#step6

First off, make it a two-way conversation. Never just talk about yourself, or the other party. No one likes someone who seem narcissistic and cannot stop rattling on about their day, their friends, and their dog. Also, no one likes someone who does not seem to share anything about themselves and is constantly being very mysterious - pro tip: if that’s your match, you’re probably getting catfished. Get the hell out of there and move on.

Next, slowly (but surely) move the topics from something typical like, oh what’s your major? which uni? cool are you in hall? what do you do? to something a little more interesting and fun like, (if your match has a chinese name) if you could choose a christian name for yourself, what would it be? My point being, it doesn’t have to jump straight to real talk or deep talk off the bat. But make things engaging for the both of you! Also, make use of this opportunity to find out more about him (or her) as a person.

There was a match I had who was speaking about his family (cool). We were also on the topic of online shopping and here’s the gist of the conversation we had -

me: oh, so what do you usually buy?

him: you know, the usual. protein powder and some dumbbells.

me: oh lmao aren’t protein powders usually pretty pricey???

him: ya my last order was like 2-3 bottles of it and they were >$100

me: that is q a lot of moolah to splash at one go HAHA your parents are cool with it?

him: ya they are willing to pay for me as long as I want it and they think it’s ok

me: ... (did not reply for a bit)

From the conversation above, I came to the conclusion that he isn’t as independent as I would like and he still relies a lot on his family for financial needs. On things like protein powders and dumbbells. Not going to lie, that kind of turned me off and I lost most of my interest after that. I met up with him though; and he was nice. But... the conversation above was a red flag and I didn’t foresee us being anything more than friends.

Conversations are great to develop bonds, but it’s also a really great tool to get to know the other person. You have to phrase your questions purposefully, and sensitive questions have to be handled with care. A little bit of EQ goes a long way.

Thirdly, ignore your self-imposed rules. What I mean is the ever-so-famous double texting rule. As a girl, I do know that such rules exist within the circle of girls. It’s basically taboo to double text (especially a boy) because that just means that you are blatantly displaying your affection. To double text = something serious is going on.

But guys don’t know that! They don’t have this rule! If they want to double text you, they can and they will! Then girls will misinterpret this as ohmygod he’s into me!! but he isn’t! There’s a lot of miscommunication here with no communication.

If you think that you are enjoying your conversation and he is taking a while to reply (longer than usual), then just go ahead and text him again! Is everything on your side cool? is my go to. Most of the time, he just forgot to reply the text because he was busy doing something else and he swiped the notification off his list.

Fourthly, keep the conversation going purposefully. If you sense a topic dying off, start another topic! Ask another question! There are so many ways to keep a conversation going, and one is not to end it with lmao, haha, lol, or anything similar. That’s just slicing its head off and throwing it out of the window and into the river. If a guy sees that you aren’t continuing the conversation or attempting to carry it, then he loses interest because he thinks that you are not interested! But I know girls who just freak out or are simply bad texters, which makes matters a little worse. Just do me a favour and don’t end the conversation like this, okay?

Some topics to talk about are,

personal stuff

like family, friends (mutual friends?)

beliefs

current affairs

memes

common interests (if any)

hobbies of the other person that you don’t really know

and would like to know

each other’s day

food in sg

discuss about where is the best xx - most likely you guys would disagree and you can take this chance to initiate a meet up!!!

and so much more. I highlighted the point about food in sg because so many people are foodies, and it is the perfect excuse to meet up. If he says the best carrot cake is in Bugis and you say that the best carrot cake is in Bedok, then we have a winner! Say something like,

no i don’t believe

the black carrot cake in bedok is damn good

next time i bring you and try

you confirm say bedok is better lor

The goal is scored.