#squeaky wheel

Sound on!

Sorry everyone 😬

A little bit of a different wrap up post this month. For many different reasons it has been a period of again processing (bad) experiences in various communities and acknowledging the lingering effects. Which also has made me recall repeated conversations I have been involved in where two sayings were put forth that are apt.

‘But the wheel what squeaks the loudest is the one what gets the grease.’

‘The nail that sticks up is hammered down the most.’

These axioms are in reality a bit disparate in wisdom. But they share the good/bad in drawing attention. (The wheel quote comes after the lines ‘I don’t believe in kickin’, It ain’t apt to bring one peace;’. Also, if tracing that expression be aware the performer as a child started their career done up in blackface among other racist material. On the other hand, the nail expression has enumerable variations.) A lot is left implied too on exactly why either is sticking out or making noise, only that there will be action taken. Even consider whether it is the appropriate action. After all hammering on a nail could damage it or what it is a part of instead of correcting a hazard and holding things together. A little lubrication of a wheel may quiet it but is that all to it or a warning there is more to do to ensure things roll on smoothly. (There is even a little illicit interpretation one might take since ‘grease’ also has slang meanings.)

One can think then about the most noticeable thing being the one to receive focus. Which can create a problem when there are other issues going on too. There is a need to think through whether a response is not attentive enough, overly attentive, or balanced. So that everything is being properly looked at and taken care of in an equitable manner. In addition, when it comes to manipulation, abuse etc. this often hides under the surface or is ignored or dismissed. What is more likely to be perceived, importantly for what they are? The facade and actions of a perpetrator, those they have influenced, or their injured target(s) and reaction?

Also, apparently it needs to be said— there aren’t perfect victims. The ideas around the ideal victim, even what constitutes a victim, intricate in addition to having a host of implications. Furthermore, reactions to victimization are often messy. If people truly want communities that are diverse and safer, then people must be able to feel they can be in spaces, can speak up, can be listened to, and that these are worthwhile choices. That this helps enable better things, better outcomes.

Some conformity and sacrifice can be beneficial, even necessary at times. Yet complying with certain expectations can become something insidious too. Particularly when the matter is someone trying to navigate harm they have experienced, or a desire to not see it repeated in a community. Especially while being treated as the only or primary problem instead. At its worst another method of gaslighting, demonization, and again at a higher-level reinforcing hierarchy and the status quo while covering failure, lack of focus, and ability to handle the issues. Which too will let thrive and exacerbate those issues.

I do not write out a bunch of this to make out like its easy, or simple. People grapple with this stuff every day and will keep doing so. It is uncomfortable. It is not black and white. Nor does one thing being true automatically make others false or a free pass from accountability. But I am so tired.

Many a place again feels like somewhere optics come over ethics. Where shutting up and silence are more valued. Where identities become a shield and weapon. Where the multifaceted hurt and hurting cannot be addressed. Where the bar is impossibly high. Where any failing makes one as bad as the other. Where repeated failures and patterns prevail.