“Is something wrong?”

He looked up at his subject, his muse, and smiled as sweetly as he knew. “Nothing.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say,” he says, nearly defensively.

“The smell,” she repeats, clearly agitated. “The smell once the rain dries and it’s like the earth is in the air.”

Oh.

“It’s called petrichor,” he tells her. She fixes him with an odd stare and quirks her eyebrow.

“Really? Where did you learn that?”

“A book,” he answers sheepishly.

Sakura sat back in his lap and her fingers danced from the nape of his neck and over his shoulders to rest upon his chest. “Why would you?” she countered, cocking her head.

“I wouldn’t,” he replied flatly. He had already run gamut of scenarios regarding their teammate and independently concluded it wasn't possible to simply tell Naruto. Sai wondered briefly why Sakura didn’t trust his judgment, but her soft smile and still softer kiss dispelled the worry from his mind, coaxing him out of his concern and into half-lidded stupor as her mouth strayed from his. Her breath tickled his ear.

“It’s just not time yet,” she told him, her hips rolling into his.

A forced day off; it wasn’t uncommon in yunho’s case. As a man who seemed to strive towards overworking himself it was common for his commanding officers to put that commanding position to good use, telling him to go home, to rest. And Yunho couldn’t help but comply.

When they’d told him to take off work after a straight 5 days at the office, he’d obeyed and gone home, respecting their authority in part, but also thankful deep down for the forced break his mind would have never let him have.

You see, Yunho used work as a productive escape, a constant use for his mind so that his thoughts had no time to contemplate on things the doctors had said he needed medication for…the negative thoughts and painful memories all drowned in paperwork and meetings. Yunho spent hardly any time away from the office, working until his mind shut off and his head lowered to his desk as sleep took him. It was unhealthy he knew, but seeing as he only saw his life with the purpose of helping others through the police, ‘being healthy’ and sleeping 8 hours a day all seemed pointless, unimportant when crime happened every second…unimportant since he knew he could at least do something to help.

But Yunho still needed rest and as of late that ‘healthy’ sleeping schedule of a few hours here and there had been thrown to the dogs, the man not sleeping a wink night after night, slatted to working himself until collapse because sleep seemed so unreachable now…because when he stopped to rest, his mind wondered.

---

His eyes were painfully weary when he finally made it back to his apartment, his limbs dragging even with the little walking he had to do to get to his front door as the musky smell of rain hung heavy in the mold tinged air.

It had been raining throughout the last couple of days, the ice-cold droplets hitting Yunho’s office window as he’d worked, serving as a soft distraction and a cooling ambiance through the countless hours he put in.

After locking his door and emptying his pockets onto the kitchen table, Yunho moved towards the bathroom, pulling the door to and slipping his well pressed clothes from his stiff body lethargically before setting the shower’s handle deep into the red and stepping into the steaming flow of heated water.

He was so tired, even in the shower his eyes slid shut, his mind blanking even under the spray of hot as his body begged him for sleep. But though he’d felt so near collapse then, once he’d gotten re-dressed and laid in his bed to finally give his aching limbs and heavy eyes the rest they deserved, he was suddenly wide awake, unable to shut his mind off…to get the thoughts out of his head…thoughts he’d been avoiding.

He didn’t want to think about him anymore.

Though Yunho would never admit that Changmin was the reason he couldn’t sleep, it would only make sense. That man had been the only thing to change in Yunho’s life, and now rest seemed like a distant memory, his mind churning on without end never letting him succumb to sleep…never letting him rest.  

In the past Yunho had had difficulty sleeping, back in the days before and after his wife’s passing his mind had never let him rest, constantly shoving memories in his face, teasing him with ideas of sleep before filling his mind with thoughts so that it was impossible. Yunho just…couldn’t let things go, and that tendency had only grown worse after the death of his wife. He overthought things and made himself sick with it, winding his mind up into a tizzy to the point that sleep wasn’t possible anymore. And though he would never admit it, all the thoughts now that came to Yunho’s mind when sleep seemed just out of reach were about Changmin…all about Changmin.

Changmin was a vigilante, an enemy of Yunho’s beliefs, his work, and even himself…but yet Yunho couldn’t get him out of his head.

Changmin was the definition of frustrating, of pig-headed and self-absorbed. He was so opposite to Yunho in every way, closed off and sharp tonged, while Yunho was open and inviting. But yet, even though all of their differences they’d met and become friends.

Changmin was smart and opinionated and knew both of those things, but Yunho was also smart and opinionated in different ways and would not let his tall young friend’s sharp remarks go without reckoning, even if he tended to pick his battles.

Though they argued more than they talked and quibbled with more things than they agreed on, both respected each other, and both enjoyed each other’s company. Yunho didn’t take much time off from work, but when he did, Changmin was the person he grew the most excited to see. Though they were opposite, they had that in common and somehow their personalities meshed. They always had something to talk about, and through the year Yunho had gotten to know him…sometimes not talking was the most meaningful times they’d spent together. They just have an understanding, a connection that goes against all odds yet works in some strange way. As Yunho learned more and more about the younger, the more he wanted to bring the vigilante into his world. On his days off instead of getting a drink alone at the closest pub or sitting in his apartment reading for hours, he’d drag Changmin all around the city.

“You haven’t seen the Banpo bridge?” …that was normally all it took for Yunho to drag Changmin on an adventure. He showed him monuments and introduced him to old friends and police officers, took him on trips down memory lane by showing him places from his youth, or took him out to supper when the hour grew late.

As the weeks turned into months, and the months into a year…Yunho soon realized how much time he really was spending with the younger man. It seemed like all of his free time was wrapped up in the life of his very unlikely friend. But as soon as that realization hit him…the thoughts started, and his sleeping stopped.

It was a slow process, true; Yunho had been mowing over these thoughts for the past few weeks, his hours of sleep getting shorter and shorter until he stopped sleeping all together, his mind filled with confusing thoughts 24/7 rather than the rest his body needed.

Though Yunho didn’t let it distract him from work, in fact doing the opposite, using work to distract him from his churning mind. When he was alone all he could do was think of Changmin, trying to figure out what the younger boy was to him…just a friend? Or was it even possible that this infatuation he felt could be more than just that? And if more…what did that mean for him?

Yunho had only ever loved one woman. He had given her his heart hook line and sinker, holding nothing back. He’d always believed that she was his soul mate, his other half…and when she died it had crushed him. He never thought he would love again, and for years he was correct in that. He never looked at other people in a romantic light, never dated other woman and only took girls out to drink at the constant nagging of his co-workers. He’d been respectful to woman, kind to those who had confessed they liked him, but he’d never loved…never again.

And maybe this thing with Changmin wasn’t really love. A strong friendship perhaps? But Yunho couldn’t shake the feeling that it was more. Changmin was consuming his mind; he truly wanted to spend all his time with the younger, even taking off work to do just that which was something he’d never done for anyone except his wife. But there was just something about Changmin. Yunho wanted to be the one to show Changmin things, to make him smile, to drink with him, to laugh by his side. Though Changmin had seemed cold, distant, and bitter the first time they’d met, slowly the personality Yunho had found buried under that icy exterior was becoming what he saw when he looked at the younger. His truly shy personality becoming his face, making even his irritated glares beautiful and sweet in Yunho’s eyes. It was hard to explain the infatuation. It was hard to explain why Yunho could even like, let alone love the boy who was soon growing into an obsession in his thoughts. But the more Yunho thought about Changmin…the more he couldn’t deny his love for the younger.

“But I can’t love him…” Yunho murmured, eyes staring up at the celling of his bedroom as he laid on his bed, his arms resting under his head as his forehead furrowed in thought.

There were so many reasons Changmin was wrong for Yunho. Changmin was a vigilante and never held back his pointed remarks at how incapable he thought the police force was. The boys’ whole job was a huge ‘fuck you’ to the PD, and Yunho knew that Changmin still despised that side of his life even though the two of them had become friends. And then there was the fact that Changmin was in fact male. Yunho had never seen himself rolling that way, he’d never seen any guy in that light…but would it be so strange to see Changmin that way?

Yunho shook his head, either to clear his thoughts or in disagreement even he didn’t know. He rolled over in bed, his eyes wide awake as he stared at the piles of books scattered to his right.

Yunho didn’t know what to think, what to feel, he just knew that he liked Changmin, whether that be because of their friendship or something more…but not understanding which one was making knots clench in his stomach with worry.

And if Yunho did really like Changmin…did Changmin even like him back?

Yunho sighed. He wished he could be with Changmin now, let the boys words no matter what they were about steady his mind, make the worry for at least now wash away.

Yunho ran a hand over his face, sighing once more to himself in the silence of his room. He couldn’t lie here much longer.

Pushing himself up from his bed with a small groan Yunho let his feet hit the floor, his eyes staring blankly at his feet as he willed himself to stand. He was so tired but he couldn’t sleep, and he was too restless to just sit in bed and fret.

With a little will power and a lot of physical power Yunho finally stood from his mattress, changing into something suitable and slipping on his shoes and a coat before grabbing his belongings off of the kitchen table and stepping out the door.

It was getting dark, the sky turning a deep blue color as the world began to dim. Everything smelled like rain, the air cold and clear but charged with the stilled energy it possesses before a storm.

Yunho chose not to drive his car tonight, instead thinking a brisk walk to the nearest bar would be a welcomed thing, the head detective not afraid of the prospect of getting soaked if the clouds did decide to pour their contents onto the sleeping city. Thinking the fresh air even with that risk was worth it.

---

A few hours later Yunho was on his fourth drink, strong liquor humming in his body as his tired actions became slower and slower.

He set down the cold glass in his fingers as his eyes started to shut, days of exhaustion mixed with the warm feeling of the drinks in his stomach making his body slowly give up the fight as he began to slip into sleep. He slowly slid forward onto the counter, his eyes closing and then..—BRING BRING BRING. His phone suddenly went off and he jerked awake, his eyes bleary as he fumbled with the phone in his pocket and brought it to his ear.

“Hello?” Yunho said, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“Is this Jung Yunho?” the man on the other end of the line asked, to which Yunho replied. “yes.”

“This is Baekje Hospital…” the man on the other end said. “…we have a Shim Changmin here. You’re his only contact. You…might want to come in.”

Yunho was stunned for a moment, his lips parting but his mouth unable to make a sound.

“Sir?”

“Uh yes.” Yunho got up from his seat so fast he nearly knocked it over, grabbing his coat and rushing towards the front doors. “Yes I’ll be there. What…what’s wrong with him?” his words were fast and disjointed as his tired mind tried to wrap itself around what was happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

“there was a car accident.” The doctor said and Yunho’s heart suddenly stopped, his legs faltering in their run as fear shot into his heart.

“Is he okay?” Yunho breathed, not fully even believing what he was hearing, the world seeming to spin.

“You better just come in sir. We are doing our best.”

“Thank you.” Yunho said, unable to form anything else. “I’ll…I’ll be right there.” He then hung up the phone, stunned as the night world flowed around him.

And then he ran.

Yunho felt like he had never run so fast. Even through the exhaustion and fear were trying to steal his breath away, he ran. He was scared. Yunho knew better than anyone how quickly a life dear to him can be snatched away…he knew better than anyone how cruel death can be. And God…he wanted to be nowhere but changmin’s side now. Just to hold his hand, to just be next to him. To keep him safe.

Yunho ran through street after street until he finally found the hospital, slamming through the doors of the establishment and faltering in the lobby as his eyes desperately searched for reception.

Once he found it he rushed to the counter, managing to mumble a few words about ‘Changmin Shim’ through panting breaths before being directed the right way and rushing off again.

He felt like the hallways were getting longer the more turns he took, it was just taking so long, his breath coming in shaking gasps when he finally found the right door and ran towards it.

“sir you can’t be in there.” A man suddenly walked into yunho’s path, barring the way with his hands as he looked at Yunho speculatively.

“I’m…Jung Yunho…I..” Yunho panted finding every word a battle. “I’m his…contact. Please I…Have to go in.” Yunho swallowed back the lump of worry in his throat and looked to the doctor for approval, but what he got made his heart drop.

The doctors face seemed to pale, his eyes glazing over as he looked at the disheveled Yunho standing before him.

“I’m…sorry sir. Shim Changmin passed away a few moments ago.” Yunho’s heart stopped. “He was hit by a car while walking; we barely got him to the hospital alive. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Yunho just stared, panting softly but frozen in place, staring at the doctor in complete shock, unable to move.

“I’m so sorry sir. You may see him if you’d like. I’m so sorry.”

The doctor’s words sounded like they were flowing through water, Yunho’s eyes shifting to the door as something between shock, disbelief and horror flitted over his expression.

The doctor gave him a last apologetic glance before moving away, Yunho’s eyes still locked on Changmin’s door as he stumbled forward towards it.

His hand latched around the knob and he turned it slowly, artificial light slipping into an almost completely dark room as the door swung inward.

It was a small room, medical tools scattered all around on movable tables and one row of windows with a blue-tinged view of night’s version of Seoul painted through them. But the main centerpiece in the room was a single bed near the center, the stilled body resting under a thin sheet what drew Yunho’s eyes first.

The man stumbled into the room, unsure how his legs were even working at his point as the rest of his mind seemed to have stopped functioning ages ago.

He came alongside the bed, eyes staring down at the covered face of what he prayed was not Changmin…what he begged could not be him.

With a shaking hand Yunho raised it to the top of the sheet, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath before pulling the thin white cloth down, his heart stopping suddenly as soon as his eyes lay on what was below, something choked escaping his lips before a hand rose to his mouth to smother it…the tears rushing to Yunho’s eyes as his heart seemed to break in his chest.

Changmin looked like he was sleeping, blood still caked on his face but his eyes stayed shut peacefully, long lashes laying on pure white flesh….but he wasn’t breathing anymore.

Yunho’s wavered before his legs gave out beneath him, his knees collapsing hard onto the tile as shaking breaths struggled to escape his lips behind the hand he tried to smother them with. A sob broke from his mouth as the realization started to close in, the burning in his eyes growing worse until he couldn’t see anymore.

No. Please God no.

Yunho gasped then started to sob softly behind the hand firmly placed over his mouth, trying to smother the noise as his heart broke in his chest and his head collapsed to the mattress. His body shook with loss as his heart ached so deeply as the thought of never seeing Changmin again filled him.

“No…please no.” Yunho begged in a soft, hoarse voice, taking the hand that had been over his mouth and griping for Changmin’s cold one, clasping it and bringing it to his lips, closing his eyes once more as tears began to slide over his cheeks.

“Please don’t do this.” He choked on a sob his voice growing weaker. “Please.”

Yunho had never admitted what he’d felt towards Changmin, reasons that seemed stupid now his barrier from the reality of what he had felt so deeply for the younger man.

But… now with him gone, nothing seemed clearer.

Yunho had loved Changmin, it was so obvious now…now that that same shattering heartbreak he had felt for his wife at her death was tearing at his insides like a vengeful beast. How could he have let Changmin go?…how could he have never told him what he meant to the tired old officer now sobbing like a child at the feet of his friends deathbed. How could he have been silent?

“Please Changmin I love you. I’ll do anything just come back.” Yunho whispered against Changmin’s ice-cold hand. “Please. Please just come back. I don’t care what you are, what your past was I love you. I love you so much.” yunho’s voice cracked and more tears slid down his cheeks. he pressed his lips to the back of Changmin’s hand, fighting sobs as his body started to give away, his heart breaking. “Please Changmin...” He lowered his head to the bed and clutched at Changmin’s hand tighter. “I love you…” he mumbled. “please give me another chance.”

---

--BRING BRING BRING

Yunho jerked up his hand flying out and knocking over his drink as his phone vibrated to life in his pocket.

Disoriented Yunho almost fell out of his seat, his hand automatically shooting to his pocket and picking up his phone even before his mind came back to the present.

“Hey Yunho, been a long time. Hey I was wondering if you’d like to get together on Thursday for coffee.” The person on the yunho’s phone said, breaking Yunho out of his daze slightly but his words just not fully clicking in his half-awake state.

Yunho just stared into space for a moment before mumbling a slow. “I’m sorry. I’ll have to call you back.” And hanging up.

It had…it had been a dream?

Yunho couldn’t even remember falling asleep but it all made sense. He was sitting at the bar, it was darker outside and raining hard, and…”Changmin.” Yunho breathed.

The man quickly fumbled with his phone as the realization hit him, speed dialing changmin’s number as he grabbed his coat and rushed towards the exit.

If that had been a dream, then Changmin would be okay. That dream Changmin would never have to exist and….Yunho had another chance.

“Please pick up, please pick up.” Yunho mumbled under his breath through the roar of rain as he moved outside, begging his phone to go through.

“You’ve reached the number 4-…” Yunho hang up, cursing slightly under his breath as he blinked through the rain and started jogging towards the nearest subway station.

He had another chance and he wasn’t going to waste it.

---

Yunho was still out of it, tired and still half in his dream as he hurried towards Changmin’s house. yunho just wanted to see him…to confirm that he was okay…that it had been a dream. He called Changmin’s number over and over as he ran and as he sat in the subway car, itching to hear his voice again…to make sure he’s alight, to talk to him.

Once out of the subway it was a straight shot to Changmin’s apartment, the tall man pushing himself into an all-out run through the streets and violent rain as the storm pounded him from every direction.

Yunho was soaked to the skin, clothes clinging to his shivering form and brown hair matted to his dripping forehead and defined cheekbones. He was exhausted, physically worn to the point of collapse and body straining with each step, but something in his eyes spoke to the contrary.

It didn’t matter how hard he had to push himself, he had to see Changmin again, the dream still echoing in his thoughts as the horror and pain of that loss still ached distantly in his heart. Those emotions were still very real even if that horrific thing had been a dream…and all he wanted to do now was to make sure Changmin was alright.

And it didn’t take long before he was able to.

Before Yunho knew it, he was at Changmin’s apartment complex, taking stair after stair towards the younger man’s door as his breath started coming in broken gasps and his heart thumped violently. He felt like death when he finally made it to Changmin’s door, huffing hard in and out as his legs shook with exhaustion.

Yunho, still breathing hard, managed to rap against the metal door of the vigilante’s residence impatiently, still nervous that Changmin wasn’t okay, the nagging in the back of his mind telling him that that dream had been too real to be false, that those emotions were too real to have been just dreamed up.

He panted as he waited, his whole body still soaked and dripping as he struggled to calm his breathing, trying to slow his heart before the door opened.

It only took a moment. Yunho was about to knock again when he heard a slide of metal on the other side of the door as it was unlocked, and then a soft squeak as the whole door itself it was drug inward on a rusty hinge.

And there he stood.

Tall and wiry with his soft brown hair unkempt, his clothes casual and loose as they hung on him, his eyes curious, tired, and confused as they looked over the panting, dripping excuse for a police chief as he stood in his doorway at this late hour.

Yunho just stared at the boy for a moment, completely at a loss, his mind failing at the sight of Changmin who looked like he had just woken up.

“Changmin I…” Yunho hesitated, the dream still heavy in his mind as his heart told him to do something. He was overjoyed to see that Changmin was okay, the image of him lying so cold and stilled on that hospital bed a horrific one, but seeing him here, alive and well filled him with an unexplainable happiness. But there was more too. Yunho had another chance, a chance that if he didn’t take now could slip away from him just as it had in that terrible nightmare. He had a chance to admit the things Yunho had been suppressing, the things that had been keeping him awake as he fretted over them…the things he felt towards Changmin. But, though Yunho’s heart was pulling him to say something, anything, now that he was standing before Changmin…his willpower was slipping away.

“I…” Yunho’s fingers itched as urgency built in his heart, anxiety flitting through his chest as he hesitated. “I…” Yunho looked up into Changmin’s eyes, images flickering through his vision; their first meeting, the things Yunho had showed the younger, the time they’d spend together, them laughing, arguing, or just sitting silently by one another. A whole year of memories pulled for Yunho’s attention as he stared into Changmin’s chocolate brown eyes….and then the thoughts of losing him came too. The shock and pain, the loss striking deeper than he’d ever have imagined possible. All of it struck an urgency into Yunho’s heart, a need to hold Changmin, a need to explain.

Yunho’s heart was speeding up everything in his body yelling at him to do something, anything, and suddenly he just couldn’t take it anymore and his body acted for him.

Yunho barely remembered doing it; his hand all of a sudden reaching out and clasping the back of Changmin’s neck, pulling him forward gently as he stepped up himself and pressed their lips together in a sudden and powerful kiss…a kiss that shocked both of them in its own way. Yunho could feel Changmin tense, moving to push him away as his hands slid to the detective’s chest… but then he stopped, slowly, hesitantly melting into the kiss, shifting into it carefully as if unsure what to do, as if he’d never kissed someone before.

Changmin slid his hands up yunho’s waist hesitantly as the detective’s other hand came up to clasp the boy’s smooth cheek so gently, pulling him closer in need as his heart skipped a beat and his mind soared with the thrill.

They stood like that for what felt like forever; Changmin’s thin dry body pressed up against Yunho’s large wet one, the lead detective pouring all his affections and pent up emotions into that one astounding kiss as they stood in the dimly lit doorway of the vigilante’s home.

When they finally pulled back both were short of breath, panting at close quarters and looking into each other’s eyes, communicating without a word being said, the meanings shared so much more than words could ever say.

“I love you Changmin.” Yunho finally said softly, breaking the silence as his eyes seemed to melt with affection. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to realize that.” He said with a weak smile as he brushed a strand of hair from the boy’s beautiful face, scared in part by what Changmin could say next, but yet relieved that his own feelings towards the younger were finally out in the open.

Changmin didn’t say anything at first, looking up at the man with an almost unreadable gaze before leaning forward once more and brushing a soft kiss against the detective’s wanting lips, pulling back to return the smile before leaning forward again and kissing him over and over, his fingers tightening on Yunho’s sleeves as the detective kissed back so tenderly and wrapped his arms around the younger.

“You’re so slow Yunho.” Changmin breathed softly when he finally pulled back, the smile touching his lips genuine as he shook his head and pulled the elder inside.