#steveblogging

STEVE LITERALLY HAS SO MANY FEELINGS

and he gives me so many feelings

but it also frickin rocks my world bc I've had that headcanon for ages that Steve's PTSD is the most intense out of any of the Avengers (definitely not more intense than Bucky's tho homeboy's been through hell a few times over) 

Like it's been stated that he's got a photographic memory right and we see proof of that in TFA where he gets a quick glance at that map in the HYDRA facility and can put all of the markers on SSR's map 

and like taking a quick glance while also freaking out trying to save your best friend and possibly going to be attacked at any moment shows that his memory is frickin awesome

that on top of the whole emotions thing like HOLY HECK

his nightmares are fricking intense 

aND LIKE MOST OF THE TIME WE STEVE WRITERS OUT THERE LIKE TO FOCUS ON THE BIG MAJOR EVENTS RIGHT

like when we're thinking about his PTSD we think about the big stand out traumatic events, the crash and fREEZING ALIVE and Bucky and etcetc

but he was also in a fricking war he fought for like a year and a half and maybe it was off the beaten path, he wasn't on the front lines since he was targeting HYDRA, but it was still a battlefield 

and lord KNOWS that's some of the most traumatic stuff there ever was 

and I think he has a lot of nightmares about that, not focusing on one specific event but just these too-vivid assaults on his senses of things he didn't have time to process during the war and tried to forget in the 21st century 

and don't even get me started on how the movies only show glimpses of his struggles because that's exactly how Steve would want it

Steve learns to deal, he figures out ways to cope without anyone ever knowing that he needed to 

(which makes me think of like 'that's the guy my dad never shut up about maybe we should've kept him on ice' and etcetc because Tony had no idea what Steve was dealing with but Steve would rather have Tony think him a hardheaded jerk than know what's really going on) 

UGH LITERALLY I HAVE SO MANY FRICKING FEELINGS ABOUT STEVE ROGERS'S PTSD I COULD WRITE A BOOK 

Okay I have three different references which will be linked at the bottom of the post and these all have somewhat varied lists of ailments so I brought all of them together into one convenient list. Those that are italicized are on more than one list, Asthma is bold and italicized because it's a constant across the board. Let's get to it.

Angina 

Arrhythmia 

Asthma

Astigmatism 

Color-blindness

Diabetes (also noted as having a family member with diabetes rather than having it himself)

Fallen arches

Heart Murmur

High Blood Pressure

Partial Deafness

Pernicious Anemia 

Rheumatic Fever

Scarlet Fever

Scoliosis

Sinusitis

Stomach Ulcers

Tuberculosis (also noted as having come in contact with a TB patient)

I'm tired but it was hella fun

I GOT A VENUS FLYTRAP AND I NAMED IT STEEVE

We also stayed up past 2 talking about astrological signs, old art, and painting our nails in bad lighting, just the usual sleepover schtuff

Then in the morning, my dad called to say he was gonna pick me up and i was like aw because there was breakfast and I wouldn't be able to eat it. I DID manage to get most of a waffle and some hella bacon tho

Of course, this is something I support wholeheartedly, and Steve flirting with Sam at the beginning of the movie is something I've devoted quite a bit of thought to. But it hasn't escaped my notice that the dynamic of his flirting is quite different between the two of them.

With Sam, Steve is playful and teasing, possibly even showing off like a little kid might to impress someone on the playground. "On your left" is basically Steve's equivalent of "Hey, look what I can do!" He jokes and pokes fun at Sam, even though this is clearly their first meeting. With Sharon, on the other hand, there's a slightly more tentative, almost awkward air to his behavior. While he still plays the role of instigator for both of these interactions, it seems as though he's much less bold when he speaks to Sharon than he is with Sam.

Obviously, there are countless possible reasons for this, ranging from pure circumstance to varying levels of attraction, but I have a theory of my own.

I think that Steve might just find it a bit easier to flirt with Sam as he did, due to how Sam was likely to receive it. The matter lies in how his actions are perceived by the subject of his flirtations. I think the majority of us have experienced someone claiming that we've been flirting with someone of a different gender when really our intentions were purely friendly, and there are countless people who believe that "men and women can't just be friends," so naturally any interactions between them must have a romantic or sexual nature.

Not to mention that the majority of society views the world through a pair of heterosexual-tinted glasses, so that things that are considered flirting between men and women aren't considered such between people of the same gender.

Therefore, I believe if Steve had approached Sharon in the same way he did Sam, it would've been perceived very differently.

The interaction with Sam was playful and fun, it was enjoyed by both of them and proved to spark what will surely become a very strong and intimate friendship. 

The same interaction with Sharon would've been viewed as him clearly hitting on her, showing off and trying to impress her, a romantic intent would've been viewed as much more obvious. 

Therefore, I think this difference in perception makes it easier for Steve to flirt with not only Sam, but with men in general, because it can be taken so much more lightly by the person on the receiving end. And I think that's ideal for Steve, for his flirtations to be taken lightly. His interactions with Natasha suggest that he isn't really interested in seeking out a relationship at the moment, and there's nothing wrong with that. 

(not to mention that Steve's track record with ladies is less than exceptional, and that one Peggy Carter is a saint for her patience with him) 

We see it everywhere, even just in looking at him. Over the course of two years, Steve Rogers has changed, and I fully believe it's a change for the better. Even if it isn't, it's what Steve wants, and there's so much value in that.

When he awoke, in that farce of a false recovery room, SHIELD seemed to think they had him in their pocket. Laying him neatly on top of a carefully made bed, not a hair out of place and fully dressed, with black and white photographs outside meant to be scenery outside the false windows.

Everything about that little room screamed a doll in a dollhouse.

And even after that, in the deleted scene from Avengers, we see more of this. We see SHIELD trying to keep him as he was, pulling him back from adapting to the modern world. We see only a glimpse of the apartment they provided, but even the glimpse is obviously designed with him in mind.

In the kitchen we can see an obviously old model refrigerator, tying in with the style of the furniture, even the lighting they use in this scene gives it that nostalgic feeling. SHIELD is keeping him in the past as best they can. It seemed they thought Loki had the right idea when he called Steve 'the man out of time.' It looks as though that's they wanted.

Not to mention the gym we see him in at the beginning of Avengers, and the clothes he wears throughout. There's an obviously old fashioned feeling everywhere you look in his regard.

And of course there are the little jokes here and there, 'I understood that reference' and 'It seems to run on some sort of electricity,' so on and so forth.

Every time you turn around, there's another reminder that Steve Rogers is from the 40s, that he's in unfamiliar territory. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that! From what I understand, Steve had been awake all of a week when the battle of NY happened. It isn't like he had a long time to prepare.

Nor like SHIELD was giving him much opportunity to.

But after Avengers, things definitely changed, didn't they?

Enter Winter Soldier, where we see Steve in tee shirts and blue jeans, hair cut shorter and spiked in the front, using a touch screen cell ad cutting people off from explaining their references, he's already seen that movie, Natasha.

And what a beautiful change it is.

This is what Steve wanted. He's adaptable, he always has been. How do you live through the Great Depression with a laundry list of health problems without being flexible here and there? He wanted to keep the important factors of his background, keep what he needs and file away what he doesn't, taking the future by the horns and never slowing down for longer than he needs to catch his breath.

It makes me wonder if, when we see him getting on that motorcycle and riding off into the sunset at the end of Avengers, that was when he decided to make the change himself. Reject the image of an out of place hero of yesteryear, and instead forge a new one of a hero of here and now. Instead of the man out of time, he will become the man who defies it.

I wonder if he packed up his things and left that SHIELD-provided apartment, gathered up things he'd been holding onto for familiarity's sake, those clothes and that flawed mentality, and put aside his born-into-poverty aversion to waste for one night to set fire to the man living in the past. Lighting a match and dropping it onto the poor soul who didn't understand, who needed to be babied and coddled.

He left New York, where he'd grown up, which is the definition of his world when he first woke up. Memories and familiarity were all around him, but distorted and confused by the future slipping into the cracks of old foundation.

So he turned around and rode away. He wasn't a confused castaway being forced through a transition he couldn't manage. He was Steve Rogers, Captain America, and he wasn't just going to survive. He was going to live.

And thus the transition from Avengers Steve to Winter Soldier began, and he took off in leaps and bounds.

this girl

that's who

So like the subject of Steve and sex is a very interesting thing to think about bc WE DON'T KNOW at least as far as MCU is concerned and y'all know I don't know lickety spricket about the comics so I'm just talking MCU okay

Bc for the most part, Steve is too busy kicking booty and taking names to worry about the horizontal polka and no one blames him

BUT for now

just focusing on the one man polka

and I haven't read just a ton of fanfics, but I have read a good handful, and maybe 3-4 that have had Steve getting down on his lonesome, and there's one thing that's consistent across the board.

And that's that he doesn't feel comfortable jerkin it to the thought of someone else, and when/if he does, he feels guilty as hot frick about it afterwards.

And I definitely agree with that as far as my portrayal goes. 

And it's not a 40s sex-shame thing, guys, that's not what this bro's about. It's a respect thing. 

Because as I've talked about in my headcanons, my precious Steve is demisexual, which means that he doesn't experience sexual attraction unless there's already an emotional connection in place. Make sense?

This means that if he's getting boners for somebody, he already has mad love/respect/etc for them. 

And he sort of associates jerking off to the thought of them with just using them, if that makes sense? And sort of violating, as well. It feels like it's crossing a boundary. 

(this is all in a context of not being in a sexual relationship with the person he's got the boners for) 

So if he were to get off to the thought of somebody he cares about, he'd feel very guilty about it. He'd feel like he disrespected them. 

And for the most part, my Steve really doesn't do that very much? 

I mean he's not violently opposed or anything. It's more like he doesn't give it that much thought. He's got crap to Avenge or peeps to throw shields at or Buckys to save I dunno man he's busy

but he does sometimes I guess? I don't know what the circumstances would be but sometimes

maybe if he like really needs to sleep and can't Iunno

but if he is in a sexy relationship with somebody then it's sort of different, like with making sure that person is chill with it? 

on one final note to this sexy sexy Steveblogging, I do have a headcanon  that if Steve ever is like sexually frustrated and wants to frickle frack with somebody but they're either not in that kind of relationship or aren't available for frickle fracking or whatever the case may be

he draws like a lot more dON'T ASK ME WHY IT ALLEVIATES THE TENSION OR SOMETHING