#strugglblr

Feeling better after each success. Tiny or big. Sucking at it and feeling like shit are not excuses for giving up. That is lame as fuck. You will suck and you will want to give up. Big news. Your goals don’t give a fuck about that. They are on the other side of excuses. Fast forward on all the bad feelings and reasons why it’s not worth it. Go do it.

I know this pain. I fear the other kind of pain. The pain of effort and the pain of putting myself out there and maybe still not get what I want. Because I know what it’s like to put in the effort and still not feel appreciated, not reaching the goal, and feeling stuck and like life isn’t giving me opportunities, a chance to succeed and be happy. Because life has felt unfair and I have stopped believing that my personal effort would affect my outcome. So I stopped giving a fuck. But this has led me to waste so many opportunities that life has continued to present to me. And right now there are so many opportunities for me to take. A happy family. Friendships. Amazing trips. An absolute dream of a job. A wonderful place to live. I don’t even deserve the amount of things that my amazing bf has made happen for me if I continue to waste my energy like this. Out with the negative thoughts. Life is wonderful, shiny and full of magic. Each day might not be wonderful but I can make it so. I can put in wonderful energy and it will come back in waves. Listen to the most magical music, pump my body with exercise, fuel it with nutritious, fresh food, play with my most adorablest smartest dog, rack my brain on stimulating projects at my job helping solve the technical challenges that move the world, honor my mental and physical ability, get the most important goal of the day done and reward myself, take a relaxing bath, write in my journal and reflect on my goals, get a good night of rest.