#spaaron

It hadn’t taken Aaron long to notice the headaches. Spencer, of course, had done his best to hide them, not to let anyone on the team, especially Aaron, notice, but when one spends so much time with another, during and away from work, it becomes hard to successfully keep anything a secret, let alone something of such a great magnitude, that was causing so much worry.

Watching them happen, Aaron had decided, was its own special type of torture, because he had to stand idly by as the man he loved faced the possibility of his biggest fear being realised, not being allowed to say or do anything. Spencer, when he wanted to be, when he was afraid, could be scarily independent, and Aaron just had to wait for the time to pass until the façade Spencer had built up would come crashing down, because only then could he do anything to help.

As was inevitable, they did break, one evening, thankfully in the privacy of their own home, with Jack fast asleep in bed. Spencer had been even more “off” than he had been before through the whole day, acting short and snappy even with Jack, who had worked out very early on that it would be easier to give Spence space, but instead of coming to a halt with anger, it came with tears. Aaron had only briefly left he and his partner’s room in order to brush his teeth, but when he returned, Spencer was sitting up in their bed, his eyes red and slightly puffy.

Giving him a concerned look, Aaron settled down into the bed, giving Spencer plenty of space to choose if he wanted to come closer or to keep a distance between them - whatever would make him more comfortable. Turning around to face Aaron, Spencer sat cross-legged, hunching down and making himself look incredibly small.

“The headaches I’ve been getting… they could be schizophrenia. I know I’m supposed to be too old, but there are always exceptions to these limits, so I’m having the tests done, but what am I supposed to do if they are? What will happen to us?”

Hearing what Spencer said was unsurprising, but it still hurt Aaron to listen to it. Spencer seemed so scared, for what was a very rational reason, given his trauma from his mother, as Aaron could tell, without even using profiling skills. It was common sense. Nonetheless, he felt guilty, because surely he could have done something to help Spencer know that he could manage and live with schizophrenia if he did have it, that nothing in their little family would change. Aaron pushed that to the side though. It was not a time to focus on his own guilt, not when it was doing nothing to help Spencer, who needed it.

Having been met with silence, Spencer talked, once again.

“You should put me in a facility like my mother’s if I do have it. It’s the best way to keep you and Jack safe from me, and it's best for me, because I couldn’t handle hurting you. Either of you.”

“There’s a lot of things I’d do for you,” Aaron cautiously began, not wanting to make anything about the situation worse than it already was. “But putting you in a sanitarium just because of a diagnosis is not one. Spencer, I know that your mother shaped your perception of schizophrenia, but I know that you know that it can be managed. We can afford medication, you have a proper support system. It won’t be the same.”

The disbelieving look in Spencer’s eyes was horrible, but Aaron did his best to get rid of it with his best “no arguments” stare. It worked, even if Spencer still seemed to believe that it was dubiously true.”

“I love you, and Jack loves you, and neither of us will let anything happen. But hey, love? Until we know for sure, we can’t really do anything. I know that’s aggravating, I know how you hate not knowing, but we just have to wait and see what happens.”