#squiggestions

A woman sits in a chair beside an unconscious teen. In most scenarios, the adult in this situation would be a mother, or perhaps a sibling. A relative, most likely. Someone who has known the child their entire life.

Squig, however, is not related to the kid. 

She is a stranger to the teen and the teen is a stranger to her. And yet Squig sits, watching the heart monitor as if any change in the rhythm could cause a bomb to go off. Ignoring the gnawing hunger in her stomach and the headache in her skull, focused entirely on the poor kid she held in her arms mere days prior.

Kalei made it down the hallway, clumsily carrying a bag of food in their free hand.  They wanted to just burst into the room, and nearly did, but-

Fuck. That was… definitely a kid in a hospital bed. Jesus, Kalei, calm- calm down. Do not rush the woman with the kid in the hospital. They had no clue how Squig ended up in this situation, but whatever. That wasn’t their issue.

With the end of their crutch, Kalei hit the door a few times in some pantomime of a knock.

“It’s Kalei,”

they said. They kept their face low, so they didn’t have to see Squig and she couldn’t see them.

“Can I come in? I have food.”

Squig's tired batted eyes suddenly shot open at the noise, "WAH!" She nearly falls over herself in surprise, catching herself before she fully leaves the chair. 

(Shit. They actually came...)

"Uh... Come in? Wait, fuck. Lemme help you."

She opened the door, held it open with one hand, silently motioning an offer to grab the bags of food with the other,

"Hey, uh. Make yourself at home? Or something? I don't fuckin' know... Uh. Thanks for the food? What'd ya get?"

Kalei grimaced.

“Fries, water, um… sprite? I think? Oh, and a side salad with basically nothing on it. They didn’t really have good options.”

As much as it would’ve been more courteous to refuse to hand over the food and carry it in themself, Kalei’s crutch arm was trembling and their food arm wasn’t much better off. They passed off the food and collapsed in the chair furthest from the bed. It was…

They couldn’t look at that. Not right now. Fuck, not now. Kalei cowered forward and bit their lip, hair hiding their face. A prominent bright white strip in the bangs of their hair was clearly visible, which hadn’t been present at all last Squig saw them.

Kalei trembled, staring at the tile. Fuck. If they said the wrong thing, Squig could throw them outside and they wouldn’t- hah- wouldn’t have a leg to stand on and argue. They really had it coming.

Think. What would Fia or Kat say right now?

“Sorry I startled you,” they said.

Already grabbing a handful of fries from the bag and scarfing them, Squig nodded. She swallowed,

"Yeah, it's uh... Fine. The food too. 'S hard to find food for folks like me. Don't worry about it. I was.. Mostly asking about which fast food place you went to since, uh. I have a bunch of gift cards and don't know which you'd want, but honestly? I'll just let you choose whichever gift card you want. I still gotta deliver the actual money for your surgery and... Yeah." 

She shovels a few more fries into her mouth. (I really gotta start bringing more food with me if I gotta keep coming here...) She glances at the kid. (Poor kiddo’s gonna be stuck here for a while, even if they wake up soon, which… Hmm. I'm gonna be here for some time, aren't I?)

She grabs more fries, suddenly realizing she's rapidly running out of the salty snack and forcing herself to chew slower. 

"Thank you for this. I dunno if I'll have the salad, It's got dressing on it and.. Wet leaf texture ain't my cup of tea. You, uh. Also look absolutely starved so, I'm gonna offer the rest of this to you. Honestly, you deserve it anyway, I probably should have thought about the whole, uh. Mobility. Issue. Before asking you to get this."

“It’s fine, I don’t- I don’t care.”

Kalei immediately flinched at their own tone- Jesus, they just couldn’t be nice if they tried anymore. Where was the softness they gave Fia?

Dead with Kat’s sanity.

Okay think, think, think. Kalei lifted their head- were their eyes just a touch paler than they’d been that dark night, or was Squig misremembering- before their phone went off. In such a rush they almost tossed it, Kalei checked the notification. At the same time, a vein in their temple visibly bulged.

For a few moments, they scanned the screen. Painkillers, screaming… Kalei half chuckled, half… sighed? Cried? It wasn’t a good sound. Not at all. Their finger hovered over a button, probably about to reply, before they shut the phone off and set it aside.

“I’ll make it worse if I reply, that thing fucking hates me… oh god. I need a minute.”

“No I don’t.”

Immediately, Kalei corrected themself.

“I don’t have a- look. Mi- no, Squig. You want to be called Squig. Squig. I really, really need your help.”

Squig ate the rest of her fries as she listens to Kalei speak. She looks them up and down as she chews. (Yeaaaah, no. Bud looks like a skeleton drawn by a hot topic teen and then turned into a real human person after wishing on a monkey's paw. Kalei needs food.)

"I'll help as best as I can, I guess. Just... I won't do so until you eat. You look..."

(Don't insult them, don't say anything too fucked up they're already going through far too much. Just... Say something normal.)

"You look, uh... Boney."

(Eh... Close enough.)

Kalei's mouth opens before audibly clamping shut. With a single, trembling hand, they open the salad, take a singular piece of lettuce, and shove it in their mouth. A few moments of silence. Then-

"There. I ate."

Was that what Squig meant? God, no, but Kalei didn't have time to enjoy a meal. She didn't understand that- she couldn't have, if she was dragging her feet like this- and Kalei needed to figure out how to express that to her without getting kicked out.

Think. Think. (It's so loud in this almost silent hospital.) Think. (Kat's slamming her head into a wall right now. Slamming it hard enough her ears are ringing.) Think. (Siege just laughed at her. Wrong answer.) THINK.

Kalei's hands stuttered to their pockets and patted them thoroughly. The pants weren't Kalei's, most likely, seeing as how they bundled up around the ankles. Matched perfectly with the ill fitting shirt.

From their pockets, Kalei pulled out a small zip-lock bag with two pieces of paper adorned with sticky notes. They'd been carefully folded, meticulously protected.

"I found-"

No, fuck, start at the beginning.

"Kat-"

No, dumbass, wasn't Squig the one who discovered this happened to Kat at all? This was Squig's-

No. It wasn't Squig's fault. The letter said to, what was it, again? It had questions. Questions about who was really to blame for all this bullshit. Think about those questions. Did Squig possess Kat? No. Did Squig ever endorse the idea? No. Then stop starting fights and start actually talking.

God, Kalei hated having to be reasonable.

"Squig. I... Kat-"

Their voice broke, and tears scraped at their eyes. Dammit, not already!

"She gave me this note."

With a shaking hand, Kalei offered the first note to Squig.

"Ignore- ignore the paragraph about love, I don't know what the fuck that's on about. You'll see why I needed you once you-"

They coughed, almost gagging.

"Once you reach that part."

Squig blinked, completely ignoring everything Kalei said after they put the fork down.

"Hey Kalei? I'll read that or whatever, but... I don't think you can save your friends if you're about to blow away in the wind." 

She grabs the page from them, with the comment,

"Now eat the rest of your wet leaves."

They look at the salad as if it personally offended them before repeated buzzing goes off in the seat beside them, where Kalei had tossed their phone. They pick it up and click on something, before visibly paling.

"Fuck," Kalei breathes. "Give me a... shit."

They type quickly, thumbs flying across the keyboard. Once they hit send, Kalei leans back and closes their eyes, breathing slowly.

"Squig."

Their voice is... flat. Measured. Level. It almost, almost sounds like Kalei is calm, except for the fact that they very much so are not.

"I know you want to eat. I just... I need that paper, ple-"

Their phone goes off again, and Kalei picks it up. Once they read whatever is on the screen, they double over and gag. For a moment it appears as if they are about to puke, but despite the noises and visible contractions of Kalei's stomach, nothing comes up but spit.

After a moment, Kalei leans back and continues typing once more.

"I need that paper decoded,"

they say while typing. Any bravado from their voice is gone, now replaced by a high pitched panic that doesn't suit them in the slightest.

"I need that now, Squig, I- I'm not doing this shit because I hate myself. Not right now. I'm doing this because I have no choice."

Squig's eyes narrow beneath her tinted glasses. Without another word, she yanks the phone out of Kalei's hand.

"Gimme that! You can't help ANYONE while you're like this! Just. REST. For like. Ten minutes at LEAST. I'll solve the cipher and.. I'll get you up when I'm done, alright?"

The moment Kalei sees Squig's eyes land on the phone screen, they stand and rush towards her. They forget, for a moment, that they're down a leg and end up more or less falling on her while grabbing for the phone.

"Give me the fucking phone back," they say, voice raised. "I'm not playing on it for fun, Squig, I'm serious!"

One hand is gripped onto the front of Squig's shirt in panic, clearly the only thing keeping them from falling at least for the moment. The other hand is blindly reaching for the phone. Rather than anger in Kalei's movements, however, there's panic.

"HEY!"

Squig snaps, putting an arm under the fallen amputee, attempting to steady them while still playing keep-away,

"What part of JUST REST do you NOT understand!?!"

With one hand firmly gripped on the phone, now raised into the air, and the other hand trying to force Kalei back down, the fire in Squig's eyes doesn't go out as much as it settles. Focusing with furrowed brows.

"Look. Obviously I KNOW you aren't playing around. That's why I'm telling you to rest while you have the chance so you don't break into a billion little pieces the moment you're needed most. I won't do anything you don't want me to, but,"

She looks at the phone. 

Fia's texting. Squig stopped talking as she read the texts. Her face falls.

"Kalei. I'm gonna talk with her."

"You don't understand what's going on, Squig, this is all I can fucking do!"

Normally, one would expect Kalei to cringe back. It is no secret to Squig- or anybody- that Squig is not somebody Kalei likes or trusts. In fact, they would strongly consider themself to do neither. The fact that Kalei is this close to Squig without trying to start a fight is already remarkable.

Normally, however, Kalei is not exhausted. They've technically slept, but they spent all of last night getting sick in the restroom and listening to her scream. Any food Canni shoved down their throat could never settle. The memory of warm, wet blood mixes in Kalei's mind with the feeling of Squig's arm around their back, the substances almost the same temperature, but now Squig is warm and that body is not (and Kat isn't warm, she's getting colder) and Fia's stuck alone and now they can't talk to her.

Please, Kalei cries, or at least they thought they did. Let me talk to her. They fall forward, into Squig, and sob. Choking, painful sobs, the kind that curl the shoulders and shatter the spine. The sort that takes up all of the air in a room and leaves none left or any more refined practices such as reason or persuasion. Kalei cries, one hand limply wrapped around Squig's wrist, and their body leaning on hers as the only way they can stand. (How ironic.)

"Stop, Squig, you're... this is all I can do. All I can do is find you, and talk to her. Don't take that away from me. Please."

Squig's raised arm almost falters as Kalei crashes into her softly. Not that the crash itself was soft, more so that Kalei themself was like a cardboard tube in comparison to Squig. The dyed blonde steadied herself, but didn't waiver, maneuvering in an attempt to balance Kalei instead. (They're so cold... How do they live like this..?)

"Kalei. You've been standing for too long. Just... I won't take her away. I won't even talk to her if you don't want me to. But... You being like this? It's gonna cause a lot more harm than good."

She grabs Kalei's shoulders, resting their phone against the crook of their neck as Squig guided them back down to a chair. 

"Now," She lets go of them, "I'm gonna give you the phone back in just one moment. But first, I wanna know how much rest you've had in the past few days. If any, I mean."

Kalei's eyes unfocus as they genuinely try to figure out. They land rather roughly in the chair, but don't seem to be bothered by it much.

"I... don't remember," they said. "Give me a second."

They had to have slept at some point. Humans can't just... go without sleep for that long. They know they've slept right before Kat went... well... and they've also slept once since then after Canni forced them to, but was that seriously it?

...probably.

"I slept a day or two ago. I think. God... I don't remember."

They wipe at their eyes with a sleeve slightly too long for their arm.

"It's... that's not important. I can rest once this is over."

It had to be over soon. No, not soon, it had to be over sometime tonight. Or tomorrow morning, depending on how long it would take. But it wouldn't be taking another day- Kalei wasn't entirely sure anybody could survive it.

"I need to get to Fia and Kat. That's what's important."

Squig's hands return to Kalei's shoulders, gripping them with much more intensity this time. Her gaze was piercing beneath those prescription shades, but her voice belayed genuine concern,

"Kalei. The fuck do you mean you have been awake for one or two full days? Even I got a solid two or three hours of sleep last night!"

Squig paused, repeating the last sentence she spoke in her head.

"Okay. So... I might be a bit of a hypocrite, but. C'mon, dude. We can't BOTH be the unhealthy one here if we want to save people!"

Their face crumples again.

"Fia bought me melatonin because I went... fuck, three? Four? days without sleep last week, but it's at the apartment. God, I want to go home."

Breathe. Breathe. Stop panicking, Kalei, stop. They're shaking. They're shaking too hard when they're supposed to be talking. They're shaking too hard when they're supposed to be getting Squig to focus, because they- "can't mess this up," and if they do- "'re gonna be hurting, and I can't stop that, and-" it's not okay for Kalei's friends, to hurt, especially when all they had to do was solve- "a stupid cipher, just a stupid fucking cipher-" and really, was that supposed to be a challenge at all?

Not to someone like Kalei. They read the play, and all it did was help them know how much she was tortured. Fia had it worse, Fia had it so, so much worse, and they kept telling themselves that, but that didn't make last night feel a damn bit shorter.

"It's been three days, Squig," they said.

"Fia's been stuck in there hiding for three days. Kat's been... oh my god. Three days. Maybe. Was it longer? Fuck, Squig, I don't remember."

Watching Kalei begin to break, Squig began to press her fingers deeper into their shoulders. Their lungs heaved and they shook beneath her hands, but Squig refused to let go. 

"Kalei? Hey, Kalei! For once, I need you to listen to me. I need you to breathe. In, like this," She takes a big breath in, "Then out, like this," She exhaled.

"Just... Humor me? The faster you actually TRY to fuckin' listen, the faster we can solve this. Can you take some breaths with me?"

Wow, her fingers hurt. That was fine. Kalei nodded and forced a deep breath into their chest. It strained against their lungs, and they choked on it as it rose, but they tried to take another. This one came the slightest bit easier.

Every single breath hurt like there was barbed wire wrapped around their chest, but Kalei did breathe. The ringing in their ears (when had that started? how long has it been there?) faded, and they realized just how tightly their fists had been clenched. Alright. This was fine.

Forcing themself to nod, Kalei tried to fix their face back to the detached politeness they'd been wanting to wear when they walked in. It didn't work, most likely.

"Sorry," they said. "I've- fuck, my chest."

One hand came to clutch at a seemingly random spot on Kalei's torso.

"Ow. Anyway, I've got... oh my god. Headrush, sorry, today's been... okay. Thank you. Okay."

The thanks left Kalei's mouth without them even stopping to consider just who, exactly, they were thanking. It didn't matter, after all. Regardless of who this was, Squig did the right thing.

"Okay. I'm- can I see my phone?"

Their voice wavered, but didn't yet crack.

"I need to tell her that it's going to be okay. Even if I don't really believe it anymore-"

there it went.

"I need to tell her that it will be. Because if she gives up, then I have to try for the two of us, and I'm really not enough of an optimist."

They laughed as if they were funny.

Her grasp loosens on Kalei's shoulders and she hands them the phone.

"Make it quick though. I do think you need at least SOME rest before we continue. Even if it's a five minute siesta on a shitty hospital chair as I solve... Whatever the puzzle you wanted me to solve."

They typed quickly, before turning the phone off once more and shoving it deep into their pocket. Okay, Kalei. Breathe. She said she’d help.

“I owe you everything,” they said. “For the rest of eternity.”

With shaking hands, they pulled out the second paper and showed it to Squig.

“This is the one I can’t read. Can you help me? Please?”

God, they wanted to pass out. Every bone in Kalei’s body was done with this stress. With a spare hand, they traced the sore scarring beneath their sweater.

"You owe me nothing,"

Squig states, though the words feel more like a sigh leaving her mouth.

"Actually. I still owe you."

she gestured down the place where Kalei's leg once was,

"But we'll focus on me paying you later. For now, you rest." 

She brushed a fingertip over the tear mark before aligning it with the other half of the letter. With the two part jigsaw puzzle complete, Squig began reading as much in plain text as she could be.

(Another letter... Same font. Same text size. Same... Everything.) She takes a breath in, then out. Just like she guided Kalei through moments before. (It's fine. Don't.. Don't think about it, Shelley. Don't think about how the previous letter was perfectly timed to the accident. Don't think about how you found them at just the right times before. Don't think about the fact you actually KEEP finding strange papers everywhere, those are just a part of the ARG.) Despite herself, her breathing quickens, (It's all just part of the ARG..... Don't. Think. About. It.)

Her hand digs into her backpack, hand shuffling past several documents that she knew she didn't have days prior, (Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't THINK about it...) pulling out a notebook and a pen. She takes out her phone as well, pulling up the cipher solving tools The Website provided her with.

She takes one final huge inhale, then slowly blows out. (Magic isn't real. Gods aren't real. Fate, destiny? Magical letters? None of that is real.) Squig turns to the child on the hospital bed, just long enough to recall holding them in the road the other day. (This is reality. There's enough suffering in the real world to blow this unfiction stuff out of the water. Reality will always be more horrifying than any fiction.)

Kalei slumped in the chair. This was fine. This was good, kind of. They could- they could tell Fia that progress was made. They could tell Kat that they actually did something to help.

God. Adjusting their posture, Kalei risked a glance at the kid in the bed. They were… not good. Not good at all. Kalei desperately wished that this shit had happened any other time, because they did not want to be taking Squig away from that kid like they were.

What a selfish person Kalei was. They should’ve been smarter, should’ve planned ahead, should’ve… anything, really?

Part of them wanted to fill the silence, but there wasn’t anything to talk about. Comforts would ring hollow. Complaining was rude and pointless. And they didn’t exactly have much in common either of them wanted to discuss.

Kalei’s eyelids slipped shut. They didn’t fall asleep (in fact, they were biting the inside of their cheek to prevent the opportunity), but they were trying to collect their thoughts. (...Rest. Like what Squig suggested.)

On the other side of the bed, in a parallel chair, Squig was also biting the inside of her cheek. She clicked the pen as she thought, a soft ‘click click click’ now marching alongside the rhythmic beat of the heart monitor.  

(God... I can barely focus.... Some of the ciphers have been solved already on these post-its, I just need to hone in on the one Kalei pointed out on the page... But what's the key..?)

Wait... There. (Of course the letter just downright says it.)

"The key is all that remains in her mind and heart when you speak to her..?"

She echoed the words written on the page, just above a whisper as if to confirm it with herself.

She looked at the child. 

(No... That can't be it. Right..?)

Her eyes then landed upon her backpack. She looked back up at the teen, as if silently asking for permission, before shaking the thought out of her head and reaching into her leather bag anyway.

Away from Kalei's line of sight, Squig pulled out a birth certificate.

She held it in her left hand and wrote the name itself in her notepad with the other. Then, she returned it to the bag, silently praying that the camera in the corner of the room didn't see. That Kalei wouldn't question her. And that no one else would know that she held something so personal to an absolute stranger. 

(Because... That's what this is. This... This can't be something related to the game itself, right? No. Now's not the time to think about it, just.... Solve the damn cipher. Think about it later.)

They weren’t even watching Squig. They should’ve been. They should’ve been sitting with wide eyes to see when she would solve the cipher and Kalei could go.

But… it wouldn’t make things faster. It would just make them worse.

The beeping of the hospital room was getting to them. Kalei hated hospitals after… that night (don’t think about that, Squig is helping), and the idea of being stuck in one like this kid would be was awful.

Carefully, Kalei sat up and took their crutch, before limping just a few steps closer to the figure in the bed. They were so, so young… probably the same age as Kalei’s youngest sibling. Second youngest? They couldn’t know.

…at least they were sleeping. That meant they couldn’t hurt. Apologies stirred in Kalei’s throat, but they couldn’t apologize for this. They weren’t sorry they found Squig, they were just sorry it happened to have happened now. With a gentle hand, Kalei adjusted the blanket so it was smooth at the bottom.

The strangest desire to call home rose deep in Kalei’s chest, one they hadn’t felt in- god, years? They just wanted somebody to tell them it would be okay. At least one person who seemed like they knew what they were talking about and was a convincing liar.

It wasn’t going to be okay. It had to be okay. The two truths warred in Kalei’s mind strongly enough it clouded their thoughts at times. When stuff like this happens, it’s never okay. Kat would never be the Kat that Kalei met again. She’d never be the same girl who fell for Fia. This child in the bed would never be the same person who had  no idea they were fated to get hit on the road. Squig would never be the same woman who didn’t know how a bullet sounded when it exploded from a gun and ripped through flesh. Kalei would never be the same person who’d never read that damn play.

But it had to be okay eventually. This kid was going to wake up, and Squig would be busy with them and Kalei would never see her again. Kat was going to be free of pain and smile, and Fia wouldn’t have to cry anymore. Things would continue on, and eventually continue without them. Kalei just really, really needed to be the first one out. They couldn’t survive losing anyone. (Hypocritical as that was for the cop’s family. God, he had a family, didn’t he?)

“…the end justifies the means,”

Kalei says. Their eyes are trained on bandages, IV tubing, heart rate monitors.

“Not always. But sometimes. I… I have to tell myself that.”

"What."

Squig's deadpan voice shattered whatever thoughts were going through Kalei's head. They turned to her, instinctively.

"I, uh. Sorry. Just.... The reference caught me off guard. I solved it though! The cipher." 

She scratched the part of her spine between her shoulder blades, an excuse to stretch her limb. 

"Bad news though... It said for me not to tell you what's on it. Which makes sense, I think. I... I wouldn't want y'all knowing the key to this cipher anyway,"

Her vision lands back on the kid before forcing her eyes back onto Kalei,

"But. I know it. And... It's really more of... Instructions for Kat? Which, uh... Isn't useful for just ME specifically to know? I guess the best solution now is to, uh... Wait until Kat's lucid enough for me to give her these instructions? I'll just save this solved cipher to my notes app and... Yeah. Later we can... Do something, I suppose."

Kalei paused. Did she just say... wait? No. She didn't understand, she wasn't listening, she-

They wheeled around and, with a strength that hadn't been there just minutes before, walked into Squig's face and grabbed her collar in their hands. They didn't need the crutch now, they were leaning forward over her and using Squig's body as their method of standing. She could knock them over, sure, but Kalei was dragging her down with them.

Their entire body trembled. They didn't want to do this, they didn't want to be here. They wanted to be at home! But did Fia want to hold Kat down and inject opioids into her bloodstream? Did Kat want to torture herself to pass a note that Kalei wouldn't even get the cipher key for, Kalei didn't even get to know the contents of, and all they were getting was that they could do something later? Fuck. That.

"Listen up, Squig," Kalei shouted.

"I don't want to be here right now. I don't want to- I don't want to be like this, but I'm dead. Alright? I have nothing to lose. Meaning whatever I do here is free of consequence." Lies. "So you need to tell me what the fuck I can do, because if you think I can just- what- wait for Kat to become lucid? Fat fucking chance, Squig, SHE NEVER FUCKING WILL BE!"

The height difference between the two allowed Kalei to lean over Squig's face. It was hard to tell if they were enraged, panicked, or some mixture of the two that was surely pushing them over the edge. Kalei was tired, but there was adrenaline in their veins.

"She's not going to get lucid, Squig. Do you know what she's going to do? She's going to hurt. She's going to scream. And then she's going to fucking kill herself from the pain, and it will be my fault.  So you can report me to the police, you can just- you can block me on everything, but you aren't going to tell me to sit down and wait. You are going to start explaining things, or I swear to god, I will spend the rest of my godforsaken life making yours a nightmare."

Squig fell back into herself, her head sinking into her neck as if she was a turtle. Her breath caught in her lungs.

"Wait, I..." (I... I thought we were making progress? I thought we could put aside our differences, actually help, actually make things better? Did I fuck up again?? Did I make things worse??? Did I - ) 

She was about to fawn, roll over like a dog, but then, she noticed it. Several things, actually.

The shakiness, for one. The squint in their eyes. Stiff speech, but certain words were pushed out as if it was forced...

In that moment, Squig felt a surge of a confidence she thought she never had. One that was necessary, not wanted. Needed. She spoke, clear and precise.

"You're bluffing."

She stands taller now, proud in her stance but not in a way she's actually proud of, but tall enough to stare Kalei down despite the height difference,

"You're lying to me, Kalei. Not... Not about Kat, really. You wouldn't lie about her. I think. Doubt you would. I meant the part about the... The whole "Having nothing to lose" and you "being dead" thing. And..."

Her voice stuttered, just slightly. This was the only claim she doubted her own instincts on,

"And about wanting to hurt me."

She shook her head.

"If I'm your only way of solving this, you're not gonna hurt me."

She raised her own hands to grab Kalei's fist on her shirt collar, gentle with her touch. Slowly, she attempted to loosen the fingers off her shirt as she spoke,

"Kalei, please listen to me. It's not that I'm not telling you out of malice. Not telling you the answer because I'm doing what the letter told me to do. And.... I trust that the letter's writer has a reason for this."

Squig ran a hand through her hair, feeling each of the brunette roots as her fingers brushed past them, looking back at the teen as she spoke,

"If I didn't follow all of the instructions from an earlier letter from... I'm assuming the same person who wrote this one, I... I don't think this kiddo would've had a chance."

Right. Because this wasn’t Squig’s first letter. Because Squig could do something, and Kalei couldn’t. They couldn’t even lie.

“I- I can’t just wait. I can’t. There’s no way I’m useless in all of this- fuck!”

But if Kalei didn’t put their faith in Squig, Kat and Fia died. Put their faith in someone Kalei despised…

They really had hated her. She was easy to hate when she was all of your problems personified. She was a lot harder to hate when she was exhausted at someone’s bedside, and still managing to seem more collected than you even when threatened.

It was harder to hate Squig. They almost had to respect her.

“…I want them to be okay. This is- I caused this. Helped cause. God, I’m no better than you.”

Kalei laughs bitterly.

“I can’t- you’re so- why can’t you be mean? Why isn’t anybody else pointing out how bullshit this is?!”

Their hands tightened on her collar, but Kalei leaned back on their heel. Still not letting go, but maybe easing up..?

Sporadic eye movement that went unnoticed or ignored. Fluttering and squinting at the light.

Eugh. Bright, so bright.

The child stared up at the lights until it lingered in their vision when they finally looked away. They attempt to blink away the floaties, head felt like splitting now.

Ow. Head hurts so bad.

Unfamiliar walls. Boring, beige ones…–

Freshly opened eyes fall on the strangers, who. what. Instead of any realistic reaction, he simply freezes up.

On the vital monitors, you can see their heart rate spike and stutter.

Kalei’s head snapped to the side, and they dropped Squig comically fast.

“Oh, sh- crap-“

They backed away from Squig to let them through as quickly as possible. Kalei scanned the monitors- pulse ox seemed good, heart rate was inconsistent and elevated but not dangerous, blood pressure was high but not yet emergent. 

This could be all sorts of horrifying names that flooded into Kalei’s mind and they immediately made sure not to verbalize a single one. First order of priority-

Kalei, arguably, should’ve left. Instead, they grabbed a crutch and made their way over to the kid’s bedside, raising one hand in front of their eyes.

“Hey, look at me.”

If this gets any worse, they’re calling a nurse.

Squig's heart skipped a beat. 

"They're awake. THEY'RE AWAKE!!! Holy, shi - "

She caught herself, not soon enough to stop herself from being loud though.  (Don't SCREAM or CURSE in front of a kiddo that just woke up from a fuckin' coma!!!)

"H - Hey kiddo! How are.... Are you... Umm. You, me, uh... Hi!~" (GOD. I am. AWFUL at this.)

(Okay. Think back to when you just woke up from a coma. What did you wish someone said to you, Shells?)

"I've been watching you sleep for several days."

(FUCK.)

Kalei winced.

“Squig,” they said. “This is someone who is extremely disoriented. Let’s start with… hi. Can you hear me? You don’t have to speak. You can shake your head.”

Squig’s panic was… understandable… but far from preferable. (...Kalei had been forgetting why Squig was so dislikable. They were beginning to remember.)

"Then why don't YOU SAY THAT, Wise Guy!?"

Squig snapped, before remembering again what she JUST told herself. (HEY MAYBE DON'T SCREAM IN FRONT OF THE CHILD???)

Returning her focus to the post-comatose teen, Squig took a breath. Upon exhaling she asked,

"Okay. Let's start over. Can you hear me, kiddo? Nod or shake your head?" (Why would they SHAKE THEIR HEAD if they CAN'T HEAR YOU!?!)

The teen remains frozen, blankly staring for… A while, no sign of responsiveness, but a while becomes a bit too long of unresponsiveness–

She jolts up, very much without mind to the medical equipment, and shrinks away or at least.. As far as they can get, which isn’t much

-Outsiders. Small closed space. Not good, not good at all.

Kalei stepped away once it was clear the child was alive, at least. Come on, come on… think, damn it. What was happening?

“Should- should I get a nurse?”

Yes. Stupid question.

“I’m getting a nurse, I’ll- Squig, come get me when you’re ready.”

"Whu - WHAT!? Wait, Kalei - ?!?"

Squig called out, but the enby had already walked out the door. They were gone. 

And Squig was left alone with the child.

Silence. Silence alongside the beating of both the heart monitor and the heart in Squig's own chest. Two heartbeats, both above resting. Was it due to fear of the other person in the room? Or the silence? Or was the experience the two went through a few days before finally becoming realized? Squig turned to the kid with reddish hair. Quietly, she addressed them.

"Uh. Howdy. This... Is probably a lot. Right now."

She scratched her cheek, the bruising from Jean's fists weeks prior having nearly healed completely,

"I... I don't know if you. Remember. Much about what just happened, a few days ago. Or... Or if you can hear me really... But my name is..."

She looked to the corner of the room. The camera. Again. Her throat felt dry. So, so very dry. (I really need to take that soda and water Kalei bought me on the way out...)

She coughed.

"You can call me Squig. Everyone else does nowadays~ And... I know your name, kiddo. Not, uh, in a creepy way? I don't think? But..."

She looked away from the kid,

"Okay, no. It is creepy. There's no way for it not to be. But..."

She faced them again,

"I wanna help! I... I think staying here with you while the doctors are here will just result in me getting in the way, but after you wake up fully! I wanna help!"

Stepping a little closer, Squig continues to ramble,

"I - I was in a coma once before too! Lasted an entire month! It was one of the worst things I experienced in my entire life, and that's saying something, trust!~ And, and..." (Breath, Squig, Breath....) "And I don't want you feeling even half of what I felt when I had just woken up! So... Yeah." 

Squig stepped back, her voice now raised in true pride for once in what felt like ages,

"You deserve someone by your side, kid. And... I'll make sure you get that. Well,"

She scratched her neck,

"At least I'll try to."

She took another step towards the door. She could hear the footsteps of someone outside, a nurse no doubt.

"I... Guess I'll talk to you more when you're awake? I'll... Leave until then. And, uh, I'll write my phone number down for one of the staff members to give to you."

There was a knock at the door. 

Squig grabbed the door handle, but before she opened it, she turned to take one last look at the child. Beneath her breath, Squig murmured a final remark that she hoped the kiddo didn’t hear. 

"Rest well, Magalie."

Hi! I'm Vae, this blog's mod~

Pronouns she/her, ace mid-twenty-something adult who is at least slightly less of a womanfailure than Squiggle is~ Decided to make this blog solely because I had a brainworm of an idea for a character, accidentally created too much lore for her in my head, and then my unrelenting urge to RP as her convinced me to join in~

This is the second time one of my stupid Minecraft OCs has dragged me across the floor and into a roleplay with a bunch of people I never would have interacted with otherwise, and the first time was a blast~ So I just hope I can make a character and a story that entertains ya'll as much as it entertains me~

And yes, do I type like this normally~ Tildes and all~ It's kinda my thing~

A few disclaimers:

Don't ignore that Unreality warning at the top of this blog. Squig is a character that, in-universe, thinks this is an ARG. This is going to lead her calling her fictional world reality frequently. Please don't put your mental health at risk if you have a hard time telling what's real and what's fake.

This is the first time I've run anything like this, so bare with me if I'm bad at it~ On my normal Tumblr account I tag nothing and reblog everything, so if I mess up with tags or RP etiquette or whatever, tell me and I'll fix it ASAP~

All roleplay here will be SFW and platonic. I'm an adult in my mid-twenties, my character is an adult in her late twenties, but a lot of the folks working on and engaging with this AU are minors. So no. We're not doing that. I was already planning on making things strictly SFW, but after realizing that I'm probably one of the oldest mods for this AU, I've decided to extend this notion and have no romance or QPRs for Squig either. Not with other roleplayers at least. I can still create my own OCs for that if I want, I'm just not comfortable roleplaying relationships that aren't platonic with other people, especially with those younger than me.

Squiggly is mostly based off of a character I want to use in an ARG I make myself one day. Emphasis on Mostly. Squig and this other character share the same full name, same childhood, same core beliefs, same DNA, same neurodivergencies... But although they come from the same source, the version of her in this AU has gone down a very different path. As such, her personality is different too~ I won't go into details of the differences, but think of Squig as the Wario of her 'canon' self's Mario~ So if I end up making that ARG and someone in the future reads this blog, don't take anything here as canon to my ARG~ This is an AU~ Take it as such~

I'll probably be editing this with more info and tags when I come up with them, so stay tuned~

Although I'm not as much of a nerd about ARGs as Squig is, the genre has always been one I've wanted to try doing myself and I want to use this blog partially as an experiment for ways I could make one in the future! This won't be a full on ARG (at least... I don't think it'll be...) but I will be adding elements of the genre in here once I get a gist of Tumblr Roleplay in general~

Kalei clutched at their chest, shaking their head. "No. No, no, no, get- get away. Stop. You’re not- go. Go away. Stop it.” 

They glanced back at something hidden further away. Something they hated having, but kept saved for a rainy day.

Kalei can’t do it again. Can they?

Nicotine stained teeth became yellow dust that choked them. They leaned forward and puked, making godawful noises that sounded like pain. Pain and terror.

Gasping. Choking. Shaky white hands moved to claw at their throat, and with one hand, they were grabbing for something to help pull them upright. How they managed to stand on a chair with only one leg was explained only by adrenaline and determination, but now they felt …

…

theykepthittingharderandharderandharderuntilitstoppedmovingandthentheywerecalm.ohsocalm.

Instead of standing, they dropped forward to try and crawl. “Don’t-“ Kalei wheezed. Speaking was- no, they can’t. They can’t talk to it. Please. “You aren’t… supposed to be here.”

Did the cop just smile at them?

"Kalei, no, I'm fine! It's oka - "

Squig is cut off by the officer slamming her into the wall again. HARD.

She shuts up in an instant. (I think another tooth chipped...)

The officer cuffs Squig, then turns to Kalei.

Kalei cried out when Squig was slammed into the wall, a noise between a cry of anguish and a cry of horror. They started to crawl faster, but their hand slipped on some blood.  Their chest crumpled to the ground, head slamming soon after. It still felt as if it were splitting open from earlier with Squig, but-

The cop was coming closer.

He was sprinting after them despite having them with their hands in the air, a gun trained on their forehead.

The cop was getting closer.

He was smiling with nicotine stained teeth, and hands that Kalei remembered touching their shoulder, and shit, shit, shit. They whimpered, clawing at the ground and trying to get further away. They were so close, so close to the front door-

A cold hand wrapped around their ankle, pulling them back. Kalei screamed, louder than Squig had ever heard them. They were pulled back to be right next to where Squig was pinned against the wall, and a heavy boot slammed down on their back. "Don't move," he snarled. "And hands behind your back."

Choking, Kalei obeyed the cops orders. God, they couldn't breathe. Their wrists were pinned together tightly, and a single handcuff link was wrapped around them. What the fuck?

Yanked by the other end of the handcuffs, Kalei was forced to stand on their one leg to avoid dislocating their shoulders. The cop then reached and grabbed the back of their hair, lifting his arm just high enough that Kalei had to strain their neck to not be dangling by their short hair. "You are under arrest for assault of a police officer. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law."

They only moaned in pain as response, eyes shut tight. Scoffing, the cop released their hair to grab their shirt collar so he could drag them forward, and into the bathroom. He threw open the door and found a towel rack, and clipped the other end of Kalei's handcuffs to it.  

They were stuck. They were stuck. Fuck, Kalei could only stand leaning forward just enough their shoulders weren't breaking. Not even their wrists had room to wiggle. The cop stood between Kalei and Squig, breaking the woman's line of sight.

From his pocket, he pulled out a cigarette. The cop winked at Kalei, and then placed it between his teeth and lit it. Took a long, long drag. Exhaled the smoke directly into their face.

Then, he took the end of it, and buried it into the side of Kalei's neck. They screamed before a hand clamped over their mouth, leaving Kalei only able to cry. "Shhh. Don't cause trouble. Or she will be found guilty for a little bit more than breaking and entering. Shame she burnt you with this cigarette."

Flicking the cigarette into the toilet, the cop turned around and left Kalei standing there, shaking. He made his way back to Squig and grabbed both her arms just above the cuffs. "You are under arrest for breaking and entering, along with possible charges of battery. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. Am I understood?"

(They weren't that loud when I shot them.)

Squig stayed as still as she could, shocked, still reeling from the sound of Kalei's scream. Her mind races.

(Theyweren'tthatloudwhenIshotthemTheyweren'tthatloudwhenIshotthemTheyweren'tthatloudwhenIshotthemTheyweren'tthatloudwhenIshotthemTheyweren'tthatloudwhenIshotthemTheyweren'tthatloudwhenI - )

The officer drags her closer, twists Squig's wrist in the process. (An accident? No. No, it's...)

"I said," His nicotine breath making her noise hairs curl, "Am. I. Understood?"

"Yes," Squig squeaks.

Without another word, the officer led Squig out the door. A million different thoughts and feelings flooded her mind, but as she was walked out, one more realization came to Squig's mind;

(Where's his bodycam..?)

Squig was deposited in a car with another officer inside. sitting in the passenger seat. 

The cop returned for Kalei. He made his way up the stairs slowly, not speaking to a single passerby. Once in the apartment, he looked for thumbtacks (he took down a pinned up drawing of Fia that someone had made) and a bedsheet. He made a makeshift door out of this.

Just in case.

Then, he turned back. Walked towards the bathroom. Kalei was still in there, trembling fiercely. He smiled. "Hello, Kaleidoscope," the man said.

Kalei's head snapped to attention. Their chest heaved with every single breath. "I... no. No, please-"

A hand came forward to slap across their face before gripping a handful of hair above their temple. "You don't get to beg me."

Tears were pouring down their face. "I swear- I didn't mean to-"

"Doesn't fucking matter." The cop removed the cuff from the towel rack, leaving Kalei free for the transport. He took a swift step forward, dragging them by the hair. They hopped along, half falling the entire time. 

Oh, it burned. It burned when the cop yanked them down to the ground, causing them to lose their balance. It hurt when he grabbed their hair and pulled them up again, kneeling before them like it did. It hurt when he smiled, examining them closely. "What a pathetic creature you are today. Hard to believe you-"

"You aren't real," Kalei breathed. "Squig- Squig was right. You aren't real. You can't be."

Wrong thing to say. The other's eyes lowered Kalei couldn't hear him breathing? Couldn't feel him breathing? before coming up to them. "Why?"

He knew why. He knew why he knew why he knew why he knew why- "Because," Kalei croaked. "I killed you."

"Damn straight you did," the cop said. "Unfortunately for you, you can't seem to put anything into a grave proper. Be it me or yourself."

Ouch. Kalei shied away from the words, but there was quickly another hand at their collar. It twisted their shirt, tighter and tighter, until it started to cut into their throat. "I could kill you. I could kill you and you would be powerless to stop me."

He was right. He was right, and Kalei cried at the realization. They were stuck, held by their hair and arms pinned behind their back. What could they do? Nothing. Nothing at all.

"But I don't want to, Kaleidoscope. You know why? Because this..."

A gun was pulled from a waist holster, and cocked, ready to fire. The tip of it gently traced their chin. "This is nicer than what you did to me. Much, much nicer. And if you deserved nice things, well, I wouldn't be here. I'd be at home. With my wife, and our newborn son. Did you know that, Kalei? Did you know about my son?"

They were still, and a fist drove itself into their gut. Kalei gagged, stomach spasming. "Answer me!"

"No!" Kalei shouted. "No, I don't know about your son."

"...funny. He'll never forget the son of a bitch that made him bury his father."

...

.....

........

................

When they were thrown into the car beside Squig, their cuffs had been re-situated to look more appropriate.

An ugly bruise was already swelling up below their right eye, surrounding a deep cut that sluggishly leaked blood. Their lips were busted as well, and dried blood leaked from their nose. A burn from a cigarette was clearly visible on the side of their throat.

They... were shaking. Shaking so, so hard. Unable to look Squig in the eye, anyone in the eye. Any smallest movement or noise made their entire body freeze, so terrified as to be unwilling to take even a single breath. Kalei's shirt and pants covered most of their skin, but their posture indicated even further injuries where it couldn't be seen.

"Are we ready to go?" the cop in the passenger seat asked.

Squig's jaw drops when she sees the state Kalei is in. Shaking herself out of shock, she still had to take all of her will-power not to cry out Kalei's name instead. 

Instead, she bit her tongue. 

The cop that smelled of nicotine lightly shoved the other officer's shoulder. "They're ready. Let's go."

The drive is spent in silence, Squig trying (and failing) to not stare at Kalei. 

(Why...? Did Kalei have personal beef with that guy..?)

It didn't matter. She knew it didn't. But a part of her would always look for logic where none would be found.

She wanted to talk to them, comfort them. To say things would be alright... Or just to... Say SOMETHING. (Out of earshot from the officer, hopefully. Or... No. I don't need to use words.)

She stretches her leg until a foot lies on the top of Kalei's. Then, she taps.

Tap stomp tap.  Tap tap stomp. Stomp stomp stomp, tap stomp tap.

Their eyes flickered from their own hands to just beside them, still focused on the car more than on a person. Kalei couldn't look at somebody, anybody, without... god.

They lifted their foot sharply against Squig's. Then softly. Sharp, sharp, sharp.

Unable to move closer towards Squig without risk of further punishment, Kalei instead shifted their foot to the side so their ankles were hooked together. Squig was... safe? She hurt them, she slammed them into the ground, but she did that to help.

Squig was safe. If Squig was here, they couldn't get hurt as bad again.

...they hoped.

(Yeah, I figured...) Squig thinks, swallowing some saliva. She closes her eyes for a moment trying to remember the letters. She knew she didn't have time, but... She had to say something.

(C'mon ARG knowledge, don't fail me now....)

Tap stomp stomp, tap. Stomp tap tap tap. Stomp stomp stomp, stomp tap stomp -

"Quiet back there!" The yellow toothed officer says, "We're almost at the precinct."

SIlence. The car ride became silent for two or three long, long minutes until the police cruiser stopped. Then, the moment the officer that hurt Kalei opened the door to get out, Squig stomped on Kalei's remaining foot. Not too hard enough to hurt, just enough to make them look back at her.

Squig mouthed two more words, "Trust me."

They finally made eye contact with Squig. She could see how their eye on the right side, above the bruise and cut, had an entirely white sclera. Son of a bitch had hit their face hard enough to burst a blood vessel.

Kalei trembled. Minutely, so subtle it was more visible in the quivers of their hair than flesh, but it could be seen. Their face was slack, almost, other than the slightest upturn on the inners of their brows- an expression ready to turn to desperate pleading at any moment.

Then... pressing their lips together, Kalei nodded. Their brows settled down into a more neutral expression. The fear didn't leave their eyes, not at all, but the fog cleared ever so slightly.

The smallest nod possible was made just before the car door opened, and the yellow toothed officer reached for Kalei's collar once more. They looked at Squig for another long, long second before turning back to stare at the ground, dazed, as the officer practically had to hold them up to drag them down a hallway to the left.

Squig's own officer opened the door. Waited for her to step out. They entered the building... and made their way down the right. They wouldn't be allowed together again, it seemed. Too dangerous for Kalei.

...hah.

Ironic.

The sound of frantic clicking stopped soon after it appeared. The lull of silence returned and for a moment, Kalei returned to their plans before...

SNAP.

A crowbar etches its way through a gap in the door and pries it open before being kicked in by a heavily breathing Squig.

Before Kalei could even react to the sudden appearance of the woman breaking and entering into their home, Kalei could feel it. The weight of a fully grown woman shoving them so hard that all of the air in their lungs leaves in a single moment, followed by the pain of being slammed into the cold hardwood floor as they both hit the ground. 

The world spins. And just as reality comes back into focus after falling flat on their back, Squig grabs their shirt collar and yanks Kalei upwards to face her. White knuckled and teeth barred, she pins them to the floor with her body. Fiery eyes pin pricked with tears, she says their name like it's a curse word, hissing it out in a shaky breath,

"Kalei. What the FUCK, man."

They gasped from pain that blossomed from their stomach, from the impact. Their head, from the hardwood floor. The ringing in Kalei’s ears once their head made contact. Then, the part of their neck where the collar of Kalei’s t-shirt dug into their skin as they were dragged upright.

Wide eyed, Kalei glanced around the apartment (photographs, clothes, old dishes, memories, bloodstains, claw marks-) before staring at Squig again.

Wh- why was Squig here? She wasn’t supposed to be. Not only was she very invited, but she was afraid of Kalei. Wouldn’t it have been better to not have to fear them? Don’t hurt me. Please.

Her words demanded  response. Kalei’s tongue managed to numbly push out the words- “You- you broke in. My door. That’s expensive.”

Squig's grasp somehow got tighter around their shirt collar. The sweat from her palms absorbed into their shirt. Kalei got front-row seats to Squig's new glasses; identical frames as before, but no longer tinted or cracked. The lenses were crystal clear and it gave Kalei a full HD quality view of Squig's eyes and surrounding facial features. From the crease above her brow, to the raccoon mask beneath her eyes, to the microscopic dots that one could call her pupils, to the wet eyeballs themselves, threatening to spill over with tears any moment.

A dark part of her mind wants to hit them. To attack them. To... Do something, ANYTHING to make this idiot understand all of the fifty million emotions bubbling over in her chest.

But she doesn't. Instead, she chooses to ground herself.

"Kalei. You almost killed yourself."

They blinked slowly. Something in their mind just wasn’t caught up, because there was no way Squig was here in front of them, holding their shirt like she was scared for them. “But… my door,” they protested weakly.

It didn’t matter. Of course the door didn’t matter, but Kalei wanted to focus on the door. The door was easier to tackle than her desperate grip on their collar, or how Kalei felt tears they didn’t deserve pressing against their own eyelashes. Focus on the door.

Jaw agape ever so slightly, Squig stares at Kalei the same way a retail worker stares at a customer walking in the door two minutes before closing. 

Her left hand lets go of Kalei's t-shirt, leaving only her right hand to keep Kalei locked in place as she reaches into her backpack, grabs a fistful of loose hundred dollar bills, and haphazardly throws them at Kalei's face.

The dollars fall like confetti around Kalei's face as Squig continues to glare, unblinking. 

"There's your door. Now talk to me."

What the hell? Kalei almost asked where Squig got that many hundred dollar bills before realizing that now was… not the time.

Kalei took a hand that had been holding a rope only moments prior and grabbed the wrist connected to the hand holding Kalei’s shirt, “You can let go of me,” Kalei said. “And I don’t need to talk, you don’t have to- you don’t have to force yourself to do this. I promise.”

How, they wanted to scream, did she notice? Nobody around anymore cares for them- nobody at all! Those people are all gone.

"No, Kalei," Squig replied, her tone almost reminiscent of an annoyed teacher scolding a class clown if not for the internal fury and eyebound tears, "I'm not letting go of you. You're going to talk. I had to do this, and even if I didn't? Fuck it. I'd do it anyway."

She reaches her spare hand up, wipes the sweat off her brow, finally breathing now that the adrenaline's wearing down slightly. She reaches back, swings her backpack off and onto the floor, and pulls out a water bottle and swigs it, before looking down at Kalei again. She wipes a drop from her lip with the back of her hand. She looks back down to Kalei, then produces another flimsier plastic bottle from her bag. 

"That's... My spare water bottle. I didn't get my lips on it, so... Don't worry about germs. Anyway, I'll force you to hydrate later. For now, just... Explain a little? I guess? I speedran the information on what's happening with y'all when I was in the Uber on the way here, I'd like to know a little more detail on what even the fuck is happening before I free you from the prison known as my ass. Please."

Kalei closed their eyes and tilted their head back, getting as much distance from Squig they could get while still being very much so pinned underneath her.

Damn it. She was so… so- why did she break into the apartment of some stranger just to possibly save them? How did she even know? “I’ve had a lot going on, Squig. I… my life hasn’t exactly been calm as of late. These past- two, three… I don’t even remember. But ever since Fia went missing- or, about that time-, it’s like shit just kept getting worse. So much worse.”

They raised a hand to press a palm into their own forehead, pushing as hard as they could muster. It couldn’t actually quell the throbbing headache, but it was a nice pressure to focus on. “I’m- I’m fucked. So is everyone I care about.” Their voice broke on the second part. “I don’t… why am I telling this to you? We don’t like each other.”

Squig sighed, "No Kalei, YOU don't like me. But I don't have a reason to hate you. I keep saying this but you keep not listening, you ignorant asshole."

She leaned in, getting into Kalei's face as they leaned away. (I'm not letting you escape this.)  "I don't hate you. I am frustrated with you. I am envious of you. But I have NEVER hated you Kalei. Not since you graduated from an ableist stranger and became an actual likable human being." 

In time, Kalei had leaned back far enough to reach the floor, Squig's spare hand hit the ground with a thud, hitting the floor harder than she expected right next to Kalei's head. Her head was illuminated by the back, making her appearance even more intimidating than someone called "Squig" should ever be.

"I can't hate you Kalei. I like you too much. You... You're like me but. Likable." Her voice cracks, "You know how to make friends. You know how to fix your mistakes. You KNOW how to be a good person. You.... You......."

Sniff. 

A tear dropped, then another fell on Kalei's face from above. "You're everything I wish I was. You're... You're so much like me, but somehow I admire you.... Why?"

Kalei was pressed back again, caught between entertaining Squig's thoughts and brushing them off entirely. "Is that why you care?" Kalei asked quietly. "If I die? Is it because it's like saving yourself?"

Kalei couldn't struggle against Squig's face, wet and teary right above their own. They can't rip their wrists away from her much stronger grasp. Kalei was stuck. Kalei was stuck, and they hated to admit how entirely terrifying that thought now was.

"I... after you." Kalei couldn't say what Squig said. They just couldn't repeat it out loud without feeling a mixture of feelings so complex that it ended up washing out into almost nothing at all.  A haze they hadn't ever felt before. "After you left. I was... coerced into meeting with someone. I'd been warned that it was a bad idea, but... Kat was not replying to me. Fia is gone. I couldn't think of anyone else I could've trusted at the time."

They sobbed. "I fucked up," Kalei admitted. "I know I have before, so many times, but that one hurt more than it should've. I was so- god, I can still feel its hands around my neck. The entire day after was just a daze, I was so.... and then I woke up, and Kat was posting about redemptions and atonement and how she couldn't bear to see me in her state but she would make sure she found me again no matter what and then she was just gone. Kat's gone. They got her."

"After you left."

"After you left..."

Squig echoed, feeling every word on her tongue as she said them, "After you left......"

"Kalei. You really are a stupid motherfucker if you think I'd fall for what you've already convinced yourself of."

Her fingers dug into Kalei's flesh. They could barely feel due to how hard she pressed into them, forcing them to stay in this moment, grounding them in a reality that they didn't wish to exist in.

She spelled it out for them as if they were a child.

"I. Didn't. Leave. YOU. Left. ME."

"I passed out. You left me. You left me alone in that hospital bed,” Her voice hitched, “And… And then you... You left to BE alone. Alone in this apartment, I take it."

"And now here you are. After everything. After all the loss and chaos and heartache…. You still never listened to me, have you?”

Squig’s hands shook as she held Kalei in place, more tears dripped onto Kalei’s face, “You think I give half a shit about my own life in comparison to others? Why the fuck would I save you to save myself? I’d kill MYSELF if it meant everything would be okay for you! And you STILL think of me as some self-centered bitch, huh?”

Her hands cease in their shaking, her grip tightens once more, “Are you ever gonna accept that I want to help you because I WANT to? That I’m helping because just WANT you to be alive? Or are you more than willing to let yourself die before admitting that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I'm not lying when I say I just want to help you? Not for my own sick gain but because I consider you a fucking friend?"

Silence falls. A final punctuation to Squig’s admittance. 

"I… Fuck. I do consider you as a friend, don’t I..? Ha…” Squig lets out a quiet, guilty chuckle that ends in a sob, “Of fuckin’ course… The only two folks I’ve considered my friends in the past year are a good person who doesn’t need a bitch like me and…” Her eyes drift down to Kalei, “And the one person who does need a bitch like me.”

She relaxes her muscles just enough to let Kalei’s wrists breathe again. Squig attempts to wipe her tears beneath her glasses with her shoulder.

“I ain’t leaving you. Ya wanna know why? Because I don’t hate you. And that isn’t going to change. ‘Cause you’re still a real person. So even if you think I'm not gonna be there to catch you when you fall? I will. So… for the love of god… Let me help. Please?”

It hurt. It hurt where Squig had been squeezing their wrists so tight, Kalei could see little crescent moons carved into their skin.. It hurt, more than they expected, that they'd driven her to anger and crying.

It hurt that Kalei was Squig's friend, apparently.

They weren't a friend. That was- that was bullshit. She was lying, wasn't she? She had to be. She sounded so honest, acted so earnest, but-

Don't hurt me. Please. Don't hurt me.

-she wasn't the type of person to be Kalei's friend. She was- Kalei had to remember. They were both unstable. They were both violent. They should not be around each other like this. Squig had no self worth, was determined to throw herself in every situation possible, and hurt people while in said situations.

They needed to get out of here, away from Squig, before they hurt her again(?) she did something wrong. "I- you can't help me."

The words built up behind Kalei's tongue. "You can't fucking help me, Squig, so you need to- stop trying! Just stop! Do you think I wanted this? Do you think this makes me happy? Because it really fucking doesn't!" Kalei's voice broke. "I don't want to die, Squig, I'm scared! I was terrified when it- when it took me in its car and choked me when I tried to refuse to cooperate. I was terrified when I saw it taze someone to the ground and throw her in a car without thinking. I was shaking, thinking that I didn't want to die like that, because I thought Kat and Fia needed me. But guess what? Kat's gone now too, and Fia doesn't need me. Wh- someone said so herself." Can't say the name. Of all times to not have Whimsy show up, this was a very important one.

 "I got played for a fucking idiot, dragged around and forced to- I hurt somebody! Aren't you fucking terrified of me? I killed someone once, Squig! I beat him to death and I butchered the body and buried it? Are you scared? You should feel fucking sick, so get off me!"

Squig's stare became a paradox, both hardening and softening at Kalei's confession. But her body remained still, continuing to keep Kalei down to the floor.

(They really think they hurt people, huh? Fuck... We really are similar, huh...?)

"Kalei... Can I admit something to you? About... Uh. Myself. My brain. And... That thing I think I said the other day. Something about how..." She inhales sharply, "How I didn't want you to hurt me. You remember that, right?"

Oh. Yes, they remembered. How could they forget? Starting to wriggle against Squig’s tight grip (shit, she is not letting them go), Kalei nodded. “I remember very well, Squig. That’s wh-“ Mm, no. Don’t tell her that Kalei couldn’t tolerate, amongst everything else, learning they’d become the kind of person others feared. That was their own fault.

"Yeah..." Squig comments, without elaboration.

It's silent between them again. She slams her eyes shut, (I can't look at them as I admit this...) then breathes in and out.

"I.... I had..." (Deep breaths, Squig...) "I had an episode the night after, uh...  The whole thing with Kat going God Tier. Or whatever that was... And it was a long one. A really, really long one."

Squig bites her lip, choosing her words one by one. "I don't... Wanna explain the exact disorder itself. It's... So rare that talking about it alone may dox me. But, uh. The way the episodes work is that..."

[ERROR 307] [Redirecting....] [Video Loaded]

It hurt. 

It fucking HURT.

Squig would be breathing heavily if she could, but that was the problem… She couldn't. 

Kalei's grasp was too tight.

They were back in Magalie’s hospital room, Kalei's hands weren't on Squig’s shirt collar, but her neck. Both hands strangled her, white knuckled, digging into the flesh of her skin as they didn’t stop choking her. She tries to pry their hands off of her neck, but they keep pressing harder into her. The gaunt person in front of her was stronger than ever despite looking like a damn skeleton. (Same as before, save for.... Oh god.......)

“You BITCH. You DID THIS TO ME. You ruined my FUCKING life. You ruined Jean’s life. You ruin the lives of every single FUCKING person you’ve met.” 

Kalei let out a hollow laugh, those hateful, hateful eyes staring her down, the twisted sense of joy intermingling with a genuine loathing of the woman in their hands.

“No. Worse. You couldn’t have stopped with Jean and I. You did this to THEM. MY friends? This random fucking kid?? You've ruined all of it! And you STILL manage to find ways to make it worse."

"Even for the people who pretend to like you. You don't think I know what you did to Robin's sibling? All to stay by the side of someone paid to ACT like they like you.."

Another chuckle. "You really are the worst kind of person, aren’t you ‘Michelle?'”

“Though I do admit, 'Shelley', I was wrong." Kalei's head tilts as they lean in, hot breath brushing against Squig's blue face, "If you truly were the kind of person who couldn’t care less for anyone other than yourself, you wouldn’t have done half the shit you did. But no. You’re WORSE. You go out of your way to infect the people around you like the miasma you are. You WANT this for people, don’t you? You WANT the people around you to suffer, that’s why you keep getting involved.”

Her eyes, now bulging out of her skull, just barely look to her left in the last moments of consciousness. 

“If you truly cared, there would have been a fifth bullet. And if you didn’t? There wouldn’t have been four others.”

They drop her.

“You’re worthy of the surname Pottersfield. Now make yourself worthy of the name  ███████ too.”

Squig’s head turns as she falls. Magalie is still in the hospital bed, still as bloody as they were on the highway. Small bugs litter their body, but they’re all just as still as the teen is. The heart monitor is flat and the room smells of roadkill and pesticide. Kalei leaves the room, dragging their bloodied severed leg behind them before the nurses grab Squig’s body out too, leaving the dead kid completely alone.

[ERROR FIXED!]  [Returning to prior video file.]

Squig was full on sobbing again, the tears pouring onto the fresh new lenses already dirtying them. She could barely see Kalei's face through the tears.

"I... I didn't mean to run that night. I didn't... I didn't leave you 'cuz I know what it's like to.. To wake up alone, but... I... Was so scared, Kalei... I thought... Maybe you would... Hate me for staying. And..."

She sniffed.

"You did. I was right, wasn't I?"

Her grip loosened on Kalei's wrists. 

"The version of you in my Episode... They loathed me just as much as you do now. The only difference is that THAT Kalei was a murderer, right? Haha..."

Another sob.

"Sorry. I'm not funny."

“…right. Psychosis.” Kalei couldn’t help but sound flat. Of course Squig thought they were insane… sometimes Kalei wondered the same thing. The king was real, obviously, but cigarettes their weird stalker…  some of the other things they’ve done…

Kalei needed therapy. Badly. “I. I’m sorry that happened. God, I know- I know this stuff is just as traumatizing as real life, but I can’t. I can’t handle this right now.”

Their face was stained with Squig’s tears, and the pressure of her leaning on them for so long was starting to hurt. Kalei was a very thin person, and had been weak as of late. Lack of food and rest most definitely contributed…

Kalei spoke through the discomfort. “You aren’t listening, Squig. I didn’t- I didn’t leave because I wanted to kill myself. I left because no one deserves to be stuck with me. Right when I left, though, someone.” They bit their cheek so hard they tasted blood. Their tone lowered in volume, unsure of what to say. What they could say. Stupid. It’s not like it could listen. “Someone who I knew was unsafe made me get in a car with them. And we went somewhere.”

Squig went quiet listening to Kalei speak. But midway through, she let go of Kalei's wrist. Just one hand so she could wipe the tears from her face. 

(Not that it helped... I'm crying even harder now, aren't I..?)

She cut them off.

"Fuck... Kalei... No one deserves to think they're a burden or... Someone to be 'stuck with'," (Except for me.) "Sorry, I... I didn't mean to interrupt. Continue, please?"

Normally they’d be annoyed at the therapy speak, but… too much effort. “It. Drove me somewhere. And it made me think of a way to cause- well. Have you heard of Ellen? The girl… in the machine?”

The girl who was a machine. Kalei could still hear the blood dripping onto metal panels when they thought about it. 

“It asked me what I could do to her to draw out her technician. Asked me if I had any ideas. I… I said no. I lied and I said no.”

Kalei swallowed, hard. “It had spent that entire time beforehand saying it wanted to help me. Saying it wanted to help Fia. Saying I was- I was being selfish for being so suspicious, but that it made sense because I was so weak and so scared. It had been acting so, so civil, but so weird. It tried to push my chair. It spoke to me on one knee. I knew it was bullshitting me, but I didn’t…”

A weak laugh. “I didn’t think it would choke me, and then hold my neck. Tell me not to ruin its impression of me. Then to try harder.”

Their eyes unfocused. “That technician was so scared, and so… clueless. I know I shouldn’t feel bad for a DMS worker, but she got hurt. It tazed her. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” Tears bubbled in Kalei’s eyes. “But it choked me, and it was lying to me and everyone else and- and I can’t keep up. It said it could find me if need be. I didn’t want to listen, I know it’s saying shit to make me- make me do what it wants, but what am I meant to do? Risk it attacking us if I call it out or refuse it? It made me feel crazy,” Kalei whispered.

Squig nodded along. 

(Fuck.... I might've hallucinated being choked, but... Kalei actually had it happen to them.) Her free hand slowly touched her neck. (The pain I felt in the dreams I have in my Episodes... They feel just as real as when I'm awake. And... That's nothing to scoff at. There's people out there who've died from it. People have gone into cardiac arrest mid-episode because of  what these dreams made us feel... Even my own relatives.) Her hand rubs her neck slowly as she listens. (Even then... I just had a dream. Kalei has a heart condition. I don't. Fuck...)

Returning her focus entirely to Kalei, she waited for them to continue.

“I was in a daze. I don’t… know what I did most of that day. I went to Canni-“ They took in a sharp breath from the pain the name caused. All those messages about decaying bodies… god. Not right now, Kalei. “Her apartment. I know she’s… missing… too, but she told me I was welcome even if she wasn’t there. I used my key. And I think I slept? When I woke up, I texted Kat.”

The tears were worse now. Kalei would’ve wiped their eyes, but Squig still had them pinned. She really didn’t trust them, did she? “She was fine at first and then- she wasn’t. She started talking about the blood, how it was an accident, repentance, and then… by the time I got here she was gone, and the place was a mess. Then I saw her blog update. The DMS… seized the blog. Seized her.” Kalei wanted to throw up. They couldn’t think about it… “I can see them hurting her, Squig. He- he shows me these things. God, I’m supposed to have infinite knowledge, and all I get to know is the stuff that makes it worse! She’s screaming again, and I have to hear it, and I can’t fucking help her because I can’t put Fia in danger- assuming they don’t catch her, too!”

Panic made Kalei’s movements stronger again. “I- they’re gone. Everybody is gone. Squig- you are the only person who bothered to check up on me, not because I have no friends, but because my friends are all gone. They’re dying. Canni- fuck, people keep saying she’s- and Fia, they hurt Fia, the DMS cut her face and her chest and moved things around to see what was inside and now Kat… I… shit. I know I should be trying harder to save them, I know, I know, I know, but every time I try it gets worse. For fucks sake, when Kat was possessed, the only thing I did right was pretend to give up!”

"No."

Squig's voice shot through Kalei's ramble like a bullet.

"Kalei, don't chastise yourself for doing something smart. Patience is a virtue. If you didn't pretend to give up... I don't think I would've been able to save Kat."

(I shouldn't be entertaining the LARP, but... With the way Kat's mind was working around then? Yeah, SOMETHING about that interaction got her out of that state.... More likely, being around the rest of her queer platonic partners...)

Squig exhaled. She switched the hand holding herself up to the free hand, feeling the cold floorboards beneath her left hand, she scratched behind her ear with her right.

"I've... I've been... Trying to play catch-up on the blogs associated with..." (Keep it in kayfabe, Squig, Kalei needs to trust you...) "With this entire situation. I listed which blogs have been taken over by the DMS, which ones were associated with people who are just... Missing."

(Not missing... The folks on The Website told you, it's... All part of the game. Even if.. Even if none of them know it. Even if they're all trapped, confined, scared. Likely going through psychosis just as, if not FAR worse, than what Kalei and I are going through. Christ....) 

"Most of the missing people's blogs are directly stated to be taken over by the DMS via a post. With the exception of Fia, which I assume to be an error on the game moderator's end..." She trailed off, hoping Kalei didn't focus on her slip-up of the word, 'game'.

"The fact the blogs weren't deleted means something. I think." Squig's voice goes soft as she attempts to comfort Kalei, "They could have been archived, but they weren't. I think they're supposed to come back."

"If that doesn't convince you that they ain't gone for good, which, uh. Judging by the expression on your face, I assume that is the case, I... I got another letter. A short one. Just told me your address and to go there without calling the police. But... If the others were in danger and we could do something about it? The letter would have mentioned that, right? Give us instructions on what to do?"

She takes off her glasses and cleans them against her shirt. 

"The letter writer knows about this. They want to help. And.... And they didn't mention anything. So... That means we're either gonna get another letter soon, or..." Squig swallows, (I need to believe this too.) "They're gonna be fine in the end. So... If you still don't trust me, trust the letter writer, at least.”

She puts her glasses back on, smudged and tear stained, but far clearer than before. 

“They saved the kiddo, they saved you. They... They wouldn't want anyone else hurt! So… Trust that we can solve this and… Make it out of here together? I promise you Kalei, we’ll… Soon we’ll be in a better place, at a better time. All of us. Just… Trust me. Okay?"

“…right. Right, because things like that- hah- things like that happen. People are just alright.”

Kalei took a few moments to look past Squig, breathing heavy. They stared at the ceiling rather than her tearful eyes. Kalei very intentionally did not look at the ceiling fan. “I hurt somebody. I- I’ve done horrible things. And I’m in pain. I’m- it hurts. All the time.” 

A hand raises to grab at their chest. “My scars burn when I try to keep- keep it at bay. I feel sick all the time. And… when it whispers, all I can think about is how much it tells me. I know it’s telling the truth. The truth is, my friends are being tortured. And I’m not fixing it.”

A small laugh. “I- I try. I want to help them. I really do. I killed that cop, Squig. You think I’m crazy- fuck, I might be- but I killed him. He’s dead, but-“

Footsteps thudded outside the room. Kalei flinched back, before leaning forward again, one hand reaching towards Squig’s shoulder. They might need her help to run, or to shove her out of the way. No clue.

Their hand never made contact. Exactly like when Squig handed them that phone, Kalei gasped and went whiter than a sheet. The hand quivered, as if they were trying to suppress it but just couldn’t. Pupils shrank back. Eyes flickered up, down, at Squig, at their hands.

No. No, no, no, no, it-

“Can I have a cigarette?”

“Hey, back away! Ness Anne Police!” A man shouted, staring at Squig. A polite man.

One with nicotine stained teeth.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Squig nearly jumps out of her skin at the sudden clambering of noises behind her.

"I said, back away!" The officer shouts, "Put your hands up where I can see them!" 

Squig scrambles to her feet as if the floor had suddenly turned into magma, arms raised high above her head, "SIR YESSIR!!!"

Only by the time she was standing, Squig noticed Kalei. Shaking, sweating, heavily breathing Kalei.

"Wh... Wait, Kalei - "

She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence. The cop pinned her to the wall, not bothering to wait for more context. Just like how he did with Kalei before -