Sexiest Podcast Character โ Unscripted Bracket โ Round 1
Who is sexier?
Hella Varal
(former) Confessor Bartholomew Lamentations
Propaganda
Hella Varal (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron):
brown lesbian with red hair and big sword. used to be evil but got better. one of her girlfriends is the queen of death who she killed. i'm bad at these she's hot though promise
Huge gal with a huge magic sword. Has TWO girlfriends.
(former) Confessor Bartholomew Lamentations (The Unexplored Places: Ruin's Gate):
No propaganda was submitted for (former) Confessor Bartholomew Lamentations.
okay I know we don't stand a chance against Hella but WE'VE GOT TO GIVE IT OUR BEST SHOT please consider my Bartholomew Lamentations propaganda
canonically looks like Lee Pace, but with huge fuck-off antlers
trans man who recently started using he/they pronouns (the they is plural, it's because he's sharing his body with the demon who tried to possess him)
(the demon's name is Lamentations)
he's a hot priest and he has SUCH complicated feelings about the whole being-possessed-by-a-demon thing but honestly he's handling it like a champ
Bartholomew is polite, a little awkward, a little pathetic, and Lamentations is absolutely feral
is there sexual tension between Bartholomew and Lamentations? there's certainly not NOT sexual tension between Bartholomew and Lamentations
when I say priest, you may be picturing a boring normal priest, but no, Bartholomew is part of a church that asks "what if you took Catholicism to a haunted planet where the primary export causes weird body horror mutations and they really incorporated it into the whole aesthetic" I'm talking MUTATED SAINT RELICS, I'm talking ROSARIES MADE OUT OF THE-MAGIC-SPACE-ORE-WHAT-CAN-KILL-YOU
the church made him stop being a priest when he told everyone he was possessed by a demon โ not because he was possessed by a demon but because he admitted it, because actually all of the other priests are also possessed by demons, INCLUDING HIS BROTHER
he's GAY he's SAD he thinks using his new demonic magic powers made God punish the whole planet by having it rain blood [he's in a great mood right now and it is NOT a manic state]
he might start a cult??? tbd
one time he scared a journalist so bad that the journalist started an ill-fated long term project to convince the town that he and all of his friends are evil
he's the only man in a wild west posse full of extremely cool ladies
his best friend is a hot cringefail experimental mechanic and he helped rescue her fiancรฉ from an alternate dimension and the first thing her fiancรฉ did was flirt with him
out from behind the Patreon paywall for this very special occasion, he has so many pinterest boards
official character art by Dakota Curry
made by @zhi-kevada
do you ever have a crisis of Catholic guilt and go ask another priest (who is your ex) for advice and then he compares you to judas?? that's sexy.
also remember, a vote for Bartholomew is a vote for Lamentations, a feral unknowable demon with absolutely no chill & a penchant for wanting to tear things apart
