āSomething is keeping you awake. Is it fear or regret?ā / claire to becca
" Iām Ā sorry... Ā I Ā didn't Ā ā" Ā She Ā clears Ā her Ā throat, Ā loosening Ā her Ā death Ā grip Ā on Ā plush, Ā white Ā blankets, Ā two Ā total. Ā One Ā to Ā cover Ā their Ā bodies Ā from Ā the Ā unknown Ā while Ā they Ā sleep, Ā and Ā another Ā to Ā kick Ā off Ā in Ā the Ā middle Ā of Ā the Ā night Ā when Ā sheās Ā overheatedānight Ā sweats Ā or Ā the Ā beginning Ā of Ā perimenopause? Ā Take Ā your Ā pick.
ā I Ā didnāt Ā mean Ā to Ā wake Ā you. Ā ā Ā She Ā says Ā softly, Ā reaching Ā for Ā a Ā cup Ā of Ā water, Ā her Ā hand Ā trembling Ā with Ā each Ā sip.
āIs Ā it Ā fear Ā or Ā regret?ā
The Ā white Ā walls Ā curved, Ā the Ā burdened Ā chest Ā breathes Ā confused Ā words. She stutters out the truth through a knotted tongue.
ā Both. Ā It-itās Ā both. ā
Bodies Ā fall Ā one Ā by Ā one Ā like Ā fleshy, Ā boneless Ā dominos, Ā their Ā faces Ā blurry, Ā out Ā of Ā focusāblack Ā sludge Ā dribbling Ā from Ā their Ā mouths. Ā Coagulated. Ā Hemorrhaging. Ā Dead Ā on Ā arrival, Ā or Ā SOL, Ā as Ā Chris Ā would Ā say. Ā She Ā remembers Ā pressing Ā her Ā fingers Ā against Ā their Ā cold, Ā moist Ā skin, Ā desperately Ā searching Ā for Ā any Ā signs Ā of Ā life. Ā A Ā pulse. Ā A Ā twitch. Ā Last Ā words.
The Ā city Ā was Ā a Ā graveyard Ā before Ā she Ā could Ā administer Ā a Ā single Ā antidote.
Too Ā little.
Too Ā late.
ā Fear Ā of Ā it Ā happening Ā again, Ā and Ā regret Ā that Ā I Ā couldnāt Ā stop Ā it Ā from Ā getting Ā out Ā of Ā hand Ā last Ā time. ā Ā An Ā exhale. Ā A Ā breath Ā that Ā tastes Ā sour Ā on Ā her Ā tongue, Ā burning Ā her Ā throat Ā and Ā esophagus. Ā Heartburn, Ā nausea, Ā guilt, Ā shame.
Each Ā nightmare Ā is Ā more Ā vivid Ā than Ā the Ā last. Ā Too Ā realāsheās Ā beginning Ā to Ā see Ā their Ā bodies Ā when Ā sheās Ā awake. Ā In Ā the Ā courtyard Ā of Ā their Ā home, Ā face Ā down Ā in Ā the Ā cherub Ā fountain. Ā A Ā blink Ā and Ā theyāre Ā at Ā the Ā window, Ā their Ā sockets Ā black Ā and Ā blank Ā as Ā a Ā void, Ā banging Ā at Ā the Ā glass, Ā begging Ā her Ā for Ā answers.
'Why did you let this happen? How could you?'
She Ā ponders Ā the Ā idea Ā of Ā switching Ā meds. Ā Perhaps Ā a Ā prescription Ā to Ā suppress Ā REM Ā sleep? Ā Something Ā to Ā dull Ā the Ā memoriesā¦ Ā if Ā only Ā for Ā a Ā few Ā hours.
Rebecca Ā brushes Ā a Ā few Ā strands Ā from Ā Claireās Ā face Ā with Ā a Ā forced Ā smile, Ā hand Ā cupping Ā her Ā warm, Ā soft Ā cheek. Ā Good. Ā Sheās Ā real. Ā Sheās Ā breathing.
ā Do Ā you Ā need Ā me Ā to Ā sleep Ā in Ā another Ā bed Ā for Ā a Ā little Ā while? Ā I Ā donāt Ā want Ā you Ā losing Ā sleep, Ā you Ā know. āĀ Ā Ā
@squarecranks // MEME.
