#sponebob

I worked at a college bookstore throughout my entire early college experience, and since I usually enjoyed talking with people I took up phone duty. And after having worked that phone duty for so many years, I noticed an uncomfortable amount of people who called the bookstore yet still didn’t trust that they called the bookstore.

Now before I can even get to the point of answering the phone, I need to review the countless clarifying steps in which a customer must go through in order to call the bookstore.

- Look up the bookstore’s number. - Dial the bookstores number. - Be greeted with a message stating “Thank you for calling the so-and-so bookstore.” - Be instructed “to speak with a bookseller, press 3.” - Be greeted by me stating “Thank you for calling the so-and-so bookstore.”

And far more often than you’d think, their response was “Is this the bookstore?” Now after this happening for about 2 years, I had this dream of one day responding with “No, this is Patrick,” and hanging up on them. This honestly became a fixation of mine, to the point where I would take literally every call I could just in hopes of this happening again, solely for the sake of me reciting a rather niche Spongebob quote for a bad joke only I would probably appreciate. But bad joke or not, I really, really wanted it to happen. And the worst part is, I only got 3 more calls like this before quitting the job.

The first call was a man, sounded like he was maybe in his late 30s, and simply asked if this was the bookstore. I’m sure I flinched, as I remember there being a pretty decent pause before I answered back, but I’ll be honest I just wussed out. I talked myself out of it pretty quickly, reminding myself that this was a job and I should be “professional” or some useless nonsense like that. I answered his question and moved on.

The second call was one I just couldn’t go through with, as I knew it wouldn’t be appreciated. I mean this is a bad joke to obsess over in the first place, but this woman sounded like she was in her 60s or so, and was buying books for her grandkid. Chances are she hadn’t watched Spongebob, would have no idea what I was talking about, and I would have hung up on a completely innocent victim just trying to help out a grandkid.  I ordered the books she needed, sadly hung up, and informed my coworker how heartbroken I was about the call. At this point I had already told him my whole shtick, mostly because he was the only one that would get it. He just laughed, said I’d have another chance, and cheered me up a bit. Good guy.

I wish I knew this third call would be my last of its kind, because of all of them it would have been the most appreciated. He sounded young, probably fresh out of high school, with myself being no older than 19 or 20 at the time. He was my age, he obviously knew of Spongebob, and I had my chance. But as soon as I heard “yeah is this the bookstore?” I froze. I actually just paused for a noticeable 5 solid seconds and just stared at my coworker across the supply room while he shot me a confused look. Slowly, and painfully, I finally responded, “…yeah, how can I help you?”