2012: my top 10 albums and the mess of it all
itβs 2012. iβm 15, messy, and trying to figure it all out. weβre in peak tumblr culture, before it got sanitized. lanaβs playing on my cracked iPod touch while i scribble in a diary hidden under my bed. this list is as much about the music as it is about the moments it soundtracked. letβs get into it
top 10 albums of 2012:
"Born to Die" - Lana Del Rey this album raised me. βblue jeansβ had me walking through the halls of my high school like i was the protagonist of the saddest indie film.
diary, february 16, 2012 iβm sad but still want to be hot.
2. "Channel Orange" - Frank Ocean this album wasnβt just music; it was therapy.
diary, july 10, 2012 my best friend didnβt even flinch when i said i thought girls were prettier than boys. she said, βduh.β
3. "Visions" - Grimes this was the sound of my tumblr dashboard coming to life. alien, weird, ethereal; grimes was the patron saint of every girl trying to escape her boring small-town life.
diary, march 23, 2012 i wore eyeliner today. not like normal eyeliner, but grimes eyeliner. mom asked if i was okay. i told her i was fine.
4. "good kid, m.A.A.d city" - Kendrick Lamar this one hit different, even though his world was a million miles from mine.
diary, october 2, 2012 the lyrics to βbitch, donβt kill my vibeβ are gonna be my next tattoo.
5. "Electra Heart" - Marina and the Diamonds marina gave me a blueprint for being heartbreakingly dramatic and still kind of in control.
diary, may 14, 2012 put on βprimadonnaβ and danced around my room until i collapsed. the mirror and that fucking cockroach were my audience.
6. "An Awesome Wave" - Alt-J this album felt like discovering a secret. it wasnβt for everyone, but it was for me.
diary, august 28, 2012 itβs like they took all my weird thoughts and made them pretty. maybe one day, iβll figure out how to do that too.
7. "Halcyon" - Ellie Goulding this was my running-away album. when i wanted to disappear, i put on βanything could happenβ and imagined hopping on a train to somewhere no one knew me.
diary, november 3, 2012 iβm tired of being stuck. maybe one day iβll leave and never come back.
8. "The Idler Wheel..." - Fiona Apple fiona appleβs raw, unfiltered genius was like a slap in the face. she made me feel seen in my anger, my sadness, my everything.
diary, june 5, 2012 i slammed my door so hard today that the handle came loose. iβm so full of everything and nothing all at once. itβs exhausting.
9. "Lonerism" - Tame Impala this album was my escape into another universe.
diary, september 17, 2012 math class is hell. i put on βfeels like we only go backwardsβ and pretended i was floating instead of stuck in a desk surrounded by people iβll probably forget in five years. (SO DRAMATIC WTF)
10. "Some Nights" - fun. this one was pure drama, and i loved it. it was the soundtrack to all my overthinking, overfeeling, and overwhelming moments.
diary, april 11, 2012 sometimes lifeβs okay, i guess.
2012 was a mess, and so was i, but looking back, it was kind of beautiful in it. these albums carried me through the storm, each one a little lighthouse guiding me somewhere better. hereβs to the music that saves us when nothing else can.
