#sts fics

It had been a month since you all failed to stop Vecna from opening the four gates. Hawkins was a mess, to say the least. The government had taken over and quickly at that. It was a different world now. A strange and unusual one that no one was prepared for. Well, no one but perhaps you and the gang. Even then, it was still strange and unusual for you.

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Eddie was feeling better. The wounds healed fairly quickly. Now it was just trying to figure out this new life, this sheltered life. There were curfews in place and limitations on what you could do in the town now. Your own parents were wary of even letting you leave the house. You had to practically beg them to go to the town memorial for those lost in the earthquake.

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Earthquake.

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That’s what everyone was calling it. That’s what the town thought had happened. Some weird and random earthquake in the middle of Indiana that fractured the town to pieces. It just went to show that the people liked living with the curtains closed, placing their trust in a government even if it was corrupt.

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“Got everything we need?” You asked as you and Eddie climbed the hill that overlooked Hawkins. He flashed that cheesy grin of his as he held up the little cooler he was carrying.

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“Beer. Beer. Oh, and more beer!” He said, peeking into the cooler. You playfully rolled your eyes before stopping just at the top of the hill.

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“Well. This is it.” You said softly, taking the blanket you had under your arm and waving it out. You placed it down before you, and Eddie sat on the blanket together. He cracked open a beer, handing one to you before taking one for himself.

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This had become a habit for the two of you. You would climb to the top of the hill, sit on a blanket, and drink. You would drink as you stared out at the town you once knew. The town that seemed so foreign to you now.

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“To those who we lost in the battle.” You said as you held up your beer. Eddie looked at you, eyes locking together as he held his beer can close to yours.

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“To Max.” He said quietly.

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Max.

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You hadn’t ever really talked to her. You only knew of her through Lucas, and that was only when he showed up to DnD nights, which wasn’t often before everything happened. But you knew what had happened to her. You knew that Lucas was sitting at her hospital bedside every day since Vecna practically killed her. And so when you and Eddie would sit at this hill, thinking of all the people lost from the battle you tried to stop, you always toasted to Max. Always.

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“Robin said they’re going to go visit her this weekend. Should we go with?” You asked after taking a nice long sip of the beer. You weren’t ever really a big fan of it. Honestly? You hated beer. But it was one of the few things Eddie could get. So you didn’t complain.

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“I don’t know…” Eddie said, his voice trailing off.

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Eddie didn’t care for hospitals. Not after he spent so much time in them when he was younger, back when his mother was sick. It reminded him too much of how he lost her. It reminded him of how he had to watch her slowly lose herself.

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“I know you aren’t a fan of hospitals, but I think it would mean a lot to Lucas if you went. We don’t have to stay for long.” You said in an encouraging tone.

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Eddie’s eyes stayed on the horizon of the town. The fences that now blocked the city view were lined with barbed wire running across the top. He glanced at the many guard towers, where men with large guns paced back and forth.

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Everything felt so military now. It felt so reformed. Controlled. Eddie hated control. He let his feet rest on the blanket with his knees up, his arms hanging off his knees as his beer can lazily swayed in his hand a bit. His eyes slightly squinted at the setting sun as he continued to stare towards the town.

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“I know. I’ll go. Soon. I promise.” He said in a quieter tone than you were used to. You took the moment to watch his side profile. You always admired the kind of beauty Eddie held. It wasn’t conventional in any sense. But it was there. The way he had smile lines in his eyes. The shape of his jaw. The way his curls would carefully blow against his cheek in the wind.

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“Whenever you’re ready. though it should be sooner rather than later.” You finally replied back. Eddie finished off the beer can, crushing it in his hands before tossing it to the side. He grabbed another one and forced an awkward laugh, cutting into the tension that was building around the two of you.

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“Gonna go through these quick today, aren’t we?” He asked through that same awkward laugh. He was hiding in his feelings again. You could see it. Feel it. Hear it. Your eyes studied him as he started to throw back another beer.

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“Eddie…” You started to say, but he quickly cut you off.

“Don’t.” He said. Firm. Concise. There was a deepness in his voice you had only really heard when he was being serious.

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“I know you’re scared–” You started to say, but Eddie cut you off once more.

“I said don’t.” He said with that deepness once more, but this time in a louder tone. His voice rumbled as he spoke, sending chills all over you. You had seen Eddie angry before. But this. This was different. This wasn’t just anger. This was fear manifesting itself as anger. In some ways, this was scarier.

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“You can’t avoid the hospital forever. Lucas is your friend, Eddie. You should be there for him.” You repeated your words, which was a dangerous choice. Other people called Eddie a freak. Some were terrified of him. Some thought that he was the devil himself. But you knew different. You knew that Eddie’s rage, that this dangerous side of him, it wasn’t the devil or any kind of freak nature. It was the fear he had of himself. The fear he had of being what everyone thought he was.

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“And you can’t tell me what to do. What because you saved my life you think you can boss me around?” Eddie snapped, words he would almost instantly regret even if he didn’t show it.

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The words caused you to shift a bit. You felt the wind blow past you, moving your hair a bit as your eyes locked on his. He was lashing out at you. You didn’t deserve this. Not in the least.

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“I never said anything like that. Do not put those words in my mouth.” You said in a louder voice. Eddie stood up, and you instantly followed him.

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“What do you want of me? Hm? You–you want me to go to the hospital? To sit there with Max and remind myself that we failed? Is that what you want? To know that Lucas probably hates me because we didn’t do what we were supposed to do?” He asked as he stood closer to you.

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“You didn’t fail, Eddie; we all failed! We did the best we could, but Vecna–” Eddie didn’t even give you a chance before he was ranting again.

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“Vecna accomplished what he wanted because we didn’t do shit. Because I failed. I let my friends down. I let–” He cut himself off this time, trying to catch his breath as his fists rested on his hips.

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“I let–” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t get the words out. They suddenly felt impossible to say, even if they were words he had been thinking since you pulled him out of the upside down to fix his wounds.

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“You what? Say it.” You said in a softer tone. There were just inches between the two of you after you took a step toward him, closing the gap even more. Eddie’s hands fell to his side as his eyes danced around yours.

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You searched his eyes, trying to see if he was going to say what you thought he would say. If he was, you knew it was a damn lie. Because there was no way what Eddie was about to say could ever be true.

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“Say. It.” You said once more, slowing your words and putting emphasis on them . Eddie seemed as if he had a lump in his throat. He let his lips part, ready to speak but…nothing.

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He stared down at you as if anything he could say would be hopeless. He pushed his lips together once more before turning around and walking away from you. The distance of each step felt like a string breaking from your heart.

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“Where are you going?” You asked, starting to storm off after him. He could run all he wanted, but you would always be there to follow. Always.

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“Just stop. Let me go home.” He said as he started the long walk down the hill. You followed behind, moving as fast as you could to catch up to him.

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“Go home. But I’m following you until you tell me what you were going to say.” You stubbornly announced. This wasn’t the first time you and Eddie had an argument of some sort, and it probably wouldn’t be the last time either.

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“You’re being stubborn,” Eddie immediately called out your actions, “just go home.”

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“No. Not until you tell me.” Your words were sharp, quick. You could see Eddie getting more and more frustrated. His chain on his pants swung harder with each heavier step he took.

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“You know what I was going to say. Otherwise you wouldn’t be following me.” Eddie snapped in that sarcastic tone of his. You could hear his voice getting higher, more agitated.

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“But I want you to say it. I want to hear you say it.” You said in that same stubborn tone. Eddie finally stopped, spinning around as his eyes faced yours with a darkness so deep it scared you.

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“I let you down! I let you down, and you matter more than anyone.” Eddie finally said, and you felt your heart racing.

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This was it.

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This was your moment to finally push for the real feelings. To finally understand this feeling you had been fighting for years. Both of you.

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“Why?” You asked, forcing Eddie to give you a confused look.

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“Why? What–what do you mean why?” He asked through a soft breath. You felt the tips of your fingers twitching, wanting to reach out to him.

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“Why do I matter more than anyone?” You asked, quietly and demanding answers.

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Eddie answered with hesitation, “Because you’re my best friend.”

You shook your head, unable to accept such an answer. There had to be more. There just had to. You felt it. You had felt it for some time. Eddie had to feel it too. You felt that twitching feeling in your fingers once more.

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“Why? Why do I matter more than anyone?” You repeated once more, and it seemed to be clicking to Eddie what you were saying as his eyes widened just a touch.

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“Because–”

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A pause.

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A hesitation.

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A moment where everything felt still. The Earth had stopped moving. The clouds were frozen in the sky.

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When Eddie finally spoke, you were almost worried he would hide it again. Worried he would continue to fight those feelings as he pushed everything down until he felt no more. But he didn’t do that. In fact, he did the exact opposite.

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