listen this isn't "monster theory" but consider: vampires should be way shorter considering people have become taller on average over the years, their wardrobes could be hot garbage bc they haven't gone shopping since 1983, the way to drink from those hospital blood bags is definitely to stick a straw in it like a capri sun
I’m really invested in the fact that vampires have the potential to be lame anemic garbage monsters
you’re 10000% right because can you imagine Brad Pitt as Louis de Pointe du Lac wandering around on the streets still dressed in his fucking late 18th century nonsense because he’s dramatic enough to never get rid of it and even has tailors make him the same garments when they start to wear out, and also a vampire who was turned in the 1920s who refuses to let go of flapper fashion because it’s super flattering for her body shape and push-up bras are fucking painful man (and, most importantly, can you imagine 20, 50, or 100 years from now, emo kid vampires mourning the closing of the last remaining Hot Topic)
but alternatively, consider: vampires whose taste in fashion has evolved with the times and they have like a HUNDRED different decade-long fashion phases to look back on photos of in horrified embarrassment, like “oh fuck can you believe I ever wore that bright yellow color-block pop-art shift dress holy shit what was I thinking” and also rolling their eyes at the vampires who are still stuck in whatever decade they got turned in like come on you ass please stop wearing those bell-bottoms in public we’re trying to blend in
the capri sun thing is true though. it’s fun, it’s efficient, you don’t have to worry about messing up your lipstick or getting blood on your clothes because that shit stains
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