#squiddviscous

It's an original story (which I eventually titled Pages Apart but never got around to changing the doc name) I started it around 2019 as a way to cope with loneliness and a lot of issues that appeared in my life following 2018 and which I won't get into here because ew. I wouldn't get into therapy until 1-2 years after I began writing so, y'know, past me had to cope as well as she could.

I haven't touched it since 2020 because I found better coping mechanisms than escapism (including escapism but to other places) but I still look at it with fondness and might revive it down the line.

Since I basically wrote it for myself to keep myself from going nuts and give myself hope for the future without any plans to share it with anyone, I gave myself permission to go as cheesy and self-indulgent as I needed, cringe and anxiety be damned. Man, there's a lot of myselfs in this paragraph.

The story follows a first year college student (I was a first year college student at the time of writing) living in a small apartment in a quiet town next to the sea (like the town I live in) called Mara (a distant cousin of my own name which I like a lot more). She spent her days daydreaming and reading (hello) but struggled with forming and maintaining social connections (also hello) and was terrified of people. She also can't really wrap her head around the concept of people liking her for who she is (hello, years of bullying in primary-middle school and my inability to form and maintain friendships until high school) and she somehow cannot imagine being loved. Like, cannot even visualise anyone wanting to be romantically involved with her. (low self esteem? Being aroace? Who knows, not me!)

She kinda convinced herself that she doesn't need them and can be happy on her own and with her books to keep her company, but no man is an island and loneliness can really get to you no matter how fast you run.

Yeah, I'm really happy I can no longer relate to that. Except the "can't imagine being in a romantic relationship" bit, still can't imagine that but I know now that I'm aroace so I'm not gonna get that anytime soon anyway.

Anyways, one time she gets too caught up in a book while on the train to college and realises that she missed a bunch of stations (happened to me and my uncle once, both of us too wrapped up in reading - me busy with Six of Crows and him with a fishing magazine. Fun times). Terrified and confused (hello, untreated and undiagnosed anxiety) she gets out at the station and has to wait for the train back, which wouldn't get there until an hour or two later. Resigned, she decides to explore the town a bit since she rarely leaves her own house except groceries and college.

The town is based on a town I've been in once and which I've absolutely fallen in love with, but which irl is too far away for me to get to easily and on my shitty student budget. She walks along the waterfront, avoids people because people scary, keeps her eyes on the sidewalk and her ears plugged with earbuds.

She finds a secondhand bookstore - one of those vintage ones full of faded paperbacks and the smell of paper and leather. (I based this shop on one I've actually visited and yeah, absolutely fell it love with. It was magical. The owner looked like a wizard.) Long story short the owner is totally not a wizard who asks her a bunch of cryptic questions before allowing her to browse. She finds a thick book which looks like it was completely handwritten and takes it back. The not wizard nods with approval and says that the book will solve her problems (with loneliness, which he has zeroed on after asking all the cryptic questions). When asked about the price, he refuses and says that he doesn't deal with money.

Mara leaves the shop with the book and, as soon as she steps outside, she immediately forgets about her fear, anxiety and that she was ever in the shop at all. She looks behind her, sees an empty shop display, then looks at her watch. Wait, shit, how is it 6pm already? But she forgets to be scared and stressed and that she was supposed to have classes (she missed them anyway) and just takes the train home and collapses on the bed, the book forgotten in her bag.

She has a dream about standing on a beach made of parchment overlooking a sea of ink, the ground littered with quills of various stages of use. Some are broken. The sky is sepia toned, clouds drifting lazily overhead. On a whim, she picks up a quill, dips it in the sea, and writes down "hello", not really expecting a reply.

Something replies.

When she wakes up the next day, the dream sticks. It's a Saturday so she has the day free, leaving her plenty of time to puzzle over the dream (eh, probably caused by exhaustion. Who doesn't have weird dreams?) and the book. She cannot remember where she got it from. Where did she get it from? There's no money missing from her wallet, nor can she find a receipt from a bookstore. How did she blank out this hard?

Coming up blank, she decides to sit down and read it - maybe that'll jog her memory.

The book turns out to be a collection of handwritten journals bound into one thick tome. The journals are written as if addressing the reader directly, so it feels nice, like she has someone to talk to. The author seems like a cool person, writing extensively and eloquently of their travels through many magical places all over the world.

It doesn't immediately click that the book is talking directly to her, but eventually it does. The words rearrange to answer her questions and talk to her before she blinks and the next is as normal. Shit, she's not going nuts, is she? Well, apparently not because the book flips to the first blank page and the author introduces themself as Ink.

Long story short they talk, tell each other about their lives, yadda yadda M gets more confident, meets more people, and ends up falling for Ink who, unbeknownst to her, is just as smitten.

There's an element of like a curse or spell (fairy tale elements bc I'm a slut for them) that keeps Ink trapped in that book which has them slowly lose their memory and sense of self and Mara can only access the paper world through her dreams and she sets them free somehow (with some fairy tale elements), they turn out to be something like a vantablack ink demon with a bunch of eyes and sharp teeth and other traits my monsterfucker ass is into. They laugh, kiss, Mara figures out she's not human either but actually a similar being but with an ability to glamour herself up to look human, but she's been doing it so long that she forgot how to change back (or some trauma, or something) (á la Elisa in Shape of Water). So hooray, they're not alone in the world, they have each other, happy ending.

Yeah, it's very 2019 me - Ink actually started out as a Venom OC i made up at the start of the year after watching the movie near Oct 2018 when the symbiote oc trend was at an all time high. Ink slowly evolved into their own creature, my self insert migrated into an original story, and I ended up with this.

I haven't touched this story in a long while for a number of reasons. No time, other projects, - and, again, I'm past most of these issues. Still, I am really fond of it and a little part of me still disappointed with the plot twist of that one Teen Titans episode really wants me to finish it. Who knows, maybe I'll rewrite it about a twentysomething graduate struggling with living alone for the first time in her life (I still live with my mom because it's convenient for us both and neither sees a reason for me to leave) and, eh, I'm sure I'll find more issues with my life to explore down the line.

Again, as the name suggests, it's a self indulgent little thing with little more purpose than cheering up past me and making her feel less alone in the world. I got it up to 20k before moving on to other things and it's unlikely I'll get it any further anytime soon. Still, Ink is still hot close to my heart and Mara deserves a better life than what I gave her. Friends, for example, and more hobbies than what my sad ass had back then. I could give her a sword now, for example. Swords are sexy.