#staying open

A world where it is safe to love is a world where it is safe to live.....

“I heard a doctor say that the living tend to withdraw emotionally from the dying, thereby driving them deeper into isolation. Not to withdraw takes tremendous strength. To pull back is a temptation; it doesn't hurt nearly as much as remaining open.”

When I Think of All the Years We Waste Not Letting Anyone In

How hard it is to stay a window—open, see through. Wind pulling at your pane. Frost interrupting sight. Still, I can't forget the afternoons, glazed in gold. The world greening itself into future. Maybe this is what living means: everytime it rains, half of you stays dry.

So many times in my life, I met an incredible human and felt there was an instant zing of connection. We would chat often, every time we ran into one another, but as soon as it became trying to make time for one another, the friendship fizzled.

Over and over, I’d offer dates and times. I’d offer suggestions. I’d tell them it was up to them when we got together. And... nothing.

And I understand being busy. I am a mother of three beautiful neurodivergent children who have doctors’ appointments all over the seven cities. I work full-time running my own Digital Marketing business.

But never getting back to me over and over... that’s different. I can handle "not this week" or even "not this month". But too often no response or, "I’ll get back to you" turned into no response.

The few good friends I have? We make plans a month out for this very reason. We are all busy and we make space for one another. But we also make time.

I always leave myself open to new friendships. Despite how many times I’ve been burned, my heart is always open.

But I must say, through all those many, many, many times I thought I’d found a friend... I cannot tell you how amazing the friendships that sneaked up on me were. The ones I never saw coming. The ones I never anticipated.

So, while a part of me still aches for the friendships that never were, I celebrate the friendships I have. And I remain open to the unexpected. Some of the best friendships are out of the blue. Trust me.

Open your heart, loves. Mourn what you lost or what never was, of course. Don’t bottle that up. Feel it and let it move through you. But don’t close yourself off.

This post must be about 5 years old.  I have no idea why I never posted it. Perhaps there were more “funny universe things” to expound upon but they have certainly been forgotten by now. 

I post this now to remind myself to remain open to the serendipitous moments, to remain aware of and even seek the little connections that thread together.  Though these pinpricks in time were tiny, the alignment of them was meaningful for some reason at that point. Here’s to clearing my mind and allowing it to weave together experiences, feeling, and thoughts. 

Over the last few weeks, I have been trying to stay conscious of the random incidences caused by the universe.  

I was heading to my first day back of tutoring after the summer hiatus when a former 4th grade colleague and I communicated via text.  I sent her a message because she had met my aunt in recent days.  Her response? “I was just talking to -principal- about you.”

I drove to work daydreaming about having a printer in my office so that I would not have to run up to the library to print everything I needed.  When I walked in, the technology guy was removing the old, and had hauled a new one in.

Friday, January 18th, 2019 Brandon Andrew Grisham Day 8003

Click to read my daily notes.

  Click to go home.

Is being open the key to creative flow?

More Questions!

If I were truly creating the joy of living today, what would I choose right now?

What if everything I imagine and desire as a possibility could happen?

What if I could have a sense of freedom in every part of my life?

What else am I willing to be open to?