The Witchers As Morning People: A Thread
Geralt
This dedicated Horse Girl rises before the sun does. While everyone else is still in the land of nod, Geraltās trudging down to the stables with a thermos of hot coffee to feed, āturn outā and āmuck outā and [insert specific Equine jargon for unpleasant chores that need doing at such an outrageous hour]. By the time everyone else is dragging themselves out from their nests, Geraltās already rummaging around the kitchen while smelling of soiled hay, sweat and the outside. Heās quietly smug because heās already done something fulfilling with his day. What have youĀ done? Sometimes he doesnāt shower and heāll goĀ āround smelling ofĀ āhorseā all day. Itās gross.
Coƫn
Ā Heās an early riser too, but for an entirely different reason. For CoĆ«n, the mornings are prime time for exercise. Heās that annoying asshole who uses phrases like āthe early bird gets the wormā unironically. His Instagram feed is just an endless scroll of health gurus discussing the pros and cons of āfasted exerciseā with occasional adverts for protein powders. Depending on your setting, youāll find him jogging around the estate or running sword drills as the sun rises; he pauses occasionally to huff in a lungful of fresh air and plant his hands on his hips to emphasise the health benefits of a strict sleep and exercise schedule. Breakfast is a smoothie of āgreenā and raw eggs. He says he enjoys it.
LambertĀ
Waking up? Lambert hasnāt been asleep yet. He spent all night running experiments in the stillroom, because during the night is the only time the world is quiet enough for him to concentrate, alright? And besides, going to sleep means he needs to get up, and thatās just fucking horrific. If itās a modern setting, you know he spent the entire night creating spoof Twitter accounts to harass people he disagrees with about a very niche interest of his. When Lambert does sleep, he is notĀ a morning person and will throw his heaviest pillow at whoever dares to wake him. Occasionally his boyfriend stays over and then they do go to bed at a decent time because Aiden insists on ācuddlesā. When this is the case, heās forced to wake up early because Aiden repeatedly bats him on the face until he gets up to make them food. Lambert has asked why Aiden canāt just grill his own damned bacon, but Aiden just says itās ābetter when he does itā. Aidenās a dickhead.
EskelĀ
He sets the alarm half an hour earlier than he needs to just so he can hide under the duvet and enjoy being comfortable. The world has no expectations of him in that beautiful thirty minutes and he can just be. If thereās a lover in his bed, then it's a prime opportunity for some extra snuggles; Ā he loves nothing more than curling them up in his big arms and snuffling through their sleep mussed hair. When he does roll out of bed, he throws on the olā dressing gown and looks far too fucking dashing, I mean,Ā what the fuck (Lambert, chill out). He swans down to the kitchen, grabs some toast or the sugary cereal of the week and scrolls through the news until heās awake enough to start his day. Eskelās also one of those annoying pricks that can survive on only a few hours of sleep and function as if he had a solid eight hours. Fuck you, Eskel.
VesemirĀ
He wakes up with Geralt, but only because heās now āoldā and āold peopleā are incapable of waking up any later than five thirty in the morning. If he had a spaniel, heād walk it in a flat cap and Barbour jacket, and then attend to his beehive - looking at you, @castillon02 - while telling them about his plans for the day. He might even potter around the herb garden a bit, and then heāll sit in the kitchen with a pipe and newspaper while the rest of the world wakes around him. God-fucking-help you if you interrupt him while heās doing the crossword. Unlike Eskel and Geralt however, Vesemir will fall asleep in the armchair at five thirty in the evening. Itāll be halfway through a conversation, or heāll snore over the top of a film so loudly that no one can enjoy it. When someone tries to change the channel - or ask him politely to stop snoring - heāll snap that he āwasnāt even bloody well asleepā.
Bonus: JaskierĀ
āLarkā is an ironic nickname bestowed on Jaskier when the Witchers realised he was an absolute amoeba in the mornings. It takes several vats of coffee and a shower before he can even string a sentence together, and even then itās hit and miss before midday. Heāll try to stay up all night with Lambert but end up falling asleep face down in some suspect chemicals, and once he tried to start jogging with CoĆ«n; he snoozed the alarm eight times before Eskel picked it up and threw it out the window. Jaskier is the antithesis of a morning person. The antonym for āearly riserā is just a picture of his face looking half zombified with a string of drool hanging out the corner of his mouth. The first steps outside the warm cocoon of his bed are agony, and heās not above crawling into the shower on his hands and knees.
