#statalia

How each (Western) state acts when they get the wrong order at the drive through.

Alaska: Pretty sure this guy sources a lot of the food that is served in the drive through to begin with. Despite this, that doesn’t actually have any effect on how he behaves when he clearly ordered an elk burger and you give him a Fillet o Fish. This isn’t even a McDonald's — how and WHY are they giving him a Fillet o Fish? Now, let’s be real here, being that far up North will mess anybody up, and being that far away from the rest of your country means that a lot of hatred and Karenage is stored up and bottled inside oneself. And that’s exactly what Alaska does — he just grumbles and drive away, possibly while the food is still in the employee's hand. Will he say or do anything about it? No. Will he write a one star review on Yelp? Also no. You’d best believe that he’ll hold that grudge forever — and probably mutter something about this is why he doesn’t go to fast food places.

California: People may think that just because she’s rich means she doesn’t really work hard, but this is not the case. When she’s not actively on set, she works in various state parks. She loves animals. This job is very laborious, and when Cali gets off work, she’s famished. Oftentimes she’s too tired to really correct an employee if they pen down the wrong order. It doesn’t stop there, though — of course it doesn’t. California is vocal. California is loud. She will devour the entire wrong meal, not even once questioning how she was served a Fillet o Fish when it clearly is not McDonald’s, and then, after the very last bite, after she’s licked her fingers clean, she will go up to the register and unleash the wrath of a thousand grizzlies about how this was NOT her order. "But you ate the whole thing" has no gravity in this situation. Do you know who California is?! Yeah, she’s annoying, okay, she’ll give you that, but will you be able to function without California? Don’t mess with California. She’s larger than life. And you? You’re just an incompetent speck of dust who gave her a FILLET O FISH!

Colorado: Dude, does he even notice? Pretty sure that altitude sickness got to him. He didn’t even drive himself here. No, he got an Uber. He doesn’t even question the fact that he went to a drive through vegan bakery and they sold him a Fillet o Fish that was purple. He can hardly taste the difference. Despite the way Colorado behaves, he is completely sober, but living on the mountains for so long, well, he’s, by default, high. This is some good food, though. Would you like a free coupon? He collects coupons for things he'll never use. It’s his love language, and he loves you so much. You’re so awesome, did you know that? You’re, like, a star. You’re, like, Vega.

Hawaii: Hawaii is the epitome of someone who is sensible and a normal human being. She knows how to party — oh, she KNOWS HOW to party — but in day to day interactions she is the person we all should be but no one actually is. She is the one who says, "Oh, excuse me but I think you mixed up my order" and she waits there calmly for the issue to be sorted out. How did Hawaii ever get so normal? No wonder she’s slowly drifting away from the chaos empire, a few inches annually.

Idaho: Like Hawaii, Idaho is chill. Idaho's a farmer. Idaho honestly doesn’t have the energy to complain. All food is good food, after all. She’ll eat whatever is given to her. She came here specifically so that she didn’t have to cook tonight — she doesn’t care WHAT you give her. Yeah, so she ordered Mountain Dew but you COULD give her dirty mop water. She won’t complain. Unless. Unless you give her a potato meal. Do you think this is funny? Like some kind of joke? Ha, ha, Idaho is a potato farmer, VERY funny, HILARIOUS, BRAVO, do you realise how you come across when you do that? You know, wise guy, BACK IN HER DAY when people made a stupid practical joke—

Montana: It depends on the nature of the mix up. If what she ordered was more expensive than what she got, she'll go up to the front, stern but not impolite, and fix the mistake. She'll circle that Toyota Tundra into the parking lot and walk into the store and wait. However, this does not apply if she’s getting a discount. Did she pay for chicken nuggets and receive a whole rack of baby back ribs? Well dang, guess it’s her lucky day or something! Maybe she should try the lottery! In the long run, Montana doesn’t care all too much about her food — as long as it’s filling and not made of pure sugar, she’ll be happy. Montana is in it for the money. And she goes out once in awhile so that people stop making fun of how cheap she is. She’s not cheap, dang it, she’s frugal!

Nevada: Nevada is strange. When it’s just him, he’s a very chill guy. When it’s him and literally anyone else, whether it be him and a girlfriend, him and a coworker, him and the guy across the street, he can get really uptight and confrontational in an attempt to impress and to come across as something of a macho man. His love for music, geekiness for cinema, and green thumb (as well as his ability to survive 290 days in the desert on a vegan diet — he would never back down from a dare) are really what make him macho and manly, but for some odd reason Nevada thinks that people will be completely wowed if he screams in a fast food worker's face about how he got the 6 pack and not the 4 pack and how he wanted HONEY MUSTARD WITH HIS CHICKEN NUGGIES >:(. It’s like he’s a completely different person when others are around.

Oregon: …. …. … If you don’t understand why he’s sitting there glaring at you as if he’s trying to activate some magical eyeball lasers to completely disintegrate you, then eventually he’ll just drive away, still coldly staring at you through the side mirror of his car. Oregon has a weird way of expressing his emotions which, for the most part, involves menacing stares. He looks like a guy who thinks he’s in an emotional music video but in reality he just looks like Hannibal Lecter got caught drunk driving during a downpour and doesn’t know how to operate his windshield wipers.

Utah: She doesn’t even tell employees that they mixed up her order; she just asks to confirm the ingredients in the wrong order are okay for her to eat. If she wants chicken nuggets and she’s given a Fillet o Fish, she’ll double check to make sure it was made in non-alcoholic batter and that it doesn’t contain caffeine. She could just say "Excuse me, I think you gave me the wrong order, I ordered chicken nuggets" and it would probably be faster and less burdensome than what she actually does. She doesn’t want to come across as mean — and she doesn’t. She comes across as paranoid.

Washington: WASHINGTON is the kind of guy that would go full Karen at a fast food restaurant. He would pound on the drive thru window — in fact, he would climb through it, get stuck, and require police and fire services to pull him out. He’s done this on multiple occasions. No one is quite sure what goes on in Washington for a man to behave like this, but this man clearly ordered a six piece chicken nugget meal. The amount of bad reviews this guy has given is astronomical — and these are long and detailed, too. Washington doesn’t speak to the manager. Ironically, even the mention of a manager is enough to send him running. He just wants his nuggets, man. Why’d you do him dirty like this?

Oo, cards