#stillfallingforyou

Nora POV

“Miss Stark it's time to get up.Miss Stark?"

The gentle but authoritarian voice of mama Lupe wakes me up from my dream leaving a strange feeling on me.

I think I had a beautiful dream, like those dreams that you feel were beautiful but as soon as you open your eyes you cannot remember and you are left with a strange bitter taste in your mouth.

And that's exactly what's happening to me.

I know the dream was pleasant but I just can't remember what I was dreaming about...the only thing I remember is that there were a pair of deep blue eyes staring at me as if I were a Venus.

I roll on my stomach, moaning slightly irritated.

Now I'll just think about this dream and I'll just feel irritated because I don't remember it.

Mama Lupe opens the doors of the large window in my room, pulling back the heavy white and gold brocade curtains to let in the first rays of the sun.

Light that obviously beats heavily on my face forcing me to carry the pillow on my head.

"Get up miss.Your parents are already in the kitchen.You know they both want you downstairs so they can say hello before they leave so you have to hurry.I'm going to wake up your brother Peter”

The voice of my sweet nanny comes muffled because of the pillow that covers my head.

God I just don't want to get up and above all I absolutely don't want to see my parents.

“Tell them I'm sick.Or that I'm dead.I don't care and I'm sure they won't care either" I murmur annoyed.

I narrow my eyes trying to remember for the last time what or rather who I was dreaming, I try hard but suddenly the sunlight returns to hit me straight in the face, distracting me from my thoughts.

Mama Lupe pulled the pillow off my head and literally ripped the covers off me.

"Oh c’mon mamacita!" I grumble going back to lie down on my back and putting my arm over my face.

I peek under it and right next to my bed mama Lupe is watching me with a raised eyebrow and her hands on her hips, in her usual pose that indicates that she is about to scold me.

I pull my arm away from my face and stop for a moment to look at the woman in front of me.

Maria Lupe Ruiz, for all of us mama Lupe, has been working for the Stark family since time immemorial.

She comes from Spain, she arrived in America about fifty years ago and she was immediately hired by my grandmother Maria so that my father would have a figure next to him to help him in everyday life.

Grandma Maria and Grandpa Howard have always been too busy to take care of their only child so mama Lupe has become more than just a nanny for my father over time.

She was his one and only point of reference in his whole life, she became such an important part of his life that although my father was already grown up he never allowed Lupe to be fired so she transformed in the house maid.

Mama Lupe cooked and did laundry, cleaned the house and, if necessary, she also did small maintenance jobs.

She was the one running the cabin.

On the sudden death of my grandparents, my father became morbidly attached to Lupe and despite Tony being now a man of twenty she became his lovely nanny again.

She has been with him every single moment.

She was there holding his hand on the day of the Starks' funeral.

She was there when my father felt he couldn't make it.

She accompanied him to the altar when on a spring day twenty years ago he married Virginia Potts, whom he nicknamed Pepper, the daughter of a simple postman and an elementary school teacher.

She was there next to him when I was born and the same happened seven years ago with the birth of my brother Peter.

So mama Lupe is not just a maid, she is part of the family.

And although I am now grown up always makes me happy to receive her sweet attention.

She is the only one who has ever shown me a shred of love in this family.

Before Peter's birth I had no one but her, she was my only family.

“Eleanor, mi querida, they are your parents” Mama Lupe says softly.

I snort interrupting her.

She looks at me intently as she moves her time-stamped hands from her hips and slowly crosses her arms in front of her generous breasts.

"Don't look at me like this.You know” I tell her with a hard voice.

I get up and sit down while my feet touch the polished floor entirely made of refined Carrara marble.

Mama Lupe sighs but I cut her off even before she can speak.

“It's all like an endless loop mama.You've seen my grandparents do it and now he, he and my mom are doing it to me.To Peter” I hiss in anger.

This is really the only thing I will never be able to understand.

According to mama Lupe, my father suffered terribly from the lack of attention and love from his parents.

Yet here we are!

With him acting exactly like them.

And I can't get over it.

When I find myself fantasizing about my future I always hope that one day to my children I will be everything that Tony and Pepper Stark were not to me.

I could never make this torture pass to my flesh and blood.

Yet they succeed and do it with the total absence of guilt.

My father is always too busy between trials and meetings with wealthy men.

My mother, on the other hand, is always too busy chasing the latest fashion or going around clubs to have party with her friends.

Too busy living their lives to think about their children.

I've blamed myself for years, thinking it was my fault they didn't love me enough.

I blamed myself for never being enough…but then over time I realized that the fault was never mine and so all my pain turned to anger.

I grew up alone, with no love from people who are supposed to love me more than anything else in the world.

Yeah I have mama Lupe but basically I just wanted what all the other children had.

The love of mom and dad.

But if I have resigned myself over time, there is still another thing that tears my soul apart.

Seeing Peter that day after day realizes that his parents don't love him as they should.

Sometimes he asks me why mom and dad never spend time with us and why when they do it's always so cold.

And I punctually find myself forced to give him all the bullshit that mama Lupe has told me over the years.

They are too busy.

They do it for us.

When you grow up you will understand.

Yeah, I understand.

I understand that they don't love me.

Easy.

And lying to Peter is one of the things I hate most in the world but how can I tell a seven year old that mom and dad prefer money, success, power to him?

I've been there before him in all of this and it sucks.

You feel guilty about something you have no control over.

And that's why the first moment my eyes landed on my sweet little brother, I made a promise to myself.

Although I was just eleven, I promised myself that I would love him with all my heart and that I would do everything to make him feel loved.

Not to make him feel alone.

I want Peter when he grows up and looks back he will think I was loved, at least one member of my family loved me with all her heart.

And this thing I will never be able to say.

My parents don't love me.

I am just yet another trophy to show off.

The model daughter, with good grades in school.

I'm just that.

I'm just Tony Stark's heir.

Nothing more.

Mama Lupe's gaze softens and her deep black eyes stare at me full of sadness.

She knows the truth but in her heart she still hopes that deep inside the megalomaniac lawyer Stark is still hiding the little Anthony whom she loved and raised.

“You know what your parents are like, they may seem cold but they love you.In their own way but they love you” she whispers trying to reassure me with a smile.

I refrain from rolling my eyes, I don't want to offend the only person who has filled me with love in these almost eighteen years of life.

I nod.

I avoid speaking because at this moment only bad words would come out of my mouth.

Mama Lupe smiles at me again as she walks out of my room to Peter's.

I shake my head disconsolately.

My parents love me...what great bullshit.

The only thing my mother loves is money and maybe my father.

My father, on the other hand, only loves work, he loves the power that comes with it.

I get up and go to the bathroom in my room.

I pause for a moment in front of the mirror and trying to clear my mind of any bad vibes I start brushing my teeth.

As I look at my reflection in the mirror, a thought suddenly strikes me, causing a smile to appear on my face that goes from ear to ear.

Today is Thursday, which means I'm spending my lunch break with Barnes.

For the past two weeks we have seen each other in the same place and at the same time every Tuesday and Thursday.

I bring lunch and he helps me with math.

And I must admit that in two weeks I have learned more than I could ever hope for.

Of course it often happens that he has to repeat the same concept over and over again but he never loses patience with me and always with a smile on his lips he manages to help me.

And his eyes...

God his eyes are always so kind.

So beautiful.

I love looking at his profile while he's talking or eating or reading.

I sigh aware of what is happening to me.

I think I have a crush on James Barnes.

But I honestly can't figure out if I could interest him in this way.

Barnes never seems to have ever shown any interest in anyone so I have no idea how is his ideal type of girl.

For my part, I tried to flirt with him a little but without success because in addition to being denied in this, the maximum response I receive from him are weak and embarrassed smiles.

I have an idea that has been in my head for a few days but I have not the faintest idea how to tell him.

And above all, I don't know if it's a good idea after all.

I sigh shaking my head.

I rinse my face and then go back to the room.

I grab the clothes I prepared last night and put them on without thinking too much, then I put on my shoes and take a last look in the mirror.

For today I chose a cream-colored knit dress, long up to mid-calf with two deep side slits and at the foot I am wearing my beloved white Converse All Star.

I chose this dress because it enhances my soft shapes.

And above all, I chose it hoping to impress a certain person.

Oh my God am I really that pathetic?

I fix my hair with my hands one last time and then I grab my backpack and put in it the camera and the books that I will need for today's lessons, then I grab my brown teddy coat from the closet and get off ran up the stairs.

The rubber of my shoes creaks on the polished marble floors, attracting the attention of the person in front of me.

Right in the middle of the staircase is my little brother who has turned towards me, smiling at me radiantly.

He is lovely wrapped in his little school uniform.

My heart melts and I approach him to be able to take him in my arms.

His arms immediately wrap around my neck and his lips rest softly on my cheek.

"Morning Nora" he yawns placing his cheek on my shoulder, his sweet breath caressing the skin of my neck.

“Good morning to you too Pete.Are you still tired?"

Peter nods, snuggling even more into my arms.

And so with my backpack on my shoulder and my little brother tight in my arms I reach the kitchen.

In the center of the room there is a huge antique oak table.

My father is sitting at the head of the table in his usual super expensive suit reading The Wall Street Journal and sipping his strictly bitter coffee.

At his left side is my mother, already very elegant in her immaculate white suit, she is sitting elegantly with her legs crossed and at her feet a pair of exaggerated heels stand out.

I get dizzy with it just looking at them.

And she too, like my father, is intent on reading but her reading is nothing more than one of those stupid gossip magazines.

Mama Lupe is focused on sautéing something, something I suppose is our breakfast.

"Good morning" I murmur trying to keep a cheerful tone, I'm not going to let my parents ruin my mood, not this morning.

I'll see Barnes today, the rest doesn't matter.

My father looks up at me looking over the frame of his whimsical glasses.

I approach the table making Peter sit in his place and leaving a kiss between his tidy dark hair.

“Good morning Eleanor.Good morning Peter” my father replies with a half smile.

Peter turns to him, in his eyes you can see the desire to receive the attention of his father.

"Hi daddy" he chirps back but our father has already brought his attention back to his finance magazine.

Peter's smile fades from his face as he looks down at his hands resting on the table.

My jaw stiffens.

I swear I'm holding back with all my strength from yelling at these soulless parents.

As I make my way to my seat at the big table my mother deigns to take her gaze from the magazine she holds in her hands, placing it on me.

And in the time of a blink of her eye, her smile drops from her face.

“Oh Eleanor!How did you put on?" she asks me shaking her head disconsolately.

Peter turns his attention away from his hands to turn it to our mother.

Pepper very rarely turns to Peter.

Her main purpose is to make my life hell by belittling me every time she gets the chance.

I look down for a moment to observe my clothing.

Where was I wrong this time?

Yet I wear a dress, which I rarely do.

"What?" I ask disoriented.

"What are those?" she gasps almost in disgust, pointing to my feet.

I observe her by raising an eyebrow.

"They are shoes" I reply almost bored.

"Eleanor don't use sarcasm with your mother" my father scolds me without even taking his eyes off that damned newspaper.

I sit down aware that there will be yet another discussion this morning.

“It's not sarcasm.I simply answered her question" I answer by placing a fine linen napkin on my legs, I really wouldn't want a few drops of maple syrup to stain my dress forcing me to have to rack my brains to choose a new dress.

“You know what I mean Eleanor.Why don't you dress a little more appropriately?" my mother asks me shaking her head discouraged.

“Mom is school.It's not Milano Fashion Week" I mutter as I grab the crystal jug with the orange juice and pour a generous dose into my glass.

"I know it's school but you could dress more suited to your status"

Mama Lupe meanwhile approaches me putting three pancakes on my plate.

"No Lupe, take one off" orders my mother gesturing towards my plate.

Reluctantly I watch Mama Lupe take a pancake off my plate.

I love so much her pancakes.

Her mortified eyes turn to mine and I gently shake my head to let her know that everything is fine, that it is not her fault.

If there is one thing that haunts my mother more than fashion or plastic surgery, it is physical fitness.

Pepper is almost fifty years old and yet her physique looks like that of a twenty-five year old.

Every day she trains for about two hours with Juan, a 24-year-old personal trainer full of muscles and with a bright smile.

For my mother, appearing is all that matters.

I look down at my plate biting my tongue until I taste the taste of my own blood, I don't want to start a discussion that will eventually end with her humiliating me for the umpteenth time.

I feel Peter's eyes on me, even if he is a little boy he can perfectly perceive the tension that has arisen so to avoid him worrying more I turn my head towards him and blatantly roll my eyes making a face.

He chuckles, attracting the attention of my father who, after having drunk the last sip of coffee, places the newspaper on the table and stands up.

Peter follows his every move closely.

"This morning I have a business meeting near your school Peter, would you like if you come with me in the car today instead of taking the bus?"

At his words, my brother snaps like a spring and puts the last half pancake in his mouth, almost threatening to choke.

My father smiles.

A genuine smile that appears very rarely on his lips and the few times it happens is when Peter is involved.

Although he never lets himself go to great displays of affection, Peter seems to be the only one who manages to break through his heart.

My mother looks in disgust on Peter, her own son.

"What manners are these Peter?" she scolds him with a sharp look.

Peter swallows the pancake apologizing in a whisper but forgetting it shortly after because he is too excited at the idea of spending a few more moments with his dad.

Our father strokes his head and then holds out his hand, Peter grabs it with a toothy grin and so, holding hands, they leave the kitchen.

I smile happily.

Even though it's too late for me to love him or to be loved, I'm glad Peter has these little moments of happiness.

Mama Lupe says goodbye and she go upstairs to clean the rooms so the Ice Queen and I are left alone.

“You know I was serious earlier Eleanor” my mother suddenly says.

I stiffen.

I'm not ready to argue with her, I just want to get up and get out of this damn house.

I ignore her trying to finish my breakfast as quickly as possible.

“Don't ignore me Eleanor Maria”

I hate it when she uses my full name.

"I'm not ignoring you mom" I reply, finally looking into her eyes.

My mother is really beautiful.

She has long blond hair and skin that appears to be made of porcelain.

Her big blue eyes are capable of hypnotizing you.

But if outside her the features seem those of an angel, inside her resides a coldness and a wickedness that would make Satan envy.

She is always ready to judge everything and everyone from the top of her status.

God what a disgusting word.

As if money or power could define a person.

More money equals better person.

Fortunately, this is not the case, not for me.

"Eleanor you are almost eighteen years old and you are one of the most important heiresses in America, don't you think you should start bringing honor to your name?And maybe you could start looking around” she chirps in a sweet voice.

"Look around?" I ask confused.

"Yes sweetie.Start looking for someone who could support you in life”

Without being able to restrain myself I burst out laughing, I laugh until I have tears in my eyes.

“Mom, I'm almost eighteen, not thirty-eight.I don't think it's time” I reply shaking my head.

Instead she continues to look at me more serious than ever.

"I was your age when I met your father" she hisses almost offended.

I roll my eyes getting up and wearing my coat with quick gestures.

"I'll take care of the men when the time comes" I repeat walking towards the door.

“And when will the time be?When you are thirty and your physique will not something to be desired?"

I stop at her words.

She can't have said it seriously.

As if my highest aspiration is to be loved for my body or my bank account.

I remain motionless without being able to move, unable to speak.

Her heels click behind me until she reaches me and stops behind me.

I slowly turn towards her and we remain to observe each other for a few moments.

There is no loving gaze between us, no mother and daughter.

We look like two perfect strangers.

I often wonder why she had children.

Maybe she did it only because society imposed it on her.

“Eleanor behaving like this and with your stupid libertine ideas you will never do anything good in life.You are safe only because you are a Stark and you already have a future otherwise you would be just a little failed dreamer” she hisses furiously.

I feel the blood boil in my veins and my heart starts pumping furiously in my chest.

"Sorry?" I ask outside of myself giving her a chance to take back what she just said.

She smiles slightly shaking her head.

“Your dreams will get you nowhere.Your art, your photos will be of no use to you.Get your head right honey, becomes a great lawyer and marries a wealthy man.Only in this way can you feel truly fulfilled"

I look at her with eyes wide open with disbelief.

I stare at her perfect features of her looking for a small flaw, a small hint of some expression that can make me understand that she is not really serious.

She can't be.

I feel the tears stinging my eyes but I push them back.

I do what I do best now, suffocate the pain with anger.

“I am not you.And I don't want to be like you” I spit through my teeth.

Her gaze in response seethes with anger.

I hit her nerve.

To her ears it is a heresy that her own daughter does not want to look like the perfect Pepper Potts.

I turn my back and stride away from her.

I get into my car, throwing my backpack onto the seat next to me and, as I get out of gas I move away from this hell hole.

Bucky POV

I'm nervous.

As I stride towards the library my hands continue to sweat relentlessly and my heart does not want to stop its furious rush.

It's just a nice gesture.

Nothing more.

So why am I so fucking nervous?

Yet in these fortnight everything has been wonderfully perfect with Eleanor.

This is because she is wonderfully perfect.

Suggests my brain.

I sigh as I enter the large doors.

I show my school ID to the librarian and walk over to our table.

Our table.

This ours sounds far too wonderful to my ear.

Me, Eleanor and ours are certainly not words I would ever have thought of putting in the same sentence.

I'm the first to arrive so I sit and wait.

I look out of the large window and smile.

I've been doing it a lot lately.

I smile when I think of her.

I smile when I talk to her.

In this fortnight we got to know each other better, I discovered that we have many things in common.

We both love art and music.

I think back to our first meeting.

I'm sure she thought that I wasn't okay with my head, but besides observing her bewildered, I absolutely didn't know what else to do.

I mean Eleanor Stark was talking to me.

She was talking to me, James Barnes.

And in those few kind words and in her sweet smiles I realized how she really is a special person.

Her kindness is truly real, boundless.

A girl of her caliber would have been disgusted to sit next to me thinking twice...but not her.

She asked me to stay.

She asked me to meet again.

And now here we are.

Spending these few moments with her helps me to face my days at school with more strength.

They help me cope with my homecoming.

Walker and his friends continue to torment me while my father in turn continues to vent his anger on me for his miserable life and yet I continue to smile and wait for these few hours to the seventh to be able to see her again.

Footsteps behind me make my breathing quicken.

Finally she is here.

I turn to her smiling shyly but the smile dies on my lips and my eyes open wide in wonder.

I believe my jaw dropped on the floor at the moment.

I know I should compose myself but I just can't.

And as if that weren't enough to make the situation worse, my erection pushing furiously against the flap of my jeans.

I can usually keep my body's reactions at bay but today I feel my brain doesn't want to cooperate.

“Hi” Eleanor whispers as she approaches and as she usually takes her seat next to me.

“Hi” I stammer with my face on fire.

God today she is truly breathtakingly beautiful.

The dress she wears perfectly follows every curve of her, highlighting her narrow waist and generous breasts.

I look away embarrassed by her directing my attention towards my backpack, where I dip my hands in search of what I brought for her today.

I try to figure out how to get through this hour with her boobs that seem to literally scream at me to grab them in my hands.

Or how to resist the sight of her thighs appearing between the slits of her skirt with every little movement of her.

For a moment I let myself go to my most perverse fantasies.

I imagine kissing her, stroking her hips and slipping my hands under that skirt.

I imagine squeezing the tender flesh of her thighs between my fingers as my tongue continues to invade her mouth.

I imagine the sinful moan that comes out of her lips as my lips descend all the way down her neck and then get lost in her lustful breast.

"What are you looking for in there?" Eleanor chuckles tearing me away from my fantasies.

I jump like an idiot and turn to her.

Her crossed arms are resting on the table and her head rests on them.

She looks at me with an amused smile on her lips.

I stammer something indefinite.

Damn!

I clear my throat.

“I have a present for you” I mutter embarrassed as I pull a small plastic container out of my backpack.

She straightens up immediately with a strange expression on her face.

"A present?" she asks bewildered.

I scratch the back of my neck embarrassed.

"Yeah...I...I made it for you" I say hurriedly, handing her the container.

She grabs it, there is still an indecipherable expression on her face.

Her eyes are planted in mine, leaving me breathless.

With the light coming in through the windows this morning they look almost the same color as amber.

I feel like a prey bewitched by its predator, ready to succumb to its attack.

We simply remain observing ourselves, without moving.

Without speaking.

Then she frees me from the prison of her eyes and focuses on the small container she squeezes between her thin, delicate fingers.

I watch her as she lifts the lid and her eyes dilate.

Slowly her gaze returns to me.

"You did it?" she incredulous question.

I nod unable to find my voice.

Eleanor places the container on the table and with a trembling hand grabs the contents studying it carefully.

"Did you really do it?"

"I swear" I smile at her.

And she smiles at me in turn.

Eleanor observes the little tart in her hands and a moment later she brings it to her lips and takes a bite.

She sinks her teeth into the pastry firmly.

She closes her eyes and a moan of pure enjoyment escapes her lips.

And another discharge of pure excitement runs through me entirely making me swallow empty.

Eleanor Stark is standing here in front of me moaning with pleasure and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I clench my hands in fists trying to curb my desire for her.

Eleanor just wants to be my friend, she feels sorry for me and she is just showing compassion towards another human being.

That's all.

I have to stop making mental films.

"Oh my God!Oh my..." she murmurs opening her eyes.

Hers tongue licks her upper lip trying to pick up the cream that escaped her bite.

With two fingers she grabs a raspberry and puts it in her mouth.

She continues to chew smiling at me.

"It's a shortcrust pastry tart with cocoa, with a coconut cream and berries" I explain ignoring the direction of my thoughts, I have to try to free my mind from certain thoughts.

“God Barnes you should open a bakery.You have a monstrous talent” she replies, taking another voracious bite of the tart.

She really seems to like it.

I shrug indifferently.

“I'm really serious Barnes.Have you ever thought about making it a profession?You know men who know how to cook are really sexy” she retorts with a sly look, winking at me.

I blush at her words.

Is she flirting with me by any chance?

Nah what nonsense!

Eleanor continues to look at me as if she really expected an answer from me.

I give up on the topic of sexy men, I do not understand if her was a simple statement or if she was flirting with me.

Yeah, you would like it man.

My cursed conscience laughs at me.

“I like to dabble in cooking but I don't think I'll ever do it as a job”

My father would kill me.

But her does not need to know this.

Cooking this very simple dessert was already an odyssey for me.

I had to ask Joe if I could use his oven and when he asked me why I wanted to make a dessert I just told him the truth.

That is, it was for the girl I liked.

But when he asked why I didn't do it in my house, I had to lie and tell him that the oven in my house was broken.

Joe wished me good luck and made me go up to his house, which is right above his shop.

To thank him, I made a tart for him too.

Eleanor has finished the whole tart and tastefully licks the tip of her index finger where a little cream was left.

My mind paints the image of her lips wrapped around something else...something else of mine.

I shake my head firmly.

That's enough or I won't even get to the next hour without cum in my underwear like a stupid idiot.

Eleanor smiles at me again.

“Thanks, you were really sweet.And your tart was really delicious”

She smiles beaming.

"It was a pleasure ma'am" I replied, bowing my head slightly forward.

We both burst out laughing.

“Ok ok!Come on help me with these damn homework.I don't understand anything about it” she sighs as she pulls her chair closer to mine.

Now our shoulders touch.

I grab my book from my backpack and after looking for the page with the topic that I will have to explain to her, I turn to her who, all concentrated, waits for me to speak.

But on her chin there is a little cream left which attracts my attention and makes me laugh.

"What?" she asks, looking around, unable to understand what amuses me.

“You…you have something on your face.Here” I tell her, pointing to her chin and trying to be as polite as possible.

I don't want her to think I'm laughing at her.

Eleanor's face turns red.

"Where?" she asks embarrassed making her hand wander over her chin but not finding the right spot.

I laugh amused.

"Here.Wait” I reply bringing my hand close to her face.

I grab her chin between forefinger and thumb and with the latter I rub the cream off.

I realize the gesture I made when Eleanor's hazel eyes widen and her cheeks turn even redder.

There is a storm of emotion in her eyes and for a moment, for a single moment, I feel as if she likes my touch.

My heart beats furiously and its echo reverberates deafeningly in my head.

In a completely instinctive gesture I trace the outline of her lips with the tip of my thumb.

As soon as my skin comes into contact with her soft lips, she open it and her warm breath touches the tip of my finger and my skin is literally on fire in that point.

The same fire that's burning in my eyes.

In her eyes.

I immediately retract my hand, murmuring an apology on my lips.

And rejecting everything I feel, everything I feel, I return to focus on the book in front of me.

Eleanor's eyes burn down my profile but I'm too cowardly to face her.

I ignore her hoping that she too will let go of whatever just happened between us.

Maybe you should kiss her and stop acting like a shit.

Or you could stop saying bullshit fucking conscience.

"So" I stammer clearing my throat.

"Tell me what you don't understand"

I hear Eleanor sigh but despite this I continue to keep my gaze fixed on the book.

"I don't understand how to do this calculation" she murmurs in a dejected voice.

"Now you have understood?" I ask after explaining the same thing to her four times.

Eleanor smiles beaming.

"Yes, I finally understood"

I remain enchanted to observe her while she smiles in that delightful way that I like so much.

“Sorry I'm a landslide” she giggles as she begins to pick up her things.

“Nah!You are not a landslide, you just need a few more explanations” I reply.

“Yeah…just a few…” she murmurs as she rolls her eyes.

We laugh together.

The embarrassment that was created before seems to have disappeared.

That's good.

I couldn't bear to lose her company just because of a foolish illusion of mine.

What a jerk I am.

How could I have thought that she could want something more from me?

I lean my back against the back of the chair and with my hands immersed in the pockets of the large sweatshirt I'm wearing I watch her put all her things in order.

God she is really beautiful.

I drink of every move of her like a thirsty man in the desert.

She bends forward to pick up her pencil case and my eye falls right on her neckline, below it I can see a strip of white lace.

And my cock for the umpteenth time makes me feel its presence strong and clear.

Yeah my friend, I know.

Eleanor stands up carrying a lock of hair behind her ear while she makes sure she has taken everything.

Finally I get up too and put all my things in bulk in my old and worn backpack.

We walk together but just before reaching the exit she freezes.

"Damn!" she mumbles, slapping her palm against her forehead.

"What happens?" I ask confused.

Maybe she realized we were about to leave the library together.

Usually she goes away first and after a few minutes I go away.

I always did it to leave her free to decide whether to show up with me or not and she never replied so it became like a tacit agreement between us.

But then she smiles.

“I promised Wanda to get her a science book.I have to go back.You go ahead.See you Tuesday"

"Are you sure?Do you need help?" I ask her eager to earn even just a few more short moments with her.

She shakes her head.

"I can take care of myself Barnes" she giggles, giving me a wink she go away from me.

I watch her until she disappears among the high shelves.

I remain impaled like a stupid until my feet move by themselves in the same direction from which she disappeared.

What the hell am I doing?

I don't know but I can't stop.

I look for her among the shelves until I see her.

Her beautiful profile stands out before my eyes.

She is on her tiptoes and she is pushing her arm as hard as she can to try and grab a book from the top shelf.

I smile and I approach her to help her and when I reach her side I raise my arm and grab the book.

"Luckily you knew how to take care of yourself" I mocked her jokingly.

Eleanor at first jumps from fear then turning to me and she hits my chest hard with her small hand.

“God Barnes!You scared the shit out of me!" she scolds me in a low voice.

I laugh with amusement at her funny expression.

And when my laughter is lost in the air around us, an awkward and tense silence returns overwhelmingly.

This part of the library is more isolated, there are no windows but only narrow and long corridors illuminated by some neon.

I hand her the book and she grabs it and hugs it to her chest.

Our gazes are chained to each other and we remain so, silent and motionless, studying each other.

Then for a split second her gaze falls to my lips.

I watch her as she tortured her lower lip with her teeth.

I can't do that.

I can't kiss her.

I am nobody.

I am just an outcast of this society devoted to money and consumerism.

I'm an ordinary nobody destined to have nothing good in this life.

I'm not a nice guy, I don't have a beautiful or sexy body, and I'm not a confident guy.

I allow my father to destroy my body and soul, the man who should help me face this life.

No girl will ever be attracted to a weak and pathetic guy like me.

I am nothing.

And she is Eleanor Stark.

She could have it all.

She has the world at her feet.

Why should she ever settle for someone like me?

I take a step back and for the second time I break our eye contact.

"I have to go Eleanor" I murmur with my eyes down.

Right now I can't even look into her eyes.

"James" a strangled whisper and a deafening thud.

The science book lies on the floor as Eleanor's arms are tied around my neck and her lips are pressed to mine.

She presses them hard as she lifts herself up onto her toes.

Her eyes are closed while mine are wide open in shock and my arms hang lifeless along my body.

Eleanor is kissing me.

Eleanor Stark is kissing me.

She wanted it.

This is not a fantasy.

This is reality and in this reality she chose to kiss me.

And now it is my turn, now or never.

And so I let myself go.

I raise my arms and with a trembling hand I grab her hips.

A shiver shakes her and her lips press even more forcefully against mine.

In response to her enthusiasm I begin to kiss her too.

Our lips brush, gently rubbing each other and with my heart beating so hard that I think it can be heard from miles away I push myself further.

I part my lips and with the tip of my tongue I caress her lips, full and soft.

Eleanor moans opening her lips in turn and a moment later my tongue is in her mouth.

I have no idea what to do, I've never kissed a girl, so I let myself be guided by my instincts.

I bring my body close to hers by pressing her against the shelf behind her, a moan escapes from her lips and I don't know if it's for surprise or for pleasure but that's enough for me to unleash the sleeping beast inside me.

I let myself go completely to the kiss.

My tongue caresses Eleanor's with passion, I move it together with her in an unknown but pleasant dance.

Much more than pleasant.

In the heat of the moment I push my hips towards her, rubbing it against her abdomen ripping out of her another moan.

Her hands caress my neck and then move towards my chest where they forcefully claw my sweatshirt.

My head is spinning as my breath gets shorter and shorter.

I move my hands from her hips and slowly with my fingertips I caress her thighs through the slits in her skirt and then I go up to her arms, I stroke them up and down and then I bring my hands to her face.

I wrap my finger around her beautiful face and as I continue to kiss her I gently rub my thumbs against her delicate skin.

Her perfume invades my nostrils.

My head.

My heart.

It is a strong fragrance, delicate like flowers and strong like wood.

Oriental.

I feel overwhelmed.

As if I flew up to the sun and after getting burned I fell down at a speed that leaves no alternative but crashing to the ground.

And even if you already know it's going to hurt like hell, you'll want to do it again.

And again.

And again.

A pleasant torture that worth every drop of blood.

We are now short of oxygen and we just have to separate.

We slowly move away only a few inches.

I slowly open my eyes.

Her's are still closed so I take this opportunity to kiss her again.

Gently and delicately I kissing her slowly and Eleanor lets herself be guided by me, it is as if she were clay in my hands.

She too grabs my face in her hands.

Now her fingers too slowly caress my cheekbones.

Ours lips touch, ours hands study new horizons.

The world around us seems to have disappeared, it's just me and her.

James and Eleanor.

The only sound around us is the crazy beating of our hearts.

Eleanor opens her eyes again.

For a moment there is only silence and a deep sense of fear makes room in me.

What if she pushes me away?

What if this kiss meant nothing to her?

What if she regrets it?

But then one thing happens.

Eleanor smiles at me.

Her hands come off my face to tie around my waist and her head rests on my chest.

She is hugging me and I feel that in this exact moment we are more intimate than when we were kissing.

I too hold her in my arms, sinking my face into her soft and scented hair.

After a few seconds of this moment of bliss a serene and amused voice resounds behind us.

“Oh Nora!Really?"

Eleanor stiffens and I immediately pull my arms away from her body, throwing my hands up in the air as if giving up.

I turn my head in the direction of that voice.

Behind me with a sly smile on his lips is Pietro Maximoff.

I continue to keep my arms raised as Eleanor lifts her face in search of my gaze without ever loosening her grip on my body.

"Everything is fine.He's a friend” she murmurs and then sinks her face back into my chest.

I embrace her again.

If before I thought that my heart could come out of my chest now I'm afraid it could just explode.

She did not dodge me, she continues to hug me regardless of the fact that we have just caught together.

She is not ashamed of me.

Pietro raises an eyebrow as he crosses his arms across his chest.

“Hey Wanda come here!You will not believe your eyes" chuckles Pietro, drawing the attention of his sister.

“Oh P!Shut the fuck up!” Eleanor chuckles raising her head to focus her gaze on her friend.

Pietro approaches, holding out his hand to me.

“How you doin', dude?I am Pietro” he introduces himself smiling at me.

I don't know if this is really happening or if in a few minutes I'll wake up sweaty and panting in my bedroom.

Eleanor intercepts my bewildered gaze and as soon as our gazes meet she smiles at me encouragingly.

I move my gaze to Pietro's hand and then to his face.

There is no mockery or malice in his eyes, he just smiles at me in a friendly way.

And then I raise my hand and squeeze his.

“Hi, I'm James.Nice to meet you”

Pietro laughs.

“Oh man, the pleasure is mine!You know I did not believe that there was a boy in the world capable of catching the attention of our Nora" he replies and then calls her sister again.

"Wanda!" he exclaims and the sound of her footsteps gets closer and closer.

"Yeah!I'm coming!Stop screaming"

Her voice reaches us from around the corner.

"Did you find Nor..."

Her question dies on her lips as soon as she notices the small crowd in front of her eyes.

Her big blue eyes are at first confused then as she studies our positions they move from confusion to curiosity.

Yeah, I can understand her.

There is her best friend hugging the strange boy from school and that boy is wrapping her shoulders with his arm.

First she takes a look at her brother Pietro who continues to smile slyly then her attention is all to us.

"What the hell?" she asks advancing towards us.

Eleanor loosens our embrace but immediately her hand looks for mine and once she finds it I let our fingers intertwine.

Wanda captures our every movement with her attentive and crystalline gaze and then focuses her clear gaze on that of her best friend.

“Wanda this is James.James she is Wanda” introduces Eleanor to us without ever taking his eyes off those of her childhood friend.

And if earlier her reaction to Pietro's arrival had been serene, now I can feel all her tension through our interlocked hands.

Even if she continues to smile, her eyes seem anxious.

I think she cares about Wanda's judgment more than she imagined.

Wanda shakes her head and walks forward smiling.

“And you said you came here to do your math homework.Liar” Wanda teases her.

"It's actually the truth" Eleanor grumbles as she gets a roll of eyes from her friend.

Wanda joins us standing right in front of me.

"Hi James" she greets me, scrutinizing me intently, as if she were trying to read my mind.

I move slightly uncomfortably greeting her in turn with a faint “Hi”.

I'm still too stunned by the latest events.

A lot is happening and all too fast.

Pietro at my side gives me a playful shoulder with a wink.

"She just wants to intimidate you" he whispers to me, indicating her sister with a nod of his head.

"I don't know whether to kick you for not saying anything to me or be happy because you can't stop smiling"

Wanda's words attract my attention again.

Eleanor beside me rolls her eyes and never stops smiling.

“As much as I love gossip, I really have to run away.Coach Winkler doesn't particularly like latecomers” murmurs Pietro, patting me on the back.

The simplicity with which Pietro is treating me as if he has always known me is incredible.

As if I were a friend of him.

“What are you doing Wanda?Are you skipping the lesson?" asks Pietro to her twin.

"Obvious!Eleanor and I have a lot to talk about.That's true, my dear best friend?" Wanda chirps, smiling slyly.

“But I would have math class now.I've studied a lot, I don't want to miss it” complains Eleanor but immediately she falls silent at Wanda's skeptical gaze.

"Yeah, study...sure" she replies grabbing her free hand and pulling Eleanor towards her.

“Say hello to your James, Nora” she tells her as she continues to pull her until our hands separate.

Your James.

I blush.

“Ok ok!You won!" Eleanor exclaims.

"Hi James.See you soon” she whispers.

Her uncertain gaze, however, seems to want to tell me more.

"See you soon" I answer her smiling weakly.

Now the future is truly a frightening unknown.

What will happen between us now?

What does everything that happened mean?

Eleanor turns her back to me and takes a few steps forward flanked by Wanda but she immediately stops.

"Oh fuck!" she exclaim.

I watch her as she turns back to me and she joins me, stopping just a few steps away from me.

"Listen...do you want to go out with me tomorrow night?" she asks me straight away.

Her face is on fire and I can't help but find her adorable.

"Yeah" I whisper embarrassed not so much by her proposal, I am totally incredulous about this, but by the fact that we have an audience that witnesses all of this and she doesn't seem to care at all.

Eleanor reaches out her hand in front of me.

I look at her without understanding.

"Give me your phone" she tells me answering my silent question.

I hand her the phone without hesitation.

God!Is there anything I wouldn't do for her?

She grabs it and quickly types something, then she hands it back to me.

“Now you have my number.We'll talk later to agree, okay?"

"Sure" I reply simply stammering, the hands that holding the phone tremble uncontrollably.

Then she smiles and after leaving me a kiss on my cheek she turns her back to me and she walks away giggling with Wanda.

"Women.Whoever understands them is a genius” murmured Pietro, shaking his head.

I nod to agree with him.

"What lesson do you have now?" Pietro asks me.

I look away from where Eleanor disappeared from, turning my attention to the boy next to me.

His hair is so blond that it almost looks like silver threads.

"Art" I reply.

"Then we go to the same side" says Peter, patting me on the back.

"Come on let's go" he encourages me to follow him and I do, I pick up my backpack from the floor and walk beside him.

We walk in silence but it is not an awkward silence.

"So...you and Nora, huh?" he chuckles amused running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah...I confess that even I can't get over it" I murmur confused.

What the hell does Eleanor find interesting about me?

Pietro answers me something but I am not able to understand what he is saying because in front of me, wrapped in his jacket, green and silver as the colors of the school, Walker is advancing with his stupid friends.

I look down at the floor hoping he will let me go.

"Hey sissy" he yells at me rudely as soon as he notices my presence.

I ignore him but Pietro next to me doesn't seem to be of the same opinion as me.

"Stop it Walker" he warns as we advance towards them.

Walker slows to a stop.

"Oh sorry!I didn't know the fag was your friend” he laughs followed by everyone else.

Pietro stops grabbing me by the arm and forcing me to stop too.

"Forget it" I whisper faintly.

I don't want Pietro to antagonize someone like Walker because of me.

“Yeah!He's my friend.Any problems?" Pietro asks him, challenging him to continue.

Walker exchanges a couple of amused glances with his friends then turns back to Pietro.

“Oh no dude.No problem.If you like to be seen around with that loser, that's fine by me” he retorts, looking at me as if I were garbage.

His empty, soulless eyes focus on me as if he wanted to do nothing but destroy me.

Pietro laughs, catching everyone a little off guard.

Me too.

"See Walker if I liked being seen around with losers right now I would be part of your team" he replies with a shrug.

At the words of him Walker's face is transfigured, he no longer has the air of a braggart now.

His eyes ooze anger.

Hate.

His friend Lemar, his trusted right hand man, urges him to let go.

"Let's go away John"

"Yes, go away John" repeats Peter then turns his back on him and continues on his journey.

I stand there, Walker's eyes staring at me with a single promise.

As soon as he catches me alone he will have his revenge.

I turn quickly and reach Pietro.

As soon Walker is no longer visible to our eyes, Pietro stops giving me a blow on the chest.

“Dude!Why the hell do you get treated like this?" he asks me.

He looks genuinely pissed off.

I look away from his face staring at somewhere in front of me.

"Have you seen him?He is twice the size of me!What the hell am I supposed to do?"

What does he thinks I enjoy being humiliated and beaten up?

“He's bigger than me too but he's just a jerk.You should learn to be respected”

His words drive me crazy.

All the anger inside me suddenly erupts.

“Do you think I don't know?You think I like being treated like I'm human waste, huh?I am not you Pietro, I am not brave and sure of myself.I'm just a fucking coward!" I hiss at him.

But then I immediately realize that I'm mistreating a person who is basically just trying to help me.

Perhaps the only one that has ever done.

I take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to take it out on you" I apologize to him, rubbing my face in my hands and then bringing them through my hair.

"It's okay" he reassures me waving a hand in front of my face.

"But you really shouldn't allow that idiot to treat you like that" adds Pietro, softening his gaze.

I nod, sighing wearily.

“Ok I run away or the coach will kill me.See you dude!" so saying he pats me on the back and runs off.

"See you soon" I now whisper to the deserted corridor.

I take a couple of deep breaths and settling my backpack on my shoulder I enter the classroom.

Thank goodness the professor has not yet arrived so I hurry to get to my seat in the back row, I sit down and a trembling breath leaves my lips and despite the encounter-clash with Walker I find myself smiling again.

Eleanor kissed me and we have a date tomorrow night.

With a trembling hand I grab my old smartphone from my trouser pocket and scroll through the address book.

I smile again like an idiot at the sight of her contact, she has memorized it under the name Nora.

The professor makes his entrance and the whole class falls silent so that the lesson can begin.

But no matter how hard I try today I just can't understand a single word…my mind is too busy retracing every single moment I spent with Eleanor.

All I do is think of her lips on mine, of the softness of her hips under my greedy fingers.

The feel of her warm body pressed against mine.

I can still feel her perfume poison my soul and cloud my senses.

She wasn't ashamed to be seen with me.

She hugged me in front of her friends, she introduced me to them.

She asked me for a date in front of her two best friends.

This must mean something, isn't it?

I am excited and terrified at the same time at the idea of spending more time with her.

This date could be the turning point in my pathetic life.

Finally Eleanor has noticed me and I will do anything to keep her close.

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