#startrekfics

"Shhhh... darlin'," Leonard whispered soothingly against the top of your head, "its going to be alright, you're safe now."

His hand on your back now moved up and down, spreading warmth and sending tingles down your spine.  

After a while you felt like you could breathe again and you pulled away gently, but he didn't let you out of his reach, one of his hands resting on your shoulder, his thumb stroking your jawline. 

As the adrenaline wore off your arm began to sting more and your jaw and thighs ached.  Leonard's eyes surveyed you and his thumb moved to press against your chin, moving your head back and forward gently so he could see the damage.  

"We should get you down to the medbay and get you cleaned up." He whispered, and you could tell his brain switched into doctor mode, working on which treatments you needed.  He stepped towards you, as if heading to the door and you raised two shaky hands to his chest.  He stopped instantly and looked down at your hands.

"I can't go back out there." You said weakly, your voice raspy and shaky.  

You didn't meet his eyes, but stared straight ahead at where your small, thin fingers rested on his chest, the cloth of his pyjama top thin enough for you to feel the warmth emanating from his body.  

"Okay." Leonard whispered, his hands wrapping around your wrists gently, "I have a med kit in here we can use."

"Thank you." You rasped, finally looking up into his eyes, which were big and concerned and kind.  

He pulled you by your wrists over to the kitchen and helped you sit down on one of the stools.  He opened a cupboard and pulled out a big black bag and set it on the counter.  

"So what happened?" He asked as he pulled supplies from the bag.  

Before you could respond the sudden sound of loud, booming footsteps coming from the hallway filled your ears and shredded the feeling of safety you had developed from being in Leonard’s apartment.  You gasped and flinched, throwing your hands up to cover your ears and nearly toppling off the stool.  Leonard laid his hands on either side of your shoulders to steady you, and kept them there until the footsteps subsided. 

"Whoever did this, I'm going to kill them."  He stated gruffly and you looked up to his face contorted in anger as he glared at the door. 

His sincerity made you huff out a laugh, which brought Leonard's eyes away from the door and back to your face.  He smiled at you gently and you managed a half a smile back.  

As he sorted through his bag you told him the story of what happened, your voice shaky and breaking as you recounted the terrifying events.  You could tell he grew more and more furious as you went on. He applied a hypo to your neck, and you felt the sting and aching of your wounds lessen.  He pressed a healing patch to your arm and the bleeding stopped almost immediately.  He applied a salve to the blue-black bruises forming on your jaw and on your thighs, and you couldn't suppress a blush as he tenderly applied the salve there.  

You felt a thousand times better once he had finished, but you also felt completely and utterly drained.  

"You feeling better?" Leonard asked as he put away the medical supplies.

You managed a small nod, but suddenly your mind was racing and a feeling of anxiety washed over you, making your heart rate increase dramatically.    

"I'm sorry I didn't meet you for breakfast this morning, my alarm didn't go off." You blurted, your eyes on the floor.  

You heard him chuckle softly and responded teasingly, "don't worry about it darlin'.  I have to admit I was slightly disappointed, but..." 

He stopped talking when he saw your face.  Tears streamed down your cheeks again, but this time it wasn't uncontrolled sobs, only sad, slow tears that overflowed down your cheeks.  

"Is something still hurting you?" He questioned as he turned back to the cupboard to get the med kit again but stopped as you shook your head.  

"Then what is it?" He asked gently and kneeled down in front of you so you had no choice but to look down into his sad quizzical eyes.  

As you looked at Leonard more tears streamed down your face, and all you could do was shake your head, gulp a few shaky breaths, and bury your face in your trembling hands. 

Leonard’s hands came gingerly up and rested on your knees, thumbs stroking a soft pattern into your skin.  

Another wave of anxiety caught you in its grasp and you suddenly realized you couldn’t take his kindness and pity anymore, you didn’t deserve it.   

"I can't." You whispered and suddenly twisted your chair, stood up and strode towards the door with as little shaking as you could manage.  

"Y/N, wait!" Leonard yelled and you heard his footsteps behind you.  

You had barely made it into the living room when he grabbed your hand and spun you around to face him.  

"Why do you run away from everything?" Leonard said almost roughly, his face contorted in what looked like a mix of pain and confusion.  

"Let me go." You instructed him, tugging weakly at your arm.

He didn’t say anything but responded by entwining your fingers through his so you two were properly holding hands.  

You looked up at him in desperation but you knew that he wasn't going to back down.  You let out a sigh of surrender and squeezed his hand that you held.  He squeezed back gently.  

"I am no good for you." You started, begging the tears that pressed on your eyes to retreat, "I am quiet and weak and awkward, and can barely stand on my own two feet.  You are strong and intelligent and a hero and I am nothing.  Nothing piled on nothing.  I'd rather curl up and read my book and avoid my problems than face them.  You deserve someone a thousand times better than me, that's why I am leaving."

Leonard looked at you quizzically, and he pulled at your connected hands so you moved closer together.  You couldn't handle it.  You released his hand and stalked to the other side of the coffee table.  

You stared at each other for a minute before he spoke. 

"You are not nothing." Leonard began, and you started to interject but he raised a hand to stop you, closing the distance and stopping in front of you. 

"You. Are. Not. Nothing." he repeated slowly and continued, "you are kind and funny and smart.  So god-damn smart.  And you are a hero.  You saved Spock's life when even I couldn't.  And sure, you are clumsy and awkward, but I find that incredibly endearing and refreshing.”

He paused and you let his words sink in, and you were surprised to find that your anxiety was diminishing, as these situations usually caused you to panic.  You fiddled with a tear in your uniform and waited for him to continue. 

Leonard ran his hand down the back of his neck before he spoke again, “Everyone on this damn ship thinks that they're a hero just because they are on it.  They are so cocky and hard-headed and think that they can get whatever they want.  But not you.  When I met you it was like a breath of fresh air.  I didn't have to argue or debate anything with you because you were actually listening to what I was saying and not trying to interject with your own ideas.  And I am friends with Kirk and Spock and that's literally all they do.  Not you, though.  You are different." 

As he spoke he seemed to get more agitated or frustrated like he was mad that you couldn't see your own worth.  But the truth was, you couldn't.  You'd been knocked down so many times about your ideas and dreams and everything that you had forgotten that you wanted them in the first place.  You'd forgotten what it was like to have someone believe in you.  Your mean classmates faces and jeers came back into your mind like a flood and you almost broke down again.  

"Why can't anyone else see that?  Nobody ever believes in me.  Even my parents doubted me about joining the Academy.  They didn't think I could do it.  But I did.  And I was mocked for years." You drew out the word 'years' for emphasis and continued, growing more flustered and agitated.  "Why in the world would you want to study botany if you wanted to be in Starfleet?  And then I was chosen for the Enterprise and I was mocked even more.”

You took a shaky breath and met Leonard’s eyes, his face open and kind as you continued, 

“I run away because I am not strong enough to fight.  Not strong enough to confront anything.  Not the bullies, not my parents, and especially not my feelings for you." 

You backed away from him; keeping his gaze locked with yours when you felt your foot catch on the corner of the coffee table.  Before you could tumble, Leonard's hands were around your waist, pulling you up.  But this time he didn't let you go.  He pulled you closer until your foreheads touched.  

"I believe in you." He whispered, his breath warm on your lips, sending shivers down your spine.  

Your brain screamed for you to run away, to escape from his arms and turn and head out the door as fast as you could.  But for once you pushed it aside.  You ignored your body's natural instinct to flee and instead wrapped your arms around Leonard's neck.  

Your hand smoothed down the hair at the back of his neck, and every passing second that you were pressed against Leonard helped your shaking extremities to steady and your breathing to slow.  Your anxiety was long gone.  

"This scares me." You whispered, staring deep into his dark brown eyes. 

"Good." Was the last word he said before he closed the gap and pressed his lips to yours.  Your hands moved to cup his cheeks as he kissed you slowly, his hands tightening around your back.  Everything suddenly felt like it was falling apart at the same time that it was falling into place.  

You pulled away gently, and ran your fingers through his hair, making it stick up, similar to the morning you first met.  

"You should probably fix that." You teased, a smile playing on your lips.

Leonard stared at your lips with unabashed longing and said, "Nah," before pulling you back in to his lips and lavishing you again.  

Your heart was full and your lips were sore when he eventually pulled away, his arm still draped around your waist.  He lead you to his bedroom and you paused, not sure that you were ready for this step yet.

"Don’t worry, darlin',” Leonard assured, sensing your hesitation, “I just haven't had a good night's sleep since Spock's return and I think you might be the perfect remedy for that." He suggested, pulling the covers back and climbing in, your hand still in his.  

You tugged off your boots and tossed them on the floor.  Leonard's hand pulled yours into the bed and you climbed in and curled up against him, your chin tucked against his collarbone, your body fitting perfectly into his.  You planted a couple kisses on his neck and he responded by kissing your forehead.  

As you felt him fall asleep you wiggled upwards in the bed so your face was at the same level as his.  He was half asleep, but his eyes were still slightly open. 

"Mmmm?" He hummed questioningly and you felt his arms pull your body closer to his. 

"I believe in you too." You whispered to him and placed a gentle, lingering kiss on his lips, before pulling away smiling.  Leonard smiled sleepily too, and you watched his eyes flutter closed in exhaustion.  

You curled back up into his body and rested your head on his chest.  

Nothing was better than this, you thought to yourself as the flame of happiness enveloped your entire body.  

If Leonard could believe in you as much as he did, maybe you could learn to believe in yourself too. 

- WHOOOOO!  Last part done!  Hope you all liked it!  I promise that there won’t be a long one for a while, and I have a few ideas for a few more fics on the go already so keep your eyes out!  Goodnight! -