#stauvv

1332 AE

Stauvv sat slumped against a crumbling wall of the Thunderhead keep. He wondered how he ended up here. Had somebody told him a year ago that he would’ve ended up on the front lines of a war against the Desert Lich, and against the Elder Dragon Kralkatorrik, he would’ve laughed himself into a coughing fit.

And yet here he was.

He’d spent the entire last day working as a field medic to save the hundreds of wounded soldiers from this suicidal plan to kill the dragon. The carnage was… a million times worse than anything he’d ever seen before. There were still more wounded to help but his stamina had given out… he’d grown too fatigued to even remain standing. All he could do now was watch everyone try to pick up with pieces, to try and pick up their own shattered morale.

This was war… war that he’d turned a blind eye to for so long.

This is what his sister and Krill had been in the middle of for nearly a decade.

What he’d selfishly asked Krill to get involved with.

Now, they were staring into the oncoming oblivion that Kralkatorrik would inevitably bring. The soldiers of Tyria had been able to stave off the apocalypse for so long, a lot of people had begun to forget that the threat never went away. And now they were going to die, because their luck finally ran out. They failed. Even Commander Ospreii was able to do little more than sit and stare at nothing, let alone try and lead the Pact once more.

And it was a strange feeling, he considered as he absentmindedly wrung his hands in his lap. Stauvv had been wrestling with his own inevitable early demise his entire life from the unknown illness plaguing his family. This uneasy feeling that had settled over the keep was nothing new to him at all except for how imminent it suddenly felt.

He’d always… held out just a little hope. Always believed he had at least a few more years. Now he was looking at a matter of days.

Days.

Slowly, he hugged his knees to his chest and closed his eyes.

All the years he did have… What did he even accomplish with them?

…

Footsteps came to a stop just in front of him. He knew who it was without even looking.

“Are you… doing okay?” Krill asked, voice subdued.

“No.”

Stauvv cracked his eyes open as Krill sat on his knees in front of him, so he could look at the doctor from eye-level. The familiar face brought him some comfort, down to the very scars he’d treated himself. It really didn’t seem as though they’d been apart for years, just a few months ago.

When, exactly, had begun to think of the annoying menace in front of him in this way? A comfort, a light in this heavy darkness? As his heavy pale pink eyes checked Krill for injury of their own accord, he noticed the state of dishevelment that the other asura’s hair was in. Thinking there wasn’t much point to stress about these embarrassing things anymore, Stauvv reached forward to try and fix the frontmost ponytail.

Krill seemed surprised, but instead of gloating and teasing like he normally would, he just frowned with a creased brow. “You should look at yourself, Stauvv,” He chided him in a flat, dull voice, and half-heartedly batted at his hands.

Stauvv wasn’t deterred. “I’ve always had messy hair, so it’s fine.”

The other asura bowed his head further, allowing Stauvv easier access to his hair from where he sat, since the height difference between the two was so great. “You used to care at least a little bit.” He argued, staring blankly at the ground between them. It was seriously starting to bother him how despondent Krill was sounding. “Ever since we met again, I keep thinking you’ve changed.”

“... How so?” He asked with a tilt of his chin.

“You… Back then, I felt like you were untouchable. Nothing ever fazed you, and I really admired that,” Krill’s voice softened to a near whisper, “But lately, when I see you, I realize you’re not so confident, and not so untouchable. It was endearing at first, to see you fret at things I’ve grown used to out here, but now, I’m really scared of seeing you hurt. I’m terrified of it. I want to be able to protect you.”

Stauvv’s hands came to a halt, and he suddenly found it difficult to swallow.

Krill shook his head, lower lip wobbling. “But I’ll fail.”

That word struck him in the chest, and he sucked in a quick breath. Failure.

“Stauvv, I…”

“No, Krill,” He interrupted, making an odd expression as he searched for a coherent thought among his scattered feelings, pulling his hands back towards his chest . “The responsibility of saving somebody against all odds… It’s a really shitty burden to put on yourself. And the guilt that follows your inevitable failure is even worse. I’ve been there, so just trust me, okay?” Stauvv admonished, flushing with a sudden wave of anger. He was not going to let Krill take on the same weight that he’d been dragging the past twenty years following Nimme’s death. “Besides, I’m not afraid of dying in something interesting like a dragon storm. In fact, I’m actually a bit relieved that I won’t be going out the way I thought I would.”

Slowly, Krill lifted his face to meet his gaze, those crimson prosthetic eyes shifting through hundreds of lenses to find the clearest picture of Stauvv’s face, searching and searching for… what?

He glanced side to side as Krill lifted his hands up, and flinched in surprise when he felt calloused palms brushing his cheeks. When Stauvv didn’t smack them away, Krill grew bolder and committed to holding him, smiling slightly at the way his face was ever-so-slightly smushed between his hands. A familiar red tint appeared on Stauvv’s pale ear tips, except this time, it also spread along his cheeks and dusted across his nose, and he could feel the feverish warmth glowing against his palms.

His pink eyes were widened, but his expression was clear, containing none of his usual sharpened ire. Neither did he move to keep Krill at an arm’s distance as the blonde asura pulled the doctor into an embrace.

Although he held his arms up awkwardly behind Krill’s back for a moment, he eventually returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around Krill’s torso, and hiding his flaming face in the crook of his neck

“If we’re accepting that this is the end of the world,” Krill began in a soft voice, swallowing hard, “I have something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” When he didn’t reply, Krill attempted to look at him, only for Stauvv to turn his head the same way, hiding further. Was he holding his breath…? “Stauvv,” He said more insistently, amusement tugging at his face. This was supposed to be a somber, serious moment, wasn’t it? “Is that okay?”

Tiny claws pricked at his exposed back, “Just spit it out!” he shouted back under his breath, breath hot against Krill’s neck, making the other laugh.

“Okay, okay,” Krill chuckled, sobering up and keeping his voice to a soft whisper, mindful of the numerous soldiers resting and grieving in the ruins of the keep. “I’ll keep it brief. You’re really special to me, and I’ve felt this way ever since we first met. So… I want you to know, while we still have time, I-”

He was cut off when one of Stauvv’s hands reached up and clapped itself over his mouth. The doctor’s other hand, claws still digging into his back like pinpricks, tightened, and he felt Stauvv kick the ground behind him a few times. He fought the urge to laugh again. This was so unlike him.

“I’m not letting you say it first,” Stauvv declared, proud voice nearly rising into speaking volume, and pulled back from Krill’s arms. Very soon after, he realized his mistake when he made eye contact with Krill’s smug red eyes and his blush returned with a vengeance. He couldn’t say it. Not with Krill looking directly at him. There was nowhere to hide from the sharpness of his stare. Stauvv clapped his hands over his burning cheeks and curled into a ball. Forget it. Just let the dragon take them all out right now.

Krill huffed a breath of amusement out of his nose, and adjusted himself so that he was sitting next to Stauvv rather than in front of him, then gently pulled him into a side hug.

“Okay, I’ll let you say it first. Whenever you’re ready.”

A comfortable silence grew between them and gradually Stauvv’s heart stopped beating so frantically. He could think clearly again, barring the fatigue that was still pushing him into the ground and pulling at his eyelids. This was nice. If his last few days were spent like this, it’d be more than alright.

He glanced around the keep once more, and for the first time, considered himself lucky to have someone beside him. How easy it would’ve been for him to have met his end alone in Rata Primus, or elsewhere in Tyria without even his sister to check on him? Although they’d spent much time apart, he’d always known Krill was somebody who cared.

And that meant everything to him.

That the reason he’d frequented Pact outposts, to inquire if he was still fucking alive, heart skipping a beat with worry every time his eyes had scanned medical tents around Tyria. Krill could’ve died any day out there, and it would’ve been his fault for suggesting he go join the Pact in the first place.

It was the only blessing in his life for them to both be sitting here today.

He didn’t have any of the words he wanted, but he wanted to try and convey this anyway.

“You’re special to me too,” He murmured so softly Krill had to lift an ear to hear him clearer, “So much so that I’ve been asking myself a lot lately if this is what that’s supposed to feel like.”

He didn’t need to specify what that was. He just shuffled a little bit closer to Krill, who was anxiously fidgeting with his armor with a free hand. Without thinking, Stauvv reached over and grabbed onto it.

“I want to be a little selfish for once.”

He didn’t know what sort of expression Krill was making beside him, but he had a feeling it was a pleasant one when he replied, “You can always be selfish with me.”

Stauvv cleared his throat and fully leaned into Krill’s chest, letting his eyes fall shut. He whispered in a soft, vulnerable voice that nobody but the asura beside him gets to hear.