#squarebill

I'm going to regret this...

What do you want for it?

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AHAHAHA! FUNNY! I WAS JUST DISCUSSING WITH YOUR CREATOR THAT SAME QUESTION! DID YOU KNOW YOUR EXISTENCE WAS SPAWNED OUT OF SOMEBODY'S SIDEBLOG? DON'T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD, GUMSHOE!

ALSO MAYBE STAY AWAY FROM MILK, MILK SUBSTITUTES, AND MILK BY-PRODUCTS FOR A WHILE. THEY'RE MELTING YOUR BONES VIA A SLOW-ACTING NECROSIS BECAUSE YOU SAW A DEMONIC BOOK IN YOUR FRIDGE AND COULDN'T RESIST TAKING A QUICK PEEK BETWEEN THE PAGES LIKE SOME KIND OF DEGENERATE BOOK PERVERT!

ANYWAY, THIS UNICORN HAIR IS SUPER RARE AND SUPER VALUABLE! I'M GOING TO NEED SOMETHING OF GREAT VALUE OF YOURS IN EXCHANGE. OH, I KNOW!

{SNAPS FINGERS}

YOU KNOW THAT COLD CASE YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON? THE ONE THAT NO ONE ELSE IS WORKING ON BECAUSE IT WAS BACK DURING A TIME WHEN FORENSICS WASN'T A THING AND COP INCOMPETENCY WAS AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH? THE ONE THAT MOTIVATES YOU AS A DETECTIVE AND KEEPS YOU UP AT A NIGHT? YOU KNOW. MORE THAN USUAL.

THE COLD CASE THAT COULD JUST BE ANOTHER GRISLY MURDER AT THE HANDS OF A DERANGED, LOW-IQ PSYCHOTIC WHO HAS SOMEHOW MANAGED TO CONVINCE THE NEIGHBORHOOD HE'S A NICE GUY BECAUSE HE OWNS HIS OWN BUSINESS AND PARTICIPATED IN A BAKESALE ONE TIME OR COULD BE MORE SUPERNATURAL THAN IT APPEARS BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE CODED MESSAGES AND WHAT WAS THAT WEIRD NOTE ABOUT THE AUTOPSY AND HOW DID THE CAR GET THERE OF ALL PLACES AND THE PHONE CALL WELL AFTER THE ALLEGED TIME OF DEATH. I KNOW THE ANSWER, BY THE WAY.

EVERY DETECTIVE HAS THAT ONE COLD CASE THAT STARTED IT ALL. I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO YOUR NIGHTMARES. YOU'VE GOT FILES, A MURDER BOARD, EVIDENCE YOU AND ONLY YOU HAVE COLLECTED. YOU'VE WORKED A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF YOUR LIFE ON THIS CASE.

I WANT THE MOTHERLODE, GUMSHOE. ALL OF YOUR NOTES, THE MURDER BOARD, EVIDENCE - DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FORUM POST INQUIRIES I'LL BE TAKING THOSE, TOO.

THEN, I'LL GIVE YOU THIS UNICORN HAIR AND WHAT THE HECK, I'LL THROW IN THIS BOOKMARK, TOO.

HMMMMmmmmmMMMMM. LET ME TAKE A LOOK AROUND.

IF YOU'RE READING THIS, CHANCES ARE GOOD YOU'RE BUYING WHAT I'M SELLING! I'VE MANIFESTED MYSELF ON THIS HELL DUMPSTER SITE WITH EXCELLENT AND EXPLOITABLE CONTENT IN THE FORM OF A MOSTLY HARMLESS INDIE RP BLOG WITH AN ASK RP FOCUS!

I'M A SQUARE VERSION OF THE EXTRA DIMENSIONAL ENTITY KNOWN AS BILL CIPHER FROM THE GRAVITY FALLS FANDOM, BUT I'LL SELL THE GOODS TO ANYONE, AND I DO MEAN ANYONE FOR THE RIGHT PRICE!

NOW, I'M GOING TO LET THE PUPPET PAL TALK, SO LISTEN UP! HA! SHE THINKS SHE RUNS THE JOINT!

//Mun is 36 years old. Rules? Don't be a jerk (OOC), don't cause drama (OOC), try to use good grammar and spelling, IC does not equal OOC (Bill is a jerk; don't take it personally OOC), 18+ preferred, don't be surprised by the Billford but also don't expect him to romance your Ford (he's got one already).

MY FAMILY, MY BODY, THE INTENSELY VIBRATING COSMO-CUBE OF SCREAMING HORROR THAT IS MY "SOUL", INFORMATION, AND A FEW OTHER INSIGNIFICANT ODDS AND ENDS!

CONFETTI FIREWORKS THAT YOU CAN SHOOT AT YOUR ENEMIES? SURE! DID YOU WANT THE REGULAR, EXPLODEY KIND OR THE KIND THAT ALSO TURNS YOUR ENEMIES INTO CONFETTI? ALSO, I'LL BE THROWING IN THIS COMPLIMENTARY BOOKMARK!

OH HEY, TAXIDERMY! I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR DEPRESSING STATE OF EXISTENCE AS AN EMOTIONAL CRUTCH AND CHEW TOY FOR THE MULTIVERSE'S LAMEST BIII-

{Eye seems to look off to the side for a moment}

NO, NO. DON'T LOOK OVER HERE, SWEETIE. DADDY'S BUSY. YOUR UNCLE STANLEY'S GOT CANDY.

{Pupil moves back to its original position, eyelid moves up in a joyful expression and he snaps his fingers - a clicking sound is heard}

HA. THAT ALMOST ALWAYS WORKS!

{Eyelid flattens}

NOW, WHERE WAS I? SOMETHING ABOUT YELLING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING?

{Rubs a finger under his eye thoughtfully}