#stjimmie

But I think the true reason is what was presented in this episode: that angels will inevitably fall in love with humans or the culture of humans. Why else would Balthazar spend so much of his time on Earth, and Gabriel, even though he ran away?

I think the true reason wasn’t told to the angels because it would cause them to question, and it would cause them to fall in love with humanity. And then they would fall. Humanity is not perfect; they do not follow orders, they question, they make the wrong decisions, they have free will.

But angels don’t. Angels are made to follow God. But some angels, as fate would have it, are sent down that path of questioning regardless.

Ignorance is bliss; but knowledge, although power, is pain.

So Castiel knows that although he killed an innocent in that mission because he was following orders and he didn’t know, he knows he still made the wrong decision and he is going to have to carry that guilt, along with the numerous other guilts he has, for the rest of his eternal life. It’s so sad that Castiel thought that all these decisions represent weakness. But it’s not his fault!

The only beings knowledgeable about his plight are a handful of humans and a vast majority of angels. The angels, the ones who refuse to question orders and follow missions - of course they call him weak! They think he lacks the ability to follow orders and has lost his way; what they don’t realize, because they haven’t been introduced to humanity the way Castiel has (and also because Castiel’s personality type includes curiosity) is that Castiel is actually stronger than them, that he has the ability but thinks about using it before he actually does.

It takes strength to question your orders; it takes power because you have to think. And it takes courage.

Angels die for wars all the time; but how many of them die because they questioned?

What Castiel is doing is abhorrent to them because he’s also not fitting in with the mass. And the humans, well, they can’t help him feel better because the angels have consistently told him that humans aren’t good enough, aren’t up to angel standards.

Castiel has no other friends that are still alive that truly understand where he’s coming from. The Winchesters try, and Castiel loves them for it, loves that they’ve accepted him into their fold. But they don’t have the same background he does, so he will never feel completely understood.

But understanding and accepting are two different things: the Winchesters have accepted him.

I think Castiel knows this already, which is why his bond with the Winchesters is so strong. But he’s not yet confident of himself because he lacks someone’s understanding. And he still feels the need to prove himself.

Castiel will find himself. And prove himself too.

But he will need the Winchesters to do so, to understand that his differences and his supposed weaknesses, are accepted and that sometimes, that’s enough. He doesn’t need to be entirely understood to be accepted.

And he’ll need to go through a lot more shit and make a lot more bad decisions. Because apparently the last eight seasons haven’t been enough, because Castiel, is utterly patient and waiting.

Castiel will get there.

-Nida 

You ‘n’ me, that’s all we got.