#spiderkon

Anyway. Even though I don't do the whole "oh lex and clark are his dads" thing (straight-forward, at least, lmao), I also really liked the inherent angst side of how Amalgam makes Ben a clone of Peter? And a lot of the "vibes" of spiderkon (as it exists in my drafts) is about the way we view ourselves and our relationships with other people; the struggle for wanting defined labels when they aren't offered to us, or that they don't even fit, and, just, one of the things I really like poking at is...in canon, right, we don't actually see a lot of Kon grappling with his "familial" relationships in a classic way (ie. The fact that he IS related to Clark but, initially, isn't offered any closeness to that part of his heritage etc.) - largely because I think if they acknowledged it, that shit becomes awkward real fast. You can ofc say it doesn't bother him/he doesn't have the context to understand what he's missing out on, re: security net of a family, which, true, (there's a reason the Kon = Peter Pan allegory is SOOOO good), but having been a kid who grew up on media for a large portion of my childhood/used it to inform how I approached relationships with people, I also wanted to see/explore this aspect of...

When you have all this pressure from outside parties - people you interact with, the books you read, the shows and movies you watch - and you don't have...the words for who and what you are, and the people you care about, you try and do...the closest approximation, you'know? Even when it isn't right, even when it doesn't fit. Which is where this passage comes from:

The pod said that the people who create you are your parents. The TV said that family is you and your parents and your siblings and your aunts and uncles and friends and it never mentioned clones.  Lex has never explicitly used the word son.  (What other word is there, when Lex is the one who made him, who wanted him? Lex doesn’t always act like a father, but if he’s not then- He just wants one part of his life to be normal, and normal kids have parents. He shouldn’t have used the word son.)

I think this aspect of Kon not even inherently feeling that way but not having other words to describe it is just SO good? And in free-falling, as well:

“But- why- he never wanted-” No. Kon is very much aware that Lex never wanted a kid. Knows that's why he's fifteen and not five, but. Clark had wanted kids. And Lex had wanted to give Clark everything. What was more 'forever' than a family? It's weird to think of himself as inanimate, but he was always intended as a proposal gift. A final dedication. Would you have wanted me? Kon thinks to himself, drowning in Clark's shocked expression and hoping it hurts.

Kon doesn't view himself as inanimate; but tbqh I don't necessarily know how comfortably he views himself as human/real, either. He knows he is! He lives, he talks, he breathes, he loves, he's passionate about being his own person. And yet.....

In Spiderkon at least (and maaaan, lbr, the way he was supposed to Be Superman, the way he wanted it, and yes, he wanted to do it like himself, but the expectations......I think there's a LOT to potentially be said there on these explorations of Kon wanting to throw of just how much of people's expectations were interwoven with his identity while also knowing, it was. They are intrinsic to his existence; regardless of what he wants and what he does, his entire life is defined by the fact that other people wanted Superman. but I am already talking SO MUCH-) I wanted to explore this aspect of the fact that Kon....beyond jokes about baby trapping, was created for the singular purpose of Someone Else. Not on his own merit, for his own life; as he says, he was a proposal gift. A "sacrifice" from Lex to prove he could compromise and give Clark what he "wanted" (without realising what it was that Clark actually asked for). I think it's really interesting to have these dual concepts at play/constantly in flux and in argument. He is a person - yet, like the Velveteen rabbit, how real is he without the attention of other people? I think for Kon's arc I like exploring how that feeling dips and changes over his life. Also, this...inherently uncomfortable feeling of knowing you are not necessarily the replacement, but Definitively not there for the sake of you.

Anyway I wanted to bring it to a more prominent forefront by having Kon's creation be, not for his powers, not for Spiderman, but...he was for someone else. He knows, intimately, that Lex only has him around for Clark. And in that as well, ofc he has to grapple with....

Kon watches him for another moment longer, wondering if they look the same when they’re shocked, stumbling, struggling. Wondering if Lex sees Clark in him – if that was why he wanted Kon to be older. So he could compare their frowns and never have Clark leave.

:))))))

Baby you can call that divorced child energy but we kNOOOOOW it is so much worse <3

Mmmm, and then!!! I wanted Kon's spotlight stuff to come in. I do some angst with it in another fic - and the stars still shine till morning breaks - but I think there's something really poignant about the fact that...Kon comes out of the pod and immediatly into another spotlight. He doesn't know anything different, then constant and invasive scrutiny. In Spiderkon it's a little different because we have this Rapunzel-esque aspect to his pod release, of him being kept away from people (Lex....did not actually mean to release him, a fact Kon is unaware of....for now :)), and so, alongside touch starvation I wanted to showcase the fact that Kon gets really into positive external validation.

I have a later section (SO much later lol, but tbh I really should just remind myself that this was supposed to just be the Dramatic moments, that I don't need to make it a full fic, BUT. YOU KNOW.....)

Trauncated a bit because SPOILERS, but, I think this is still the part I circle over the most (bar, lmao, the insane 600 words of queer allegory I used to Destroy Kon at the end of the ""part one"" arc): 

"I'm good at what I do. But sometimes it feels like - I know it's not true - but it feels like I've been this longer than I ever was normal. How do I go back?" "I don't think I ever figured I could just do one," Kon offers, voice soft. [...] "Like, I came out with powers, and with Cassie, and Bart, they just- assumed, I guess? And I'm- I should. Or, I dunno. What would I be doing, if I wasn't doing this? I think- at this point, knowing I could save people and then choosing not to-"

Kon GOES THROUGH the frustration of getting hated, of having to choose to continue to do heroism even BEYOND expectation of his powers - and, idk. I just really like that in a hero story, you know? Especially, with Kon, I think with how I set him up, that immediate and positive attention for his powers? From civilians, from his friends, from the fact it is EASY? I think it makes it even more fun, when, later, he realises that...no, it's not easy, actually. It's not easy and he's going to do it anyway. Because he can. Because people deserve to be safe. Because he has power...so he's going to use it to helpful.

Spiderman, as well, is very much the great power / great responsibility hero story; but I think it also shows that...power in itself is chosen. Not everyone with great power uses it responsibly. But, at least with Spiderkon, I think I wanted this second aspect of...choosing to use the power you've been given (whatever that power is), is always the right choice.

It's why Cassie and Bart succeed when they realise Kon is suffering; they have knowledge of the outside world, they have knowledge this is wrong, and choosing to help leads to a better outcome then staying silent.

I don't think it will ever end up actually being explicit, but when I wrote this part:

“Just the documents.” Bart says, shrugging and shoving his hands in his pockets. “There’s pretty private projects up here, so we shouldn’t touch anything else. I don’t think they’re doing public release trials on this stuff for years yet. Dr. Ross had to waive the security permissions so I could even get in here.”

It was basically to function as a hook on the fact that Dr. Ross had actually very much set Bart up to take the fall for Kon's disappearance. If Bart/Cassie hadn't seen Kon in danger and chosen to help, if they'd stayed hidden, Ross would have ruined their lives (or, was at least intending to ruin Bart's - Cassie was an unforseen casualty, how dare the intern have A Friend).

(MAN AND I HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED ABOUT CASSIE AND BART'S SHIT, I GAVE THEM SO MUCH, SO MANY HOOKS FOR THEIR SHIT IN THE PRE-MEETING KON CONVERSATION--- ffffff no, no, this is already multiple paragraphs I CANNOT.) 

Ummm other general fun facts bc 🥺 I've not gotten an ask about Spiderkon and I love to talk--

General Riley and Dr. Ross are both character references to Amalgam. In Amalgam, Spiderboy is a ref to Ben Reilly!Spiderman, and, ofc, Kon. I changed it up a bit bc I didn't want the implication of villain!Ben Reilly, but I did want to have the Government supersoldier angle, so kept the General; thus, General Riley. Dr. Ross is a ref to the OG general who goes on the run with Amagem!Spiderboy (and, looking back, feels like I should've used Dabney here), but I didn't think of it at time of publishing/wasn't sure if I wanted to use Donovan later. Easier to hand wave an OC.

Because of the canon I'm drawing on, Dr. Donovan is obviously a ref to the RoTS movie, where he works under Lex, but that in itself is OFC from Kon's original run - Donovan started Cadmus alongside Westfield. He def gets to pull some shit later :)

Serling!!!! The conversation between Ross and Serling was originally going to be something they overheard - I was trying to figure out a way to get Serling in on the ground floor so we had an Extra Science Mind with Bart/Kon/Cassie 😔 - but the fic had already jumped wildly out of bounds and I needed to be able to wrap it up/couldn't get Bart/Cassie out of the sitch without sacrificing the dead bodies line 🤭

dead bodies line is my favourite!!! 😔❤️ i ended up writing that one first and then building in a lot of the Bart/Cassie/Kon detail around it haha