#spinreads

Landon is coded as aspec and neuro-divergent, and I think it's done really well. There aren't any labels given for either; it's just who he is: he's an amazing goalie, he loves to cook, he has never had any romantic or sexual feelings for anyone (until Casey), has trouble connecting with people, he is easily overwhelmed by crowds and noises, and he is deeply averse to unexpected/unfamiliar touch. The last few are all pretty standard in my experience of reading autistic-coded characters, though I thought it was better done than most portrayals. I really appreciated how the people around him treated him--since we aren't saying 'autistic', we also aren't saying 'accommodation' but there is a buttload of kindness and acceptance from literally everyone. No one takes up against him because they think he's stuck-up or awkward--when he's quiet, they don't bug him about it; when he talks, they take him at face value; when he gets overwhelmed, they ask him what he needs and don't try to pressure him into anything else. 

(There is this scene I love where a teammate talks to Landon about watching Casey dancing with a guy, making sure Landon isn't going to be an asshole, and Landon is extremely weird about it because he's having a gay awakening but he says it's fine and the teammate takes that at face value. I really liked this moment; you can see that they are watching out for Casey, but anyone with iffy people skills has had people not believe them when they say something doesn't bother them, and the fact that he is believed is lovely. I'm also positive that the teammate (I think captain, although I haven't double checked) continued to keep an eye on things to make sure Landon wasn't harboring biphobic tendencies. But he didn't go after Landon for what he assumed he was thinking! Fantastic.)

I also really, really like how the book handles the touch-averse thing. Landon hates casual touch, but he usually just deals--if he can see it coming he'll try to avoid it, but if he can't he just is uncomfortable. It's just a fact of life that a hockey team is fairly close and most of the players enjoy casual physical affection more than he does; he doesn't say anything and nobody notices. (Except Casey, who notices, makes an effort to back off, and apologizes when he throws an arm around him without thinking. In his case, Landon wouldn't mind, actually. It's incredibly adorable.) But back to the team: they think he's easily startled when someone claps him on the shoulder from behind, and they apologize for scaring him. Like I said, kindness and best efforts given the information they have. It's not exactly a roadmap for ideal interpersonal interaction--people should be able to set boundaries around how they are touched by others without worrying--but it is ah. familiar. It's how it goes, a lot of the time. 

On to the nit-pickiness: Las mentioned, andon is particular about who touches him and when. Except when it's Casey, because he has just discovered how sexual attraction feels and it's amazing and he would like Casey to touch him at literally all times. It's a honeymoon period, and they explicitly discuss that there will probably be times in the future when he will not want to touch or be touched or even be around Casey in the future. Cool, we like honest communication. They talk a little bit about how they might handle sex and their different libidos--Landon offers to open the relationship to casual hookups, Casey declines, and they come up with a Sexy Plans that they think will work for both of them.

But I was left wanting to actually see it. Much as I love a good "not if it's you" in re: Casey chattering and Landon loving it and Casey's touch being always welcome when everyone else's is just tolerated, I want to see what happens when Landon's aversion to touch and loud noises does apply to Casey! I want to see Casey, who has a deep fear of being alone, dealing with his boyfriend needing space. I want to see Landon finding Casey too loud but scared to say it because he knows Casey is used to being rejected and criticised for being 'too much', but he really, really can't stand it just in that moment. I want to see how they navigate it! When Landon gets overwhelmed in the middle of sex and has to stop altogether, when Casey is terrified at night in the dark but doesn't want to intrude on Landon who told him he needed quiet. We do see them enact the Sexy Plan, but it isn't because Casey wants sex and Landon doesn't, but because they are both intrigued and excited by the idea and they want to try it out. Which is great! I don't want less of what was in the book, I want like 300 more pages of relationships stuff.

So Kaz is advertised as ace rep. However, he doesn't share any of his feelings on attraction with the reader. What seems to be the case from this book is that he is touch-repulsed because of trauma.

I'll start off by saying that the ace umbrella absolutely covers people who are touch or sex repulsed because of trauma. It's a label and a description, not a definition or a diagnosis.

But it can be a touchy subject because it's often the first thing that allosexual people turn to to explain why an ace person does not want to have sex. That explanation can come from a place of compassion, or not, and is generally accompanied by the expectation that asexuality is something to be healed or fixed with therapy or medication or twoo wuv. And then you'll be normal.

Now the fact that it has been used as a weapon against accepting ace people as we are does not mean that it's outside of the ace experience. That alone would not annoy me as much (there is of course the petty but it's not my experience that I'm mature enough not to hold as an actual flaw). But then.

Kaz has a close relationship with Inej, and at one point near the end he comes close to confessing how important she has become to him, how much he wants her to stay in his life even though The Plan would allow her to do whatever she wants forever. She feels the same way. Then she cups his cheek in her bare hand to demonstrate that he is unable to bear her touch, and in one sentence accepts that any closeness would have boundaries, and rejects him for those restrictions.

That hit hard, for obvious reasons.

Now this is the first book. And it's not the only barrier to them riding off into the sunset. And all of the characters are a fucking mess, it's one of the things that make it a good book! I have no doubt that things will end happily for them in the end (I mean a little doubt, but again, it's a good book). But I can't help but be suspicious that it's going to end with the power of twoo luv fixing Kaz.

It might be dramatically satisfying from someone else's point of view, but get the hell off of my ace rec lists.

(I should mention that there are some other ace coding bits unrelated to trauma. Things like Kaz being unconcerned with taking his clothes off in front of Inej early on, and unflustered by seeing beautiful and partially clothed people when he trusts that they aren't going to try to touch him.