#squip!michael

“Wow, you genuinely make me want to launch myself in a vat of acid. Impressive.”

Out of everything Jeremy was expecting, this was not one of them. “I know my job is to help you be cooler, but I just don’t know if it’s quite possible.” Standing in front of him, of all people, was the only person who didn’t spit out insults at him constantly. Jeremy knew that this wasn’t his friend, that this was just a dumb computer, but it still hurt. “That’s hilarious, Jere, buddy. You really think people like you? Even if they don’t say anything to your face, I’m sure they must all get together to mock you.” The supercomputer chuckled, crossing its arms. “Still, I guess I’m going to have to make you cooler somehow.” “Why are you… Why do you look like Michael?” “Hold on, let me just…” Ow. “Ah! Here it is! Seems to me that you think Michael is one of the coolest people you know! How pathetic!” The thing started quietly cackling gleefully to itself. “You know, if you genuinely think that dumb little stoner dropout is cool, then I might as well just give up right now.” Jeremy paused for a minute, mulling over what the machine said until it finally hit him. His breath hitched, slowly growing more and more irregular. He knew the squip was talking to him, going on about all these things they are going to have to do in order to make him cooler, but he was trying to push it out of his mind. It felt like his chest had been crushed and held under a hydraulic press, his body refusing to take in anything but short, wheezing breaths. Michael would never say any of that shit to him, and he knew that! The two of them had been best friends for fifteen goddamn years! Even then, he couldn’t help but believe every goddamn word that had came out of the stupid supercomputer’s mouth. Suddenly, Jeremy had an idea. He could just call Michael on his phone! Why didn’t he think of that earlier? Michael had to know a way to help! He pulled out his phone, shakily dialing his best friend’s number. “Jeremy?” “Michael! I uh-” Suddenly Jeremy couldn’t form the words he wanted to. He tried, but he just couldn’t get the words out. “Oh, I know what this is about! I was actually thinking about talking to you, so this is great!” Michael’s sing song voice caused his stomach to drop. There was a pause, and Jeremy felt every fibre of his being slowly filling with dread. “We aren’t friends anymore.” “I… What?” No. No no no. No no no no Michael would never say that maybe he’s dreaming maybe he- “I’ve been thinking it over, and I’ve made my decision. You just drag me down, you know buddy?” He let out a small laugh. God, his laugh ruined Jeremy. Choking out a disgusting sob, he tried to end the call as quickly as his shaking fingers would let him. “You heard the man, in your current state you just drag everyone down! Now let’s get started, okay buddy?” Jeremy started pinching as hard as he could at his wrists. God, why was this happening? Why was this real? He just wanted to be cool. To fit in, for once. Was that too much to ask? He backed into the corner of his room, sliding down the wall as he pinched his wrists over and over and over, like he was a broken machine, only capable of this one thing. His friend was gone. His Michael was gone. He was just half of a pair that he wasn’t even sure existed in the first place. Tears streamed down his face, and he could just feel the squip watching him. He felt pathetic.