#struggleofcolonialism

I can imagine how hard it is for someone to feel accepted when language is the barrier. I understand now more then ever how important language is; knowing your own and having the knowledge of other languages around the world. Throughout this beautiful, life changing journey I have had time to reflect on the disconnect I feel sometimes between me and my own culture...

Sitting and listening to South Africans speak their native tongue of Afrikaans and or Zulu to each other and having no idea what they are saying or what they are talking about is a new, different and somewhat difficult experience for me. It is new and different for me because in my household we speak english, that is our first language and all I have known my whole life. It is amazing that they are able to still have their language be so much apart of their culture and everyday lives, and to hear that strength of culture that they still have. It is difficult for me because it reminds me of what my people have lost due to residential schools, colonialism and the social systems and constructs that “govern” us today. It reminds me of how I feel in our traditional big houses and during ceremonies when my people speak our language. It reminds me that yes I am a proud Indigenous woman from the Kwaguilth and Blackfoot people but sometimes I feel less than, because I cannot relate with that language and I do not understand what my family is saying. 

For the first time in my life I truly understand why language is important and preserving that language. For me, it speaks to belonging and how truly important it is to have that sense of belonging. Language is just as important as song, dance, ceremonies, community and support. Language is a privilege that I believe some take for granted. I have learned over the years that it isn't something everyone does feel comfortable with and it isn't always a safe space for people, especially in our Indigenous communities. There is a lot of stigma and prejudice against language and I understand that as this new generation we truly have to restore that language and bring back the strength in our peoples voices. We cannot allow language to define us, but we cannot allow for language to die with our ancestors either!

This journey has been really life changing and has opened my world to so many new opportunities and doors for me. But it has also opened certain doors; dark spaces and unsafe places that I was hiding without realizing. Deep rooted pain that I couldn't really explain before and why that pain was there. I have had the time to reflect what that means to me, what I must do about it and the LANGUAGE I will use to help safely guide me through the dark. Language and words are extremely powerful and I truly believe we all need to sit and listen more to that language; how it makes us feel and what it is truly saying.