#stupidnight

I had three glasses of wine and I really just wanna talk to you. But I'm not going to write you because then you look at the time and you say "you only want me when you're drunk". Today, after probably three weeks of talking to a blank internet page you gave me two kisses. Two internet impersonal small kisses. Did you really mean them? Or were you trying to say goodbye in a not-so-rude way? I miss you every single day and I feel like you don't miss me. How am I supposed to feel? I understood long ago that I cannot plan anything with or without you because I don't know how to feel and I still see you fall from my weak grasp every single day that goes by. I am lonely and I try to forget about it and it hurts. It fucking burns in my chest. Where are we going to be in four months when I get home? Will you still feel like I am this unique and special person you don't wanna lose? Or will you break me by replacing me with some carbon copy or what I used to be? I am sad and I am weak and I just need you to reassure me. But you don't. Because you don't know; because I can't tell you; because I am too scared of the truth.

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