Jesus “Soos” Ramirez:  STRAIGHT BLANCHIN’
(dark rum, lemon rind, lemon juice, whole milk, cinnamon, sugar, simple syrup, fine mesh strainer)
Dudes, you gotta try this cool new drink from Lil Bigg Dawgg’s new video.  It takes a little while to make, but it’s so worth it--it’s the perfect drink to have when you’re listening to the catchiest song of the summer!  Let me go get his book, it says how to make a whole bunch of it.
Okay dudes, he says in his book, you gotta start by zesting a couple lemons.  I guess that means you grate the skins?  Anyway, you muddle that with this super-fine sugar, like two tablespoons, and I add like a quarter teaspoon of cinnamon too. The book doesn’t say to do that part, but I figure you dudes deserve to know.  Then you cover that stuff and let it sit, for like a while.  Three hours or more.  But don’t put it where Mr. Pines will see it, cause one time I did that, and he threw it away and said it looked like cat pee.  Not cool, dudes.
Anyway, so when you’re ready, then you heat up a pint of whole milk. And you take that off the heat and mix it with your stuff from before.  And you add a cup and a half of dark rum, and like two and a half ounces of lemon juice.  It says two-point-seven-five ounces, so maybe do that actually. And five ounces of simple syrup.  When you add the stuff to the other stuff, your pot’s gonna curdle, but you’re okay, dawg, that’s why you need the strainer!  You strain out all the solid stuff, and you siphon the clear stuff into a tall glass, and then you blanchin’!  It’s way better than eating your own pants.
[OOC note:  Much like Soos himself, this drink works best if left to do its thing--though you can strain aggressively and serve fairly immediately after mixing, it will be easier to strain and also taste better if you let the mixture chill out in the fridge for a while first.  Also, sorry Wendy, but if you make this recipe, you blanchin’]
