N. Nice to meet you all" i give a kind smile to the three boys who look utterly confused.

The world blurred around me as I ran, my feet pounding against the pavement and my lungs burning with every desperate breath. I didn’t know exactly what I was running toward only that I had to get there. Had to see it for myself.

I stumbled onto the hospital property, my heart racing faster than my legs could carry me. Just ahead, standing outside the entrance, were four figures. Park Hu-Min, Go Hyun-Tak, Seo Jun-Tae, and Si-eun. I didn’t even think. I just kept moving, the ground beneath me almost nonexistent.

The three of them stood with their backs to me, facing something or... someone that I couldn’t see. I pushed my way between Hu-Min and Hyun-Tak, desperate to get through. As I brushed past Hu-Min, I caught a glimpse of his face, and for the briefest moment, I saw the sadness lingering in his eyes.

My eyes locked forward. There, just beyond them, was a wheelchair. And Si-eun, speaking softly to someone I couldn’t quite see yet.

My ears were ringing from the adrenaline, the noise of the world around me dulled to almost nothing. My heartbeat drowned everything else out. Each step closer felt like I was moving through thick water, like time had slowed just for this moment.

"Si-eun..." I whispered, my voice cracking under the weight of my fear. "Is that...?"

He turned at the sound of my voice, and when he moved, I finally saw him. Su-ho. There he was, awake.

His hair was a little longer, and he looked thinner, paler than I remembered, but none of that mattered. Nothing mattered except that it was him. My childhood best friend. My boyfriend, The person I thought I had lost forever.

When his eyes met mine, I saw the light return a tired but unmistakable smile slowly growing across his face, the same crooked grin that had once made me fall so hopelessly in love.

I stumbled forward, tears already spilling over. My hand lifted, shaking, reaching out to him like I needed proof that he was really there, that this wasn’t another cruel dream I would wake up from.

Before I could touch him, he reached up first, his hand finding mine and holding it tightly, like he was grounding me back to the earth.

"There you are, stalker." Su-ho said, his voice rough but teasing, full of more life than I could have ever hoped for. "I thought you gave up."

an: Hello! This is my first time writing for whc, and I love Si-eun so much (I'm a Si-eun truther fr) anyways, this might be a little study on his psyche after the events of Su-ho, like how it affected him emotionally, physically, and socially. (So this is going to be LONGG) And it makes me wonder how he dealt with that and how someone could possibly help him. I hope you can enjoy this fic!

Edit: this turned out longer than I expected😭 each scenes are separated by a divider!!

It’s strange how guilt works. It consumes unforgivably, and it doesn't matter whether the person deserves it or not.

Si-eun was no exception as he stood transfixed, gazing at Su-ho's motionless body. The rhythmic hiss of the ventilator, the only sound breaking the silence, seemed like a cruel irony—a mechanical substitute for life, barely sustaining Su-ho's fragile existence. The mere thought that his friend might be slipping away, irretrievable, sent a chill down Si-eun's spine, filling him with an unspeakable dread. 

How did it all happen so fast? He does not know. It’s beyond his knowledge. No amount of textbooks can give him the answers that he needs.

Because when he finally finds something good, something tangible, he has to be the one to watch it all crumble away. 

Si-eun admits he isn’t good with friends.

God, much less a friend group that has an odd mix of people. He, the ‘human calculator’ as the others would comment, you and Beom-seok being the new transferees, and Su-ho, who has made the school his home. He’d grumble, brood, and even nearly stuff his ears with cotton because the combined noises that his three friends made were equal to an entire classroom during break time. 

He clung to the memories of those chaotic moments, cherishing every second as if they had occurred yesterday. It felt like an eternity ago when he was desperately trying to keep their group from falling apart. He vividly recalled the struggles of understanding Beom-seok's motives on Young-yi, of restraining both you and Su-ho from making reckless decisions, as the situation spiraled out of control like a runaway train.

The weight of those responsibilities still lingered, making his heart heavy with the burden of what could have been.

Jealousy happened,

Secrets were made.

Punches were landed.

And kicks were delivered to the head.

Now, you and Si-eun were left with the debris of the destruction. Both left to gather the pieces, desperately trying to go back to how it was before. Even when the damage had already been done. 

That would have been okay, a lesson-learned moment. Just start again, right? But as you gazed into Si-eun's eyes, you realized that he, too, was spiraling gradually, with his grip on reality being tenuous at best.

And god, how much you wanted a solution to everything. But how could you make one when even Si-eun can’t?

So now, you are here. In a classroom that has become a shell.

Sometimes, if you doze off during a lecture or if you close your eyes a little tighter, you could hear it—the cackles of laughter, the teasing, and the little calculated voice that always comes right after. You can sense it too, in the air, where something or someone is missing. And you can’t help but let your eyes wander to the empty seat next to the door.

You glance around the classroom, feeling a wave of frustration wash over you. Your gaze falls on your classmates, who are chatting and laughing with each other, completely carefree. It's as if they're oblivious to the pain and suffering you and Si-eun endured, like they're living in a different world.

The bitter, awful taste settles in your mouth, like a sour lemon drop dissolving on your tongue. You can't help but wonder how they can be so normal, so indifferent, while you're still reeling from the trauma. It's like they're pretending nothing ever happened, and that's what makes it so infuriating.

But really, it felt like you were on your own with suffering.

You look towards Si-eun, honing in on his textbooks as usual, posture slightly slouched as he takes notes, earbuds stuffed into his ears. From an outsider's view, it just looks like Si-eun being Si-eun.

But for you? There’s tension all around him. The guilt and suffering are too suffocating when you get close. What was once warm between you two has now turned cold and stale. His back faces your front, acting as a wall, and he sits there in front of you like a stranger.

And oh, how it toyed with your heart. Because this was your only friend left.

Young-yi was gone, having distanced herself from your group ever since she saw the state Su-ho was in. It makes sense to stick closer to Si-eun. To figure out a way to slowly mend things. To be there for Su-ho until he wakes up.

But no matter how much you stared, knowing that Si-eun could feel your intense gaze, he would not look back. He would not even acknowledge you.

He left you there in your world. And for the entire day, you switched between staring at the empty pages of your notebook and the empty seat beside the door.

“Si-eun.”

.

“Si-eun, it’s lunch time, we should get something to eat.”

He hasn’t been eating, you noticed. Like you also noticed the heavy bags under his eyes or how pale and cracked his lips have gotten. He can keep pushing you away if that’s what he wants. But you're firm. You'll wait patiently, ready to offer a lifeline when he's ready to accept it. 

He does not say anything. Not even spared you a glance as he took out his earbuds and crossed his arms to lay his head down on the table. 

You stood frozen, a statue of silence, as the heavy air between you hung like a challenge.

But you didn’t push. You left and came back to leave snacks on the space beside his head—a silent way of saying that you were still there, and you were going to wait for him to come to you when he was ready.

And that was it.

For weeks, you orbited his world, a constant but invisible presence. Not touching, not speaking, just silently there. And as you gazed at his back, a mix of concern and longing swirled within you, leaving you to wonder if somehow, you could absorb the weight of his guilt. To ease the pain that seemed to pull him down. To set him free.

Si-eun: “Su-ho, today felt just the same as it did weeks ago. I visited your grandmother last night. She’s okay. She told me Young-yi still calls now and then. Dropping by on the rare occasion, and she seems to be okay as well. I’m being transferred to a new school soon after finals. Thankfully, it’s not too far from here. I hope you’re doing well. Wake up soon.”

You and Si-eun would visit the hospital after school.

In reality, though, it felt more like shadowing Si-eun as you followed him. It had been a while since you walked beside him. For some reason, the closeness of that felt too much. It’s like the tension between the two of you would pop if you stayed too close. It made your hands clammy and your jaw tense while you tried to focus on matching his footsteps to ground yourself.

You’re both so painfully aware of each other that it hurts. Breathing the same oxygen, sharing the same memories—and yet he’s so close, but so far. You missed him.

Moments like these, you wished he would say something. Anything. Tell you to leave him alone, or stay, or just acknowledge that you existed in his orbit. That he can still see you.

But he was quiet.

To the hospital, and to the room where Su-ho stayed. He didn’t go inside, though. He stayed outside, typing away on his phone.

He was always like that, you noticed. You’re always the one inside. And maybe it was because the reality of Su-ho's condition was too difficult for Si-eun to confront. Maybe he forced himself to imagine his friend as usual, complaining about the unnecessary hospital stay, or pleading for some seaweed soup.

As Si-eun's thumbs danced across the screen, you suspected that he was sending messages to Su-ho, clinging to the hope that his friend would soon respond, and everything would go back to normal.

“Su-ho, look, your favorite drink was in stock this morning.” You brought Su-ho’s favorite drink this time. You hoped that the mention of it would make him wake up, say something cheesy and teasing while happily accepting the drink.

Sitting down at the cold, hard hospital chair, the drink in one hand, you took in the sight of your motionless friend.

The stillness was unnerving, and you felt an overwhelming urge to leave, to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the room. The antiseptic smell, a pungent mix of disinfectant and stagnation, hung heavy in the air, making your head spin.

You didn’t want to stay too long. You know Su-ho would hate that too. You also hated the stupid beeping of his heart monitor. It was supposed to be a reassurance, a sign that he was still clinging to life, but to you, it felt like a cruel taunt, a harsh reminder of his fragile state.

Your eyes turned glassy as you recounted the past few weeks. A lump forms in your throat as you tell the struggles of trying to be there for Si-eun, trying to wake him up from the guilt that he buried himself in.

A guilt and suffering so raw and all-consuming that you can feel yourself getting drowned in it too.

You squeezed the drink in your hand as you let out a sob. Your voice became shaky and jumbled. Phrases broke as you tried to make sense of everything. You felt defeated, as the world you once knew was no longer there.

And finally, you fell.

You fell on the fragile structure you made yourself stand in—the structure that you offered to Si-eun as a lifeline for both of you, and a silent plea that you would, and could, carry some of his burdens too. That you and your remaining friend can share the weight of it all.

Sobs shattered your entire body, no longer caring if Si-eun could hear you. You were so tired, so exhausted from keeping your own emotions in check so as not to overwhelm Si-eun with your desperation and weakness.

And as if the universe itself was mocking your despair, it rained hard. The thunderstorm matched the whimpers you let out as you held onto the drink.

You felt nothing. You felt like nothing but the overwhelming buzz of pain and desperation beneath your skin. Your head pounded with the rhythmic sounds of Su-ho’s heart monitor, your eyes blurring and unblurring each time you tried to wipe away the downpour of tears.

Overwhelmed with so much emotion, your mind gave control to your body as you abruptly stood up—the scrape of the chair against the hospital’s floor left unheard as your cries filled the room.

And you did the only thing your body wanted to do.

You ran.

You ran out of the room where your friend was tethered.

You ran away from Si-eun, his worried call of your name falling on deaf ears.

You ran out of the hospital, and in doing so, you abandoned the world you once knew.

The rain welcomed you like you belonged there, underneath the merciless droplets as your clothes became wet and soggy, clinging uncomfortably to your figure as you tried to quell your tears.

You held your chest tightly, trying to breathe and letting the rain wash out your tears. Your legs felt like lead, your body drained from the adrenaline rush that had left you spent.

You felt like sitting and wallowing in your puddle of despair without a care in the world, even if it would ruin your pants, and really, you didn’t mean to be dramatic, but you were just so confused; you and your friends are just a bunch of high schoolers.

The complexity of the situation seemed to mock your naivety, leaving you wondering how something so ordinary could unravel into such chaos.

Before you fell any further, the rain suddenly stopped. You no longer feel the droplets of water hitting your body, and you are left shivering in the cold. Slowly, you turned around 

And he was there.

Yeon Si-eun was there. His face contorted to a mix of genuine concern and fear. His dark, doe eyes are glassy, almost begging you to tell him what’s wrong as he shakily holds out an umbrella over your head. You noticed his labored breathing, almost panting.

You wondered if he had chased after you. His clothes were damp, too, and you saw that the umbrella only protected half of his body.

In that moment, the rain-soaked world around you melted away, and all that mattered was the fragile connection between you and Si-eun.

He whispered your name, his breaths coming in ragged gasps, but before he could continue, you interrupted him. Your voice was laced with a mix of emotions—pain, sadness, and a hint of anger.

“Hey, Si-eun.” You gave him a pained smile. Your grin not reaching your eyes as a scoff escaped your lips, a sound that was both bitter and disbelieving. You weren't even sure yourself what emotion was driving it.

“Is this how you feel? Every day?” You asked the question, your voice barely above a whisper.

You stared right back at his eyes, and for once, Si-eun saw the hollowness that yours held. He didn’t reply. He just gazed, his eyes drilling into yours, searching for something, anything, that could explain the void you were carrying.

But he couldn't hold your gaze for long. His eyes wavered, dropping to the wet ground beneath his feet, as if the weight of your words had become too much to bear. Suddenly, he was aware of everything around him—the sound of rain, the feel of the cold air on his skin, the smell of wet clothes clinging to his body, and your disheveled state.

“Look at me, Si-eun.”

He doesn’t, he couldn’t. He’s trying to wrack his mind for something. Something to solve this. Something to fix every— 

“I said, look at me when I’m talking to you!”

You grasped his shoulders as you let out another broken plea, the sudden action making him drop the umbrella that was protecting both of you from the rain. The material of his jacket wrinkled under your shaky grip as you looked right into him.

“Su-ho…he’s not gone. He’s still there. You know how strong he is. We both know that.” You lightly shook him as you spoke, as if trying to shake him awake while you broke down in front of him.

“But why, why do I feel like you’re the one who’s gone?” 

“I’m right here–”

“No, you’re not!” You cried out in desperation.

 And he finally looks. His mouth was slightly agape as he tried to find the right words to say. It was too much for him. The vulnerability that you bared for him. The pain that you held in your eyes, as he could feel every tremor of your hand on his jacket. He realized then that he can’t logic his way out of this. 

Because Si-eun had always been the rational one. He solved things, Fixed things. Calculated outcomes and plotted next moves like it was all a chess game. But this..you?.. You weren’t an equation. He couldn’t use his pen. Couldn’t punch it out or bury it in a textbook behind silence. And that terrified him more than anything.

“He’s not coming back any faster, no matter how much you ignore me.” 

For a heartbeat, there was only the sound of rain. No umbrellas. No pretense. Just the two of you, soaked and broken, under the weight of what had been lost and what still could be.

You said that last sentence in a whisper. Almost like an ultimatum. You were tired, spent, maybe about to get a fever from the cold and rain. You shakily let go of his shoulders. The sorrow in your eyes returned to its empty state the longer that Si-eun was silent. 

Half-expecting him to walk away, you started to leave. Maybe to go back to your home, or a convenience store. You weren’t sure. You just wanted to be away from everything.

But before your second step even landed, you felt it. His hand wraps gently around your wrist, lightly squeezing as if begging you not to go. Not yet. 

You hated that you stopped. Hated that part of you still wanted him to stop you. That some fragile, stubborn corner of your heart had hoped he’d reach for you. Just once. Just this once. Even after what you went through to finally get to him. This was your last prayer, whispered in silence.

And he heard it. Not in words, not even in the tremble of your breath, but in the way your wrist stilled under his touch, not pulling away. And the air between you was thick with everything you didn’t say. Every apology left unspoken. Every moment lost in hesitation. His hand was still on yours, unsure, as if he was still trying to figure out whether he had the right to hold you there. Or maybe he had already lost that right long ago.

But he held on anyway.

His hand remained on your wrist. Warm and almost grounding.

“Don’t go.” It sounded like a plea. Soft and wavering and so unlike the Si-eun you knew. 

“I know I don’t deserve to ask that.” He added. Catching his breath for a moment while you silently listened. “After everything.” 

Si-eun was aware of what he did when he distanced himself from you, his last friend. He can practically feel the desperation in your voice whenever you try to talk to him. Or every time you left food on his desk when lunchtime rolled around at school. He knew the turmoil that you were also quietly suffering in, and how his guilt slowly turned into your guilt, and his sorrow became your sorrow. 

Your silence urged him to continue.

“I thought if I kept you away..I wouldn’t break anything more than I already had.” You can hear how much it cost him to say those words. He was hesitant; you can feel it in the way his grip on your wrist wavered. It was almost as if he wouldn’t stop you if you wanted to go. He won’t force you to stay. 

And that’s what undid you. 

You turned. You finally looked at him and you saw his eyes, red, puffy, and tired. His face was flushed from how freezing it was to stay in the rain. He looked like a boy. It made you realize how messed up all of this was. Both of you were too small for a world so big, and the burdens too heavy to carry for some high schoolers who were supposed to be reviewing for the next exam.

“I wasn’t asking you to fix anything, Si-eun.”

“I know. I see that now”

“What happened to Su-ho… It wasn’t your fault.”

He was stunned by that. His lips slightly quivered from the cold or your words, he wasn’t sure. It felt like a dam finally broke within him. And with it came silent tears. Not loud, not visible at first. Just the kind that slipped quietly from his eyes, mingling with the rain on his cheeks. The kind of crying that looked more like surrender than sorrow. A collapse too quiet to be noticed unless someone was looking.

You were.

The wound was still fresh on him, seeing Su-ho stuck on that bed became his daily nightmare, and what he did out of revenge didn’t make it any better. 

For a moment, you pulled away from him and bent down to pick up the discarded umbrella, bringing it over both of you, even though you and Si-eun were already soaked to the bone. 

“You don’t have to go through it alone, Si-eun.” 

Finally, it feels like a weight has been lifted off both you and Si-eun. It wasn’t completely gone, of course. The pressure and the mark it left stayed there as both you and Si-eun went about your days. After that moment in the rain, you felt like you cracked his walls a little. Hope was renewed, and you had something new to cling to.

A silent routine fell between you. In the early mornings, you both walked to school, always meeting at an intersection before continuing up the street. Sometimes you would ask how he is or if he has eaten breakfast. He would do a one-word answer that was typical of him or just nod at what you’re saying.

 It wasn’t like before when there was Su-ho, Beom-seok, or even Young-yi. The rowdiness of your once-friend group has left something peaceful. You missed all of it, of course. But change was change, and you accepted this one, albeit reluctantly. 

You’d always admired him. His sharp mind, his laser-like focus, the way he could tune out the entire world for the sake of a problem set. It was impressive. Annoyingly so. He was the kind of student who made teachers beam and classmates groan.

But Jesus, did he ever stop?

Your physics teacher was deep in a monotonous rant about projectile motion, gravity, and God knows what else, his voice dragging across the room like nails on a chalkboard made of sleep deprivation. Meanwhile, you were locked in a life-or-death battle to keep your head from surrendering to gravity in the most literal sense. One more droning equation and you were going to face-plant into your desk, no hesitation.

So, naturally, your only reasonable option to stay alert and awake?

Challenge Si-eun, distract the genius. Stir the unshakable.

Si-eun, for his part, was completely focused. He took down notes as the lecture went on. Ignoring everything and everyone around him. It has been a while since the noise in his head finally settled. He started to sleep a little easier now, and he no longer felt too bitter about switching schools with you. Besides, he could still visit Su-ho as the hospital was a walking distance away from the building and—

Thwack!

A crumpled piece of paper nailed him right on the back of the head. Not hard enough to hurt, just enough to derail whatever train of thought he was riding and bring it crashing into the station. The paper hit his collar, bounced, then rolled dramatically down his shoulder before falling onto the floor.

Si-eun blinked. Pen paused mid-stroke. He didn't even need to look back.

There was only one person bold enough to mess with him during a lecture like this.

You.

And God help you, you were grinning.

You were already leaning forward by the time he straightened up, chin propped lazily on your hand, an innocent expression on your face that was anything but innocent. Your eyes met the back of his head like you were waiting for him to combust. You can see it. The way his attention wavered, and he stopped drawing stupid diagrams. Days with Si-eun no longer felt cold or heavy. Things were finally starting to get better.

 And there is no way in hell he is going to continue listening to how Newton just made math even more complicated.

When he didn’t turn around, you leaned in closer, voice just above a whisper. “Hey, Einstein.”

And finally, Si-eun sighed through his nose, eyes flicking toward the crumpled paper now lying sadly on the floor like a fallen soldier. He could already predict what would happen next. 

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” you asked, blinking. “I haven’t even said anything.”

“You’re thinking loud enough.”

A grin curled at your lips, mischievous and playful. Just the fact he was entertaining you with banter was already more brownie points for you. You have him hooked. “Good. Saves me the trouble of whispering.”

Still no turn. Still scribbling notes. Classic Si-eun. So you upped the ante.

You gently tapped the back of his chair with your foot. Once. Then again. A steady rhythm before you decide to drop the greatest idea you've ever had.

“I’m bored. You’re overachieving. It’s raining. Let’s skip.”

Now he turned. Just slightly. Head tilting enough to give you the meanest side-eye to ever exist as if to question your entire being. So, you responded in kind with a raise of your brow as if challenging him. He only blinked before letting out a sigh.

“You want me to skip class. Physics, of all things. To do what exactly?”

Finally. “Convenience store run. Ramyeon, hot canned coffee, maybe strawberry milk if you’re feeling nostalgic. You, me, fluorescent lights, freedom.”

 You gave him a playful wink, your fingers drumming against the desk steadily and loud enough because you were trying to distract him from the teacher’s announcement of an upcoming quiz, and you weren’t losing your progress of finally getting back your friend. The bond was a little shaky, but you decided that baby steps were better than nothing. 

In reality, though, Si-eun already knew about that quiz. It was announced a week ago during a lecture where you were fast asleep on your table. Drooling. 

“Tempting,” he muttered, but you caught the flicker of amusement behind his eyes.

“I know you’re hungry,” you added, nudging his chair one more time. “And don’t lie and say you’re not, because your stomach made a noise two minutes ago. It sounded like a dying bear.”

“That was your pen falling.”

“No, that was my patience falling.”

He gave you a long, exasperated look—but it didn’t reach his eyes. No, there was something else there. The smallest tug at the corner of his mouth. A softening. You could almost see the scales tipping, and it only made you grin even wider. Suddenly, you didn’t care about what was happening around you. Not when you finally find that little smile that you have been working on to bring back. 

And then you said, more quietly this time, “Come on, Si-eun. Just one break. The world won’t fall apart if you breathe for forty-five minutes.”

A peaceful quiet sat between you for a second. He knew what you meant, and you didn’t have to say it. He’d been carrying too much. Always pushing and enduring. There were times he would go back to his self-wallowing, where he would still accidentally push you away, and studying has always been his escape.

 But today, you were offering something else. A moment outside the pressure, the guilt, the relentless pace of trying to be okay.

He looked down at his open notebook, the half-finished diagram of an arcing projectile staring back at him like it, too, was trying to convince him to stay.

And then he exhaled. A quiet, almost imperceptible surrender, and he began packing up his things.

You blinked. Leaning over his shoulder to confirm what you were witnessing, “Wait… seriously?”

“You want to go or not?” he said, zipping up his bag without meeting your eyes. “Before I change my mind and remember I have a conscience.”

You shot up from your seat, already grabbing your bag. “You had a conscience?”

“Don’t push it.”

Thankfully, the teacher didn’t care. Si-eun was transferring, and he is an excellent student on his own.

And you..well, you’re transferring with him.

The sun slanted low through the tall windows, casting golden streaks across the dusty shelves. The library was near silent, the kind of quiet that felt sacred, like even time had been asked to hold its breath as students slowly filtered out of the library until it’s just you, Si-eun, and a handful of other students who buried their noses into books.

You sat across from Si-eun at one of the back tables, your notebooks spread out in disorganized chaos, while his were stacked neatly, probably even color-coded by subject, knowing him. Between the two of you were a handful of empty candy wrappers from the snacks you'd brought. Well, mostly for yourself..Si-eun had eaten two, while you’d somehow managed six. You weren’t sure why you were keeping count.

 The original plan was simple: study together, then head out to visit Su-ho at the hospital. That was the plan, anyway.

But at some point, the words on the pages had begun to blur. 

Si-eun leaned back in his chair slightly, brows furrowed in focus, scribbling notes into the margin of his textbook. You were supposed to be solving a physics problem, but instead, you watched him and the way the sunlight caught in the strands of his hair, how his mouth moved just slightly when he read in his head. 

Has he always looked like this? 

Peaceful and just absorbed in his world, but not in a bad way. You felt some pride to see how much you and he have improved compared to a few weeks ago, and Si-eun’s resilience was one of the things you admire about him.

Until you couldn’t tell where admiration ended and something else began.

You didn’t mean to speak. It just... slipped out. 

“You look peaceful like this.”

His pen paused mid-stroke.

He didn’t look up immediately. You could see his shoulders tense slightly and the way his eyes blinked once, then twice, like he’d heard something he wasn’t sure he was supposed to. Because it wasn’t one of the things he predicted you would say. Maybe another convenience run to abandon all school work. But not..this.

A long moment passed.

“I’m just studying,” he said finally, voice low, almost cautious, his words carefully picked out.

“I know. That’s what makes it weird,” you replied, a soft tease in your voice to disguise the trembling truth underneath as you continued to look at him. Like, really…look. To others, it’s creepy and a little unnerving. But for you? You were just appreciating him. His doe eyes, the long flutter of his lashes, and the gentle slope of his n—

He glanced up now, eyes catching yours, and the look there was unreadable. Careful, guarded. Like, he wasn’t sure what page you were both suddenly on. But it felt like at that moment, you were sure you knew where you wanted to be. 

You leaned forward just a little, elbows on the table, fingers grazing the edge of his notes.

“You don’t let yourself rest much,” you said. “Not really. But right now… You look like you can breathe.”

Si-eun blinked, clearly thrown by the tenderness in your tone.

He opened his mouth. Maybe to change the subject, maybe to deflect with sarcasm or just deadpan at you and throw something monotonous and witty—but then he stopped. Closed it again. The moment felt too raw, too vulnerable, and he knew he wasn’t good with moments like these. 

 Something twisted uncomfortably in his chest. Something new and foreign, and Si-eun doesn’t know if he likes it or not. 

Hesitantly, he lets that feeling consume him.

“I don’t know how to anymore,” he admitted quietly. “Breathe, I mean. Not unless it’s for someone else’s sake.”

The words landed between you like a confession. Raw and unguarded. And you blinked slowly at him, as if trying to process the words he just said.

You let the silence settle, not awkward, but reverent. You reached forward, slowly, and placed your hand beside his on the table. Not touching. Just there. Close enough to feel the warmth that radiated off of him. Just close. Close enough to feel the quiet warmth radiating from his skin. There had been no tension before, but now it hummed softly between you, fragile and electric. 

And in that moment, you knew everything between you and Si-eun was about to change.

He looked down at your hand that was beside his. He felt frozen in his place, unsure of what to do next.

“You don’t always have to hold everything alone,” you said. “I seriously meant what I said a few weeks ago. You don’t have to go through it alone, Si-eun.”

“I know.”

It was a Thursday.

Nothing remarkable about it, at least on the surface. It was the kind of day that existed simply to pass time, quietly folding itself into the end of the week.

The halls had emptied hours ago. On days like these, students tend to want to leave a lot earlier. Friday was just tomorrow, after all.

But for you and Si-eun, it was just another day closer to getting transferred. To start anew. Or even better, another day wherein both of you could stay longer in Su-ho’s room and do your homework there.

But today?

You woke up feeling different. Not your usual happy self. You figured it was just one of those days where the air felt heavy, and some things around you reminded you of the reality that you lived in. An empty seat beside the door, or the fact that you still held so much concern for Beom-seok.

It made you feel sick.

The entire day went by in a blur, and you just lay down on your crossed arms, trying to cover your ears to subtly muffle the noise around you. Even Si-eun noticed it.

He noticed you.

Your clipped and short answers. Your blank stare outside the window of the classroom. The way you barely touched your food.

So he came up with an excuse.

At the end of the class, he made you sit down with your books while he offered to guide you through your homework. Something about kinetic energy and inclined planes, but your brain was too tired to cooperate. Too full of everything else. Everything unspoken.

Everything you had been holding in was like water behind a dam. Breathing became a chore, and blinking became too tiresome.

You sat together in the corner of the classroom, desks pushed together, books open but long forgotten.

You weren’t sure what was heavier. The ache in your chest or the silence between you. But you weren’t trying to solve the problems anymore, and neither was he. His pencil had stopped moving ten minutes ago when he noticed you were no longer listening and saw the subtle quiver of your lips on his peripheral vision.

You sat in that quiet, not strained, but fragile. And you were the first to shift.

Your hand brushed his, accidentally at first. Then… not.

He didn’t move away.

His hand was warm, a little rough, as if the world had asked too much of him too young. But it grounded you. The moment you felt it, the weight and reality of it? Something inside you cracked open. You hadn’t realized how much you needed something steady until it was there. Until he was there. This... was his way of carrying your burdens, too.

You didn’t say anything.

Words felt like they’d cheapen it.

Instead, you let your body speak the truth your mouth couldn’t form. You leaned, slowly, carefully, until your head came to rest against Si-eun’s shoulder.

At first, he went still. Rigid.

He didn’t know how to do this, how to be this. A safe place. Not when he was used to being sharp edges and deadly intelligence, used to carrying his grief and guilt like armor.

But then you sighed. Barely audible, a breath more than a sound, and something in him shifted.

He let you stay.

He let himself want it.

And in doing so, he finally made peace, albeit briefly, with the storm inside him.

The vulnerability still frightened him, though. That you could see through him like this. That you knew he wasn’t always strong. That there were parts of him still bleeding, still unsure. He didn’t know what this meant, what you meant—but for the first time, he didn’t want to shut the feeling down. He didn’t want to retreat into his silence.

Because you too felt like a safe place for him amidst the trauma that you and he shared.

You made sense in a way that terrified him.

And as he sat there, your head warm against his shoulder, your breaths slowing, your fingers still close enough to find his again if you wanted to, he realized something he hadn’t dared put into words until now.

He didn’t want to let go of this.

He didn’t want to let go of you.

And it scared him more than anything, how right it all felt.

How much the two of you made sense.

Su-Ho sneered as the ball went into his teams goal again, Ban-Ryu being the one who scored. His eyes were quick to shift to the stands and there you stood, cheering Ban-Ryu's name loudly. Ban-Ryu hadn't noticed this, which also made Su-Ho angrier. Why? Well, because Su-Ho liked you. Not in the fling type of way like he was before, he genuinely liked you a lot. But you were obvious with the crush you had on Ban-Ryu.

He was so focused on his thoughts, that he didn't hear the announcer announcing that his team had lost until he saw Ban-Ryu's team celebrate while Ban-Ryu left the field.

Even when just walking around town, he could always spot you beside Ban-Ryu. Ban-Ryu wasn't mean to you, but he didn't pay you much attention either. Nonetheless, he did listen to you when you told him to stop bickering with Su-Ho.

But for those few times that you weren't around Ban-Ryu, Su-Ho was quick to try and talk to you. You talked about your day and asked about his, smiling as he told any story. This only made him fall more in love with you than before.

So he decided the next soccer match, he would win at any cost. Every time Ban-Ryu would get close to the ball, Su-Ho was quick to intervene and steal the ball, kicking it to the other side of the field with a smirk before running after it again. He was drenched in sweat already, even when it was only halfway through the match and panting heavily. But he didn't care much, because your eyes were on him. You looked a bit worried, but he didn't care because your eyes were on him nonetheless. His eyes were on you for a few minutes, but maybe he should've paid more attention to the game. The next thing he knew, his legs were kicked from under him and he flew to the ground. He landed on the ground with a loud groan and he could feel his head and ribs throbbing in pain. The person that tackled him stood above him and Su-Ho could make it out to be Ban-Ryu, but he wasn't sure because everything was blurry. He closed his eyes again, groaning loudly before he tried to get up, feeling someone hold his arm softly.

"Stay down." He could hear your voice, opening his eyes to see a blurry version of you. You looked concerned to him and he couldn't help but want to smile at it. He didn't, however, because dizziness took over as well as more pain in his head. You were talking, but your voice was unclear. Next thing he knew, his vision went dark and he fell back again.

He woke up again in a different room, which he was slightly confused by. That was until he noticed you, your back turned to him. You looked focused on something, hunched over before getting up and turning around. He almost found it cute at how you jumped up when you saw him.

"You're awake..?" It took a second to click, but he could clearly see the moment that you realized. "You're awake!" You ran his way, holding his head softly as you looked at his eyes.

"I see you're fine. Good to know." You said, smiling brightly and Su-Ho's heart melted at it. You let go and handed him some tea, which he guessed to be herbal medicines. He was right, the bitter taste was not something he enjoyed but he downed the whole cup nonetheless.

"You know, everyone's been worried about you. Even Ban-Ryu." You laughed and Su-Ho scowled, something you quickly noticed.

"Why do you hate him so much anyway? Sure, he's not the nicest but he's loyal and weirdly enough, quite kindhearted..." You stopped talking, smiling to yourself before glancing at Su-Ho again.

"Because you like him and he's a prick." He mumbled under his breath, not meaning for you to hear it and yet you did. You could hear him clearly and you looked at him again, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Are you confessing to me now? Are you jealous that I like Ban-Ryu?" You joked, not expecting him to actually agree and nod. It was silent after that and Su-Ho almost regretted saying yes. Then again, he wouldn't be him if he wasn't his usual self, so he continued.

"I do really like you and I think you deserve better than that..." he stopped once he saw your gaze and awkwardly coughed. You sighed softly and sat down on a chair, looking at your hand before looking back at him.

"Then who? You?" You asked and he nodded, making you laugh once more. Su-Ho decided that he'd continue, no stopping now.

"Give me three dates, just three. I can prove it to you." He said and you looked up again, rolling your eyes before nodding.

"Fine, on one condition. Win me a soccer match." You answered before walking out of the room and Su-Ho had never felt so motivated in his life.

When the next soccer match rolled around, he was fidgeting with adrenaline as he listened to the announcer. He didn't really listen, his eyes focused on your form. You weren't paying attention either as you looked at Su-Ho.

You didn't dare to admit it, but you hoped he'd win. You liked Ban-Ryu, a lot, after all he'd been your crush from age 15. Yet there was something that caused you to actually like Su-Ho as well, it being the only reason you agreed. Because he was right in a way. Ban-Ryu had never seemed to like you nor did he ever show any interest, always being cold and uncaring. So, you decided to just give him a chance and maybe it would help you as well. It was selfish to use Su-Ho, but some part of you just craved for some kind of affection from the man. Maybe even something more would happen, you didn't know. Then again, you also didn't know what you had done to Su-Ho's mind.

You watched as the tournament started, your eyes trained on Su-Ho's form as he leaped in between other players while kicking the ball. He was the first to score, screaming happily to his teammates before continuing the match. He was tackled to the ground, rolling back on his back before he jumped back up immediatley. He continued to run over the field, kicking the ball and tackling the other team.

By the end of the game, his team had won with 5 points more then the other team. You didn't know whether you had to cheer or not, but you decided to do so. You screamed out his name loudly before smiling when he noticed you and he happily returned that smile. He was the pulled away by his team as they cheered in victory. You only saw him again about 10 minutes later, dressed in his usual clothes as he walked *ran* your way.

"You won." You said and he nodded, clearly proud of this.

"For you, m'lady." He joked and you sighed before looking at hi with a smile.

"First date?" You asked and you could see his eyes light up before he nodded, grabbing your hand and softly pulling you along with him.

He took you around town, taking you to some small shops that he knew and loved. He paid for some food, which you liked it a lot, and then he took you to a quiet place where you could quietly eat. You enjoyed it quite a lot, surprised at what he showed you. You didn't expect him to know so many small places that didn't necessarily were for "rich" people and more for "normal" people. Nonetheless, you liked the first date and you liked him just a bit more.

The second date was meant to be fun. Until 5 minutes in, when some girl ran at Su-Ho and slapped him. You spend the rest 15 minutes holding something cold to his cheek as he whined about the date not going to his plan, making you smile at how cute he was acting. After that, he took you to another shop which sold some cute jewelry/dresses. You bought a few things and he bought you a cute wooden animal sculpture, which you couldn't help but compare to him with a smile.

Once again, you felt yourself fall for his charms again.

Then the third date... You didn't plan on it, but you were standing at the meeting spot with your little sister holding your hand tightly as she looked around for any activity she'd like.

When Su-Ho saw you, he had to do a double take if it was really you. He was confused at first, understanding when you explained everything. And suddenly, you were a third wheel to him and your sister. He walked with her in his arms as she pointed at stuff, giggling and such while Su-Ho was smiling brightly at the child. Even with being a bit jealous of the pair, yet you couldn't help but feel your heart melt at the sight. He was just so sweet to her, listening to her stories with a kind smile while also, unknown to you, keeping an eye on you. You didn't notice that he stepped slower to match your pace nor did you notice that he checked on you ever so often. But he did notice the scowl that you worn on your face and he quickly changed his strategy.

"(Y/n)? Do you want some food?" He asked and you looked up, scowl disappearing from your face before you nodded. He grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him until he found a decent place, ignoring the people who whispered about you and the child who clung to his hand. He sat down across from you and your sister had sat herself on your lap, playing with your hair while Su-Ho ordered some food and drinks.

"Sorry that this is our third date. It was all last minute, I-" "It's fine, really. She's sweet." He answered and you smiled, hugging your sibling a bit closer as you felt her fall asleep slowly.

"So, do you want to go on another date after this... You know... Just the two off us?" He asked sheepishly and you smiled, thinking about it for awhile. You did have to admit that he was lovely to you and you didn't mind being around him, liking the feeling that it gave you.

You'd hate to admit that it was so easy for you to lose your years long crush on Banryu in the matter of 4 days, 3 dates. Then again, ùaybe you just hadn't accepted that you liked him before, too caught up with Barnyu to care.

So you said yes with a smile.