#sparon

The tree that stood tall in front of them was imperfect, regardless of the manner in which it was decorated. He and Spencer had barely managed to get to the sale to buy one before it shut, and had been left with one of the less green, full trees, instead picking out a more rough looking tree, one that didn’t look anywhere near perfect, even in the soft light of the car park where the makeshift store had been set up.

It suited the little corner of the lounge where it lived, though, and it suited the family - none of them were perfect either, far from it, but they were still there, still doing what they had to, serving their purpose to the best of their abilities. The decorations matched them too, Aaron realised, the more he thought about it. None of the ornaments were particularly shiny anymore, or free of scratches, dings and dents, but they were still beautiful. That in particular reminded him of Spencer. He had been through so much, could easily have become… someone like Aaron, but no. He stayed kind and true to himself, and that was his own form of beauty. 

That was Spencer. The wonderful man, just metres away, who cared for Jack as though he was his own, who loved Aaron, no matter how much he messed up, or didn’t deserve it. Spencer, who he could barely believe wanted to be a part of his family, but was.

A soft smile washed over his face as he watched Spencer lift Jack off of his shoulders, placing him down on the ground, congratulating him on an awesome job getting the star, the finishing piece, on the tree. There were tears of joy sitting on his lashes, threatening to fall, but Aaron remained oblivious, lost in the perfection of the moment, and the disbelief that it was actually happening, that it wasn’t just a dream or a fairytale. He couldn’t believe that he really got to be so happy.

“Daddy! Look! I put the star on the tree!” 

Aaron’s perfect little bubble of thought was disrupted by Jack, although being there, in the moment, was arguably far better than just reflecting on it from afar.

“Good job buddy! Did Spencer help?”

Jack gave a toothy grin. “Just a little bit!”

Laughing slightly at his son, Aaron turned to Spencer, pulling him into a side hug.

Spencer rested his head on Aaron’s shoulder. “You okay?” He asked, having noticed the glossiness of his partner’s eyes.

“Yeah, I just love you both so much.”

The smile he received in return was so wide and gorgeous that Aaron wished he could be like that more often - sweet and openly emotional. 

“I love you too, Aar, and we both know that Jack does.”

Even at the mention of his name, the young boy was too absorbed in ‘correcting’ the baubles that Spencer and Aaron had placed to turn around or pay the adults’ conversation any attention. Jack had the conviction for his role of someone with the most important task in the world, but nonetheless, he was smiling, in a way that not long ago, Aaron wasn’t sure that he would get to see again.

It hadn’t taken Aaron long to notice the headaches. Spencer, of course, had done his best to hide them, not to let anyone on the team, especially Aaron, notice, but when one spends so much time with another, during and away from work, it becomes hard to successfully keep anything a secret, let alone something of such a great magnitude, that was causing so much worry.

Watching them happen, Aaron had decided, was its own special type of torture, because he had to stand idly by as the man he loved faced the possibility of his biggest fear being realised, not being allowed to say or do anything. Spencer, when he wanted to be, when he was afraid, could be scarily independent, and Aaron just had to wait for the time to pass until the façade Spencer had built up would come crashing down, because only then could he do anything to help.

As was inevitable, they did break, one evening, thankfully in the privacy of their own home, with Jack fast asleep in bed. Spencer had been even more “off” than he had been before through the whole day, acting short and snappy even with Jack, who had worked out very early on that it would be easier to give Spence space, but instead of coming to a halt with anger, it came with tears. Aaron had only briefly left he and his partner’s room in order to brush his teeth, but when he returned, Spencer was sitting up in their bed, his eyes red and slightly puffy.

Giving him a concerned look, Aaron settled down into the bed, giving Spencer plenty of space to choose if he wanted to come closer or to keep a distance between them - whatever would make him more comfortable. Turning around to face Aaron, Spencer sat cross-legged, hunching down and making himself look incredibly small.

“The headaches I’ve been getting… they could be schizophrenia. I know I’m supposed to be too old, but there are always exceptions to these limits, so I’m having the tests done, but what am I supposed to do if they are? What will happen to us?”

Hearing what Spencer said was unsurprising, but it still hurt Aaron to listen to it. Spencer seemed so scared, for what was a very rational reason, given his trauma from his mother, as Aaron could tell, without even using profiling skills. It was common sense. Nonetheless, he felt guilty, because surely he could have done something to help Spencer know that he could manage and live with schizophrenia if he did have it, that nothing in their little family would change. Aaron pushed that to the side though. It was not a time to focus on his own guilt, not when it was doing nothing to help Spencer, who needed it.

Having been met with silence, Spencer talked, once again.

“You should put me in a facility like my mother’s if I do have it. It’s the best way to keep you and Jack safe from me, and it's best for me, because I couldn’t handle hurting you. Either of you.”

“There’s a lot of things I’d do for you,” Aaron cautiously began, not wanting to make anything about the situation worse than it already was. “But putting you in a sanitarium just because of a diagnosis is not one. Spencer, I know that your mother shaped your perception of schizophrenia, but I know that you know that it can be managed. We can afford medication, you have a proper support system. It won’t be the same.”

The disbelieving look in Spencer’s eyes was horrible, but Aaron did his best to get rid of it with his best “no arguments” stare. It worked, even if Spencer still seemed to believe that it was dubiously true.”

“I love you, and Jack loves you, and neither of us will let anything happen. But hey, love? Until we know for sure, we can’t really do anything. I know that’s aggravating, I know how you hate not knowing, but we just have to wait and see what happens.”

There was nothing more for the next week, so Aaron decided to dismiss the incident as a one off. That was, until it happened again. They were disembarking the plane, and given the hour, instead of returning to the office, they were going straight home. Spencer was walking to his car alongside Aaron, both slightly back from the rest of the team.

“Are you from Tennessee? Because you are the only ten I see.”

Although still shocked by it, being the second time it had happened, Aaron recovered quicker, allowing him to notice, even in the darkness, that Spencer’s cheeks were a soft red and that his big doe eyes were looking down at the ground bashfully. He looked so nervous, it was adorable. Aaron tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered at the line.

Trying not to humiliate Spencer, in what he was sure was an awkward situation, he smiled slightly, and softly said a quick good night, before getting in his car. 

Once Spencer had driven away, and he was alone in the parking lot, he leant forward, his head resting on the steering wheel.

Aaron was a control freak. He would admit that easily. He liked to know what was happening, who was involved, and why. He knew none of that for this, he only knew that that the man he… had feelings for, was using pick up lines on him, out of nowhere, for no conceivable reason other than a dare, which even still seemed a stretch, given there was no one there to ensure he had followed through.

There was nothing he could do about it though, not without coming clean and facing his feelings, or risking humiliating Spencer, which he could never do.

On the third occasion, however, of these strange, awkward pick up lines, Aaron decided he could no longer leave it be.

“Reid, are you flirting with me?”

He wasn’t sure if he wanted a yes or a no - the majority of him wanted to hear a yes, because then Aaron wasn’t being presumptuous asking, Spencer wasn’t being forced into uncomfortable situations by his colleagues, and his feelings could be requited. But at the same time, he didn’t want Spencer to have feelings for him, didn’t want Spencer to end up caught in the mess that was his life, when he could do so much better - when he deserved so much.

“You finally noticed!” Spencer gave him a nervous smile, before continuing to talk. “I, I told Morgan that I really liked this person, and that I wanted them to know, but I didn’t know how to tell them, so he told me I should flirt with them and use pick up lines, and he gave me this list of them, but they were all really bad, so I tried to pick the best ones, and I wasn’t sure they were working, and it felt really weird, but he told me they would work, so I tried, and I’m really sorry, if you want me to stop, or leave, or anything, I can! I-”

Aaron swallowed back a laugh at the story - of course the pick up lines had been Morgan’s idea, even if Reid had been a willing participant in their use. Hearing that Spencer liked him, however, was doing things to his resolve not to ruin Spencer by becoming involved with him, especially when he sounded so insecure, so unsure.