#starredthoughts

Last Friday night, around 11:30pm I was walking to my apartment from the parking garage a little distance away when I was approached by a woman who said “Can I ask you a question?” I reply “sure.” “Do you feel safe around here?”

She proceeds to go into a story that her mother died that morning at the hospital, and now she had no one and she just needed help. She just wanted to get back home to a city a couple hours away. She showed me a text to prove “she wasn’t lying” and that she was 25 years old, named V* and was a diabetic and had bone cancer and congestive heart failure who doesn’t have any more medications. When I offer to call the police to help her find help, she says they took her to a shelter but they were doing construction so there “wasn’t enough room.”

I gave her $5 for the bus that I had in my purse and said that was all I could do, and she proceeded to ask “could you go to an ATM and get me money for the Greyhound ticket. It’s $17.” So, feeling sorry for her, I go to the nearest ATM, which rejects my card because it’s not my bank and I don’t know, Key Bank is weird. I say “I’m sorry, I can’t help.”

“Can you go to the other ATM, the Huntington up the street?” At this point I’m feeling a little off, but regardless, I go. As I’m getting the money, I can hear her texting behind me. I start to become scared that while my back is turned, she will attack me. But I get her $20 anyway. I hug her, and say “God bless you,” and then ask her to walk with me. She trails behind. I just want to be home. I tell her where the bus stop is. She seems to want to stay on the opposite side of the street.

I finally shake her and end up in my apartment. Then I get furious. I did all of this out of kindness and pity, and yet the minute I locked the door behind me, I knew that kindness had been exploited.

On Monday, I was walking to the grocery store just beyond the same parking garage. I have my headphones in, feeling like a boss. I reach the parking garage and I see V*. The fury returns. I spend the entire shopping trip thinking of how I could confront her.

“Oh my god! V*! Shame you couldn’t catch your Greyhound, you lying bitch!”

“Wow, you’re looking great for a diabetic with CHF who hasn’t had adequate food or medication in 4 days!”

I just wanted to scream at her. I’d been so angry for days and I just wanted to lash out. Earlier on Friday an anesthesiologist told me that I was “too nice” when I stayed back and delayed a short procedure because a dad had questions. Now my niceness had me basically robbed.

I told my coworkers this story and all they could say was “well of COURSE. duh!”

In the end, I kept thinking of what I would say to V*.

“You know, when I met you the other day, I honestly believed you for a while, but I see now that it was all a fabrication and you took advantage of me and my situation. I liked to believe that there is still good in humanity, but thank you for giving me the final proof that is just not true.”

Since I saw PotC: DMC I was in love with the man.

I convinced my mum to buy me Coupling, which said right on the cover “A sitcom all about sex” when I was in middles school, because he was in it.

That voice, and he was so posh I just wanted to explode.

But after PotC: AWE, he kind of fell out of my life. BUT NOT MY HEART.

So 8 years later (holy shit) I’m watching Kingsman in the theaters with my sisters.

And this came up

I FUCKING LOST IT. AS MUCH AS A REPRESSED WHITE GIRL COULD

I fell forward in my seat and I was like “HOLY SHIT THAT’S HIM.”

I didn’t catch him in the first scene because it was dark and I was like “oooh Colin Firth”

BUT THIS. I was like “THIS IS GONNA BE A QUALITY FILM.”

MMMMhMmgmmmgasdjglkj yiss.

AND THEN THIS.

WELL THAT WAS SHORT LIVED, WANNIT.

How I asked you to take 30 minutes out of your day to talk to me.

How I sat on the floor of your room as you sat above me in a chair.

How you talked for thirty minutes straight.

And then checked your watch.

How I stormed out of your house and got on the bus.

How a friend saw me and said I looked upset.

How you sent me an unsavory text.

And I got off the bus.

How I ran back to your house and waited for the door to open.

How I sprang up the stairs and down the hall.

How the door flew open when I didn’t knock.

And I yelled “I WASN’T DONE TALKING.”

How you offered me a chair but I refused.

How I stood stiff for fifteen minutes as I shouted my piece

How I felt that my 5′7″ was taller than your 6′2.″

And it ended with me just wanting a hug and a kiss.

Things were never the same after that freezing January night.