#spear-bot

Oh yeah totally, I mean:

Name: Spear-Bot

Debut: Wario Land 3

Look at this precious little robot! Get used to looking at it, because you’ll be doing it a lot. Spear-Bot is one of many little robot enemies in Wario Land 3, each with a different purpose. Spear-Bot contains a spear, of course! When it sees Wario, it sticks and charges at him, causing a good deal of knockback.

Spear-Bot is the only one of these robots with an English name, official art, AND a character description, so relish it while you can! The manual contains the quote “In the end, technology always wins out!” from none other than Spear-Bot itself, referring to its rivalry with Spearhead, another little spear themed enemy from the same game. Geez, Spear-Bot, what did Spearhead do to you? All it did was be organic! Is that a crime?

The weirdest thing is that there’s apparently a factory that makes them. But in the end of Wario Land 3, it’s revealed that the monsters are innocent people transformed by the villain... how does that work? I guess we can just assume they were transformed into monsters that also already exist in their world.

Name: Fire Robota

Debut: Wario Land 3

Another one! Fire Robota has fire inside, which it burns Wario with, setting his butt on fire and making him run around like a maniac until he burns to a crisp! But he gets better. This is one of the games where he’s completely invincible!

I don’t have much else to say about Fire Robota itself, so I’ll just give some more of my thoughts on the bots as a whole. I must say, I love “Robota” a lot more than “-Bot” for some reason. Also, is that a chest compartment, or a big ol’ horizontally opening mouth? You decide!

Name: Beam Robota

Debut: Wario Land 3

As you can tell by its name, Beam Robota shoots beams. What a classic thing for a cute little robot to do! Keep on zapping, little buddy!

Just kidding, these beams aren’t exactly the zapping kind. Beam Robota’s beams sort of... instantly split Wario in half.

Just look at these sprites (courtesy of The Spriters Resource)!

He really just gets split in half, into two disturbingly shiny-looking pieces. They end up looking like slices of bologna toward the end of the animation. How does that make you feel? Uncomfortable? Well, just think about how Wario must feel. Please be considerate.

But don’t worry, Wario is perfectly fine after this! Remember, he’s immortal here, so he shplorches right back together as quickly as he was split.

Name: Hammer-Bot

Debut: Wario Land 3

And one more! Last one, I promise! You thought I would let those adorable robo-scamps run amok without adult supervision? You thought wrong, buster!

Hammer-Bot has hammers. And boy howdy, hammers for hands are not very convenient at all in everyday life! You’d need to revolve your existence around bonking people on the head.

And Hammer-Bot knows this!

One bonk and Wario becomes a ridiculous bouncing spring, bouncing up and away from wherever he was bonked.