#status 6

what was I expecting, honestly?

Name: Fuckpig

Rarity: Difficult to not find

Stats:

Attack: Okay

Defense: Poor

Magic: None

Magic Resistance: Bad

Health: Poor

Speed: Alright

Description: These scandalous hogs are named after their tendency to mate like fuckpigs. It is recommended that you don't keep two of opposite gender near each other for too long, as you can very quickly go from two to two million.

Six's Notes: They'll mate regardless of gender, but can only reproduce with opposite genders. They aren't terrible combatants.

6: You’ll never be Him.

6: Hey, have you seen any fuckpigs around here? He has demanded they all be slaughtered.

1: No, but why does He want them slaughtered?

6: There’s too many of them.

1: Yeah I get that, but why ALL of them?

6: Why do you think they’re called “fuckpigs?” They multiply at terrifying rates.

[a table covered with a cloth begins to shake and oink. Aggressively.]

6: …what’s underneath that table?

- religion collector

[as you talk, you see the other Statuses gathering 6 from a distance away. 2 is also there and he has popcorn]

6: Well the prophet/divine being of Daily Quests instructs us with the titular daily quests on how we live our lives, and it is our sacred duty to complete them within the 24-hour period. As well as recruit some other believers along the way.

[Suddenly, 7 shouts something out.]

7: AND WHAT HAPPENS TO THE NON-BELIEVERS?

6: Well, they simply live less fulfilling lives. Sucks for them, end of story.

[all the other Statuses have odd expressions. they weren't expecting this response.]

4: Did. Did their Doctrine... update?

7: Great. Now I just look like a prick.

2: wahtat sposrtsops gamesmesm is thsitsi againga?

- a religion collector

7: Wh- really?

DANG IT!

6, get over here.

[6 appears. 7 begrudgingly gives 100 gold and then leaves. It seems he just lost a bet.]

[1 tackles 2.]

DON'T. FUCKING. TRY TO MESS WITH THE SUN'S ORBIT.

...or I guess the planet's rotation since- wait, do we live in a Heliocentric or Geocentric space? Normally the planet would orbit the sun, but if we're in a game it would be easier for the sun to- does the planet even have a name?

doo wehwahtaw

[Status 6 appears]

What is going on- hey, can you try this?

[They hand 1 and 2 some of those vegetables they were growing.]

...AJAGJAGHAJHDFJLKHSADJHSGH-

Tastes like the emotions I struggle to process because I can't express them without damaging relationships. I can't imagine anyone enjoyed growing this.

what? That's completely-

[One appears, and drags Seven off]

Also what is Six talking about

Oh, I'm a follower of Daily Quests, the-

[Six is clocked clean in the head by Seven appearing from behind them.]

7: For the love of- i was about to say for the love of god but that's actually the opposite of- what was I saying? Right. STOP EVANGELIZING. Nobody cares.

You're all worthless hacks. You'll see. You'll regret not praising Him and following the Daily Quests.

Weren't you just talking about how I was worth something or

[Eight and the Hash also show up.]

Bueno, si todos se están reuniendo aquí…

I don't know what that means but that tone is exactly what I thought as well.