#studyabroad2015

I know there have probably been load of posts about the attacks in Paris, but I needed to say something. You can scroll past this if you don’t want to see it or if you simply don’t care what at 20-year-old has to say.

I want to first send my condolences to all the people who have been affected by this tragedy. Those who lost family and friends in the attacks. Prayers for all those involved. 

I was in Berlin when I got news of the attack. It had been reading week for me and I decided to travel. Although I was hundreds of miles away from the attacks, I still can’t seem to cope with what happened. 

First off, my flatmate and close friend was in Paris with her mother. To hear news of an attack and people being killed and to have a friend in the thick of the situation, will scare the shit out of you. I didn’t know where she was, if she was close to the attacks, or if she was okay. I messaged her and after a few antagonizing minutes, she responded that she was okay and nothing had happened near her. Other friends of mine were in Paris and their assurances that they were fine began to pour in. Being thousands of miles away from my family, hundreds of miles away from my flat and friends, and hundreds of miles away from the situation, I feel alone and useless. I didn’t have anyone to hold on to or even talk to. I was alone in my hotel room watching German coverage of what was happening. I had been watching the soccer (football) game when the bombs went off at the stadium. 

Secondly, I was supposed to be in France that day. Previously in the week, my reading week trip to Normandy was cancelled for a random reason. I know these are ‘what if’ questions. But, what if I was in the city? What if I had been anywhere near the city? Could I have been there? Although I wasn’t there, it still felt surreal that I could’ve been there. 

When I came back from Germany, I had to go through border patrol. I waited in the queue for a hour before I even got up to the border agents. The whole time I was queued up, there were people being pulled out of line and placed in this separate pen for them to be scrutinized by other agents. It’s so scary watching people get pulled for seemingly no reason at all. Luckily, I made it through without incident, but it’s nerve-racking.

Sure events like this have happened before in America, but for some reason I feel unnecessarily close to this event. I’ve been uneasy; I haven’t been able to sleep. I’m scared. 

This might just be the pessimist in me, but I feel like something big is going to happen. As much as I don’t want to say it, I feel like World War 3 is coming. As a history major and someone who has studied the world wars, this situation is very similar. Again, I don’t want to sound like a pessimist. I’m just nervous.

I’m away from my family. My brother, my father, and my mum. So far away. I’m in a flat with 8 other people; on a campus with thousands of other people. But, I feel so alone. I feel so far away from everyone else. If I’m alone with nothing to do, I start to think; I start to get scared all over again.

I have to always have music on or I think I hear things. A week and a half ago was Guy Fawkes’ Day in England. A day where they have bonfire and fireworks. And much like America around the fourth of July. People buy fireworks to set off and continue to set them off for weeks after the holiday. This is happening in England as well. At night, you can hear fireworks at almost all hours of the day. Do you know what they bomb at the arena sounded like? A firework. That’s what many assumed it was before they knew otherwise. So the sound of fireworks scares me. 

I also live next to a hospital. So at all hours of the day and night, I hear sirens. Police cars, ambulances, and the like are all driving past the university to go to or come from the hospital. 

In times like these, one needs to have their friends and family to fall back on. Please, tell your family you love them. Go hang out with your friends. Have fun. Do something! Life is precious.