#sti support

I've just come back from an STI check up (stay safe kids), and am shocked at what i was told.

So here are some of the facts I told the nurse:

1. I had a 1 night stand and it was unprotected (I was very drunk and it's my first 1 night stand).

2. I have HSV.

3. I told the man I had HSV.

I was told:

"Well let's hope that if that man has a girlfriend that he gives her herpes and then thats karma!"

I am... horrified. Who in their right mind would want to infect an innocent person, in probably the exact same way that I myself was infected?

"At least you don't live in America; they look at herpes like a horrible disgusting disease over there. They send you to prison and all sorts"

... what the actual fuck? Not only is this bullshit, it could be extremely detrimental to someone's mental health hearing that. I'm lucky that I'm confident enough in my diagnosis around health care professionals, but a huge amount of people are newly diagnosed, young, or haven't come to terms with their diagnosis yet. We should feel safe around these professionals, and although she didn't seem to be judging me, her tact was absolutely outrageous.

"You know you don't have to tell them you have herpes? If you're not having an outbreak, there's no need"

At this point I couldn't bite my tongue. Herpes can transmit from asymptomatic shedding and there's no way to know if you're shedding at any one time. I assured her that I'm honest, and wouldn't want anyone to catch HSV the way I had; unknowingly. I told her about asymptomatic shedding. She acted like she knew. So why is she telling her patients to hide their diagnosis, and promote the spreading of HSV? This woman is educating the younger generation, and telling them to keep quiet. This goes against anything I've ever written on this blog and it makes my blood boil.

She isnt judging me, but she is promoting the stigma surrounding genital herpes.

Please make sure you answer back to these sorts of comments, especially when you can be open with a doctor/nurse/health care worker. I'm still not in a place where I discuss my diagnosis with my friends, but i can definitely fight back in a circumstance such as this.

"It doesn't sound like a big deal to me"

Wow. I really didn't give him enough credit. How very open minded of him.

When I went to the obgyn for a consultation, I was told the same thing. "The best protection is condoms." I almost cried when I tried to explain, "I did use condoms, because I was terrified of getting an STD." 

The nurse looked at me and said that she'd heard that many times, and I would have no idea how many girls also got an STI regardless. Any skin to skin contact can transfer hpv. 

I don't pretend to be an expert on this. Since discovering that I have hpv, I've been told a wide range of things. It's possible to test males, it's impossible to know if males have it (unless it manifests in warts), female condoms protect the most (because they cover the most skin), you can get it even with protection, it can be cured, I will have it for the rest of my life, everyone has it, it's not a big deal. 

I don't know how to lessen the stigma. I'm still struggling with that myself, going to the point that I've wrestled with the future of my romantic life. Whether or not I'll ever be able to stomach dating and being physically intimate with someone is not the point. 

I understand what you mean about teaching kids (somehow that phrasing bothers me, because I'm probably one of the "kids" you're talking about). I guess personally, it feels like the first step would be to stop using the term "kids." It implies that it's the young, immature, foolish ones who are responsible for this spread. And maybe that's true, but, as people point out, the next generation doesn't teach themselves. Maybe if the generations in teaching would get over the argument of teaching sex ed, stop trying to cover our ears only to yell at us when we make a decision, claiming we're not adequately prepared for such choices. 

I always believed if someone was mature enough to have sex, then they were stating that they were mature enough to handle the consequences. I know that there are instances when people would seem highly immature to a frightening point, but that's not to say they believe themselves to be immature. So, maybe start approached them as adults, and not kids. Evening the conversation might be a good starting point.

And yes, I'm just starting to figure out what I think about this, so this post is a bit of my forming thoughts.