#squigglore

Route Method of Dreaming: "Fell unconscious after a failed attempted suicide." Estimated time: 3-10 minutes

Record Start: Squig would find themselves laying down on shallow waters, the streets of where the shooting takes place is undergoing a light flooding. Above the night sky is a bright full moon, enveloping all in a soft blue glow. White bright stars similar to the glow-in-a-dark stickers you see in a child's bedroom scatter about, twinkling in their own little ways.

Squig lies there in the water, breathing softly. She stares at the moon with tired, brown eyes. Even in her dream her glasses are shattered. The pale glow reflects in fragments onto her face. She lets out a sigh.

Squig: "I guess it did work, huh? Took its sweet ass time to kill me."

Soft splash of water from behind come closer and closer until the ripple touch Squig's ears. * Clack. Clack. Clack. A lady in white leans down to face you.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"

Squig looks up at the figure above her.

Squig: "Xivvy."

She lets out a groan, bandaged hand reaching her forehead

Squig: "Xivvy… I fucked up big time. I hurt people and now I'm dead and you're, like… The angel of death disguised as an ARG character to comfort me before taking my soul to Hell or whatever."

"Haha! You're so silly, Squig!"

She quickly walked past. Her feet barely touches the water's depths, the pitter patter splash follow her every step.

"I must say, I didn't think you'd be capable of pushing things in quite the extremes! And I find it funny and lovely!"

"Sure it interrupted my plans but... Eh I've always been good at waiting."

Squig: "Why does it matter?"

Squig finally sit up and cross her legs with her hands in her lap.

Squig: "The game... It's not being played anymore. Not by me anyway. Money doesn't even matter in death. Or... Wait. Is the religion that was right one of the ones where I need coins to pass on to the afterlife? Fuuuuuck... My wallet was in my backpack..."

She falls back into the water, face buried in her hands.

"Oh you're not dying Squig. I'm no reaper."

This response jolts Squig back up to a sitting position.

Squig: "I'm not? Oh. Good. I don't wanna be in debt death too, I guess..." Squig pauses. Looks around. "Soooo.... Neat dream. Uh... Any idea how long I'm gonna be here, or...?"

"You shot someone and that's the first thought that comes to mind?"

She giggles to herself as she prances about the empty desolate dream while Squig's expression falls.

Squig: "Yeah. Yeah..." Squig: "That's, uh... Why I wanna leave, actually. I... Well. I better face the music, ya know? Especially if someone's dead because of me."

She stares at her hands before clutching her knees.

Squig: "Jean's actor was right. I am a coward. And... I'd rather face it now then sit around in peace when I don't deserve to."

14 stops at her tracks, slowly turns to face Squig, her puppet's eternal smile obscures what she's truly feeling.

".... Actor?"

She stands a fairly good distance away from Squig.

"Despite shooting someone, you still think this isn't real?" "I suppose my existence can be challenged, but normally shooting an actor on set is very... Big"

She takes a few steps forward.

"Worldview shattering big."

Squig turns to her head left, more so to avoid XIV's gaze than anything.

Squig: "Well... Yeah. I already said that I fucked up big time. Obviously Jean's actor was going through a mental episode. Must've thought the game was real or something. I dunno..."

She rested her cheek on her palm.

Squig: "I guess I did what I did in self-defense and all, but... That firearm isn't registered. And I never wanted to actually shoot it. It's just... Thinking that other people were out there, while Jean's actor was in that state? It just... Brought me back to a bad place."

She looked down into the water, a few smaller ripples formed from the liquid dropping off of her face. Her voice cracked,

Squig: "I really didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"It is real."

She shifts toward you her figure framed in soft moonlight, tilting her head to the side as her palms cradle her plastic cheeks.

"You were sooo scared... Good thing I intervened no?" "I can imagine how beautiful that red is painting that pavement..."

Squig hiccups, on the verge of tears.

Squig: "I know... I hurt that poor actor! Those bystanders too.... And Robin....."

She shifts herself around, kneeling on her hands and knees, watching the tears fall from her face.

Squig: "I really must be at your mercy, huh? The mercy of a.... Mystical half-dream illusion in the form of an annoying pile of roman numerals!"

Squig bonks the back of her own head, feels the pain of her injuries, and imminently regrets it, dunking her bad hand into the water beneath her. She then lets out a breath.

Squig: "Please... What - what should I do? You said I'm alive, and for what purpose? What do I do now?"

"Well I mostly just kept you here so you don't go into an all out frenzy."

She raised a pointed finger, wagging it as she ponders.

"While the shot might have strucketh and harm, they still have a hope of surviving."

Squig: "WHAT?"

She suddenly stares at the entity, wide eyed,

Squig: "Why would I - NO! I don't WANT to hurt people! Why would I - "

"You ready to take responsibility? Don't go Jimmy on me."

Squig: "Go Jimmy?" Squig tilted her head, "Like the mouthwash or the neutron?" Squig: "Wait. Okay, yeah the... The mouthwash makes more sense..."

"I would've mentioned the last name if I reference the latter."

14 leaned back, a hand over her mouth to mutter to herself and another to brace her hips.

"Putting aside that you technically tried to pull a Jimmy."

Squig: "WAIT. No, don't COMPARE me to that guy!!!"

She frantically shakes her head again.

Squig: "LOOK! I only did what I did to PROTECT people! If you're some kind of a God or my subconscious or whatever, you already know what the other people with my disorder are like! We might not be in the DSM yet, but..."

Squig lets out a weak sigh.

Squig: "Once the wheel starts rolling, it's damn hard to stop. I didn't wanna get caught in a cycle, so... I ended the cycle before it started. It... Made sense at the time."

She brushed her more injured hand through her hair.

Squig: "It's... Kinda stupid. What I just did. Now that I'm thinkin' about it."

"By shooting yourself?? That's funny!"

Squig: "Well. You wouldn't be the only one to laugh at the idea."

She falls back into the water, lying there on her stomach just barely floating for herself to breath. A tender hand reaches to hold up Squig's face.

"Feeling normal and sane now?"

Squig: "Never. I don't think either of those words apply to me."

"Not gonna maim people the moment I let go, are you?"

Squig slowly rises up, kneeling before the entity in front of her.

Squig: "Only you if you keep acting as your real world fictional counterpart and ragebaiting the shit out of me."

14 giggles, a quiet tone of relief escapes her. She leaned forward in response.

"I am her by the way."

She looks up at the sky.

"Then I shouldn't keep you here for too long! You got things to do and lives to save."

Squig: "Riiiiight."

Squig said, scratching her neck as she looked up from the water-logged floor,

Squig: "So how do I wake-"

The water begins to rise in tides as 14 leapt up in the air.

"It's time to wake up now, Squig!"

"Or you're all going to die."

Squig wakes up, Record Ends

Disoriented, Squig trips down the stairway to her mobile home. The world fades from her consciousness, and then, she is no longer numb.

Robin gasps as the gun malfunctions, relief flooding her veins (Thank FUCK!), and she stands up, rushing over to Squig as she faints. Robin looks over Squig's body, seeing if they didn't get any other wounds.

"Jean is… they're not doing good. They need a hospital."

Kalei presses harder on their stomach, and more blood flows up to meet their palms. How in the world they were acting as if their leg wasn't in immense, excruciating pain, Kalei didn't know.

"Like, now. And I think your friend needs a psych ward, ahaha."

The joke wasn't funny, not at all, but Kalei had to say something.

She sniffles.

"No jokes, please."

She shakes her head.

"But I appreciate the effort."

She looks through Squig's bag for any medkits again.

"I- I don't know how to tend to bullet wounds."

“Pressure. Bandage. Call someone who does.”

The words came out chopped, because Kalei didn’t know either. They weren’t a doctor!

Robin touches something box-shaped and takes it out of the backpack. A medkit. She places it on the ground.

"Okay, okay. I'll call 911."

She grabs her phone and dials the number.

Wait, right, Kalei still has Fia on the phone… and that damn camera. It was angled right by where Kalei had fallen, right by Jean… and right where Squig had turned a gun on herself. They want to puke- all that on video…

Robin hadn't noticed, too focused on the call.

"Hello, someone's- Two people have been shot. Yes. Right by, uhm.-"

Two people have been shot. Unable to keep up any bravado, Kalei leans over and pukes, narrowly dodging Jean’s pants with it. They gasp again. It’s too late to run now, isn’t it? They want to go home.

Squig woke up in a cold sweat; painfully, suddenly, and without any warning. But as soon as she did, she bolted upright and screamed,

"THEY TURNED THE KINSTUGI TIMELINE INTO A GENERIC ANALOGUE HORROR."

Kalei screams, head tucking down as if dodging another gunshot.

…they look back up slowly and turn to Squig. Raise an eyebrow. Glance at their bloody leg, Jean’s blood soaked torso. Look back at Squig.

“…what did you just say?”

Robin flinches with a yelp. She was about to say that an ambulance was coming by. She turns around to face Squig and rushes over to her side.

"Are you okay?"

She grabs Robin's shoulders,

"It was terrible!!"

Squig lets out a sob.

"They, they… Umm… I.. I was in the water! And there was a big moon and I saw Xivvy there, and I thought I died and, and,"

Squig's hands shake, making strange movements with her arms as if to recalibrate them and her brain all at once,

"Xivvy said something enigmatic and compared me to Jimbo from Mouthwashing and then she got all Mandella Catalogue-y, with her face getting long and her eyes going all wide and, oh GOD they're making such a good work of art into something so generic!! Why must so many online horror projects try to make their antagonists look like Gabriel, it NEVER looks as good as it did the first time!!!"

“You’re fucking disgusting. Talking about a nightmare right now? I can’t believe you called me ableist, you,., you….”

They close their eyes and bury their face in the backs of their hands, right above where Jean’s blood still leaked. They felt sick, like puking again. Probably from blood loss.

Robin looks at Kalei and back to Squig, then back at Kalei.

"Can we focus first on the fact that the three of you are injured before you get into another fight?"

She says firmly.

"Wait… Injured..?"

Squig's hand reaches her face, swollen and wet with tears and blood. Her nose is still bleeding.

"Oh. THAT'S why everything hurts. Wait…"

She wipes beneath her broken glasses and adjusts them to more clearly see the three other people here. When she can see again, she states,

"OH. OH FUCK. Oh FUCK I DID THIS."

Yes, Kalei wants to scream. It was you. You hurt me. You hurt them. You did this, and you were selfish enough to try to join us.

But they couldn’t. They couldn’t be that much of a hypocrite, could they? Not when they remembered hands that typed out IP addresses and phone numbers, hands that had caressed a frayed jump rope before stopping out of fear just two days after reading the play. If Squig was a psychopathic, malicious coward, so was Kalei.

And that meant they probably need to not make things worse.

“The… help is on the way,”

Kalei groans. They try to curl their toes, but find that it’s hard to get their body to do much of anything. Oh, good, they think. They’re dying.

“…can somebody get my phone?”

Robin redirects Squig's gaze by gently moving her head by touching her cheek.

"Please don't panic. That's not what we need right now. Focus on staying awake."

She looks back towards Kalei.

"I'll get it. Where's it put?"

“…..mm. Ground. Camera. Hang up the call.”

Kalei wasn’t dying, right? Right. But Fia might still be listening, and that was bad. That was very bad. Worse than their cold fingers.

Robin stands up and looks around. She spots the phone a ways away and goes to pick it up. She sees the Caller's ID.

"Sorry. I'll take care of everyone here. Don't worry. And, uhm. Name's Robin."

She hangs up the call.

"Okay, did it."

She notices the camera. …It's still fucking recording.

"…Everything happened got recorded."

She says out loud, eyes wide.

"Do I turn the stupid thing off?"

She asks, a little harshly in tone.

Whoever took the footage from the CCTV cameras in her workplace could be getting footage from this camera.

Squig raises a bandaged hand, the other of which is being used to feel a patch of grass she's sitting next to.

"Uh… You see that button on the top right? Yeah, just push that and hold it dow-"

A woman sits in a chair beside an unconscious teen. In most scenarios, the adult in this situation would be a mother, or perhaps a sibling. A relative, most likely. Someone who has known the child their entire life.

Squig, however, is not related to the kid. 

She is a stranger to the teen and the teen is a stranger to her. And yet Squig sits, watching the heart monitor as if any change in the rhythm could cause a bomb to go off. Ignoring the gnawing hunger in her stomach and the headache in her skull, focused entirely on the poor kid she held in her arms mere days prior.

Kalei made it down the hallway, clumsily carrying a bag of food in their free hand.  They wanted to just burst into the room, and nearly did, but-

Fuck. That was… definitely a kid in a hospital bed. Jesus, Kalei, calm- calm down. Do not rush the woman with the kid in the hospital. They had no clue how Squig ended up in this situation, but whatever. That wasn’t their issue.

With the end of their crutch, Kalei hit the door a few times in some pantomime of a knock.

“It’s Kalei,”

they said. They kept their face low, so they didn’t have to see Squig and she couldn’t see them.

“Can I come in? I have food.”

Squig's tired batted eyes suddenly shot open at the noise, "WAH!" She nearly falls over herself in surprise, catching herself before she fully leaves the chair. 

(Shit. They actually came...)

"Uh... Come in? Wait, fuck. Lemme help you."

She opened the door, held it open with one hand, silently motioning an offer to grab the bags of food with the other,

"Hey, uh. Make yourself at home? Or something? I don't fuckin' know... Uh. Thanks for the food? What'd ya get?"

Kalei grimaced.

“Fries, water, um… sprite? I think? Oh, and a side salad with basically nothing on it. They didn’t really have good options.”

As much as it would’ve been more courteous to refuse to hand over the food and carry it in themself, Kalei’s crutch arm was trembling and their food arm wasn’t much better off. They passed off the food and collapsed in the chair furthest from the bed. It was…

They couldn’t look at that. Not right now. Fuck, not now. Kalei cowered forward and bit their lip, hair hiding their face. A prominent bright white strip in the bangs of their hair was clearly visible, which hadn’t been present at all last Squig saw them.

Kalei trembled, staring at the tile. Fuck. If they said the wrong thing, Squig could throw them outside and they wouldn’t- hah- wouldn’t have a leg to stand on and argue. They really had it coming.

Think. What would Fia or Kat say right now?

“Sorry I startled you,” they said.

Already grabbing a handful of fries from the bag and scarfing them, Squig nodded. She swallowed,

"Yeah, it's uh... Fine. The food too. 'S hard to find food for folks like me. Don't worry about it. I was.. Mostly asking about which fast food place you went to since, uh. I have a bunch of gift cards and don't know which you'd want, but honestly? I'll just let you choose whichever gift card you want. I still gotta deliver the actual money for your surgery and... Yeah." 

She shovels a few more fries into her mouth. (I really gotta start bringing more food with me if I gotta keep coming here...) She glances at the kid. (Poor kiddo’s gonna be stuck here for a while, even if they wake up soon, which… Hmm. I'm gonna be here for some time, aren't I?)

She grabs more fries, suddenly realizing she's rapidly running out of the salty snack and forcing herself to chew slower. 

"Thank you for this. I dunno if I'll have the salad, It's got dressing on it and.. Wet leaf texture ain't my cup of tea. You, uh. Also look absolutely starved so, I'm gonna offer the rest of this to you. Honestly, you deserve it anyway, I probably should have thought about the whole, uh. Mobility. Issue. Before asking you to get this."

“It’s fine, I don’t- I don’t care.”

Kalei immediately flinched at their own tone- Jesus, they just couldn’t be nice if they tried anymore. Where was the softness they gave Fia?

Dead with Kat’s sanity.

Okay think, think, think. Kalei lifted their head- were their eyes just a touch paler than they’d been that dark night, or was Squig misremembering- before their phone went off. In such a rush they almost tossed it, Kalei checked the notification. At the same time, a vein in their temple visibly bulged.

For a few moments, they scanned the screen. Painkillers, screaming… Kalei half chuckled, half… sighed? Cried? It wasn’t a good sound. Not at all. Their finger hovered over a button, probably about to reply, before they shut the phone off and set it aside.

“I’ll make it worse if I reply, that thing fucking hates me… oh god. I need a minute.”

“No I don’t.”

Immediately, Kalei corrected themself.

“I don’t have a- look. Mi- no, Squig. You want to be called Squig. Squig. I really, really need your help.”

Squig ate the rest of her fries as she listens to Kalei speak. She looks them up and down as she chews. (Yeaaaah, no. Bud looks like a skeleton drawn by a hot topic teen and then turned into a real human person after wishing on a monkey's paw. Kalei needs food.)

"I'll help as best as I can, I guess. Just... I won't do so until you eat. You look..."

(Don't insult them, don't say anything too fucked up they're already going through far too much. Just... Say something normal.)

"You look, uh... Boney."

(Eh... Close enough.)

Kalei's mouth opens before audibly clamping shut. With a single, trembling hand, they open the salad, take a singular piece of lettuce, and shove it in their mouth. A few moments of silence. Then-

"There. I ate."

Was that what Squig meant? God, no, but Kalei didn't have time to enjoy a meal. She didn't understand that- she couldn't have, if she was dragging her feet like this- and Kalei needed to figure out how to express that to her without getting kicked out.

Think. Think. (It's so loud in this almost silent hospital.) Think. (Kat's slamming her head into a wall right now. Slamming it hard enough her ears are ringing.) Think. (Siege just laughed at her. Wrong answer.) THINK.

Kalei's hands stuttered to their pockets and patted them thoroughly. The pants weren't Kalei's, most likely, seeing as how they bundled up around the ankles. Matched perfectly with the ill fitting shirt.

From their pockets, Kalei pulled out a small zip-lock bag with two pieces of paper adorned with sticky notes. They'd been carefully folded, meticulously protected.

"I found-"

No, fuck, start at the beginning.

"Kat-"

No, dumbass, wasn't Squig the one who discovered this happened to Kat at all? This was Squig's-

No. It wasn't Squig's fault. The letter said to, what was it, again? It had questions. Questions about who was really to blame for all this bullshit. Think about those questions. Did Squig possess Kat? No. Did Squig ever endorse the idea? No. Then stop starting fights and start actually talking.

God, Kalei hated having to be reasonable.

"Squig. I... Kat-"

Their voice broke, and tears scraped at their eyes. Dammit, not already!

"She gave me this note."

With a shaking hand, Kalei offered the first note to Squig.

"Ignore- ignore the paragraph about love, I don't know what the fuck that's on about. You'll see why I needed you once you-"

They coughed, almost gagging.

"Once you reach that part."

Squig blinked, completely ignoring everything Kalei said after they put the fork down.

"Hey Kalei? I'll read that or whatever, but... I don't think you can save your friends if you're about to blow away in the wind." 

She grabs the page from them, with the comment,

"Now eat the rest of your wet leaves."

They look at the salad as if it personally offended them before repeated buzzing goes off in the seat beside them, where Kalei had tossed their phone. They pick it up and click on something, before visibly paling.

"Fuck," Kalei breathes. "Give me a... shit."

They type quickly, thumbs flying across the keyboard. Once they hit send, Kalei leans back and closes their eyes, breathing slowly.

"Squig."

Their voice is... flat. Measured. Level. It almost, almost sounds like Kalei is calm, except for the fact that they very much so are not.

"I know you want to eat. I just... I need that paper, ple-"

Their phone goes off again, and Kalei picks it up. Once they read whatever is on the screen, they double over and gag. For a moment it appears as if they are about to puke, but despite the noises and visible contractions of Kalei's stomach, nothing comes up but spit.

After a moment, Kalei leans back and continues typing once more.

"I need that paper decoded,"

they say while typing. Any bravado from their voice is gone, now replaced by a high pitched panic that doesn't suit them in the slightest.

"I need that now, Squig, I- I'm not doing this shit because I hate myself. Not right now. I'm doing this because I have no choice."

Squig's eyes narrow beneath her tinted glasses. Without another word, she yanks the phone out of Kalei's hand.

"Gimme that! You can't help ANYONE while you're like this! Just. REST. For like. Ten minutes at LEAST. I'll solve the cipher and.. I'll get you up when I'm done, alright?"

The moment Kalei sees Squig's eyes land on the phone screen, they stand and rush towards her. They forget, for a moment, that they're down a leg and end up more or less falling on her while grabbing for the phone.

"Give me the fucking phone back," they say, voice raised. "I'm not playing on it for fun, Squig, I'm serious!"

One hand is gripped onto the front of Squig's shirt in panic, clearly the only thing keeping them from falling at least for the moment. The other hand is blindly reaching for the phone. Rather than anger in Kalei's movements, however, there's panic.

"HEY!"

Squig snaps, putting an arm under the fallen amputee, attempting to steady them while still playing keep-away,

"What part of JUST REST do you NOT understand!?!"

With one hand firmly gripped on the phone, now raised into the air, and the other hand trying to force Kalei back down, the fire in Squig's eyes doesn't go out as much as it settles. Focusing with furrowed brows.

"Look. Obviously I KNOW you aren't playing around. That's why I'm telling you to rest while you have the chance so you don't break into a billion little pieces the moment you're needed most. I won't do anything you don't want me to, but,"

She looks at the phone. 

Fia's texting. Squig stopped talking as she read the texts. Her face falls.

"Kalei. I'm gonna talk with her."

"You don't understand what's going on, Squig, this is all I can fucking do!"

Normally, one would expect Kalei to cringe back. It is no secret to Squig- or anybody- that Squig is not somebody Kalei likes or trusts. In fact, they would strongly consider themself to do neither. The fact that Kalei is this close to Squig without trying to start a fight is already remarkable.

Normally, however, Kalei is not exhausted. They've technically slept, but they spent all of last night getting sick in the restroom and listening to her scream. Any food Canni shoved down their throat could never settle. The memory of warm, wet blood mixes in Kalei's mind with the feeling of Squig's arm around their back, the substances almost the same temperature, but now Squig is warm and that body is not (and Kat isn't warm, she's getting colder) and Fia's stuck alone and now they can't talk to her.

Please, Kalei cries, or at least they thought they did. Let me talk to her. They fall forward, into Squig, and sob. Choking, painful sobs, the kind that curl the shoulders and shatter the spine. The sort that takes up all of the air in a room and leaves none left or any more refined practices such as reason or persuasion. Kalei cries, one hand limply wrapped around Squig's wrist, and their body leaning on hers as the only way they can stand. (How ironic.)

"Stop, Squig, you're... this is all I can do. All I can do is find you, and talk to her. Don't take that away from me. Please."

Squig's raised arm almost falters as Kalei crashes into her softly. Not that the crash itself was soft, more so that Kalei themself was like a cardboard tube in comparison to Squig. The dyed blonde steadied herself, but didn't waiver, maneuvering in an attempt to balance Kalei instead. (They're so cold... How do they live like this..?)

"Kalei. You've been standing for too long. Just... I won't take her away. I won't even talk to her if you don't want me to. But... You being like this? It's gonna cause a lot more harm than good."

She grabs Kalei's shoulders, resting their phone against the crook of their neck as Squig guided them back down to a chair. 

"Now," She lets go of them, "I'm gonna give you the phone back in just one moment. But first, I wanna know how much rest you've had in the past few days. If any, I mean."

Kalei's eyes unfocus as they genuinely try to figure out. They land rather roughly in the chair, but don't seem to be bothered by it much.

"I... don't remember," they said. "Give me a second."

They had to have slept at some point. Humans can't just... go without sleep for that long. They know they've slept right before Kat went... well... and they've also slept once since then after Canni forced them to, but was that seriously it?

...probably.

"I slept a day or two ago. I think. God... I don't remember."

They wipe at their eyes with a sleeve slightly too long for their arm.

"It's... that's not important. I can rest once this is over."

It had to be over soon. No, not soon, it had to be over sometime tonight. Or tomorrow morning, depending on how long it would take. But it wouldn't be taking another day- Kalei wasn't entirely sure anybody could survive it.

"I need to get to Fia and Kat. That's what's important."

Squig's hands return to Kalei's shoulders, gripping them with much more intensity this time. Her gaze was piercing beneath those prescription shades, but her voice belayed genuine concern,

"Kalei. The fuck do you mean you have been awake for one or two full days? Even I got a solid two or three hours of sleep last night!"

Squig paused, repeating the last sentence she spoke in her head.

"Okay. So... I might be a bit of a hypocrite, but. C'mon, dude. We can't BOTH be the unhealthy one here if we want to save people!"

Their face crumples again.

"Fia bought me melatonin because I went... fuck, three? Four? days without sleep last week, but it's at the apartment. God, I want to go home."

Breathe. Breathe. Stop panicking, Kalei, stop. They're shaking. They're shaking too hard when they're supposed to be talking. They're shaking too hard when they're supposed to be getting Squig to focus, because they- "can't mess this up," and if they do- "'re gonna be hurting, and I can't stop that, and-" it's not okay for Kalei's friends, to hurt, especially when all they had to do was solve- "a stupid cipher, just a stupid fucking cipher-" and really, was that supposed to be a challenge at all?

Not to someone like Kalei. They read the play, and all it did was help them know how much she was tortured. Fia had it worse, Fia had it so, so much worse, and they kept telling themselves that, but that didn't make last night feel a damn bit shorter.

"It's been three days, Squig," they said.

"Fia's been stuck in there hiding for three days. Kat's been... oh my god. Three days. Maybe. Was it longer? Fuck, Squig, I don't remember."

Watching Kalei begin to break, Squig began to press her fingers deeper into their shoulders. Their lungs heaved and they shook beneath her hands, but Squig refused to let go. 

"Kalei? Hey, Kalei! For once, I need you to listen to me. I need you to breathe. In, like this," She takes a big breath in, "Then out, like this," She exhaled.

"Just... Humor me? The faster you actually TRY to fuckin' listen, the faster we can solve this. Can you take some breaths with me?"

Wow, her fingers hurt. That was fine. Kalei nodded and forced a deep breath into their chest. It strained against their lungs, and they choked on it as it rose, but they tried to take another. This one came the slightest bit easier.

Every single breath hurt like there was barbed wire wrapped around their chest, but Kalei did breathe. The ringing in their ears (when had that started? how long has it been there?) faded, and they realized just how tightly their fists had been clenched. Alright. This was fine.

Forcing themself to nod, Kalei tried to fix their face back to the detached politeness they'd been wanting to wear when they walked in. It didn't work, most likely.

"Sorry," they said. "I've- fuck, my chest."

One hand came to clutch at a seemingly random spot on Kalei's torso.

"Ow. Anyway, I've got... oh my god. Headrush, sorry, today's been... okay. Thank you. Okay."

The thanks left Kalei's mouth without them even stopping to consider just who, exactly, they were thanking. It didn't matter, after all. Regardless of who this was, Squig did the right thing.

"Okay. I'm- can I see my phone?"

Their voice wavered, but didn't yet crack.

"I need to tell her that it's going to be okay. Even if I don't really believe it anymore-"

there it went.

"I need to tell her that it will be. Because if she gives up, then I have to try for the two of us, and I'm really not enough of an optimist."

They laughed as if they were funny.

Her grasp loosens on Kalei's shoulders and she hands them the phone.

"Make it quick though. I do think you need at least SOME rest before we continue. Even if it's a five minute siesta on a shitty hospital chair as I solve... Whatever the puzzle you wanted me to solve."

They typed quickly, before turning the phone off once more and shoving it deep into their pocket. Okay, Kalei. Breathe. She said she’d help.

“I owe you everything,” they said. “For the rest of eternity.”

With shaking hands, they pulled out the second paper and showed it to Squig.

“This is the one I can’t read. Can you help me? Please?”

God, they wanted to pass out. Every bone in Kalei’s body was done with this stress. With a spare hand, they traced the sore scarring beneath their sweater.

"You owe me nothing,"

Squig states, though the words feel more like a sigh leaving her mouth.

"Actually. I still owe you."

she gestured down the place where Kalei's leg once was,

"But we'll focus on me paying you later. For now, you rest." 

She brushed a fingertip over the tear mark before aligning it with the other half of the letter. With the two part jigsaw puzzle complete, Squig began reading as much in plain text as she could be.

(Another letter... Same font. Same text size. Same... Everything.) She takes a breath in, then out. Just like she guided Kalei through moments before. (It's fine. Don't.. Don't think about it, Shelley. Don't think about how the previous letter was perfectly timed to the accident. Don't think about how you found them at just the right times before. Don't think about the fact you actually KEEP finding strange papers everywhere, those are just a part of the ARG.) Despite herself, her breathing quickens, (It's all just part of the ARG..... Don't. Think. About. It.)

Her hand digs into her backpack, hand shuffling past several documents that she knew she didn't have days prior, (Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't THINK about it...) pulling out a notebook and a pen. She takes out her phone as well, pulling up the cipher solving tools The Website provided her with.

She takes one final huge inhale, then slowly blows out. (Magic isn't real. Gods aren't real. Fate, destiny? Magical letters? None of that is real.) Squig turns to the child on the hospital bed, just long enough to recall holding them in the road the other day. (This is reality. There's enough suffering in the real world to blow this unfiction stuff out of the water. Reality will always be more horrifying than any fiction.)

Kalei slumped in the chair. This was fine. This was good, kind of. They could- they could tell Fia that progress was made. They could tell Kat that they actually did something to help.

God. Adjusting their posture, Kalei risked a glance at the kid in the bed. They were… not good. Not good at all. Kalei desperately wished that this shit had happened any other time, because they did not want to be taking Squig away from that kid like they were.

What a selfish person Kalei was. They should’ve been smarter, should’ve planned ahead, should’ve… anything, really?

Part of them wanted to fill the silence, but there wasn’t anything to talk about. Comforts would ring hollow. Complaining was rude and pointless. And they didn’t exactly have much in common either of them wanted to discuss.

Kalei’s eyelids slipped shut. They didn’t fall asleep (in fact, they were biting the inside of their cheek to prevent the opportunity), but they were trying to collect their thoughts. (...Rest. Like what Squig suggested.)

On the other side of the bed, in a parallel chair, Squig was also biting the inside of her cheek. She clicked the pen as she thought, a soft ‘click click click’ now marching alongside the rhythmic beat of the heart monitor.  

(God... I can barely focus.... Some of the ciphers have been solved already on these post-its, I just need to hone in on the one Kalei pointed out on the page... But what's the key..?)

Wait... There. (Of course the letter just downright says it.)

"The key is all that remains in her mind and heart when you speak to her..?"

She echoed the words written on the page, just above a whisper as if to confirm it with herself.

She looked at the child. 

(No... That can't be it. Right..?)

Her eyes then landed upon her backpack. She looked back up at the teen, as if silently asking for permission, before shaking the thought out of her head and reaching into her leather bag anyway.

Away from Kalei's line of sight, Squig pulled out a birth certificate.

She held it in her left hand and wrote the name itself in her notepad with the other. Then, she returned it to the bag, silently praying that the camera in the corner of the room didn't see. That Kalei wouldn't question her. And that no one else would know that she held something so personal to an absolute stranger. 

(Because... That's what this is. This... This can't be something related to the game itself, right? No. Now's not the time to think about it, just.... Solve the damn cipher. Think about it later.)

They weren’t even watching Squig. They should’ve been. They should’ve been sitting with wide eyes to see when she would solve the cipher and Kalei could go.

But… it wouldn’t make things faster. It would just make them worse.

The beeping of the hospital room was getting to them. Kalei hated hospitals after… that night (don’t think about that, Squig is helping), and the idea of being stuck in one like this kid would be was awful.

Carefully, Kalei sat up and took their crutch, before limping just a few steps closer to the figure in the bed. They were so, so young… probably the same age as Kalei’s youngest sibling. Second youngest? They couldn’t know.

…at least they were sleeping. That meant they couldn’t hurt. Apologies stirred in Kalei’s throat, but they couldn’t apologize for this. They weren’t sorry they found Squig, they were just sorry it happened to have happened now. With a gentle hand, Kalei adjusted the blanket so it was smooth at the bottom.

The strangest desire to call home rose deep in Kalei’s chest, one they hadn’t felt in- god, years? They just wanted somebody to tell them it would be okay. At least one person who seemed like they knew what they were talking about and was a convincing liar.

It wasn’t going to be okay. It had to be okay. The two truths warred in Kalei’s mind strongly enough it clouded their thoughts at times. When stuff like this happens, it’s never okay. Kat would never be the Kat that Kalei met again. She’d never be the same girl who fell for Fia. This child in the bed would never be the same person who had  no idea they were fated to get hit on the road. Squig would never be the same woman who didn’t know how a bullet sounded when it exploded from a gun and ripped through flesh. Kalei would never be the same person who’d never read that damn play.

But it had to be okay eventually. This kid was going to wake up, and Squig would be busy with them and Kalei would never see her again. Kat was going to be free of pain and smile, and Fia wouldn’t have to cry anymore. Things would continue on, and eventually continue without them. Kalei just really, really needed to be the first one out. They couldn’t survive losing anyone. (Hypocritical as that was for the cop’s family. God, he had a family, didn’t he?)

“…the end justifies the means,”

Kalei says. Their eyes are trained on bandages, IV tubing, heart rate monitors.

“Not always. But sometimes. I… I have to tell myself that.”

"What."

Squig's deadpan voice shattered whatever thoughts were going through Kalei's head. They turned to her, instinctively.

"I, uh. Sorry. Just.... The reference caught me off guard. I solved it though! The cipher." 

She scratched the part of her spine between her shoulder blades, an excuse to stretch her limb. 

"Bad news though... It said for me not to tell you what's on it. Which makes sense, I think. I... I wouldn't want y'all knowing the key to this cipher anyway,"

Her vision lands back on the kid before forcing her eyes back onto Kalei,

"But. I know it. And... It's really more of... Instructions for Kat? Which, uh... Isn't useful for just ME specifically to know? I guess the best solution now is to, uh... Wait until Kat's lucid enough for me to give her these instructions? I'll just save this solved cipher to my notes app and... Yeah. Later we can... Do something, I suppose."

Kalei paused. Did she just say... wait? No. She didn't understand, she wasn't listening, she-

They wheeled around and, with a strength that hadn't been there just minutes before, walked into Squig's face and grabbed her collar in their hands. They didn't need the crutch now, they were leaning forward over her and using Squig's body as their method of standing. She could knock them over, sure, but Kalei was dragging her down with them.

Their entire body trembled. They didn't want to do this, they didn't want to be here. They wanted to be at home! But did Fia want to hold Kat down and inject opioids into her bloodstream? Did Kat want to torture herself to pass a note that Kalei wouldn't even get the cipher key for, Kalei didn't even get to know the contents of, and all they were getting was that they could do something later? Fuck. That.

"Listen up, Squig," Kalei shouted.

"I don't want to be here right now. I don't want to- I don't want to be like this, but I'm dead. Alright? I have nothing to lose. Meaning whatever I do here is free of consequence." Lies. "So you need to tell me what the fuck I can do, because if you think I can just- what- wait for Kat to become lucid? Fat fucking chance, Squig, SHE NEVER FUCKING WILL BE!"

The height difference between the two allowed Kalei to lean over Squig's face. It was hard to tell if they were enraged, panicked, or some mixture of the two that was surely pushing them over the edge. Kalei was tired, but there was adrenaline in their veins.

"She's not going to get lucid, Squig. Do you know what she's going to do? She's going to hurt. She's going to scream. And then she's going to fucking kill herself from the pain, and it will be my fault.  So you can report me to the police, you can just- you can block me on everything, but you aren't going to tell me to sit down and wait. You are going to start explaining things, or I swear to god, I will spend the rest of my godforsaken life making yours a nightmare."

Squig fell back into herself, her head sinking into her neck as if she was a turtle. Her breath caught in her lungs.

"Wait, I..." (I... I thought we were making progress? I thought we could put aside our differences, actually help, actually make things better? Did I fuck up again?? Did I make things worse??? Did I - ) 

She was about to fawn, roll over like a dog, but then, she noticed it. Several things, actually.

The shakiness, for one. The squint in their eyes. Stiff speech, but certain words were pushed out as if it was forced...

In that moment, Squig felt a surge of a confidence she thought she never had. One that was necessary, not wanted. Needed. She spoke, clear and precise.

"You're bluffing."

She stands taller now, proud in her stance but not in a way she's actually proud of, but tall enough to stare Kalei down despite the height difference,

"You're lying to me, Kalei. Not... Not about Kat, really. You wouldn't lie about her. I think. Doubt you would. I meant the part about the... The whole "Having nothing to lose" and you "being dead" thing. And..."

Her voice stuttered, just slightly. This was the only claim she doubted her own instincts on,

"And about wanting to hurt me."

She shook her head.

"If I'm your only way of solving this, you're not gonna hurt me."

She raised her own hands to grab Kalei's fist on her shirt collar, gentle with her touch. Slowly, she attempted to loosen the fingers off her shirt as she spoke,

"Kalei, please listen to me. It's not that I'm not telling you out of malice. Not telling you the answer because I'm doing what the letter told me to do. And.... I trust that the letter's writer has a reason for this."

Squig ran a hand through her hair, feeling each of the brunette roots as her fingers brushed past them, looking back at the teen as she spoke,

"If I didn't follow all of the instructions from an earlier letter from... I'm assuming the same person who wrote this one, I... I don't think this kiddo would've had a chance."

Right. Because this wasn’t Squig’s first letter. Because Squig could do something, and Kalei couldn’t. They couldn’t even lie.

“I- I can’t just wait. I can’t. There’s no way I’m useless in all of this- fuck!”

But if Kalei didn’t put their faith in Squig, Kat and Fia died. Put their faith in someone Kalei despised…

They really had hated her. She was easy to hate when she was all of your problems personified. She was a lot harder to hate when she was exhausted at someone’s bedside, and still managing to seem more collected than you even when threatened.

It was harder to hate Squig. They almost had to respect her.

“…I want them to be okay. This is- I caused this. Helped cause. God, I’m no better than you.”

Kalei laughs bitterly.

“I can’t- you’re so- why can’t you be mean? Why isn’t anybody else pointing out how bullshit this is?!”

Their hands tightened on her collar, but Kalei leaned back on their heel. Still not letting go, but maybe easing up..?

Sporadic eye movement that went unnoticed or ignored. Fluttering and squinting at the light.

Eugh. Bright, so bright.

The child stared up at the lights until it lingered in their vision when they finally looked away. They attempt to blink away the floaties, head felt like splitting now.

Ow. Head hurts so bad.

Unfamiliar walls. Boring, beige ones…–

Freshly opened eyes fall on the strangers, who. what. Instead of any realistic reaction, he simply freezes up.

On the vital monitors, you can see their heart rate spike and stutter.

Kalei’s head snapped to the side, and they dropped Squig comically fast.

“Oh, sh- crap-“

They backed away from Squig to let them through as quickly as possible. Kalei scanned the monitors- pulse ox seemed good, heart rate was inconsistent and elevated but not dangerous, blood pressure was high but not yet emergent. 

This could be all sorts of horrifying names that flooded into Kalei’s mind and they immediately made sure not to verbalize a single one. First order of priority-

Kalei, arguably, should’ve left. Instead, they grabbed a crutch and made their way over to the kid’s bedside, raising one hand in front of their eyes.

“Hey, look at me.”

If this gets any worse, they’re calling a nurse.

Squig's heart skipped a beat. 

"They're awake. THEY'RE AWAKE!!! Holy, shi - "

She caught herself, not soon enough to stop herself from being loud though.  (Don't SCREAM or CURSE in front of a kiddo that just woke up from a fuckin' coma!!!)

"H - Hey kiddo! How are.... Are you... Umm. You, me, uh... Hi!~" (GOD. I am. AWFUL at this.)

(Okay. Think back to when you just woke up from a coma. What did you wish someone said to you, Shells?)

"I've been watching you sleep for several days."

(FUCK.)

Kalei winced.

“Squig,” they said. “This is someone who is extremely disoriented. Let’s start with… hi. Can you hear me? You don’t have to speak. You can shake your head.”

Squig’s panic was… understandable… but far from preferable. (...Kalei had been forgetting why Squig was so dislikable. They were beginning to remember.)

"Then why don't YOU SAY THAT, Wise Guy!?"

Squig snapped, before remembering again what she JUST told herself. (HEY MAYBE DON'T SCREAM IN FRONT OF THE CHILD???)

Returning her focus to the post-comatose teen, Squig took a breath. Upon exhaling she asked,

"Okay. Let's start over. Can you hear me, kiddo? Nod or shake your head?" (Why would they SHAKE THEIR HEAD if they CAN'T HEAR YOU!?!)

The teen remains frozen, blankly staring for… A while, no sign of responsiveness, but a while becomes a bit too long of unresponsiveness–

She jolts up, very much without mind to the medical equipment, and shrinks away or at least.. As far as they can get, which isn’t much

-Outsiders. Small closed space. Not good, not good at all.

Kalei stepped away once it was clear the child was alive, at least. Come on, come on… think, damn it. What was happening?

“Should- should I get a nurse?”

Yes. Stupid question.

“I’m getting a nurse, I’ll- Squig, come get me when you’re ready.”

"Whu - WHAT!? Wait, Kalei - ?!?"

Squig called out, but the enby had already walked out the door. They were gone. 

And Squig was left alone with the child.

Silence. Silence alongside the beating of both the heart monitor and the heart in Squig's own chest. Two heartbeats, both above resting. Was it due to fear of the other person in the room? Or the silence? Or was the experience the two went through a few days before finally becoming realized? Squig turned to the kid with reddish hair. Quietly, she addressed them.

"Uh. Howdy. This... Is probably a lot. Right now."

She scratched her cheek, the bruising from Jean's fists weeks prior having nearly healed completely,

"I... I don't know if you. Remember. Much about what just happened, a few days ago. Or... Or if you can hear me really... But my name is..."

She looked to the corner of the room. The camera. Again. Her throat felt dry. So, so very dry. (I really need to take that soda and water Kalei bought me on the way out...)

She coughed.

"You can call me Squig. Everyone else does nowadays~ And... I know your name, kiddo. Not, uh, in a creepy way? I don't think? But..."

She looked away from the kid,

"Okay, no. It is creepy. There's no way for it not to be. But..."

She faced them again,

"I wanna help! I... I think staying here with you while the doctors are here will just result in me getting in the way, but after you wake up fully! I wanna help!"

Stepping a little closer, Squig continues to ramble,

"I - I was in a coma once before too! Lasted an entire month! It was one of the worst things I experienced in my entire life, and that's saying something, trust!~ And, and..." (Breath, Squig, Breath....) "And I don't want you feeling even half of what I felt when I had just woken up! So... Yeah." 

Squig stepped back, her voice now raised in true pride for once in what felt like ages,

"You deserve someone by your side, kid. And... I'll make sure you get that. Well,"

She scratched her neck,

"At least I'll try to."

She took another step towards the door. She could hear the footsteps of someone outside, a nurse no doubt.

"I... Guess I'll talk to you more when you're awake? I'll... Leave until then. And, uh, I'll write my phone number down for one of the staff members to give to you."

There was a knock at the door. 

Squig grabbed the door handle, but before she opened it, she turned to take one last look at the child. Beneath her breath, Squig murmured a final remark that she hoped the kiddo didn’t hear. 

"Rest well, Magalie."